16. Brandon
Chapter sixteen
Brandon
“ D id you notice there’s a giant pool of blood on the floor?” Seth asked.
I slowly looked up from my copy of the movie script. I’d been making some last-minute changes, trying to smooth over a few plot inconsistencies and hopefully save some time. We were drawing alarmingly close to the deadline I’d given my father, and I knew that if I waited too long, he’d eventually swoop in and start making demands. Or worse, cease funding this project altogether.
“I accidentally knocked a bucket of blood over on Alex’s head,” I admitted sheepishly.
Even thinking about it, I wanted to laugh. Alex’s face had been comically stunned, even while covered in fake blood, and while I’d been genuinely mortified at having dropped a bucket of fake blood on him, the whole mishap was hilarious in hindsight. And the end result had been, admittedly, pretty pleasant. Alex had come over to my apartment again.
Seth raised an eyebrow. “So that’s your grand plan, huh? Kill the man with a bucket, so he can’t leave us for the FBI?”
Right. He’d be leaving eventually. Soon, maybe. I bit the cap of my pen and frowned. Of course, I was happy for Alex. Why shouldn’t I be? Joining the FBI was his dream, and now, he’d get to see that dream realized. So, few people actually managed to accomplish their dreams. Heck, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life, much less have any dreams.
But why was there that twinge of sadness?
Like maybe I wanted Alex to stay and hang around for a while. That was ridiculous, though. Eventually, this movie was coming to an end, and after that…
After that, I didn’t know what I’d do. As I looked around the set, it seemed like it would be…a shame never to see all this again; to never know the chaos of making a movie. To never work with these people again. They’d all move onto other things, and I’d be stuck.
But somehow, all those things seemed so... unimportant. All those problems seemed so insignificant when Alex was leaving. I looked to where he always sat, beside Bioncia. And the way he smiled! Alex’s grins always reached his eyes and made them sparkle. There was something just so enchanting about him, some nameless and wondrous thing that was present in everything he did. My heartbeat quickened just thinking about it.
And I might never see this man again. Ever .
My mind went into overdrive. I imagined everything, playing out like a movie. I imagined running to Alex, dropping to my knees, and confessing my love while the music swelled. Impossible. But it still made my heart race.
“Are you there?” Seth asked, jokingly waving a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Brandon. Come in”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Sorry. I was just thinking about my father. His expectations. I honestly think I’d rather dig ditches than work for a telecommunications company.”
Seth raised an eyebrow.
“I know, I know,” I replied. “First world problem.”
“Actually, I was going to say, ‘ Spoken like a man who’s never dug a ditch,’ but then I realized I’ve never dug one either. So, if you hate it that much, embezzle some money. Pop will bail you out. Or get involved in some white-collar crime,” Seth said, his eyes bright with mischief. “Make dear old Dad regret ever wanting you to join his company. From experience, I know the best way to get out of doing stuff is to agree to do it the first time and do it poorly. Mess up badly enough, and your father will never ask for your help again.”
I sighed. “Super helpful, Seth. Why is it I hear ‘white collar crime’ as if spoken from experience.”
Seth shrugged. “It isn’t my fault if you turn down my excellent counsel.”
“That’s because it’s terrible counsel,” I replied. “Your advice always sucks.”
Seth adopted a look of such mock offense, dramatic to the point I almost wished I’d had cameras rolling just to capture his expression. “At least, I didn’t drop a bucket of blood on someone. Did you just send poor Alex home looking like Jack the Ripper? I feel bad for the upholstery in his car.”
“We walked, actually,” I replied, my attention drifting to the script, covered with highlighting and four different colors of ink.
If I did, hypothetically, pursue future film projects, I’d really have to work on becoming better with my organization. There probably wouldn’t be any future film projects, but it was nice to fantasize about.
“To his house?” Seth asked. “Doesn’t he live clear across Bluehaven?”
“To my apartment,” I replied. “He spent the night.”
Seth wolf whistled. “ Oh ,” he said, practically purring.
I looked up from my papers and fixed him with my most withering glare. “For God’s sake,” I said.
“I think bringing God into this is a little dramatic,” Seth quipped.
“He just took a shower and spent the night,” I replied. “It’s not that big a deal.”
Even though I’d looked over Alex more than I probably should’ve when he came out of the shower, my shirt clinging to his abdominal muscles. I might’ve glanced once or twice at his sleep-tousled hair as he stumbled about the morning after.
“You like him,” Seth said, fixing me with an intense stare.
I caught the implications of the statement, and my heart quickened. Despite his carefree attitude and flippancy Seth tried to portray; I knew he was observant. And he’d figured out that I felt more for Alex than I should. I swallowed, trying to decide whether or not to deny what he was saying.
“Everyone likes Alex,” I said. “He’s fun and talented. Quick-witted.”
“But not everyone invites Alex over to their apartment to spend the night,” Seth said.
“I’ve invited the whole crew over to my apartment,” I countered. “You included. You drank me out of house and home.”
Seth smirked and shrugged. “What can I say?” he asked, climbing onto the edge of a table and sitting there. “I’m in a very stressful line of work.”
“When you bother to show up.”
Seth waved a dismissive hand. “Details,” he said. “You still didn’t invite me to stay the night.”
Sometimes, I really felt like Seth just tried to be as infuriating as possible. He probably got some sort of twisted enjoyment out of making me miserable.
“You know very well that you could’ve stayed the night if you really wanted to,” I said, lightly kicking his shin. “Quit being an ass.”
Seth’s grin suddenly fell. His eyes studied me for a long moment, seemingly contemplative. Somehow, now thoughtful, solemn Seth was more worrisome than loud, obnoxious Seth. “What are you thinking?” I asked.
“Are you in love with him?” Seth asked gently.
My breath caught in my throat. “It doesn’t matter,” I said, after a beat. “I have too much to do already. My father is going to show up any day now. We only have a week left, and we can’t possibly get everything done in that amount of time. That’s a question for an opportune moment.”
“I think it does matter,” Seth said, and again, “Are you in love with him?”
I sighed and set my script aside. Seth wasn’t going to drop this until he got an answer; that much was quite obvious. “I am,” I said, “but it doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter you love someone?” Seth asked, sounding incredulous. “Good God, has this film project leeched all the romance out of you like some parasite?”
“Alex is a nice guy. And he likes you back. He really does.”
I sighed. “He’s not even gay,” I replied.
Seth’s eyes widened. “I see I have my work cut out for me,” he muttered. “Look, Brandon. Alex likes you. Really likes you. He’s head over heels for you.”
My heart skipped a beat when Seth said that. “Did he… tell you that?” I asked.
Seth sighed and leaned back, only to discover he sat on a table and not a chair; almost falling back; his legs flying up. “Yes,” Seth admitted, grabbing the edge of the table just in time, “and maybe I gave him some advice. Bad advice, maybe, but I felt like…”
“What did you tell him?” I asked. “To set me on fire?”
“No,” Seth replied. “I… I’ll admit I discouraged him, okay? But I did it with the best of intentions. I didn’t know you were in love with him, and you know I’m not big on work romances anyway…”
Not since he’d been involved with a coworker named Julia. She was the make-up artist on a film Seth was in, and while it had begun as a sweet, storybook romance, it fell apart, disastrously. And from the stories Seth told about that , I believe he’d see the need to warn people against work romances. That was good advice anyway.
“That was… actually, exactly what you should’ve told him,” I said. “Work romances generally are a bad idea.”
“Yes,” Seth said, “But if you both like each other… I mean, maybe I was wrong. Besides, the two of you are far more mature than Julia and me.”
I began chewing the end of my pen again, as I mulled over the idea. Inside, my pulse quickened. I’d already imagined how wonderfully this could all go. I imagined going straight to Alex’s house and admitting I was in love with him and had been for a long time. Heat rushed to my face, and I hoped that Seth hadn’t noticed. He’d tease me if he had.
But I didn’t know what my future was going to be. I knew what Alex’s would be, though; the FBI, Washington D.C. That was his dream and what he was going to do. He needed to focus on that. I’d just be a distraction from achieving what he really wanted. And I’d never be able to forgive myself if I kept Alex from that.
Did I really want to leave Bluehaven? Everything and everyone I knew was here. And no doubt my father would be “ thrilled” with me deciding to pack up and move to Washington with some guy I’d known for a handful of months.
“Well, there’s no point in it,” I said, sighing. “The timing is all wrong.”
“The timing,” he echoed.
I nodded. “He’s about to move to join the FBI and who knows where he’ll go after that?”
“Seriously? You go with him,” Seth said.
“And be what? A louse?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m sure you’d be perfectly content to just lay around Alex’s apartment doing nothing,” Seth said. “No. You—I don’t know—pay half the bills and make more movies. Get a hobby. You’ve never worried about any of this crap before.”
“Seth, I don’t think my father is playing this time. He’ll expect me to stop after this. As he keeps reminding me, I need to grow up and stop with all these passion projects.”
“So?” Seth asked. “Tell him off and make it on your own.”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair, gazing upward at the black and steel rafters of the building. “I don’t know if I can,” I said. “You realize I’ve never actually worked for anything in my life, don’t you? Neither have you, for that matter.”
“No, but millions of people do it,” Seth said. “Surely, you could do it. As enthusiastic as you are.”
“And if my relationship with Alex goes downhill?” I asked.
Like so many others had. Sure, some had been quiet and amicable. Like my interest in Mark. He’d been attractive, talented, and gracious enough to turn me down gently. Our friendship had survived, and he still covered for me, sometimes with my father. He was a true friend, and Logan was lucky to have him.
But they hadn’t all been like that.
“You make the jump and it might go downhill, don’t make the jump and the valley will instantly rise up to meet you."
“Then, what?” I asked. “If I go for this, it’s all-in. There’s no backing out. And my father will kill me. I can’t count on him just forgiving me and everything being okay after that.”
“But eventually,” Seth said, “You’re going to have to get over your fear of commitment, one way or another.”
“Is that what you think I have?” I asked. “Fear of commitment?”
“Think it? I know it. Just once, take the plunge. For me,” Seth said, grinning.
I stood and stretched, vying for time. Seth’s eyes remained fixed on me, clearly refusing to deviate from this conversation.
“You’re far too interested in my relationships,” I said, trying to make light of it. “You know that?”
Seth crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “I’m your friend, and I’m Alex’s friend. It’s right to be interested.”
“Still, Alex is joining the FBI,” I pointed out. “That’s his dream, and I don’t want to interfere with that. What if I confessed, and he threw away that opportunity to stay in Bluehaven and be a make-up artist for a couple more weeks? Or just to stay with me?”
“It’s his choice to make,” Seth said.
I shook my head. There were just too many ways that this could all go wrong and make things worse for both Alex and me, and the best thing to do would be to forget all of this. But just thinking about Alex made my heartbeat quicken. The thought of not acknowledging my own thoughts caused an ache to twist in my chest, coiling up tighter and tighter. Maybe this was cowardly.
But I knew I couldn’t survive on my own. I never had before. And I couldn’t throw everything away for a relationship that might not work out. Nor could I expect anyone to do that for me.
“The best thing to do,” I said, speaking even as I thought it over, “Is to let Alex work here until he has to leave. I’ll avoid him as much as possible.”
Seth jolted to his feet. “Are you serious ?” he asked.
“Completely,” I said. “If he likes me, it’ll make it easier if I—”
“If you tell him you like him back!” Seth interrupted. “For God’s sake! There’s nothing complicated here. If it were me, I’d tell him!”
“But it isn’t you!” I exclaimed. “And you wouldn’t have anything to lose! You have your own money; you always have. If it didn’t work out, you could move back to Bluehaven at the drop of a hat. You have no idea what it’s like being dependent on someone, and that’s not a bad thing. But in this situation…”
Seth held up his hands in surrender. “I get it,” he said. “You’re right, okay? But I still think you ought to go for it. You’re not going to get too far if you spend your whole life assuming the absolute worst scenario is going to happen. You know that, right?”
Maybe. I wasn’t sure if I knew it or not.
I sighed. “I just think it’s for the best, Seth,” I said, slumping back into the chair and casting a sideways glance at my marked-up script. “There’s just too much uncertainty.”
It really wasn’t cowardice if it was uncertain, right? That was just being smart. I just wished doing the smart thing didn’t make me feel so miserable.