19. Lacy
19
LACY
M y body is humming and it’s startling. I’ve never felt like this before. Never felt so out of control, giving myself completely over to someone else like this. It’s scary, exhilarating, and almost relieving, knowing that someone has me and I can just let go. As Hudson kisses me like I have never been kissed before, my body turns to mush in his hold, and I don’t want to let him go.
“I’ve missed you…” Hudson murmurs against my lips, pulling back slightly, his eyes doing a quick search of my face. I swallow, barely able to form words. I’m glad he’s holding my head because I’m not sure I can even stand up on my own. I finally understand what people mean when they say they go weak at the knees; I can’t even feel mine, and I’m pretty sure my legs are quivering.
“It’s only been a few days,” I say, biting my bottom lip, trying to stop the grin overtaking my face.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting a while for you. For this,” he says honestly, and I look into his eyes .
“You have only been in town for just over a month,” I whisper, my head slowly coming back into activation, my body tingling all over as his large, warm hands hold me with ease.
“I have wanted you for longer than a month, Lacy. Baby, I have wanted you since the moment I saw you working that bar for Tanner all those months ago. Making drinks with a smile that lit up the whole damn place.” A grin comes to his face, and I’m glad he’s still holding on to me. This man continues to surprise me.
“Oh, I thought… I mean, you just left?” I ask him the question that has been loitering on my mind for what feels like an eternity. My insecurities heighten. We didn’t talk much when he was home before the incident, but after what happened at Marie’s Place, and him rescuing me and holding my hand all night when I got injured, he left soon after. “That night… you left without even saying goodbye.”
If what I’m feeling is reciprocated, which I believe it is, then we need to get on the same page. I have too much at stake if I give him my time to be left wondering if he will up and leave again. This is all so far out of my usual comfort zone, it feels equal parts exciting and downright frightening. But we have a connection. I knew it the moment I saw him run into that shed at Marie’s Place, and I felt it the moment he got back to town.
“Lacy, my feelings for you started the moment I saw you and they have only grown since.” He huffs, the memory making him smile. “But I have a lot of baggage. There’s an age difference. You’re younger than me, just finished college, plus I have Harvey and a hell of a history.”
My heart skips a beat as he raises very valid reasons why we shouldn’t be standing here in each other’s embrace. Frowning, I think about the weight of my own responsibilities feeling heavy, yet being here with him suddenly makes them all a little lighter than they have ever been. It feels right, even though on paper it shouldn’t.
“But when I saw you in that shed at Marie’s Place…” he trails off, not displaying any of the previous hesitations. “There was nothing on this earth that could’ve stopped me from getting to you. Getting you down from those ropes that held you so tight, getting you out of there as the fire lapped at my legs, helping you heal… and it fucking scared me,” he says, and I hold my breath.
“I needed to go back to LA. I had to consider Harvey. He had school, his friends. I needed to get back to the hospital and work. I thought after everything that happened that a bit of distance might have been good. You didn’t respond to any of my messages, so I felt it just wasn’t the right time to declare my feelings. You needed to look after you. I needed to look after my son.” Taking a big breath, his hands move to hold me tighter, almost like he is scared I’m going to run away from him.
“But when I made the decision to return to Whispers, I made it knowing that it was the right thing for Harvey and a good choice for me. What I didn’t expect was the feelings that rushed back the minute I saw you.” Smiling, his thumb brushes back and forth against my waist. I wait silently and let him finish, even though my heart is thudding.
“I should’ve stayed away from you. But I couldn’t. I should’ve remained professional, consulted your mom and that is it. Nothing has changed. I’m still too old. I still have Harvey and a whole lot of baggage. But call me fucking selfish because, Lacy baby, there’s no way I can’t give us a go. I want to date you. I want to get to know you. I want to spoil you, spend quiet country nights with you. I want to stargaze with you and you to teach me all the galaxies that we can see,” he says, his voice soothing, his hand running up and down my back, eyes looking at me in hope.
I swallow, my throat dry. I’m not sure I can even speak. He has put everything out in the open for me so I know I need to do the same.
“I have a lot on my shoulders. A lot to manage…” I start, and he nods. “I’m younger, as you said. I would guess a little less experienced in life too.” He was probably having sex before I was even in school. “There are probably a million other things I should be doing rather than being here right now with you. And I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, but…” I say, taking in a breath as his palm rubs up and down my back. The movement is soothing and exactly what I need to keep me calm. He always does that. Always seems to know exactly what I need.
“…but if I’m honest…” I say, my voice almost a whisper. “There isn’t really anywhere else I want to be than right here, in your arms and with you.”
We both sit in our words for a beat, and I take a deep breath. We both have a myriad of reasons why we shouldn’t even entertain dating each other. Yet we both want to. We both want to try this, and it’s almost like all those other reasons are merely background noise at this point.
“I want to try, and Lacy baby… it has been a long fucking time since I have wanted to try with a woman. That’s how I know I need to.” No other man or boy I have ever dated has spoken so openly and honestly as this.
“So you want to try with me?” I ask him, my smile a little coy, my words almost teasing as the reality of this situation starts to settle.
“I want to try a lot of things with you, Lacy.” His cheeky grin is now on full display, and I smile wide as my cheeks feel vibrant red at his words laced with innuendo, leaving no doubt exactly what he wants.
“Thank you for the butterflies,” I whisper to him. Tears prick my eyes at the care and attention that he continues to bestow on me.
“Better than the cookies?” he asks, smiling.
“Not much can stand in the way of me and those cookies, but I think being given live butterflies is certainly one way to do that,” I tell him, laughing a little, still in disbelief, before our noses brush, and his lips peck mine.
“Come here, let me take out your stitches while you’re here,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me from the ground.
“Hudson!” My voice comes out in half giggle, half scream at the unexpectedness as he carries me a few steps to his consulting bed like I weigh nothing. My hold on his biceps tightens before he has me sitting me on the edge of the bed. The sound of my laughter is almost foreign to my ears, because while I joke around at work with Connor and Tanner, and have a great time with my best friend, Victoria, laughing like this, with a man whose hands I never want off my body, is entirely new.
“Don’t move,” he warns before he quickly kisses my lips again, then steps away to gather a few things he needs and places them on the bed next to me.
“Is this going to hurt?” I ask as he lifts my palm and inspects the stitches.
“I’ll never hurt you, Lacy.” His voice is steady and dependable, and I look up and see him watching me. Those monarch butterflies I released earlier have now taken flight in my stomach, and I swallow.
“Okay,” I whisper with a nod, before he picks up my hand and gets to work. As he snips the thread with ease, I hardly feel it at all. His hold on me is soft, yet completely in control. Just like that night at Marie’s Place, Hudson’s hold is a safe, dependable place to be.
“All done. Good girl,” Hudson says, and at his words, heat travels down my chest and straight between my legs. My traitorous body is totally off today with these new feelings I’m allowing to surface. With the thread all removed from my palm, and his warm hand holding mine, he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my small pink scar. I start to feel a little dizzy and I know it isn’t from the cut anymore.
“Thank you,” I say to him as he packs away a few of his things before coming back to where I remain sitting on the edge of the bed. I’m not entirely sure my legs work anymore or if I’ll fall to the ground the minute I jump off .
“There is a new moon this Friday,” he says, and I nod in agreement. It’s the best time to stargaze, so I watch the moon cycle pretty closely. “I have this little patch on my ranch that has the best views of the sky at night. Mom can come over and be with your mom so she isn't on her own.”
Taking a breath, I give myself time to stress about everything and then calm my racing thoughts before I reply. He has thought about everything and that’s starting to become a common theme with Hudson. He seems to have the answer to all my questions before I ask them. I’m starting to realize that when he removes what would ordinarily be barriers for me, it allows me to just be me. And I haven’t been that girl for a very long time. I don’t even really know who she is. But with Hudson, I see snippets of her, and now I’m really excited to let her blossom.
“I’d like that.” I’m not able to help the small smile that dances on my lips, both excited for another date with Hudson and prideful for putting myself first for once. Although the worry about Mom still lingers and the guilt about having Susan over again to sit with her hangs heavy in my heart. But I know it’s now time. My mom has been telling me for years that I need to get out and do normal things. Date, meet people. Now with Hudson, I think I’m finally ready to just give it all a go. Be all in and see where it takes me.
“I read somewhere that new moons are one of the best times for stargazing,” he says, his smirk now wide, and I blink up at him as my body melts into his so naturally it should be startling. It’s then I understand that he has been reading my book .
“Someone has been doing their homework?” I nod in agreement, my lips quirking.
“Maybe a little,” he murmurs as he stands in front of me, his hands running up my thighs and resting on my waist as he lowers his head to mine. My hands move automatically as I assert myself more, and I cup his jaw, bringing his mouth to meet my own. Our kiss starts slow, almost like we’re taking our time, ensuring it’s all real and happening. But his hands circle my waist tighter, and he pulls my body closer to his as our tongues tangle, our movements becoming more intense. I pull his face even closer, wanting him, and wanting him to know that I do. As he deepens the kiss, my body heats, the urge I have to jump his bones increasing with every swipe of his tongue against mine. The two of us are panting as we slow down, and he rests his forehead against mine.
“I should let you get back to work,” I tell him, looking up at him from under my lashes. It’s just after lunch, and I’m pretty sure I saw a few patients waiting in the reception for him when I pushed my way through earlier.
“Hmmm… you too.” Lifting his lips to my forehead, he kisses me quickly as I drop my hands down his arms. Hudson clears his throat and straightens, running a hand through his hair, and I see him flick into professional mode before looking at me cheekily and shaking his head and smiling wide at the situation. I swallow and take a breath.
He’s right. My wings are growing, I can feel them. Now all I need to do is fly.