Hot Set (Art of Love #2)

19. Alex

Chapter nineteen

Alex

B oxes and bags of my possessions filled my room. I’d thought about putting them into my car, but there wasn’t much of a point in that. I didn’t have an apartment yet, but there would be an apartment. I’d accepted the FBI’s job. I curled my hands around the steering wheel and looked across the parking lot and into the pub. This was it, my leaving celebration.

I let out a slow breath. Everyone had been invited to this. Including Brandon.

Especially Brandon.

A sharp jolt of guilt pierced my chest. Maybe I’d been too hard on him. No, I knew I’d been too hard on him. It wasn’t Brandon’s fault that his father had cut the funding to the film. And what had I expected Brandon to do, really? To take a leap of faith that he’d never before had to take, to risk everything, his whole way of life? Could I even honestly say that I wouldn’t have made a similar choice if I’d been in his position?

I liked to think that I’d have stuck to my guns, that I’d have done everything I could to keep the film going for everyone. But how could I really know? It’s easy to judge when you don’t have to make the choice.

Would he come?

My chest ached when I thought of us leaving on the terms we had sadly established. But if he did show up, what then? Despite telling myself, over and over, that I’d figured everything out, my thoughts kept returning to Brandon; also over and over. The least little thing made me think of him. I couldn’t even go into my own bathroom without remembering the night I’d spent in his apartment.

“And now, I’m moping about it in my car like a lovestruck teenager,” I muttered.

Maybe that wasn’t quite fair. I didn’t think any previous relationship had ended quite so painfully or disastrously. It seemed almost shocking how quickly Brandon and I had fallen apart. But then, we hadn’t really been together, had we?

I jumped at the sound of tapping on my window. Seth grinned at me.

I wrinkled my nose at him, trying to hide just how grateful I really was for the distraction. I climbed out of my car. “You almost gave me a heart attack,” I said.

“Only almost?” Seth asked, his voice heavy with fake disappointment. “I must really be losing my touch. That’s unfortunate.”

“You know, Seth,” I said, “If you actually did even half of the things you’ve claimed you’ve done, I might actually be terrified.”

“Oh, I never claim anything,” Seth replied mischievously.

We crossed the parking lot and stepped inside. I quickly found Bioncia, who waved us over. Celeste sat beside her, along with Sean, Mark, and Logan. No Brandon. Although my heart sank, I tried to keep the disappointment off my face. He wasn’t here. I hadn’t really thought he’d be here.

My hand drifted to the pocket of my jeans, toward my phone. My fingers itched to pull out the device and check my texts just one more time; just in case Brandon had texted to say he was running late, or in case Brandon had texted and said he wasn’t coming at all.

But I couldn’t. This was supposed to be my farewell to everyone, and if Brandon didn’t want to be here…

Well, maybe I deserved that. Maybe if I’d been more understanding, none of this would’ve happened.

Everyone shifted down the corner booth. I crammed in beside Bioncia, leaving room for Seth beside me. Bioncia wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug, so for a few seconds, all I smelled was her pungent floral perfume. “Congratulations,” she said.

“Thank you,” I replied.

Bioncia smiled and nodded. She’d started a chain reaction, and suddenly, everyone was offering me congratulations all at once. They were all so heartfelt. I should’ve appreciated them. I did, actually, but a small part of me still lingered on Brandon, who wasn’t here. How desperate would it be if I just pulled out my phone and texted him, asked where he was, with the whole table watching?

Probably pretty desperate. Besides, if he’d wanted to be here, he’d have shown up. It really was that simple. He wasn’t here because he didn’t want to be, and I needed to accept that. I needed to let it go.

But I couldn’t.

“I’ll buy your first round,” Seth said, nudging me in the ribs. “It’s not a good-bye party until you’re too plastered to walk.”

“Didn’t you say the same thing once about funerals?” Bioncia asked.

Seth grinned. “If you had to deal with my family, you’d understand. Alcohol sadly is a must-have if you’re going to associate with most of those people.”

I shook my head. Whether or not Seth was exaggerating was impossible to tell, but regardless, I was grateful my family wasn’t like that. I felt a sudden, warm surge of affection for my mom, who’d supported me through everything—even my choice to pursue arguably the most useless, niche degree a university could offer. And finally, it had paid off.

Almost. This all felt sour, like I was trading Brandon for the FBI.

“Are they all like you?” Celeste teased. “I think we can all only deal with one of you, Seth. A whole family of you? That would drive anyone to drink.”

Seth shook his head and sighed theatrically. “The problem is that none of them are like me.”

I forced myself to follow the conversation, but as the night wore on, I found myself idly toying with my glass of beer and doing very little celebrating. I ought to be enjoying myself. This was my night, my farewell party, but…

My thoughts kept drifting to Brandon, no matter the change of topic. I weighed the merits of bringing him up. I took a swig of my beer, now warm due to my negligence and gathered my courage. “So how is everyone?” I asked. “Anyone heard from Brandon?”

Seth seemed to consider me too carefully, although it was impossible to guess what he might be thinking. Maybe he was remembering my love confession and was trying to break it gently to me that I’d ruined my chances with Brandon forever. I already knew that. I was going to Washington D.C. Brandon was not. It really should be that simple.

Maybe that’s why I kept thinking about it. If I retraced those thoughts enough, they’d become true. “He’s planning some charity thing for his father,” Seth said finally. “Really living the life.”

“At least, he’s doing something good in the world,” Logan said.

“Yeah, it’s better than being a spoiled trust fund baby,” Mark added. “Those are the worst.”

Logan adopted a look of mock offense. There was a dull thud, and then, Logan gasped. “Ow!”

Mark snorted. “Nice,” he said.

“What happened?” Sean asked.

“Logan tried to kick me under the table and hit the table leg,” Mark said smugly.

“Careful, dear,” Logan said. “I know where you sleep at night.”

“And I thought I was the only one who threatened people in their sleep,” Seth said, sounding as if he’d had some grand revelation.

Seth said something, but I missed it. My mind hadn’t quite caught up to what I’d seen. Brandon. He smiled hesitantly, almost shyly, as he crossed the bar. My throat closed up, and around me, the world seemed to stop. He’d really come here. For my last farewell. My heart hammered in my chest, so harshly that it hurt.

If he asked me to stay, I would. In a heartbeat. The realization slammed harshly into me but settled easily upon my shoulders. I would stay in Bluehaven for him if he asked me. I sucked in a steadying breath of air, but even that wasn’t enough to stop the spinning in my head. Brandon was here, really here.

“Hey, Brandon!” Seth yelled, waving a beer.

Did I imagine that Brandon’s eyes flitted to me for just the merest of seconds?

“Hey, Seth,” Brandon said, “Everyone.”

Everyone shifted, Brandon squeezing beside Seth. For a fleeting second, I wished that Seth would leave, but maybe it was for the best that he was there, between Brandon and me. Because I had no idea what to say or do with Brandon right there, right then.

A chorus of greetings followed Brandon’s, but even then, I remained silent. Brandon cleared his throat and leaned around Seth, offering me a tentative smile. “Hey, Alex. Congratulations on getting the FBI job,” Brandon said.

Somehow, the FBI job felt like a consolation prize. Knowing Brandon wasn’t going to be around anymore made everything feel like a consolation prize. I took a gulp of warm beer and forced a smile. “Thank you,” I said. “I’m very excited about it.”

I felt like my heart might explode. But that was the right thing to say, wasn’t it? I was supposed to be excited about it.

“ So ,” Seth drawled, his attention darting between Brandon and me, “What’s it like being part of a huge telecommunications company? It sounds torturously boring.”

“It is,” Brandon said, “But I’m good at it. That’s what matters. To my father anyway, but I… well, it’s not an issue anymore.”

Seth arched an eyebrow. “Did you finally kill the old man?”

“You can’t solve all your problems with murder, Seth,” Logan said.

“Can’t I?” Seth asked.

“No,” Brandon replied, “But my dad isn’t happy with me.”

“So, what’s new?” Mark muttered.

Brandon nodded. “I know. But he’s especially unhappy with me now. Because I quit.”

“You quit?” I asked.

What did that mean? My heart gallivanted off in a million different directions.

“I did,” Brandon said slowly. “I was thinking that maybe—since I really like working on films, I ought to keep doing that instead of resigning myself to business my whole life.”

“How are you going to fund that?” Seth asked.

“Someone suggested crowdfunding,” Brandon replied, his blue eyes softening as he looked at me.

He’d really taken my advice.

“So,” Brandon continued, “I figure I’ll take the plunge. I’m going to open the movie set again, and we’ll work it out. I’m sorry to steal your thunder, Alex, but I thought this would be a good time. Since everyone is already here. If you guys still want to do this.”

I could go back to the movie and do make-up. And with Brandon’s bright blue eyes fixed on me, that suddenly sounded like a wonderful idea. Even if it meant abandoning my FBI aspirations.

Just stay in Bluehaven and do make-up. Just being around Brandon. Maybe that would be enough.

“I don’t know,” Seth said. “You did leave us hanging.”

I wasn’t sure how he managed to find his voice at all. My mouth was drier than the Mojave Desert.

“I know,” Brandon said, his voice softening, “And I’m sorry. You’re all right to be mad at me. I should’ve taken more risks. I shouldn’t have just dropped this on you all the way I did. It was a jerk move. For sure.”

“But it wasn’t all you,” I said in a rush. “I was really mean about it, and I should’ve been more understanding.”

After I said that, I felt ridiculous. This wasn’t all about me, after all. But there was still something freeing in saying it, in admitting that I’d spent every moment since agonizing over how I’d reacted to Brandon’s announcement.

“I’m pretty sure it was mostly me,” Brandon said. “And it’s not just you. I left everyone—”

“For God’s sake,” Seth said, “I’m not going to sit here and be talked over. Mark, come on. I wanted to show you this certain kind of liquor, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

Mark furrowed his brow, clearly confused. “What?”

“Oh, yeah,” Logan said suddenly. “You mentioned that earlier. Out!”

Mark adopted a look of mock offense as Logan ushered him from the booth.

With a mischievous smirk, Seth stood and edged out, too, leaving Brandon and me beside one another.

Bioncia gave me a knowing look before standing, too. I realized suddenly how many people were leaving at once, and I wondered if this was some sort of ploy to get Brandon and me alone. Was that too much of a reach, or was that reasonable to assume? Had Seth told her about my crush on Brandon, or had she figured it out?

“Hey, Sean,” Bioncia said, “Do you remember where you parked the car? I think I left my phone in there.”

“What?” Sean asked. “Haven’t—”

“You did,” Celeste said. “And besides, I left my mascara. Let’s go to the car. They’ll let us back in.”

Was everyone in on this? Or maybe I was just imagining it all, and it was purely coincidence that everyone was leaving Brandon alone with me.

“Cool,” Seth said. “I’m off to get us another round.”

And then, Brandon and I were alone in the booth. I toyed with the beer before me. “So,” I said.

“So,” Brandon echoed. “I—um—I really do want to apologize. For everything.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “ For everything ?”

“For being a jerk about the filming,” Brandon said, “To start. But I also feel like I’ve handled us very poorly. I—I’ll be honest and admit that I am head over heels in love with you. And I really hope that Seth was right and that you love me, too.”

“I do!” I exclaimed. “I have for a while. I was just dealing with a lot, so it was hard to tell you. I guess I handled us poorly, too.”

“You didn’t realize that you were gay,” Brandon said. “That’s a lot to sort through. And I mean, you have the FBI.”

Right. The FBI.

Brandon shifted in the seat; the movement unusually awkward.

I took a deep breath and pushed my beer away. At this point, I really was just pointlessly toying with it. The bottle gave me something to do with my hands, so I hopefully didn’t look so nervous. But I had a feeling Brandon wasn’t fooled.

“But you’re seriously going to pursue making this movie,” I said.

“And potentially more after it,” Brandon replied. “No matter what it takes. I’ll figure it out. You’ll still like me if I’m getting a second job at Target to pursue my passion projects, won’t you?”

Right. Because Brandon wasn’t just giving up a job. He was giving up his father’s approval and money.

“Were you hoping that…” I trailed off, struggling to put the question into words.

Were you hoping that I’d stay with you?

“I’d like to keep seeing you,” Brandon replied, “But I realize that’s…a lot to expect. Maybe we could make the long-distance thing work, though. If you wanted. I know you’ll be in Washington.”

“For a while,” I replied. “I don’t know how long they’ll actually want me to stay there.”

“Right,” Brandon said.

And I didn’t really like the idea of doing anything long-distance, anyway. That had never been how I imagined any of my romances going. Brandon or the FBI, this was it. I had to make my decision, but really, it didn’t seem to be much of a decision at all.

No matter how much I love Brandon, no matter how many times I’d fantasized about him and dreamed of getting together with him, how could I abandon my dream?