Homesick

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

“W hat’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all night,” I say when Blake puts his truck into park in my driveway.

I look over and I see the whites of his knuckles as he grips the shifter.

I think back to a few hours ago when I was so excited to come home for the weekend and surprise Blake. I could sense he didn’t have a great time when he came to visit me at school a few weekends ago and his text messages had become short and dismissive. I just figured he was as frustrated with long distance as I was.

“We need to talk,” Blake says, still facing forward.

My stomach drops. I know what those four words mean.

“What about?” I question with a shaky voice.

I turn my body toward him in the passenger seat. His face is unreadable from this angle.

“This isn’t working anymore,” he says with gritted teeth. He keeps his gaze forward so I can’t see his eyes. It’s like he can barely stand to look at me.

“I know it’s been rough, Blake,” I say, trying to meet his eyes. “I can come home more, or we can talk on the phone more. Just tell me what I have to do to make this work. We have to make this work.”

My eyes drift to Blake’s body and I stare at the sharp rise and fall of his chest. “I don’t think we can, Wren. It’s obvious you’re having a great time at school without me. I don’t want to hold you back.”

Tears begin to well up in my eyes when I realize his end game. Hurt prickles the edge of my heart, teasing the pain that’s sure to come.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get into the same university as me like we planned, but you can’t let a few bad weeks ruin us. We have plans, Blake. I’m going to move back home after school and we’re going to start our life together.”

“Really, Wren? There’s no future for us here. I’ve seen the way you glow when you’re outside of that county line. Do you really expect me to believe that I’m going to be enough for you in four years? If we can’t survive a few weeks apart, then maybe we weren’t meant to survive at all. We made those plans when we were kids. We’re not kids anymore, Wren.”

“That’s it then,” I whisper between shallow breaths. “You said I would always be your person.”

“I’m sorry, Wren. We’re done.”

I sit there for a few moments, still in disbelief. I wonder who the man sitting next to me is because he’s not the man I thought would love me forever.

“Wren, you’ve got to go. I can’t do this,” he says, starting up his truck.

My entire body feels numb when I reach for the door handle. My mind feels like it’s left my body and is watching the scene unfold from above. Every inch of my heart cries out in agony when my feet hit the gravel.

I slam the truck door shut and expect Blake to rip out of the driveway. Instead, he hovers for a second. In one last moment of bravery, I turn toward his window.

For a moment, I swear I see the tears dripping across his cheeks, but I dismiss it for the condensation painting the window. We make eye contact for barely a moment before he finally throws the truck in reserve.

Ten years of my life turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

* * *

Initially I thought the hose was a great idea to wash away the shame caked on the back of my jeans, but I forgot how cold the water from the well was. At this point I’ve gone through every curse word known to man. My poor grandma is probably turning over in her grave right now with all the class and sophistication occurring in front of our family home.

I’ve almost washed the last of the cow shit off when I see my sister-in-law racing down the driveway in her tiny Toyota Corolla. I still can’t believe my brother convinced her to marry him. They were one high school relationship that lasted.

Ashley leaps out of her car and comes barreling down the walkway with three boxes of pizzas. She stops once she spots me, and it takes her a moment to take in the scene.

“Wren, you’re home! Also, what the hell happened to you?”

Before I have a chance to respond, I hear the crunch of gravel. Sure enough the mystery black truck is driving past us and out of the driveway. Ashley waves while trying to balance the pizza in one hand. I avoid any chance of awkward eye contact and keep my head down. I’ve had enough of those green eyes for one day.

Ashley turns back to me, and it suddenly clicks in her head.

“Oh.”

It seems like everyone in this family is clued into why my ex-boyfriend was just here other than me.

“What do you know that I don’t,” I question, still dripping wet from my embarrassment.

“Crap. You don’t know that Blake and Chris are friends again. Chris said he talked to you about it, but judging by your expression, he did not.”

“No. No, he did not.”

I’m not sure how to feel about this new piece of information. I almost feel betrayed, but I know I have no right to be upset. Blake was Chris’s friend before we started dating so I should’ve seen this coming. However, it doesn’t lessen the blow. Chris was my rock after Blake broke my heart, but we’ve grown apart since I’ve been away, and I can feel the distance even more now.

“Are you okay?” Ashley asks.

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s been six years and Chris can be friends with whoever he wants. It’s not like we’re the Hatfields and McCoys or anything.”

Desperately wanting to escape this conversation and the pity I see growing on her face, I excuse myself and tip toe up to my childhood bedroom before I run into Chris or my parents. It’s one thing to keep my emotions in check around Ashley, but I know if I see one of them, they’ll instantly see the hurt on my face.

As soon as I make it to safety, I whip out my phone and dial the only number that can make it all better.

Emma picks up on the first ring. After being my best friend for the past twenty-four years, it’s like she has Wren ESP or something.

“You actually called me so there must be something wrong.”

“No. Well, maybe. I honestly don’t know. Would you be able to pick me up and then promptly feed me alcoholic beverages until I inevitably puke in the bushes tonight?”

“Of course, babe. Let me make sure Colton is okay staying with Milo before I head over.”

“Tell Colt he’s my favorite human in the world and give Milo lots of kisses for me,” I say before hanging up the phone.

My best friend had her son ten months ago and I’ve only seen him twice. There’s nothing that makes you feel shittier than not being able to be there for your friends when they’re going through huge milestones. Thankfully, I have time to make up for it.

* * *

After thirty minutes of debating what to wear to Honey Grove’s finest dive bar, I’m finally ready to drown my sorrows. I’ve already got a head start after finding a bottle of vodka still stashed under my bed after a particularly rough Christmas last year.

I give myself a once-over in the mirror I’ve had since elementary school. I can still see the stains of a middle schooler experimenting with make-up for the first time.

I quickly undo the French braid in my hair from this morning and let soft brunette waves fall over my shoulders. I usually don’t let it get this long, but my last trip to the salon resulted in some rough layers that needed time to grow out. That’s what I get for letting one of their new hires give me a haircut, but I’m a sucker for a discount.

I settle on a clean pair of jeans and a cute red tank top that’s slightly cropped. I decide to wear my old cowboy boots that have a small heel. I’ve been gone for so long I feel the need to wear anything that will help me blend in. I’ll do anything to avoid unwanted attention.

I hear a soft knock on the door while applying some dark brown eyeliner to make my blue eyes pop.

Out of habit I yell, “Yeah?”

My mom takes that as an invitation to enter and opens my door. She comes into my small room and takes a seat on the twin bed.

“Your father is upset you didn’t come down for dinner.”

“Yeah, well I’m a little irritated with him right now, too.”

“So, you ran into Blake then.”

It’s clear she knows why I’m upset. She saw me at my lowest point after Blake broke up with me. She knows how he used to affect me. It’s been six years, but the wound still feels raw for some reason.

She instantly spots the bottle of vodka chilling on my nightstand and then lets out the kind of sigh that’s followed by a long speech. Hopefully she’ll spare me the monologue now that I’m in my mid-twenties.

“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you, hun, but I distinctly remember you saying you didn’t care and didn’t want to know the last time I mentioned him.”

“Ugh, I know. I just didn’t expect to be ambushed like that. I haven’t seen the guy in six years and I sure as hell didn’t expect to see him for the first time while covered in cow shit.”

She begins to chuckle to herself, but immediately stops when I give her the look.

“Honestly, I think this is a discussion you need to have with your brother. Now that he who shall not be named is working at the vet’s office, he’s been doing house calls for the farm. He’s really been helping us out around here.”

Working at the vet’s office? When Blake and I were still dating he was planning on becoming a registered nurse. I guess things have changed since then.

I’m about to respond, but then I hear an obnoxious beep come from outside and Emma has once again rescued me from a conversation I don’t feel like having right now. I just moved back and the last thing I want to do is talk about him. I just want to let loose a little before I have to come to terms with my situation.

“Well, that’s my cue, Mother,” I say as I grab my purse and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m going out with Emma. I’ll be back later tonight.”

As I race downstairs, I see my dad about to head out the door to do some late-night chores. I give him a kiss on the cheek and let him know where I’m going. Thankfully, Chris and Ashley have already left.

“Be safe! And call us if you need a ride,” I hear my dad yell from the front porch.

I see Emma grinning from the driver’s seat, and it feels like we’re sixteen again, saying we’re heading to the movies when in reality we’re on our way to drink cheap beer near some gas well in the middle of nowhere.

“Hi hunny,” Emma greets me as I hop in the passenger seat. “Are you cool with going to the Rustic Inn?”

I laugh because we both know it’s the only bar in town. I also internally cringe after thinking back to earlier today when my mom suggested I get a job there. Maybe it’s not as bad as I remember.

“Thank you for going out with me tonight. I just need a fun night out after these last few weeks.”

“Well, I don’t know if the Rustic Inn compares to anything in Cleveland, but they’ve really cleaned up the place in the past few years. You might even say it’s cute now. That might be pushing it, though.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m sure they’ve come a long way since serving us underage when we were in high school. I still remember making Chris pick us up and he was so pissed because I cock-blocked him.”

“Ah yes! I remember that night,” Emma smiles before turning down the radio a little. “Okay, enough reminiscing. Why did you need to get out of the house so bad?”

Even after scrubbing myself raw in the shower earlier, I couldn’t erase what had happened a few hours ago.

“I saw Blake at the farm. It was the first time since he . . . well, you know. Then I found out him and Chris are friends again which basically means there’s no avoiding him anymore.”

Emma was also there for me during the break-up. She wanted to slash Blake’s tires after the whole thing went down, but I stopped her. I knew it wouldn’t make me feel any better and there was a slight chance she’d get in trouble. Not that Blake would ever press charges.

She’s the one that called me on my bullshit when I was getting black-out drunk every weekend at school and sleeping with any guy that would give me the time of day. I was in a dark place, and she was able to bring me back to life.

Now that I think back to that time, I realize how much I hated myself and all because some stupid boy decided he didn’t want me anymore. That was when I learned that hard way that love can really mess with your head and it’s best to keep your distance until you’re one hundred percent sure it’s safe.

“Oh right, Blake. I figured you’d run into him. I saw him a few weeks ago because I had to take our pup in for a checkup at the vet. But don’t worry, I gave him the cold shoulder,” she says proudly. “I didn’t know him, and Chris were hanging out again. Chris is pretty good at holding a grudge so that’s honestly surprising.”

“Well, I can’t tell him who to be friends with and my mom says he’s been helping around the farm. God knows my dad could use the extra hand. I’m just going to be mature and act like an adult.”

That’s easier said than done . Especially after stomping away from him like a two-year-old earlier. Emma gives me a knowing look and shakes her head.

“If you say so. Let’s just have a good time tonight and not think about him. This mom needs a drink.”

I still can’t believe she’s a mom.

We pull into the Rustic Inn parking lot, and we barely find a spot. I’m shocked at how busy they are, even for a Saturday night. Emma finds a spot and we make our way into the bar.

The Rustic Inn has been a Honey Grove staple all my life and probably for most of my parents’ lives. It sits across from a cute little lake and if it wasn’t such a dive on the inside, it might be mistaken for a sweet restaurant in the country.

I follow Emma to the front door and pray that I don’t see too many people I know in here. I can feel my heart rate start to speed up at the thought of any social interactions. Even the liquor from earlier doesn’t seem to dull my nerves.

The bar is almost shoulder to shoulder, but I can’t help noticing a difference in the air. It seems like most of the same crowd, but with some slight improvements to the interior. The hole Jackson Cook punched in the wall after losing a tense game of pool is nowhere to be found and the smoke- and alcohol-stained walls have been covered up with a fresh coat of paint. I might even call this place cute if I didn’t know all its dirty little secrets.

Emma attempts to yell over the music and thankfully years of best friend telepathy tells me she’s going to go find us a seat while I get drinks. I take a deep breath and saunter over to the bar. I have to squeeze between two old guys that are locked in some bullshit political debate.

I immediately flag the bartender down and order two wine coolers. I figure the easier the order, the quicker I’ll get my drink.

However, I’m wrong because the young woman behind the counter is more interested in flirting with whoever is going to give her the biggest tip.

Once I finally get my drinks, I scan the sea of people in the small bar to get a better assessment of the crowd. I feel the music pump through my body and it’s surprisingly something current and not an old country ballad that I would most likely know the words to thanks to my dad’s constant control of the radio station. I usually feel very vulnerable and tense in crowds, but I feel content in this moment. I feel at home here.

I nod to some old friends from high school and even a few family friends, but I’m dead set on making it back to safety with Emma wherever she is. I finally see her in a corner locked into a tense conversation with someone who has their back turned to me.

I typically don’t notice men’s backs, but I can tell the stranger is well built by the way his flannel clings to his muscles. I follow the shirt down to a tight ass in Wrangler jeans and I immediately realize I’ve been deprived of blue-collar men in the city.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a man in a suit but there’s something different about a guy that works with his hands.

I snap out of my weird infatuation with the stranger’s back and catch Emma as she looks up from her conversation. There’s a weird panic in her eyes, and I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion. The stranger with the nice ass notices her attention has gone elsewhere and turns slowly to see where she’s looking.

I’m excited to see the man behind the Wranglers until he turns around. I’ve just spent the past minute checking out an ass I’m a little too familiar with. Now I remember why I hate small towns.