Hold my Reins (Monster Match season two)

Chapter 18

eighteen

L ynck shut the truck door, fear and fury pulsing through his blood.

Rox walked around, lips pressed together, and got in.

It took everything Lynck had not to snarl at him. How could Rox betray him like that?

He stared at his human boyfriend. The man who had only been trying to help him. It wasn’t Rox’s fault. Lynck had never said what kind of monster Bothvar was.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know Arn was a frost giant,” Rox said as he put the key in the ignition.

“I know.” He pushed the words out through gritted teeth, annoyed with himself for agreeing to remove the bridle. He should’ve known better. If he’d stayed away, Rox’s boss might have never seen him…but their paths would’ve eventually crossed. He’d have stopped by to see Rox, or they’d have passed in a shop.

He was surprised Rox’s boss had never been into Beastly. Unless he was deliberately avoiding other monsters, which meant he had secrets of his own.

“That’s what Bothvar is?” Rox stared straight ahead as though driving, even though he hadn’t put the truck into gear.

“Yes. Even if I’d told you about frost giants, you wouldn’t have known that your boss was one.”

“He looked human. If I’d known, I’d never have asked you to come around.”

Lynck exhaled, forcing out the anger. It had all been for nothing. He was still bridled, and now a frost giant knew where he lived. Where else could he run to? Even if he moved to another monster town, Bothvar only needed to be in the human world to summon him back to the monster realm.

He’d felt free but hadn’t been.

“I want to be free.” His voice cracked.

Rox turned and put his hand on Lynck’s thigh. “I want that, too. What do we do now?”

“Now? I go to work, and you come to dinner as planned.”

“Are you sure you want to spend the evening with me?”

No, he wasn’t, but he also didn’t want to waste time when his life in the human world could be taken away at any moment. “I was shocked and angry because I thought I was safe. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Rox nodded. “Arn is away next week. He is going to his brother’s wedding.”

“That means he is going home.” Lynck didn’t trust a frost giant as far as he could kick one. Arn might seek out Bothvar to earn favor. “If Bothvar turns up, you need to stay away from me, or he’ll command me to kill you.”

“Lovely.” Rox started the car. “Is there no way to stop him? Surely the soldiers guarding the portal won’t let him through.” He glanced over.

“They won’t if he goes through the main one like I did,” Lynck agreed, and that gave him a measure of safety. There was a part of him that hoped Bothvar wouldn’t come after him because it was too much hassle, but by escaping, Lynck made him look weak. “But there is another portal in the forest near the lake.”

“Do soldiers guard that one, too?” Rox stared at him, and Lynck wanted to reassure him.

“I have heard it is less guarded due to its isolation and the wolves in the woods.”

“Oh…so monsters can come and go more freely.”

“In theory, though, there is a Leshy village near the other side.” Would they let Bothvar through, or would Bothvar kill them if they tried to stop them? Perhaps they would kill Bothvar. The thought gave Lynck a little too much satisfaction.

“What’s a Leshy?”

“They look human…or they look like they are made of tree and hide and bones.” He wanted to say they looked like a nightmare, but plenty of monsters found them charming.

Rox grimaced. “Can we not warn the military that Bothvar might appear and cause trouble?”

“He doesn’t need to cause trouble. As soon as he’s in the human world, he will be able to summon me, and I will not be able to resist. I will be the one making trouble on his orders. I will be the one banned from the human world.”

Rox gripped the steering wheel as he drove. “There must be something we can do.”

“You don’t think I have considered what will happen, what options there are? I don’t want my friends to be hurt. I don’t want to be the one hurting them. And I don’t want to hurt you .” Being ordered to kill Rox would destroy him. He hadn’t been able to protect his herd, but he might be able to protect his boyfriend. “Promise me you won’t fight for me.”

Rox glanced at him. “Do you really want me to make that promise?”

He didn’t, and he knew Rox wouldn’t. He didn’t deserve a human boyfriend like him.

“What else can I do?” He tugged at the chain, willing it to snap. “I cannot fight him; all I can do is obey. I do not want to kill for him or protect him when others try to kill him. I don’t want to run his errands or convince people to take less money. I don’t want to harass them and threaten them for more money either.”

All things he had done in the past because he had no choice. Living in the human world had allowed him to determine his own fate, but how many would trust him if they learned what he had done?

How many would still call him a friend?

Even in the monster world, others feared kelpies because they believed that violence lived in their hearts, seeking only the smallest crack to come out. And while it was true that they were fierce warriors when protecting their herd and worse when bridled, it was telling that their captors only used them for violence. Not for music or fishing or searching for gold or any of the other things they were capable of. No, the only reason people bridled kelpies was because they wanted a loyal assassin who’d never turn the blade on them.

He expected Rox to change his mind about coming around for dinner. Rox deserved better than a monster who had spent a decade with bloody hands. He didn’t want to be that monster either. That wasn’t who he was, only who he was ordered to be. But so many people believe the lies that the bridle revealed what was otherwise hidden.

Rox pulled up out the front of the cafe. He’d been silent for too long.

“I understand if…you don’t want to…” Lynck couldn’t finish the sentence. He closed his eyes, but all he saw was the frost giant in the auto repair shop. The cold glare and the reminder that he belonged to someone else.

“Don’t want to what? Help you? See you again? None of this is your fault, and I don’t hold you responsible for what you were ordered to do.”

“I’m pretty sure that in the human world, following orders is no excuse.”

“It wasn’t just an order. You had no choice but to obey because of the magic?” Rox stared at him as if he needed confirmation that he was understanding everything correctly.

And maybe if he was a better monster, he’d lie and tell Rox that he had a choice, and then Rox might stay away from him and be safe. But the lie didn’t form.

“When I am given an order, it is a compulsion. A need that must be fed. At first, I resisted with my mind and body, but when the bridle burned, my body began to obey despite my mind’s resistance, which made me clumsy, and I got hurt. So I stopped fighting, and I began completing the order to avoid the pain of the burn and injuries.” Lynck studied his hands the way he had so many times, wondering how they betrayed him so easily. “I am not a good monster.”

“You are because you don’t want to be that person. That person was never you. You were surviving. And we will find a solution. We will stop Bothvar.”

Lynck laughed, but it was cold and dark like the depths of the lake. “You think no one has tried before? There is a reason he keeps bridled kelpies around him.”

“To kill would-be assassins,” Rox said as if he understood exactly how people like Bothvar operated.

No one could fight and win against kelpies compelled to defend until their last breath. Few assassins were paid well enough to die for the cause. But bridled kelpies had no choice.

“To compel you, he needs to be in the human world. And he can’t bring an army through the portal.”

“Do not tell the military. Please. They will send me through because I am not a monster of good character. My visa will be revoked, and I will not be allowed back through.”

“What if we told the military that some frost giants are planning on making trouble?”

Lynck shook his head. “They will not get involved in monster politics. They do not care that he controls trade.”

“They should care about the way he takes slaves, especially if he’s coming to the human world to collect them.”

“Why would they when many monsters call it culture, and some might say that bridled kelpies are safer because they cannot act on their own worst instincts? Not everyone likes kelpies, Rox. Even the towns we traded with were wary because the lie has been repeated enough times to become truth. Even in your human world, you have tales of kelpies who do nothing but seduce and drown.”

Rox’s lips curved. “Well, you are very good at the former.”

“I’m also far too good at the latter.”

Rox was silent for what felt like hours but was only seconds. “We can’t sit around and wait for Bothvar to show up and summon you back to the monster world.”

They should because running around and trying to prepare was only wasting what time he had left. “I want to spend my remaining time living and enjoying everything this world offers so I have some memories to hold close.”

Rox shook his head, a few strands of his dark blonde hair slipping out of the elastic. “No. I refuse to quit.”

Lynck exhaled. “You cannot fight against the inevitable. You cannot break the chain even with your human tools. And I cannot resist orders. So what does that leave?”

Rox frowned. “I don’t know.”

“You will not waste your life to protect mine. Mine was surrendered a long time ago. That I have had a few years’ grace has been more than I dared to hope for.” He lifted Rox’s hand and brought his fingers to his lips. “I will see you tonight for dinner?”

“You will.”

But if Rox changed his mind, Lynck wouldn’t hold that against him.

“Why are you acting so okay with this?”

“Because I’ve been afraid for so long, too scared to live in case I drew attention. He will come, and I don’t need to live with that fear. I am angry that it is happening, and I wanted to be angry with you for helping me. But raging against the unfairness will only push you away and eat me from the inside. Anger didn’t help me the first time.”

Rox swallowed. “You sound like my mother when the cancer came back. First time, she was angry, and she fought with everything. The second time…” He glanced away and swiped at his eyes. “She went through the treatments, but she was resigned to the outcome. She said she was at peace either way.”

“I am not at peace.” He wanted to rage and fight. “I need to swim after work. Can you come an hour later?”

“You don’t want me there.”

“I do not need you to wait on the shore for me.” But he wanted Rox there. He wanted to believe that Rox would always be there even when he couldn’t say the same.

When Bothvar dragged him back to the monster realm, the life he wanted to live would be out of reach. But Rox would survive and remember him. He might find another monster to date. He’d have other boyfriends and find the love he deserved.

Lynck leaned over and kissed his cheek, knowing that he needed to treasure these moments. “I will see you for dinner.”