Chapter 35
Grand gesture – When you go all out to apologize because you were a fool
Leia
“Mom, I’m home.”
At Isla’s shout, I check my face in the mirror one more time. Eyes no longer puffy? Check. No redness? Check. No sniffy nose? Check. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be to break my daughter’s heart.
“Hey, baby girl.” I greet her with a hug. “How was your night?”
While she babbles on about Feather and ice cream, I lead her to the living room. We sit on the sofa and I wait for her to finish.
“Sounds like you had fun.”
“It was awesome. Can I do it again?”
“Some day, sure.” I clear my throat. “Now, I have something to discuss with you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Is it about Leaf? I didn’t mean to say he’s a ninny.”
I’m not sure how you accidentally call a boy a ninny but I let it go.
“It’s about Fender.”
“Fender?” She glances around the living room. “Where is he? He didn’t stay over? He always stays over when I’m gone. Did you have a fight?”
“We did.” She opens her mouth to speak again but I hold up my hand. “Let me finish.” And then I wing it. “Fender and I had a big fight and we broke up. During our fight, he said some things, that concern me, and I don’t want you hanging out with him anymore.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. “But you said my relationship with Fender is separate from yours. You said I could be friends with him even if you weren’t. You lied!”
“I didn’t lie. Circumstances changed.”
She jumps to her feet. “You’re a liar! A big fat liar!”
She stomps off to her room and slams the door. I bury my face in my hands. I feel horrible. Like my heart is being torn from my body. If I hadn’t already decided to never date again, this would have changed my mind. I can’t chance my daughter getting hurt again.
I won’t allow it.
The dryer beeps to indicate it’s done – proving life goes on even if you’re heartbroken. I make my way to the washroom off the kitchen. Things will improve, I tell myself. Fender will eventually move away and I won’t have to see his dumb face ever again.
The doorbell rings and I sigh. I don’t need another Winter Falls invasion today. Isla and I need a day together to mourn what we’ve lost.
“I’ll get it!” Isla shouts.
I peek around the corner as she opens the door.
“Fender! You’re here.”
“Hi, cutie pie.”
“I knew Mom was wrong. I knew you still loved me.”
She throws herself at him and he captures her in his arms. Arms I will never feel around me again. I rub my hand against my chest but it doesn’t alleviate the ache building there.
“Of course, I love you.” Fender kisses her nose and tears well in my eyes. How can this man who was a total and complete asshole to me yesterday be this tender with my daughter? Is it all an act? Will the real Fender Hays please step forward? So I can slap him upside his head.
“But I messed up with your mom.”
I nearly gasp at Fender’s words. I stuff a fist in my mouth to stop myself from responding. I have to hear this.
“I hurt her.”
“Why?” Isla asks. “Don’t you love her?”
“I love her more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.”
I bite down on my fist before I can yell at him. He loves me? Why was he an asshole yesterday if he loves me? Why did he say the things he did?
“Then, you need to apologize. Mom always says being honest and apologizing is the best policy.”
“I plan to.” He leans close to whisper in her ear. “But I need your help.”
“What do you want me to do?” Isla’s whisper is loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
“Can you get your mom to go outside in fifteen minutes?” He hands her his watch. “When it beeps, I’m ready and you can bring her out.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks, cutie pie.” He starts to back away. “I know you won’t let me down.”
“Don’t let me down,” she responds and he chuckles.
She shuts the door and I duck back into the laundry room before she can catch me spying on her.
“Who was at the door?” I holler.
“No one.”
I don’t push her. I don’t want her to figure out I was listening in. I return my attention to the laundry. Good thing I don’t need to use any mental capacity to fold clothes because my mind is racing.
Fender knows he messed up? He’s going to apologize? I glance at the clock. Fifteen minutes can’t pass fast enough.
I’ve somehow managed to fold all the clothes and start a new load of laundry when Isla appears.
“Can I play outside, Mom?”
“Go ahead,” I say since I don’t want to sound eager.
“Don’t you want to come with me?”
“It’s okay. I can see you from the kitchen.”
She stomps her foot and I cough to hide my amusement. “But I want to play tag. I can’t play tag alone.”
“Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
She sighs. “Are you ready?”
I set the laundry basket down and follow her outside. My eyes widen at the sight that greets me. I expected to find Fender on his own ready to explain himself. I did not expect the entire band to be in my backyard with their instruments.
Fender motions to the two chairs arranged in front of the band. “Please have a seat. I’d like to play you a song.”
“We’d like to play you a song,” Jett corrects with a wink at Isla.
Isla and I do as we’re told. She bounces in her seat. And I’m not much calmer. I’m filled with anticipation. Why are they playing for us? Is this Fender’s apology? How can a song be an apology?
Fender clears his throat and picks up the microphone. He’s going to sing? Fender doesn’t sing. He doesn’t even sing backup. The paps love to speculate about why he doesn’t sing. The latest theory is he had surgery on his throat after a bar fight.
Jett taps out a rhythm on a pair of upturned buckets while Dylan and Gibson strum their guitars. And then, Fender begins to sing.
I know I’ve let you down,
With every promise I betrayed.
I swear upon the heavens,
I’ll break down every wall,
I’ll tear apart the skies,
To see the love back in your eyes.
I’ll shout it from the rooftops,
I’ll sing it to the stars above,
I’m sorry my love.
Let me hold you close,
Let me wipe away your tears,
I’ll do whatever it takes,
To calm your fears,
With every breath I take,
With every step I make,
I’ll prove my love for you,
Is eternal and true.
This is beautiful. The most beautiful apology I’ve ever heard. I thought after yesterday I’d lost Fender forever. I didn’t think a thousand apologies would be enough for me to forgive him. I was wrong. It was one apology. One apology of him doing a thing he’s avoided for a decade.
My eyes itch as tears form. I sniff to stop them from falling.
The song ends and Isla jumps to her feet while clapping as hard as her little hands can. “You were awesome!”
“I wrote this song for your mom.”
My eyes widen. He wrote this song? Fender doesn’t write songs. He plays the bass and is all grumpy at press conferences.
Fender hands the microphone to Cash before approaching me. “Can we talk?”
“Talk to him, Mom,” Isla urges. “He loves you. He’s sorry.”
Fender holds out his hand and I place my hand in his. He pulls me to my feet and leads me to the back door.
“Watch, Isla,” Fender orders his bandmates as he draws me into the house.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out the second the door closes behind us.
I cross my arms over my chest. I’m not going to make this easy for him. “Sorry about what?”
“Sorry, I jumped to conclusions. Sorry, I didn’t give you a chance to explain. Sorry, I was a jerk.”
“A jerk?”
“An asshole?”
“Getting closer.”
“An asshole jerk.”
I nod. “Good enough.”
He frames my face with his hands. “Do you forgive me?”
“I need an explanation. Why did finding those pregnancy tests flip a switch in your mind?”
He blows out a breath. “I told you about Vicki.”
And he compared me to her. I scowl.
“I know you aren’t her. I’m sorry I said you were.” He kisses my forehead. “You’ve asked about my mom.”
I nod. I have. And he has refused to tell me anything about her.
“She wasn’t very different from Vicki. She spent her life screwing around with famous men, hoping one of them would marry her. She never got married. The only thing she ended up with was me. A baby she resented since I didn’t bring her the man she wanted.”
I wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
“I thought I’d dealt with it, accepted it, but those pregnancy tests brought it all back.”
I can only imagine. At least my parents pretended to love me until I got pregnant. “I’m sorry I didn’t handle telling you better.”
He growls. “Don’t you dare apologize. I was the asshole. Not you.”
“I can’t disagree with you there.”
“Will you forgive me? I wasn’t lying in the song. I love you and I can’t live without you. You and Isla.”
“Forgive him, Mom,” Isla yells through the door.
Fender reaches behind me and opens it. My daughter rushes inside and joins our huddle.
“Leia Wilson, I love you. Please forgive me. Allow me to make a family with you and Isla.”
Dang it. He had to include Isla? I was barely hanging onto my anger as it was. Oh, who am I kidding. I forgave him the second he picked up the microphone to serenade me.
“I forgive you.” He starts to grin but I hold up my finger. “But you can’t just write a song and sing to me every time you make me mad.”
“Good because songwriting is harder than I thought.”
I burst into laughter and he wraps his arms around me. Isla burrows her way in between us and I hold on. I’m holding onto this ride until it stops. And I don’t plan for it to stop until I reach the end of my life.
“I love you, Fender.”