Hood Love And Heartbreak

ONE | BLAINE

The sound of the floorboards creaking forced my eyes open immediately.

I reached under the pillow and gripped the handle of my gun.

I exhaled in and out slowly to calm the rapid beating of my heart.

I snatched the gun from under the pillow and extended it in front of me, taking the safety off at the same time.

“Happy—Oh Shit,” my older sister Fallen said, dropping the cupcake she had in her hands when she saw the gun I was holding.

“Shit Blaine!”

“I’m so sorry.” I said instantly as I put the gun down on the bed.

I raced from the bed and picked up the cupcake that hit the floor.

“Why do you have a gun?” Fallen asked snatching the cupcake out of my hands.

I rolled my eyes as I attempted to leave her in my bedroom as I headed to the bathroom.

“I’m a single woman that works late nights, I have to protect myself.” I lied.

Sometimes the lies just rolled off my tongue without me having to even think it through, most of the time I hated it, but times like this I was grateful.

“But you aren’t leaving the bar late at night, it’s eleven-thirty in the morning and you were sleep, with a gun under your pillow. You could have shot me!” Fallen said overexaggerating.

“I was not going to shoot you.” I rolled my eyes.

She continued her rant while I handled my hygiene.

“Are you listening to me?” She asked opening the door while I brushed my teeth.

“Yes, I’m listening.” I told her as I moved the toothbrush around my mouth.

“Blaine, I don’t want guns in my house. I let you stay here because you’re my sister and I love you, but if you can’t respect?—”

“I hear you, no guns. I get it.” I agreed as I cut her off.

“Don’t just tell me what I want to hear to get me to shut up.”

I rolled my eyes again as I finished brushing my teeth.

“Fallen, I love you and I’m sorry for not respecting your house and your rules. You will not see the gun in your house again, okay?” I asked her as I grabbed her shoulders.

“Okay. Now, come downstairs and get another cupcake since you made me drop the first one on the floor.”

“Scary ass.” I smirked.

“Happy birthday Blaine.” My sister’s girlfriend offered as I entered the kitchen. “Thanks.” I said flatly.

“Be nice.” Fallen whispered in my ear as she walked past me.

I watched as Fallen maneuvered around the small kitchen. Sam, her girlfriend smacked her ass making me roll my eyes. I didn’t hate Sam, but she was clingy, and overbearing and I hated that Fallen was different when she was with Sam, but she loved the hoe so here I was.

“So, Blaine, how’s work?” Sam asked as I took another cupcake out of the plastic container, they were in.

“It’s a bar.” I shrugged.

Sam worked as a manager of a club, so she knew just like I did what it was like. We lived in Atlanta, so it was strip clubs and bars on every corner damn near, most of them packed to capacity with men and women popping pills and bottles in search of a good time.

“Well, tonight let’s go celebrate. I mean you only turn twenty-one once.” Fallen said twerking playfully.

“How did you get a job in a club before you turned twenty-one?” Sam asked.

“I’m a woman of many talents.” I winked and stuffed another cupcake in my mouth.

“You want cheese grits?” Fallen interrupted our conversation.

“Nope, I’m good. I’m going back to sleep.” I said attempting to leave out the kitchen.

“No, no, no, no, we are going shopping for our turn up tonight.” Fallen said coming around the island.

“But not too turnt, right baby?” Sam asked.

“Baby, I’m just going out to have fun with my sister.” Fallen told her insecure girlfriend.

“And we gone have a ball too. Aye, you only turn twenty-one once.” I said sticking my tongue out playfully.

I wasn’t in the mood to go out and put on the happy face I’d been putting on for the world.

Most people count down the days before their birthday, but not me.

I cringed every morning I woke up for the past month when I walked past the calendar on the back of my bathroom door.

A year ago, I was happy, in love with a man I thought I was going to love for the rest of my life.

I would have done anything for Tremaine, lie, cheat, steal, kill—Hell I did all those things for him.

And still he died in my arms.

Watching Sam cringe put a smile on my face so, I headed back upstairs to my bedroom. I plopped down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling while I tried to push another memory of Tremaine out of my mind.

“We did it baby! We pulled it off!” I told him throwing some of the money from the duffle bag at his feet.

“Almost babe. I still gotta trade the diamonds for cash.” He told me.

“We can do that once we make it to Miami.” I told him draping my arms around his neck.

“I got a buyer right here in Atlanta, we can do that shit on our way out the city.” He told me.

“You sure?” I asked.

“My buyer trying to give me half a million.” He revealed.

“Five hundred thousand? You for real?” I asked him with wide eyes.

“Yeah, baby.” He smiled brightly.

“Okay, let’s do it!” I agreed nodding my head up and down excitedly.

He picked me up and spent me around in a circle making me laugh. I stared into his dark brown eyes for a few seconds before our lips and tongues melted together.

“Why did you have to say that?” Fallen asked plopping down on the bed beside me.

I laughed before I spoke, “What?” I studied the intense expression that covered my sister’s pretty face. Fallen and I were different like night and day. She was darker, taller, and older, but those weren’t the only things that separated us.

“You know how she gets, when she gets to thinking about shit.” She smacked her lips. “I’m not coddling no grown ass woman. She needs to get a life.” I shrugged.

“That grown ass woman pays all the bills around here too.” She pointed out.

“Fallen, you make more than enough money to pay yo own bills, yo ass just spoiled." “Whatever. Get dressed so we can go shopping.” She said hopping up from my bed. “I’m not feeling it?— “

“Oh my god, Blaine!” she groaned. “You have to get out of this funk, it’s been a year-”

“Exactly! It doesn’t feel like that for me, every day I wake up reliving the last time I saw him.”

“I’m not saying stop loving him, but you gotta snap out of this depression.”

“HE DIED IN MY ARMS! I WATCHED HIM TAKE HIS LAST brEATH! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH THAT?” I screamed turning to face her.

“YOU CAN’T BLAME YOURSELF! HE DIED, NOT YOU! YOU’RE STILL HERE!” she shouted back at me.

“I miss him so bad... it hurts. How am I supposed to move on?” I sobbed wrapping my arms around myself.

“I’m sorry, Blaine. I really am, I know how much he means to you. What you feel?—”

“How long am I going to feel this way?” I cut her off.

Fallen inhaled a slow breath as she stroked my hair. “I don’t know, I wish I could take the pain away, I really do.” She paused. “I’m not saying jump out here and get with the first man you see but get out here and enjoy yourself.”

“I work in a bar?—”

“Doesn’t count, that’s work.” She shrugged.

I didn’t want to get out of bed much less go shopping with my sister.

I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to think, I didn’t even want to be here in my sister’s spare bedroom where I’d been holed up for the past year.

Today marked an entire year without Tremaine, but the hole where my heart used to be still ached.

I stilled missed him. I couldn’t remember how he smelled anymore; I could barely hear the sound of his voice without listening to the recording of his last voicemail on my phone.

None of that mattered though because every time I closed my eyes to fall asleep my dreams always led to him.

Every night I dreamt of waking up beside him, but when I opened my eyes I’d be alone every time.

***

“Hey bitches!” My bestie Kourtney said waving a hand at us as we walked in Charlotte Rouse.

“Hey hoe! What y’all got cute in here?” I asked moving a few hangers on the rack closest to me.

“If it’s your birthday make some noise, if it’s your birthday make some noise!” Kourtney sang twerking playfully.

“Um, can we get some professional customer service, please?” Fallen asked with a proper voice.

“Sir, I’ll be with you in just a moment, mmmkay?” Kourtney laughed.

Kourtney Bridges was the transgender best friend every bitch wished they had.

He was smart, funny, ghetto, but he knew when to act like he had a little sense too.

If I hadn’t met him our first year of college, I would think he was a natural born woman.

He used to be chubby, but he’d lost over eighty pounds and now had more ass then me.

He even had a set of perky C cups to go along with the stallion look he had going on.

Sandy brown ombre bundles laced his head dancing down the middle of his back like Pocahontas.

“Do some work for once!” Fallen tossed back.

“Anyway, you feeling better?” Kourtney asked as he led us over to the counter. “I’m good.” I nodded.

I wasn’t good, not even close. I wanted to stay in the bed and alternate between binge watching The Originals and porn. Get full off snacks until I fell asleep instead here, I was in a mall full of people I didn’t give a fuck about or want to be around.

“You don’t have to go out tonight if you don’t want to. You can say no.” Kourtney assured me.

“No, she can’t!” Fallen interrupted our conversation.

“Fallen—”

“No, it’s been a year. It’s time to come back to life, you only turn twenty-one once.” Fallen said shaking my shoulders.

Yeah, I was only twenty-one, but I’d been with Tremaine for almost three years. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first anything really. He was my best friend and now Fallen wanted me to just let him go, I couldn’t just let him go. Why couldn’t she understand that?

“Hello?” I answered my phone and I turned away from the counter.

“Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!” My parents sang into the phone. A huge smiled instantly formed on my face. “Thank you, guys.”