Homesick

Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

W hile heading out to check on Mocha, I spot my brother’s truck near the barn. My stomach sinks when I realize he’s in the calf barn. I take a deep breath and prepare for the worst as I quietly mark the best exits for every scenario.

I find Chris talking to one of the farm hands. As I’m walking up, I hear Ian giving him an update on Mocha.

As I approach, Ian stops his report to say, “hey Wren! I was just giving your brother an update on the sick calf. I have to go help Ron in the other barn. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

I watch my buffer disappear into another stall and quietly curse to myself before turning to Chris. He looks calm for the most part. My eyes snap to the little scooter his injured leg is rested on and a big smile spreads across my face as I attempt to contain my laughter. Seeing my big brother scoot around on four tiny wheels easily makes up for the stressful situation I just escaped with our mother.

“Are you here to yell at me or did you just want to show me your sweet new ride?”

Chris goes from boss man to big brother in zero point two seconds and his eyes begin to narrow at me. “I’m so glad you can find happiness out of my misery.”

“Me too. You should’ve done this a lot sooner.”

His face starts to turn a light shade of red, but he slowly reels it in when he shifts back to boss mode. “Very funny, Wren. Well, it seems like you’re settling back in here pretty nicely. We might make a farmer of you yet.”

“You’re not here to yell at me for the sick calf?”

“No. It seems like you’ve got it under control and it’s not your fault. Moving him to his own pen was a good call.”

I physically take a step back and absorb his almost-compliment. My brother never turns down an opportunity to mansplain something to me. I pictured him walking me through everything I did wrong and what I could’ve done to prevent Mocha from getting sick. I would be relieved, but I kind of miss the way his face lights up when he thinks he’s teaching me something.

“Umm, okay. I figured you’d have some long, drawn-out speech about how I did everything wrong, but I’ll take it,” I say, nervously pulling on the braid I haphazardly did this morning.

Chris cracks a faint smile and says, “oh geez, you’re making me sound like Dad. But no, you’re doing a great job, Wren. Blake has had nothing but good things to say.”

His last sentence makes my entire body stiffen when I picture Blake giving my brother updates on how I’m doing.

“Let me get this straight. Blake has been reporting back to you like he’s babysitting me or something. I will admit he helped a lot with the calf situation, but I’ve been pulling my weight around here. Did you forget I grew up on this farm, too? I know what I’m doing, Chris.”

His face turns solemn when he realizes he hit a nerve. “Wren, you’ve been gone for a long time. You can’t expect me to completely trust you just like that, can you? This is my livelihood. For you, it’s more like a volunteer job.”

My shoulders slump forward and a small lump in my throat begins to form. It was na?ve of me to think I could come back home, and everything would fall back into place.

“I understand it’s your livelihood, but it’s also our family farm. Just because I decided to go down another path doesn’t mean I don’t still care about this place. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that’s how I felt.”

I shouldn’t have to apologize. He’s the one being the dick, but I can understand why he feels like I don’t take this seriously.

Chris responds with a big sigh and then relaxes his shoulders. “That came out the wrong way. I’m grateful you’re here, Wren. Scratch that, I love that you’re here. It’s just this whole situation isn’t easy for me. If I had any other job, I would have sick time or medical leave, but not with the farm. It’s been hard to let go. Even though I know you’re more than capable.”

His last line feels like a cop out, but I appreciate his vulnerability. I know this whole situation has been rough on him, but I still feel a gnawing ache in my heart when I realize how he feels about me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I need to be more present with my friends and family, but every day I’m here, it feels like a bigger issue that continues to grow.

“I’m sorry I used Blake to spy on you. I should’ve felt comfortable reaching out to you for updates. I know working with him hasn’t been easy on you, either. I really appreciate you being here.”

Like a reflex, my eyes wander toward the hay barn, and I feel my heart skip a beat when I recall the events that took place there. If Chris found out we kissed, I’m not sure how he’d react. I sure as hell know he wouldn’t be coming up with a ship name for Blake and me. They were finally in a good place after everything, and this one little event could shatter their friendship for good.

“Listen, I know this hasn’t been easy on you, but just give me some grace. It was a rocky start, but I feel like I finally have the hang of things. Blake and I are getting along, but the last thing I need is to feel like he’s looking over my shoulder twenty-four seven.”

Chris smiles and straightens up on his scooter. “Fair enough. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, Ashley was thinking it’d be fun to have a fire at the creek tonight. She wants to do hot dogs and smores.”

My ears perk up at the mention of the creek. I haven’t been there since before Blake and I broke up. It was basically our go-to hook-up spot for most of our relationship, so the idea of going back there after our kiss last night is jarring.

“That sounds like fun,” I say, lying through my teeth. If taking a walk down memory lane was so fun, I would’ve come home a long time ago.

* * *

I haven’t been to the creek in a long time. It used to be one of my favorite places, even before Blake and I would go there to be alone.

Chris, Blake, and I had discovered our mini oasis one summer while mindlessly following an old stream to find a good swimming hole. We quickly found the creek and marked it as our spot.

It was just a small embankment that just so happened to have the perfect spot for a lazy summer afternoon swim. The water was deep enough to swim in, but not too deep that our parents worried about us hanging out down here.

Over the years, our little hangout evolved from a swimming hole to a place where our friends would come to hang out and drink the beer someone had been able to score from an older sibling or chill parent. Blake and Chris built a little fire pit and even created a trail that was wide enough for vehicles to get back to.

The creek sat back on an old dirt road, and it was almost impossible to get to if you didn’t know exactly where you were going. It was the perfect getaway when small town life became too small.

The little dirt pathway to the creek is fairly grown over, but I’m able to spot it when I see fresh tire tracks. There are a few moments when I think my small sedan might get stuck, but I just step on the gas and pray.

The closer I get to the opening at the end of the wooded path, the more my stomach sinks. I spent most of the day trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind from wandering to the memory of Blake’s lips on mine.

Every time I tried to convince myself our kiss meant nothing, I would get a strange tingling feeling all over my body that seemed to settle in very unladylike places. I knew I was still attracted to Blake Fisher, but I didn’t know one little kiss would send me spiraling. I’m just praying tonight’s hangout with my sister-in-law and Chris will help me create some new and non-Blake-related memories at one of my favorite childhood spots.

Once I hit the clearing, I see Chris’ truck nestled beside the small firepit we constructed back in high school. A mangled mess of weeds and grass have taken over most of the area we had cleared out down here. It seems like a distant memory now without the ratty rope swing that was usually tied around the large oak that ominously hung above the narrow stream of water.

I park next to Chris and am instantly greeted by the smoky smell of summer hot dogs when I step out of my car. Little goosebumps begin to prickle the surface of my skin at the fond memories of making haphazard meals at the creek. Most summers all we ate were hot dogs and whatever scraps our parents were willing to loan out. We would spend hours down here without a care in the world.

The sound of Ashley’s voice pulls me out of my nostalgia, and I make my way over to the small fire they’ve built. “Wren! You actually came,” she says before throwing her arms around me.

“I was invited, wasn’t I?” I ask as soon as she lets me out of her death grip.

“Yeah, but I was worried . . .”

Before Ashley can finish her sentence, I hear the rumble of a familiar truck pulling down the dirt path. I don’t have to look to know who it is.

“I’m going to kill your brother,” Ashley says when she realizes I didn’t know Blake was coming. “He was supposed to tell you.”

“It’s fine, Ash. Blake and I are cool.”

The words must not be as convincing as I need them to be because her face scrunches up with worry and disbelief. Before I can continue my case, she spots Chris trying to chop wood with his injured leg and I’m saved by the bell.

Still keeping my back to the cars, my entire body straightens when I hear Blake’s truck door slam shut. I take a deep breath and try to push any thoughts about his stupid perfect lips to the back of my mind.

“Hey,” he says casually before joining me beside the fire.

My eyes haven’t met his yet, but the feeling of his stare makes my skin hot. “Hi,” I croak out before turning to face him.

I swear my breath hitches when I see his face against the glow of the fire. The sun is still up, barely cresting over the tree line, but there’s enough contrast to make his eyes shine. In the right lighting, the green and gold swirl perfectly together to create an almost earthy sage color. I shudder at how close I was to those eyes last night.

He’s wearing a tight black t-shirt that hugs his biceps but flows effortless down the rest of his body. I desperately want to slide my hands up the hem of his t-shirt and explore the space of toned stomach that I know is there.

“Everything okay, Wren?”

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as I debate his question. No, everything is not okay . I want to jump his bones and that thought alone utterly destroys me inside.

“Yup. Sorry, it’s weird being here after all these years.”

I tear my eyes from his and settle on Chris and Ashley arguing over the pile of wood he’s attempting to split.

“I know what you mean. I think the last time I was down here was with you.”

That confession pulls me back to him like whiplash. “Really?”

“Yeah. The only reason I ever came down here was to be alone with you,” he says with a husky tone.

My hand balls into a fist when the memories of our rendezvous pop up in head. “You know we’re technically breaking a rule, right?”

“Oh right. No hanging out outside of the farm,” Blake says before crossing his arms. “I can leave if you want.”

I could ask him to leave. I could ask him to make up some lame excuse about how there’s a vet emergency somewhere. I could tell Blake anything I wanted, and he’d do it. The only issue is, I’m not sure I want him to leave.

“It’s fine. It’s just hot dogs and s’mores. Perfectly harmless.”

It’s quick, but I swear I see the corner of his lips tilt up slightly. “I’m going to go help Chris chop wood.”

I’m an idiot , I think to myself as I watch him walk away. A complete and utter idiot .