Chapter 21
twenty-one
L ynck listened as Rox ran through scales on the piano. He’d only just made it to the shop before closing, and he was still in his navy blue work pants and T-shirt, both of which appeared to have a dark stain on them. He had apologized for being so scruffy, but because his boss had gone away for the week, he had to do everything.
This week his nail polish was the same green as in Lynck’s hair, which Lynck didn’t think was an accident. Not that he was going to say anything. And while Rox’s fingers were lighter on the keys, he was frowning more.
Thursten had told him Rox had come in last night at closing even though Lynck wasn’t working in the coffee shop because he was teaching.
Rox stopped playing and pulled his phone out of a pocket in his pants. “I listened to the song you composed a few times this week…can I play you something?”
Lynck swept the last of the crumbs into a pile. “I enjoy listening to whatever you play.”
He much preferred live music to recordings for the simple reason the song changed depending on the mood of the performer and with each performance. One day, he wanted to go to a big stadium concert. He could only imagine what it would feel like to stand in a crowd of thousands, all listening to the same music. And while he’d watched recordings of live performances, it wasn’t the same. The heart was missing.
Rox fiddled with his phone and set it up on the music stand. “Bear in mind, I haven’t written anything down, and unlike you, I can’t remember every note. So if I fuck up, I’m not trying to ruin your song.”
Before Lynck said anything, Rox pressed play on his phone. There was a small silence, and then the recording Rox made played.
Rox’s foot tapped, keeping count, and then he began to play, adding piano chords to the song as if he understood what Lynck had been trying to achieve. As if he understood the song was meant to be played by two, or at least created by two. He got about halfway before stopping. He stopped the recording and slowly turned to face him.
“That’s as far as I got because the next bit quickens and shifts up an octave, and I haven’t figured out what goes with that yet. You’re very quiet. Do you not like it?”
Lynck was quiet, not because he didn’t like it but because it was perfect.
Rox was perfect.
“Lynck?” His eyebrows lifted.
“That sounded amazing. I’ve never heard kelpie music accompanied by a piano.” He walked over and swept Rox into his arms, dropping a light kiss on his lips before swinging him around like he’d done when they’d danced in the lounge room.
Rox wrapped his arms around Lynck’s neck. “I’m glad you like it. I will figure out the rest.”
“We can figure out the end of the song together.” He brushed his nose against Rox’s, needing to believe they would finish it and that they’d be able to play it for the rest of their lives.
How long did they have?
He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life waiting for Bothvar to show up and ruin everything. Before he met Rox, it had been a fear that had lurked in the shadows, but now he had someone to live for. Now he had a life, and the fear was out in the open. For the first time in a very long time, he had something to lose.
He had someone he feared hurting.
If Bothvar found out about Rox, he’d order his death to punish Lynck for getting close to someone. For daring to think of something other than his next order. It was too much to hope that Bothvar would kill him. That was far too quick.
He set Rox on the ground but held him close.
“I know why you played me the unfinished song and what it means,” Rox murmured.
Lynck nodded, unable to deny the truth but not wanting to admit it either. “I didn’t want you to think it was too much.”
“It’s not. No one has ever done something like that for me. You need to tell me how to kill a frost giant.”
Lynck released him and stepped back. “It will not be a frost giant you will be fighting. It will be me.”
“But if he’s dead, he cannot order you?—”
“I will be ordered to defend him and to kill you.”
“So I’m supposed to do nothing? I’m supposed to pretend that nothing is happening, that everything is fine?”
“It might be.”
“Liar. You freaked out when you saw my boss.”
“Because others won’t involve themselves in frost giant business, but another frost giant…” Even if he hated Bothvar, he’d follow the rules that a bridled kelpie belonged to someone and needed to be returned.
“And frost giants are the only ones who catch kelpies.”
Lynck’s voice hardened. “They are the only ones brave enough to try.”
“And no one is brave enough to stand up to the frost giants.”
“I didn’t say that. But when they control the trade route, and they can cut off food and supplies to your town, how much resistance are you going to put up? When they increase the charge for safe travel through the mountains because you spoke up? When they burn your town because you refuse to trade with them because they wanted too much for too little? They are powerful and ruthless, and unfortunately, they have dragged kelpies into their mess, so we are feared.”
“But you have friends here who might help.”
Lynck shook his head. “I will not be responsible for their deaths or yours.” He softened his voice, not wanting to fight. “Can we not enjoy what we have?”
From the look on Rox’s face, the answer was no. His lips were turned down, and his eyes were troubled. “I want to, and I keep trying to, but I am the one who is going to be left to pick up the pieces.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do that again.”
Oh…
In that moment, Lynck realized he’d only been thinking of himself and what it meant when he was forced to return to the monster realm. He hadn’t considered what it meant for Rox to remain in the human world alone. “But you want to finish the song?”
“I do, but at the same time, it’s going to end. And while not all relationships last, this will end because of a frost giant and some nasty magic, not because of us, and I’m still working out what that means for me. I’m being torn in so many different directions.” Rox raked his fingers over his hair and tugged out the elastic. “I want to spend every spare moment with you. What if we have ten years? What if we only have ten hours? How am I supposed to want everything and nothing in the same breath?” He slapped his chest. “How can I protect my heart from destruction?”
Lynck cupped his human’s face, wanting to kiss away the pain. “You cannot.”
He’d never hated the bridle as much as he did in that moment. He wanted to swear that if Rox trusted him with his heart, it would always be taken care of. That they were mates, and nothing would ever change that.
But he couldn’t.
He should never have played Rox the song. He should’ve kept it to himself, but it had grown too big for his heart and needed to be shared. Selfishly, he wanted Rox to understand how much he loved him instead of walking away. If he had any kind bones in his body, he would have broken up with Rox and saved them both the heartache of what was to come.
He should’ve broken up with him and gone through the portal himself. Then there’d be no more waiting and wondering for the next order. Living with the threat wasn’t freedom, even though it had appeared to be at first.
He rested his forehead against Rox’s. “I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t want you as much as I do. I never meant to hurt you.”
“If it wasn’t for the fucking bridle…”
He smoothed his thumbs over Rox’s cheeks. “There is nothing we can do about that. We need to decide if we are going to finish the song or leave it incomplete.”
“I don’t want to walk away, but I don’t know how to go on either.” Rox closed his eyes. “That’s not true. I have done this before. The anger, the denial, the pretending that everything is fine… This is the same; it’s just a different flavor.”
“What do you humans like to say? That you could be hit by a bus tomorrow?”
Rox gave a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah. It could all be over tomorrow.”
There was a part of Lynck that wished that were true. Then, he’d no longer be hurting Rox. When he was gone, how long until the song and his heart faded away, or would it haunt him for the rest of his life?