Chapter 13
Determined – how you feel when the woman you want turns you down
Fender
“Fender!” Isla screams. She barrels her way through the crowd at the Lughhasadh festival toward me.
I pick her up and twirl her around. “How are you, cutie pie?”
She throws her arms around my neck as she giggles. “We missed you.”
We? I glance over at Leia who’s scowling at us. She doesn’t appear to have missed me the way I missed her.
I kiss Isla’s cheek before setting her on the ground. I meet Leia’s gaze as I say, “I missed you both, too.”
Her scowl deepens. And I’m supposed to be the grumpy one.
“Come on, Isla. Fender has better things to do than hang out with us.”
“No, I don’t.”
Leia opens her mouth but before she can give me a piece of her mind – and there’s no doubt she’s ready to give it to me – Sage hollers her name from across the street.
Leia glances toward the heavens. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“How is our little girl today?” Feather asks as she approaches with the rest of the gossip gals trailing behind her. Except Sage, of course. She’s vying with Feather to be at the front of the group. These ladies crack me up.
“Do you want to play carnival games with us?” Petal asks Isla.
“Carnival games?” Isla asks.
“Darts, ring toss, those kinds of things,” Clove explains.
“We even have a whack-a-mole, except the mole is an oil rig,” Cayenne says.
Isla tugs on Leia’s sleeve. “Can I, Mom? Can I?”
Leia sighs. “Let me give you some money.”
She reaches into her pocket but Sage stops her. “It’s on us.”
Feather holds out her hand. “Come on, Isla.”
Isla grabs her hand and with a wave, she’s gone.
“I should have known,” Leia mutters as the gossip gals lead her daughter away.
“Known what?” I ask, although I don’t think she intended for me to hear her.
She throws her arms in the air. “Apparently the gossip gals are matchmakers and guess who they’ve ‘matched’ me with?”
My brow wrinkles. What the hell? The gossip gals are matching Leia? “Who?”
She points to me. “You, grumpystiltskin.”
I cough to hide my amusement at the situation. This is what the gossip gals are up to? Matching me with Leia? This is the best news I’ve heard in a while.
“Hmmm….” I pretend to consider the matter. “Maybe we should go out on a date.”
She fast blinks. “What? Did you not understand what I said?”
Oh, I understood her. And I’m taking full advantage of the situation. This is the perfect opportunity to initiate my plan to make Leia mine.
“I understood,” I grumble.
She crosses her arms over her chest and taps her foot. “And yet you asked me out? You might as well throw lighter fuel on the fire. Boom!” She mimics an explosion with her hands.
I shrug. “Maybe the date will be a disaster and then they’ll leave us alone.” It won’t be. I’ll make sure of it.
She snorts. “I don’t know those women well, but I know they’re not leaving us alone until we’re either married or I’m pregnant.”
The vision of Leia’s stomach swollen with my baby pops into my mind. I wait for the panic to arise. It always does when I consider children after what she did. But there’s no panic. I knew the decision to take a chance on Leia was the right one.
I shackle her wrist and draw her away from the crowd. She snarls at me but she doesn’t kick and scream. Progress.
As soon as we’re alone, she yanks her hand from my hold. “What the hell, Fender?”
“I need to explain some things to you.”
“If it’s about the birds and bees, there’s no need. I kind of already figured it out. I present Exhibit 1 – my child.”
I chuckle. “Not about the birds and the bees.”
“Good. Those discussions are brutal. I think I have PTSD from when I explained it all to Isla.” She shivers.
“No birds and bees talk.”
“Okay. You dragged me here, grumpy caveman. What do you want to discuss?”
I brought Leia here fully intending to explain to her about my past. But now we’re here, I don’t know where to begin. I’ve never told anyone what happened before. I’ve never needed to tell anyone before. The band knows everything because they had front-row seats to the shit show.
I clear my throat. “Um.”
She holds up her hand. “I get you want the gossip gals off your back but you don’t have to ask me out.”
“What if I want to ask you out?”
She rolls her eyes. “You’ve been sending out ‘leave me alone’ vibes since the minute we met.”
“Not intentional.”
“Really?”
I shrug. “I’m used to pushing people away. It’s hard to change now.”
“But you want to change?”
“Yes.” I clear my throat. “Do you want to go out with me?”
She doesn’t hesitate. “No.”
“No?”
“Are you having hearing difficulties? No!” She rejects me loud enough for the entire town to hear.
“Why not?”
Her eyes widen. “You seriously have to ask?” I nod. “Okay. Let me count the ways. One, you think I’m a bad parent. Two, you think I work too much. And, three, I don’t wanna.”
Oh, she wants to. Her body doesn’t lie. Her pupils are dilated as she heaves for breath while staring at my chest. But she’s holding herself back.
“I apologized.”
“And I thanked you for your apology but I did not accept it.”
“Can I explain why I was an asshat?”
“Asshat? It’s good you can recognize your own faults.”
I smile. This woman is a firecracker.
She gasps. “No fair. You can’t bring out the dimples when you ask me out. It gives you an unfair advantage.”
My smile widens. “Unfair advantage?”
“You know what I mean.”
I make sure both of my dimples are on display. “How about now? Will you go out on a date with me now?”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “What part of no are you not understanding? And why did you bring me to an alley to ask me out? Are you embarrassed of me?”
I rub a hand down my face. How did we go from ‘my dimples are a weapon’ to ‘I’m embarrassed of her’? Women! I’ll never understand them. But they are fascinating.
“I wanted to explain my past.”
“You’re serious. You’re going to tell me about your past?” I nod and her eyes widen. “You’re not worried I’ll sell your story to some sleazy magazine?”
“Nope.”
She taps her cheek. “I wonder what the going rate is for spilling the beans on Fender Hays’ past is?”
“Do you want to know or not?”
“Oh, I want to know. I want to know everything. The more the better. Those rags pay by the word.”
She’s bluffing. She’d never sell my story.
“I trust you.”
“You should. I’m a very reliable person. Hardworking, quick to pick up new tasks, not afraid to get my hands dirty.”
“Are you reciting your resume to me?”
“Is it helping?”
“I said I trust you.”
She motions with her hand. “By all means, begin with the spilling the beans portion of the day.”
“I had a serious relationship once,” I blurt out. “Her name was Vicki.”
“Vicki with an ‘I’ I bet. She probably was a cheerleader.”
“I met her backstage at one of our concerts. She was a fan.”
“Half the world is a fan,” she mutters.
“I took Vicki to the hotel room and we… ah… um…”
“Had sex,” Leia fills in.
“Yes,” I nod. “We had sex.”
“I don’t understand why you’re telling me about having sex with another woman. Pro tip. If you’re trying to convince a woman to go out on a date with you, don’t lead with I had sex with fans.”
“Let me finish,” I grumble.
“There’s the grumpy pants we know and love.”
“Vicki got pregnant that night.”
Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. “You have a kid? I rescind my decision not to sell your story to the tabloids. This is gold.”
“I don’t have a child.”
Pain slices through me and I clutch my stomach before it spills out onto the road. Leia squeezes my hand.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I was joking. What happened? Did she lose the baby? I’m so sorry.”
Pain turns to anger at the reminder of the truth of what happened with Vicki. I pause to let the anger coursing through my body dissipate before I continue. I’m not mad at Leia. It’s not her fault. “She said she did.”
Leia throws her arms around me and hugs me tightly. “Oh Fender.”
I lay my cheek on the top of her head and breathe in her scent. Lemons. She smells of lemons. I love the clean scent of lemons. Now more than ever.
I enjoy the feel of her body wrapped around me. Heaven. This is heaven. But I don’t want her wrapped around me because she feels sorry for me. I want her wrapped around me because her body’s on fire and I’m the only one who can douse it.
“There was no baby.”
She loosens her hold to meet my gaze. “Say what now? There was no baby?”
“She lied,” I grit out. “She wanted to marry a rockstar and thought getting pregnant was the golden ticket.”
“Bitch.”
I don’t disagree.
“I’m confused why you’re telling me this,” Leia says when the silence begins to stretch.
“My fucked up past is why I was such an asshat to you in the beginning.”
She raises her eyebrows. I should have known she wouldn’t let me off easy. Nothing’s easy with Leia and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I wanted you from the moment I saw you. Your blonde hair was flying in the wind behind you and you were giggling and carefree. You were irresistible. But I knew better. Women always betray you.”
“Always?”
“That’s what I thought. But not anymore.”
She squeezes my bicep before stepping back. “I appreciate you trusting me with your past, but I don’t have time for dating at the moment. I’m going to go find Isla now. You okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Leia waves as she leaves. I’m not deterred she turned me down. I was a complete and total asshat to her when we met. She needs time to realize I’m a man she can trust.
Since we finished recording our album, I have nothing but time.