19. The Bookstore
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE BOOKSTORE
Sophie
I inhale and exhale to quell my nerves. My hands are sweaty, and I check my reflection in the rearview mirror to make sure I don’t have lettuce in my teeth, and then I gather my folio and exit my car. I’ve barely slept all week as I’ve spent the majority of my waking hours on the business license application as well as the liability insurance certificate, proof of funding, modification proposal, and a check for the application fee. I’d also included plans for the fundraising events I’m planning before and during opening, as well as a very detailed business plan. I doubt the latter two things will be needed, but my mother raised me to always be overprepared.
I couldn’t wait to tell her I was opening a romance bookstore.
She was going to lose her mind.
“Please tell me it’s going to be pink,” a familiar voice calls out.
I grin as I walk up to Stella Ravage. She’s hand in hand with her daughter, Beatrix, who is humming to herself adorably.
Smiling, I hug her and then crouch down to say hello to Beatrix, who I know just turned two.
“Hi, Bea,” I say, and she smiles and waves at me.
When I stand back up, I take in Stella’s fabulous outfit—a bright yellow maxi dress that clings to her curves, and a pink suede jacket with matching sandals. Her glittery, teal backpack only adds another pop of color, and I suddenly feel drab in my black linen shift dress.
“You look amazing,” I tell her, taking in her minimal makeup.
A group of people pass us by and stare at her. A couple of them do a double take. I don’t blame them.
She’s bloody gorgeous.
“Sophie, this isn’t a job interview, you know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you always look fucking fit. But maybe take your hair down?” she suggests.
I smirk as I untie my bun, letting my blonde hair fall over my shoulders. She steps forward and tousles it a bit, and then she reaches into her handbag, pulling some bright pink lipstick out.
“Here. You should be wearing lipstick when you sign the contract.”
My heart races as I swipe the lipstick on using the reflection of the shop glass. When I’m done, I turn back to her and smile down at Beatrix, who is watching me quietly.
“I appreciate your help today,” I tell her, leaning against the side of the building. We’re both a few minutes early, and the leasing agent will be here soon.
“Of course. You said romance bookstore, and I immediately knew I had to be here for this. Plus, power in numbers and all that. Didn’t you say it would be a bloke showing you around?”
I nod. “Yeah. It was originally supposed to be Elisa, the woman I spoke to on the phone, but…” I trail off, wiping my hands on my dress.
“You’ll do great,” she says, picking Bea up and holding her on her left hip.
We chat for a few minutes, and just as I’m starting to get worried, a black sedan pulls up and parks right in front of us.
I swallow and stand up straighter, holding the folio in front of me with one hand. A middle-aged gentleman exits the car, and his expression pinches slightly when he takes in the way Stella, Bea, and I are all waiting out front.
“Sorry I’m a few minutes late,” he says gruffly. “I’m Jake.”
I reach my hand out to shake his, but he doesn’t do the same, so I awkwardly drop it to my side. When I glance over at Stella, she mouths, Arsehole.
“That’s okay. I’m very excited to see the place,” I tell him eagerly.
He huffs a dismissive laugh. “You’re the only one. It’s not exactly a looker, if you know what I mean.”
My brow furrows as he unlocks the door, and then we step inside.
Oh.
My smile falls as I take in the crumbling facade. Elisa had sent over the floorplan, but she said pictures weren’t currently available.
Now I see why.
The floorboards are disintegrating, the wallpaper is peeling, and there are cobwebs everywhere. When I drafted my proposed renovations, I didn’t include new flooring—that would eat into my start-up budget.
“Oh my God, this place has incredible bones,” Stella says, her voice encouraging and excited all at once.
“I need to make a call. I’ll give you a few minutes to look around,” Jake says, leaving us alone in the space.
I bite my lower lip to keep from crying.
Spinning around, I try to find any redeeming qualities, and I can’t. Just like when the house was under construction, I couldn’t see past the mess.
All I see before me is impossibility.
“Look,” Stella says, carrying Bea on the other hip and pointing to one of the walls. “Original crown molding. Plus, some of this floor can be salvaged. I bet we could get Kai to help fix the floors, slap a coat of pink paint on the walls, and call it a day, babe.”
I almost sob at her optimism. “It needs a lot of work.” The space is certainly large enough for a bookstore—we could even do a fun display in the window, and I’d still have room for a reading nook in the corner. “A lot of work,” I add.
Stella sighs and sets Beatrix down. “Please don’t touch anything, darling,” she instructs her daughter, who only nods as she precariously starts to walk around, inspecting the empty space. “These two walls can be built-in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves,” she starts, walking over to the two main walls on either side of the front door. “And a few individual shelves back here in the reading nook—themed shelves, special editions, maybe some merch. And here,” she says, walking into the middle of the room, “We can put two sofas and a coffee table. The counter can go there,” she adds, pointing to where I’m standing, “And we’d still have room for a table in the front window display.”
I swallow, attempting to see her vision, but I can’t see past the filth.
“Also, how fun would it be to have a giant inflatable cock right here?” she asks, cackling as she points to the space above my head.
I laugh just as Jake clears his throat, having opened the front door without either of us noticing.
“So? What do you think?” he checks his watch, and my stomach sinks. If I want this place, I should say something. It’s now or never… “I have another meeting soon, so I should probably lock up.”
Before I can overthink it, the words tumble out. “If you knock five hundred dollars off the rent each month—to cover the renovations I’ll have to tackle—I’ll take it. Right now.” I straighten up, surprising even myself.
An hour later, Stella and I are waving goodbye to an annoyed Jake, who is late for his next meeting, and I’m clutching the folio to my chest. He still has to run a background and credit check, as well as verify the funding, but he made it seem like the place was mine if I wanted it.
Even better, he agreed to lower the rent. Despite initially trying to dismiss the idea of a romance bookstore, Stella had won him over eventually with her charm. By the end, he seemed almost impressed with us.
I’m so glad I asked her to accompany me today.
“Hunnry,” Beatrix says, pointing at her mouth.
“We’re having dinner with Daddy soon, darling,” Stella coos. She reaches into her backpack and hands Beatrix a bag of what looks like Cheerios before strapping her into a fancy-looking pram. “I’m very proud of you,” she tells me, smiling when she’s finished. “You kept your cool, and you’re about to be the owner of—what were you planning on naming the bookshop, anyway?”
My cheeks heat. “I filed the business paperback under Ashford Publishing. I still don’t have a name in mind yet, but I figured I could use this name for other things, too.”
Stella’s eyes brighten as she gestures toward downtown. “I want to hear all about those other things. But first… I have a quick meeting with the admissions advisor at Saint Helena Academy. I’ve got to get this child of mine on a goddamn wait list for preschool two years early,” she adds, shaking her head with an exasperated chuckle. “I mean, it’s just a formality, of course. Maybe you want to join me on the walk, and you can say hello to Malakai?”
I open and close my mouth. It’s late afternoon on a Friday—I’m sure he’s swamped.
And yet… I can’t help but want to see him.
Julian had told me what happened two nights ago, and then I’d asked him to tell me what happened again in greater detail in bed, because it turned me on to think he’d kissed another man.
Turns out, I enjoy the idea of him with another guy. Oh, how the tables have turned.
I’ve always known Julian was bisexual—he was very up-front about it when we met. And truth be told, I love the idea of him getting to explore that side of himself. I have no doubt that he loves me and always will.
“Sure. I’d love to join you,” I tell her. “Let me just pop my folio into my car.”
A minute later, we’re enjoying the warm afternoon sunshine as we walk through downtown Crestwood.
“So…” she says, taking a sip from her water bottle. “What’s up with you and Kai?”
I stumble over my feet at her question. I didn’t expect her to come right out with it. We’re closer now, sure, but her question catches me off guard.
“What do you mean? We’re friends.”
Stella laughs. “ Just friends?”
I scoff. “I’m a married woman. Of course we’re just friends.”
She smirks as she glances sidelong at me. “Okay, then perhaps I should ask, what’s going on with Julian and Kai?”
My mouth drops open. “How did you—” Snapping my lips together, I shake my head as I pop my sunglasses on.
The sun feels incredible. I’ll never understand how anyone could prefer the cold, drizzly weather in London to the sunshine of Southern California. The way the sun soaks into my skin feels almost healing after thirty years in London, trying to fit in with people who would keel over if they knew what Julian and I were into.
“It’s complicated,” I tell her.
“I knew it,” she says triumphantly.
I sigh. “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”
She shrugs. “I won’t. But Miles suspects something, too, just so you know. He’s the one who told me, actually.”
I narrow my eyes as we walk past a group of giggling elderly woman power walking.
“Miles knows?”
Stella laughs. “Of course he does. My husband is nothing if not observant,” she says, giving me a wry smile.
“I see,” I say, my voice coming out quieter than I intended. “Well, now you know.”
“So, are the three of you like… a throuple?”
I shake my head. “No. We’re just… having fun.”
“I can respect that,” Stella says. “Love is love, right? I’m much too jealous to share Miles, so I admire you for going after what you want. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so affected by anyone before,” she adds, chuckling. “He’s definitely all in, you know?”
I nod, but I’m quiet the rest of the ten-minute walk to Saint Helena Academy.
While I have no doubt Stella is right, I also can’t help but feel like I need to explore my relationship with Kai by myself a bit. I can tell he has feelings for me, but when we’re all together, it’s hard to separate the fact that I’m Sophie versus just Julian’s wife.
I hadn’t really spoken to him since last weekend, but I’d taken initiative and added us all to a group chat. I figured it would allow us to plan anything in the future, and it would make him feel included. We’d all briefly chatted this week via text, but with everything happening with the shop, I’d been too swamped to really open the conversation to anything further, or making plans to see him again.
Still, I can’t help but be excited to tell him about filling out the application for the space. He knew this meeting was important, and both he and Julian had sent me good luck texts earlier.
Once we arrive at Saint Helena Academy, the front desk receptionist ushers Stella into admissions, and I’m given a visitor’s pass and directions to Kai’s office down the hall. It’s nearly empty, and Stella mentions it’s a half day for the students, so they’re all gone. I say goodbye and walk through the office to find Kai.
The school is stunning, set within white stucco walls, terracotta accents, and arched windows. Palm trees dot the front entrance as well as the courtyard I pass by down the hallway. There are vibrant flower beds of jasmine and different kinds of succulents, as well as bougainvillea draped over most of the exterior.
As I walk, I take in the crosses and religious artwork—biting my lower lip when I think of the last time Kai and I used the Bible. I pass the chapel, which has rows of wooden pews and an altar adorned with fresh flowers. Even empty, I can see what drew Kai here. It’s serene but it feels almost alive, and despite the fact that I’m not religious anymore, I can see the appeal.
Standing in front of a wooden door that says ‘Headmaster Malakai Ravage,’ I knock gently three times.
No answer.
I knock harder this time, but there’s still no answer.
“He’s at the pool,” an older woman walking down the hall says. “It’s his Friday afternoon ritual.”
My lips part. “Oh. Okay, thank you.”
Her eyes quickly take me in. “Are you a family member?”
Pressing my lips together, I shake my head. “No. Just a friend.” Turning around, I’m about to walk away when she speaks again.
“He keeps the door to the pool locked, but I can open it for you if you’d like to say hi?”
“Sure, that’d be great. Thank you.”
She gestures for me to follow her, leading me farther down the hallway. “How do you know Headmaster Ravage?”
“He’s, um, friends with my husband.”
She nods. “That’s wonderful. Between you and me, I think he needs more friends. Quality friends, you know what I mean?”
On your knees, little dove.
My chest flushes when I think of last weekend. “I understand completely.”
As we stop in front of a pair of double doors, she pulls out a set of keys, carefully inspecting each one until she finds the one she needs. Quickly unlocking the door, she holds it open for me.
“Here you are. I’m headed home for the day. Please tell the headmaster that Susie says hello,” she says warmly, turning and walking away.
Stepping into the large indoor pool area, I let the door close behind me. The click of the lock reverberates through the large, warm space. The space is massive, tall ceilings with coffered designs and an open, airy feel while still retaining the warmth. The pool itself is a shimmering, turquoise expanse, tiled in deep blue. The concrete is clean and new-looking, and I admire the way the space feels functional while still being elegant.
Very apt for a private school.
My eyes find Kai instantly. He’s doing freestyle, facing away from me, and I can’t help but watch the way his muscles bunch and contract with each movement. Slowly walking closer, I attempt to keep my heeled boots quiet so as not to startle him. He moves so smoothly through the water, each sweep of his arms propels him forward. The pool ripples around him, mirroring the quiet power in his strokes. Watching him is almost hypnotic, and as I stop on the other side of the pool, I tilt my head slightly as he comes to the edge nearest to me.
He flips and pushes off the wall, turning his head to breathe. For half a second, I see his profile—sharp jawline, damp strands of hair clinging to his forehead, his expression one of pure focus. My traitorous heart pounds as I scramble for something—anything—to say when he notices me.
And then he stops.
Still facing away from me, there’s a shift in his rhythm. Straightening mid-stroke, he treads water for a second, and I freeze. Biting my lower lip, I wait.
He turns, his gaze finding mine instantly, as if he knew I was there all along.
His eyes meet mine, dark and unreadable, and for a second, the air between us feels charged. A slow smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he pushes the wet hair off his forehead.
“You’re not exactly as stealthy as you think,” he says, his voice low and teasing, carrying easily over the quiet lap of the water.
I huff a nervous laugh. “Well, stealth isn’t exactly my best feature.”
He smirks and swims closer, head above water, stopping right in front of me. “That’s true. I suppose you have… other talents.”
God, it’s so bloody hot in here.
My heart stutters in my chest. I attempt to keep my composure, but the way he’s looking at me is making it hard to think straight.
“I suppose I do,” I say, a little breathlessly.
I try to hide the slight tremor in my hands by shifting my weight to one hip, but he’s still watching me, all that quiet power radiating from him. And then he does something that makes me feel like I’m melting into the concrete. His eyes slowly drag from my eyes down to my chest, and even farther down until he gets to my feet. And then, even slower this time, his eyes find mine again.
Fuck, he’s good.
“So? How’d the meeting go?”
I blink, his question pulling me back from the tension stretching between us. “I think it went well. The place is… a disaster. It needs more work than I thought, but I can’t seem to walk away from it.”
His head tilts slightly, and the faintest smirk tugs at his lips. “You’ve always liked a challenge.”
I laugh, the sound nervous but real. “Or I just don’t know when to quit.”
Kai swims closer, stopping just beneath me, his hands resting on the ledge. His eyes flick to mine, unreadable but warm.
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”
I swallow, heart skipping at the proximity. “Stubbornness isn’t always a virtue.”
“Sometimes it is,” he counters softly, tilting his head to the side like he’s studying me. “It’s the same part of you that refuses to let anyone decide who you should be.”
His words hit harder than I expect, the quiet truth settling over me. I shift my weight, letting out a shaky breath as I drop my gaze to the water rippling beneath him.
“You noticed that?” I murmur, the vulnerability creeping in uninvited.
“I notice a lot of things.” His voice is low, intimate in a way that makes it hard to hold his gaze. But I do.
A flicker of something tightens in my chest—acknowledgment, maybe. Or relief. Because I know he means it. In his own quiet way, Kai sees me. All the parts I keep hidden behind carefully curated smiles and small talk.
All the parts I only allow Julian access to.
Before I can respond, his hand drifts from the ledge to the top of my ankle, thumb brushing against the skin just above the collar of my boot. The simple touch sets every nerve on edge, but his eyes stay on mine, patient and expectant.
“You look warm,” he says, his voice low and tinted with faux concern. “Maybe you need to cool off?”
I blink, suddenly aware of how I’m starting to sweat from the heat. My breath hitches as his hands come to my ankles. The touch is light, almost teasing, but I know better than to mistake it for anything less than control.
“Maybe I do,” I tease, my thoughts scattering.
I’ve always known where this path leads, especially after last weekend.
Where time spent with him leads.
But there’s something about this moment—about the way he’s looking at me, about how much I’ve allowed myself to want him—that makes it feel different.
More intense.
Like something has shifted between us.
He cocks his head, eyes never leaving mine, and for a moment, I wonder if he’s going to do something that might push this quiet game into something real. But then he pushes off the wall and gives me a knowing look.
Stepping out of my boots, I set my handbag down and sit on the edge of the pool. The concrete is warm, and as I drop my feet into the cool water, I hum in pleasure.
“I forgot to tell you that Susie says hello,” I say, leaning back on my palms. It’s a distraction, and I know it.
Kai gives me a lopsided smile, treading water a few feet away. “Ah, so that’s who snuck you in. I was wondering how you got here. That lock is industrial strength.”
“She said you do this every Friday.”
He dips his chin. “I do. I find it relaxing. And since Fridays are half days, I normally have the pool to myself.”
The weight of his words isn’t lost on me. He knows why I’m really here. Knows I’m not just making conversation.
But he doesn’t call me out on it. Not yet.
Pulling my lower lip between my teeth, I ignore the pull toward him that makes my chest ache. He seems so calm and collected, like always, and I’m already squirming.
Julian’s face flashes in my mind, and I almost pull away. But the heat in Kai’s gaze keeps me pinned, his fingers skating along the edge of my sanity. Julian trusts me. I trust him. And more importantly, we trust Kai. But this feels like… more.
It’s enough to pull me back from this all for a second, but only just. The tension between Kai and me is thick and raw, like it’s about to spill over.
Looking down, I allow myself one last thought of Julian.
We agreed this was fine. All of us. No secrets, no guilt. We talked, we set our boundaries, and we chose this together. Besides, Julian kissed Kai two days ago. This is fine.
My focus flicks back to Kai, and his eyes narrow slightly, as if he can sense my hesitation or read my thoughts, and I’m not sure which is worse in this instance.
“You seem distracted, too,” he murmurs. His tone is a low purr, almost teasing as he drinks me up with that familiar, dangerous hunger.
“I am,” I whisper, my breathing uneven.
He glides through the water and swims right up to me. “I can help with that.”
For a second, I think he’s going to pull me into the pool. Instead, he places wet hands on either side of my bare thighs.
“What do you need, little dove?”
God, that nickname…
The question lingers in the air between us, heavy with implications. And as I meet his gaze, I realize that even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could stop this now. I don’t want to stop it.
Water falls from his dark hair onto his face, and then he shakes his head, splashing me with tiny drops of water before slicking it back with his hands. His hair is usually hanging in front of his forehead, so it’s nice to see his full face.
“Hey!” I squeal, holding my hands up. “You got me wet.”
His gray eyes flick downward to the space between my thighs before coming back up to meet mine. He’s watching me with a mischievous expression, and he doesn’t even have to say it—I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“Are you going to get in, or do I have to pull you in?”
“You wouldn’t,” I tease, narrowing my eyes as I look down at him.
His hands come to the tops of my bare thighs, and his expression changes in a heartbeat from playful to serious and enigmatic.
I swallow. This was not what I thought would happen when I decided to accompany Stella to Saint Helena. I thought I’d poke my head into his office, say a quick hello, and then be on my merry way.
Instead, I’m sitting on the edge of an indoor pool while Kai eye fucks me, and he’s insinuating that he wants me in the water with him, all the while being an incorrigible flirt.
“I would ,” he purrs.
“And what would I wear home, then? You’d ruin my dress.”
His lips twitch. He knows exactly what I’m insinuating. If I go home to Julian in a wet dress…
A low growl escapes his lips. “Move your dress up and spread your legs.”
My mouth drops open. “No. We’re in a public place—someone could see us?—”
“I take it you’re not an exhibitionist, then?” he asks, cocking his head. “Are you worried we’ll get in trouble?”
I snap my mouth shut before answering. “Well, yeah, I mean?—”
“I’m the headmaster, Sophie. I’m in charge here. So if I want to taste your cunt before sending you home to your husband, who’s going to stop me? Plus, the only door into the pool is locked, and everyone is gone since it’s a half day.”
“But Stella is with admissions?—”
“Trust me, Sophie. No one is getting in here.”
I stop breathing. “Kai…”
He grins as he darts his eyes down to my thighs and back up. “You take risks, Sophie. You told me just now… you don’t know when to quit. Consider this a challenge.” He pauses, and his eyes pierce into mine. “The bookstore scares you. So do I. Maybe that’s a good thing.”
I swallow, unsure of what to say to that. Because he’s right.
“Go on, little dove. Show me how wet I just made you.”
Jesus fuck.
With shaking hands, I shimmy my dress up my thighs, past my hips. And then I spread my legs in front of him, giving him a full, unobstructed view of my hot pink knickers. From his position in the water, his shoulders are at about the same height as my hips, so all he has to do is gently tug my bum closer to the edge of the pool before he runs his hands along the inside of my thighs.
Everything inside of me pulses as he leans closer. His breath is hot against the thin fabric of my knickers, and his fingers dig into my thighs, just enough to make me squirm. Sliding his hands higher, the water on his palms leaves a cold, damp trail against my skin. Despite being hot, my whole body shudders as a shiver claws down my spine.
With one hand, he trails a finger upward, brushing against my seam. Gasping, I bite my lip, and my breathing turns heavy and ragged.
“You’re so responsive,” he says softly, almost to himself. Moving my thong to the side, I suck in a breath as his eyes flick down to my core. Using his thumb, he gently brushes it against my clit, and I jolt as my hands clutch the edge of the pool.
“Kai—”
“My lord,” he corrects sharply, his eyes locking on mine. “Say it.”
“My lord,” I breathe, the words barely audible.
“That’s better,” he murmurs, his voice a velvet purr. Sliding two fingers between my folds, he moves slowly—exploring. Testing. “Do you think Julian will recognize the taste of my mouth after I send you home?”
I gasp, and I feel my cheeks flush. Kai’s arrogance and confidence isn’t a cover—he’s truly in control, truly in charge of the scene.
“Answer me,” he demands, pushing into me fully.
“I—don’t know,” I stammer, the words tumbling out unbidden.
“You’re honest at least. Good girl.”
And then he’s pulling me closer. His fingers curl inside of me as his teeth graze the inside of my thigh, and I. Can’t. Breathe. Every nerve ending inside of me lights up, and I can feel everything from the warm, wet mouth inching up my thigh to the gritty concrete underneath my bare bum.
“You’re shaking,” he observes, his voice a mix of curiosity and amusement. “Are you nervous?”
I nod. “Yes.”
His lips curl into a smile. “Good. Fear sharpens the senses. Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” I answer, though my voice wavers.
“Then give me your fear, little dove. Show me what true surrender looks like. Lay back.”
“What?” I ask, hesitating.
“Lie on your back,” he adds, pushing me back.
I do as he says, and the warm concrete feels nice on my back. He moves between my legs, and I go still. I can’t see him—I can only hear the light splashing of water.
“Hold your breath.” His voice is calm but unyielding.
I lift my head to look at him. “What?”
“You heard me. Hold. Your. Breath.”
A flash of panic works through me. His eyes bore into mine, grounding me. Nodding, I inhale deeply and hold it.
His hands slide to my hips. “That’s it. Now keep still.”
Before I can process what’s happening, his mouth is against my core, and his tongue laves up my slit. I buck against him, body arching involuntarily, as he works his tongue in slow, deliberate strokes. The pressure inside of me mixed with the sensations of his mouth cause me to exhale sharply, gasping for air.
Kai pulls back immediately, and when I lift my head, his gray eyes lock onto mine.
“Did I tell you to breathe?”
My cheeks burn as I shake my head.
“Then don’t.” His tone is sharp, but not cruel. “Hold it. Trust me, Sophie.”
I nod as I inhale, holding the air deep in my chest and feeling more prepared this time. But this time, when he leans into me, the intensity is magnified by two fingers curling inside of me. The lack of air makes every movement, every flick of his tongue, feel so much more intense. I’m suddenly hyperaware of every sensation, and in seconds, I find myself on the edge of a climax.
My head begins to pound, and then I can’t hold it any longer. Gasping loudly, the sound reverberates through the large room.
Kai’s free hand tightens on my thigh and he pulls the other one out from inside of me.
“You’re fighting me,” he asks. His tone is inquisitive—not unkind. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, voice trembling.
“Yes, you do,” he says, his voice a low murmur. “Tell me why.”
My chest aches as the truth comes out before I’m ready to admit it. “Because I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing control,” I tell him, looking up at the coffered ceiling.
“That’s exactly what I want, little dove. I want you to lose control. I want you to let go. I want you to trust me. Because next time we do this, it’s going be my hands around your throat and you’re going to have to trust that I’m not going to go too far.” I nod despite the panic lingering on the edge of my mind. “Again. Breathe deep. Hold it. And trust me to know your limits.”
This time, when the pressure immediately begins to build inside my chest, I give in to the feeling. When I’m relaxed, it sort of feels like I’m floating, like the air in my lungs might carry me away. And then when Kai gently pushes his fingers between my folds at the same time his tongue swipes through me, my eyes flutter closed as pleasure claws at me. His mouth moves against me with relentless precision. The sensations sharpen every second, and the heat building inside of me demands release.
My whole body trembles as I near the edge, and though I know my body needs air, I trust Kai enough to know that he’ll tell me to breathe soon. That recognition—the trust —surprises me. There’s only ever been one person I’ve trusted this much before—only one person who could get under my skin like this.
Julian.
The pressure builds, with the need for release and for air tangling together until I don’t know which one I crave more. Kai’s tongue moves in slow, deliberate circles, each flick sending a pulse of heat spiraling through me. He’s relentless and teasing… like he’s savoring the way my body is reacting. It’s precise enough that I know he’s remembering what Julian taught him.
I clench desperately around his fingers, my hips bucking involuntarily as my body writhes under his control. My thighs shake, and then my whole body goes taut from a mix of pleasure and pressure. Just when I don’t think I can take any more, his free hand comes to my abdomen, and he presses down, grounding me.
“Breathe.”
The rush of air mixes with the release that tears through me with zero abandon. My back arches, and though Kai’s hand remains on my abdomen, I feel myself contract around his fingers. A wave of heat surges through me, pleasure crashing over every part of me like a storm. I cry out, my entire body seizing and shaking with the force of it, stars dancing behind my closed eyes. It’s overwhelming, a white-hot rush that leaves me gasping and undone, my fingers clawing at the concrete as I finally let go.
He groans—his mouth working me through my climax and dragging it out. Waves of sensation crash through me so intensely that I forget where I am.
I forget everything but him.
When it’s over, I go limp. In a flash, Kai is there, pulling himself onto the deck and running a wet hand over my forehead.
“You did so well, little dove,” he murmurs.
I look up at him, and for a second, I understand why people pray to a deity. Because what just happened, the way he guided me through it, felt otherworldly.
“I’m so proud of you.”
The weight of his words causes me to close my eyes, and they sink into the adrenaline still coursing through me—calming me.
As he pulls me up and wraps an arm around my shoulder, I feel him kiss the top of my head. For a second, Kai pulls back, like he’s about to apologize.
I stop him, curling my fingers into his damp hair, pulling him closer.
“Don’t,” I whisper, my breath still ragged. “I wanted this. I want you.”
“Me too,” he murmurs back.
And somehow, I know with absolute certainty that we’d crossed a line today, a line we could never uncross.
Even if we could… I don’t think I’d want to.