Chapter 31
chapter
thirty-one
I’ve gonean entire day without talking to Journey. I don”t say that with pride, because I don”t really know how it makes me feel. On one hand, I”m so fucking mad at her that I could slit a stranger’s throat just to let it out. Anger churns in my stomach, filling me with untamed emotion every time I think about what she has done. The image of her sneaking up behind Trey, hammer in hand, ready to take his life, is all I can think about. I see the look of shock on her face when I call Trey’s name and walk up from the street, catching her in the act. The moment is on a loop in my mind, and it pisses me off with every replay.
On the other hand, I miss her so much I feel it in the marrow of my bones every time I move. She has become so vital to my existence that it feels like I can’t do it without her. I can’t breathe with her being absent from my life, and it’s like I’m wheezing now, gasping for air and struggling just to maintain consciousness. I crave her skin, her scent, the touch of her hair brushing against me, the heat emanating from her body and warming me up. I’m desperate to have her near me again … but the anger is overwhelming.
How can I love her so much, when she lied about everything? Better yet, how could she fucking lie to me about so much while claiming to love me?
After I left the house, I drove around with nowhere to go. All I could feel was rage over my inability to control the situation, and betrayal for all of the lies Journey told me. I kept my foot firmly on the gas, lucky that I didn”t run into any cops on my way toward the highway, and I didn”t stop until I was in Wilmington. I just needed to be out of Philadelphia altogether, and decided to get a hotel instead of going back to my childhood home in Strawberry Mansion. There were just too many memories there. Thoughts of my mother would”ve crept in, and flashbacks of my time spent with Journey would have been overwhelming. That was the last thing I needed, so I stayed far away.
After checking into the Hyatt, I immediately laid down and got some rest. I was satisfied that Journey had respected my wishes and didn”t call or text the entire night. Although it didn”t help me sleep, I was glad to not hear from her. I was struggling enough on my own and didn”t need her fucked up version of assistance with that. This morning, however, is a completely different story.
I called in sick to work as soon as I woke up, which Trey found odd after he just saw me standing in his driveway last night. I told him I was sick, and while the thought of lying disgusts me right now, at least I didn”t lie to Journey. That’s the way this is supposed to be. We lie to the world, but never each other. I hung up the phone feeling glad that I had arrived in time to save Trey, and before I could get out of the bathroom after my shower, Journey was calling.
I let it go the first few times, figuring she woke up in a mood and just wanted to talk to me after the short break. We’re not accustomed to sleeping apart now. Funny how that happens after you’ve gone your entire life sleeping alone, and then you meet someone and can’t stand to sleep away from them ever again. But after what seemed like the tenth call in a row, I had to turn the phone off. There wasn’t anyone I wanted to talk to anyway.
I spent the day in the bed, scarfing down food ordered from DoorDash and sipping wine from the liquor cabinet that will undoubtedly raise the cost of my stay to the fucking moon. I didn”t care, and I enjoyed the silence of the day, but as day turned to night, the urge to check on Journey became too much to keep my phone off.
As soon as my cell awakes from its slumber, I’m inundated by missed call alerts and voicemail messages. I frown, wondering if Journey is just being ridiculous or if there is really something wrong. When I sit on the edge of the bed and begin listening to the voicemails, I get the answer, and my heart sinks.
“Evan, answer your fucking phone!” she screams at the top of her lungs. “I know you”re mad, but something has happened. The fucking unthinkable. Please answer!”
“Goddamn it, turn your phone back on! Sir, we have to talk right now!”
“What has happened is bigger than you know, Evan. You have to check your messages and call me back. If you don”t, our world will fall apart while your eyes are closed, and by the time you open them there won’t be a world left.”
What the fuck? I don”t even bother listening to any more messages although there are many more. It’s clear that this isn”t Journey being upset over me cutting off communication. She needs me, and when my Little Devil needs me, I don”t hesitate.
It doesn”t matter if I’m pissed off about her lies; if anyone has laid a finger on her, they will suffer a slow, agonizing death.
The phone rings once before Journey answers, her voice still as emotional as it was in the voicemails.
“Evan, why haven”t you been answering your phone?” she blares.
“That is not the way you want to start the conversation with me, Journey. You fucking knowing why I haven”t been answering,” I reply. “But you’ve called dozens of times and left numerous messages that I didn”t even get through because you sounded so upset. What the fuck is going on?”
She sighs, a sound of defeat I’m not used to hearing from her.
“I fucked up, Sir,” she says with a trembling voice. Is she crying? “I fucked up big time, and everything is crumbling. It’s over. Everything is over.”
Yeah, that’s what lying gets you.
“Is this about last night? You have to give me details because I have no idea what you”re talking about.”
“Summers … Summers is IA,” she says.
I shake my head. “IA? I don”t know what that means.”
“He’s Internal Affairs!” she blares, her voice a mixture of hatred and sadness. “Internal Affairs investigates police departments, Evan. They use their own internal investigation procedures to determine the culpability of its officers for misconduct, and make sure employees follow agency standards of professionalism. They fucking sneak in and snoop around, asking questions and trying to get answers about shit that doesn”t even pertain to them.”
I don”t say anything, but my heart sinks. I know what this means.
That beady-eyed little fucker.
“Summers has been investigating me from the moment he arrived,” she goes on, still wound up tightly and crying through the phone. “That’s why he has been asking all of these questions and looking into our relationship. We practically sealed the deal for him when we took him to lunch that day. He heard your name and immediately began digging, and as soon as he found out that your name was on a search warrant with Winter’s, he latched on and never let go. Sir, he got another warrant to search your house … and they dug up Sierra Cross’s body this morning. IA is asking me to come in for questioning, and they’ve put a warrant out for your arrest. I’m so sorry, Sir. I’m sorry.”
Journey begins wailing, which makes my heart ache because I’ve never heard her cry before. She’s always so strong, confident, and brutal. This has broken her, and while I should be shattered and afraid myself, hearing her cry only stiffens my spine. It only makes me more defiant. I have to protect her, but I’m so fucking upset that I’m not sure exactly what to do. If I don”t make a move, I’ll witness my entire life come crashing down right in front of me. I can”t just stand still and watch it happen. I have to do something with this anger.
“Journey,” I say before taking a deep breath and settling myself. “Stop crying. I know you”re upset, but it won”t do us any good. This was bound to happen. If I would”ve moved Sierra’s body a long time ago, then Summers would”ve found nothing and we wouldn”t be in this place. So it’s on me, not you.”
“But I should”ve recognized the signs. I should”ve known he wasn’t a normal detective.”
“No,” I say, cutting her off. “If he’s Internal Affairs, then I’m sure he’s trained to make sure you don”t catch on too quickly. That’s why he backed off when you started questioning him. He knew he was showing his hand and you were onto him. You have nothing to be sorry for.
“Now, you need to listen to me. If they’ve issued a warrant for me, it’s going to get hot. Luckily, I’m not in the city. I’m in Wilmington. I want you to meet me here at the Hyatt. I’m in room 2307. Bring as much as you need to live on the road for a while, because there’s a chance we may never sleep in our own house again. When you get here, come straight up to the room. Text me when you”re close and I’ll let you in”
Journey sniffs before saying, “Okay. What are you going to do in the meantime?”
“Just come here, Journey. We’ll talk more once we’re together. Okay?”
“Okay, Sir. I’m on my way. I’ll see you soon. I love you, Evan.”
I try to hesitate because I’m pissed, but the truth comes out. “I love you.”
We hang up and I set the phone next to me. I can’t believe it. One simple mistake has cost us everything in one swoop. The entire time I was dating Journey before I told her about accidentally killing Sierra, I contemplated moving the body. Over and over again the idea kept coming to me, and I continued to ignore it. Even after we killed Winter, we decided to keep Sierra in my backyard as her case went cold without any leads. I should”ve known that secrets don”t stay buried forever. It’s my fault. Now I have to do something about it.
Since the warrant for my arrest is brand new, I assume I have some time to move around here in Wilmington without having to worry about being caught. So, I get up and finish getting dressed. I’m going to need to make a couple of stops before Journey gets here. It’s time to prepare for what’s to come.