Ice Cold Hearts: A Single Mom, Hockey, Reverse Harem Romance (Forbidden Fantasies)

34. Emily

This is it. No more hiding. I can’t let this relationship continue any further without telling them the truth. Patches of goosebumps congregate on my arms as my forehead gets clammy. My legs start to tremble, and I press my palms hard against my thighs to still the jitters.

If it’s over, then it’s over.

It would certainly solve the press problem you’ve got now, that’s for sure.

I’ll still have two loving and supportive parents, a great boss, wonderful patients to work with, and a daughter who loves me at the end of the day, no matter what happens now. It would be unfair to them to continue hiding it, especially now that they want me to move in with them.

You shouldn’t have hidden it at all, Coward.

I tell that unhelpful little voice to fuck off and try to focus on what my mom said to me yesterday. This is definitely going to make some waves, but they love me and I know I love them, so maybe that will be enough to move past all this someday. If it’s not, then it’s better to know now than years down the road when the betrayal would be even bigger.

I know keeping this from them for this long was unacceptable and wrong, but I just hope they understand why I did what I did.

“I know I already said it, but I’m feeling so anxious and I need to say it again. Please, no matter what I say, please just let me finish so I can tell you everything. I have been trying for months to say it, but something either comes up to interrupt me or I get too scared and I back out. I’m terrified enough as it is right now, so I don’t know that I’ll be able to speak at all if my train of thought gets derailed,” I beg.

“You have my word,” Alexei says.

“And mine,” Ian adds.

“I promise even if I have to bite off my tongue, I’ll wait until you finish to speak,” Oliver promises.

Just open your mouth and make the words come out. You can do this, Emily.

“So, I have been trying to figure out how to tell you about Audrey’s father since the day all three of you showed up in my office for the first time. It felt too soon and too inappropriate to just blurt it out there, even though I probably should have. And then every time after that, it felt too soon or too awkward or some emergency came up and derailed everything. Then it got to the point where I realized that I’d been making excuses and putting it off because I was scared. It’s not an excuse, and I know it was wrong, and I’ve been kicking myself every day that I haven’t told you, and I am so sorry.”

Ian opens his mouth to say something, but Alexei glares at him. He claps his mouth shut and gives me an apologetic look.

“You all know that Oliver and I realized we had met before at a party around five years ago,” I start.

Alexei raises his eyebrows at me, and I swear I can hear him thinking. From the look in his eyes, it’s clear he’s starting to put the pieces together.

I turn my eyes to Oliver. “You called me a shirt thief, and for good reason. It was getting light fast, and I could see some fishing boats out on the lake, so I panicked and threw on the first clothing item I could find then hightailed it out of there.” I stop to take a breath. “I’m afraid that that’s not all I ended up taking from you that night. Apparently, the two of us were drunker than we’d thought and I hadn’t gotten my IUD put in yet, and I’ll be honest, I was too drunk that night to remember if the condom broke or if we even used one at all that night. Neither of us were exactly thinking clearly at the time. It wasn’t something that had even occurred to me until I missed a period. I just wrote it off as the stress of starting my new job, but the month after that when it still didn’t come, I took a test. And this is a really roundabout way to tell you that you’re Audrey’s father. There hadn’t been anyone for at least two months before you, and I dove headfirst into my new job the next week and I was too bogged down with all my new responsibilities at work for there to be anyone after you. You don’t have to settle for just my word for it. I would completely understand if you didn’t believe me. Just say the word and we can do a paternity test.”

My heart feels like it’s about to burst from my chest. All the color has drained out of Oliver’s face and he’s staring at me with an expression I’ve never seen before. I take a slow breath, bracing for the inevitable name calling, the screaming, and the demands to take my child and get the hell out of their house.

Nothing happens.

The silence is deafening.

“Is there anything else, or are we able to talk now?” Alexei finally asks.

“I do have more to say, but I was waiting for someone to scream at me,” I admit.

“The three of us gave you our word that we wouldn’t say anything until you finished. We’re going to honor that promise,” Alexei says with a firm look at Oliver.

“Around the time I was starting to show, I’d finally gotten over the shock of it all myself and decided it was time to tell you and give you the opportunity to be involved if you wanted to be. The problem was that all I knew was your name and that you had played hockey for your college team. I hadn’t yet made the connection that the Oliver McKenna who had joined the Cold Hearts was the Oliver McKenna I’d met at the lake house party. So I searched for you online and found you and your agent. I figured the easiest way to get to you would be through her.” I shrug. “So I showed up at Liza’s office on my next day off and tried to get in contact with you.”

My eyes start watering at just the thought of what happened that day. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to do this. I’m sorry. I’ll try to stay coherent because I don’t think I can stop these.” I swipe in vain at the tears on my cheeks, “She said so many horrible things to me, implying that I slept around and couldn’t know who… who, you know… and accused me of being a gold digger. And I tried, I promise I—thank you,” I say, taking the tissue Ian offers and blowing my nose. “I promise I still tried to get ahold of you. I insisted and threatened to tell the press that she was keeping you from talking to me, and then she, she…” I blow my nose again. “Liza told me she was going to destroy me in the press and make sure I could never get a job if I even tried to make her look bad, and I… I was twenty-two and pregnant for the first time, and I was so scared. I was worried that whatever stress would come from trying to deal with her could hurt my baby, so I gave up. I’m so, so sorry. I should have fought harder or tracked you down some other way, but I was so scared. I’m so sorry I didn’t try harder.”

I hug my knees to my chest and sob until no more sound comes out of my body. When I get control of myself again, I notice that someone moved the box of tissues and a blanket next to me. I wipe my face and blow my nose one more time before wrapping the blanket around me for comfort. I’d much rather be hugged or be held by one of my men, but I know I don’t deserve it so I just tuck the blanket tighter.

My voice is hoarse when I start speaking again. “When we met again, I was so scared you were coming to take her away, and I panicked. Then we all hit it off during your treatment session,” I say, nodding at Alexei. “And you asked me out, and I really never thought it was going to last for more than a night. I figured I’d meet you, get to network with other athletes, and maybe become a known name and get some clients for my future practice someday. But then we went out, and even though Liza poured wine all over me when I refused to give her any personal details about how I knew you and what my business was with you…” I steal a glance at Oliver. “She calls you Ollie behind your back to girls she sees as a threat, by the way. So keep that in mind for your next girlfriend. So even though I got covered in wine and she claimed the two of you were going to get together officially when it benefitted your career, I still ended up having a wonderful night with all three of you.”

I take another breath and pull the blanket even tighter around me. I can’t take any more of the shocked looks on their faces, so I address the floor instead.

“Then things got complicated. I knew I needed to tell you, all of you, but especially you, Oliver, and then things started moving so fast, and every time I tried, I just panicked or something else came up, or you’d tell me not now and that it would keep until later. And then I fell in love with you, and that complicated everything. Then the day we picked you up after the first article came out about me, Liza remembered where she knew me from and put two and two together about Audrey and all but threatened to out me to the media in front of her receptionist, and I just was so scared that you wouldn’t believe anything I said if she told you first because you always make excuses for her whenever she’s mean to me or tries to keep me from you or keep you from us. So, what chance did I have?” I throw up my hands defeatedly. “I started trying harder to tell you, and then this whole thing with the press just blew up, and everything feels unsteady right now, and I know it’s no excuse and I know I’m a horrible, unforgivable person, but I’m in so far over my head right now and I just didn’t know how badly I was handling things until I talked with my mom, and I had a much better way I was going to tell you today, but then this whole thing happened.”

It takes me a moment to catch my breath when I finish, and the sound of my own raspy breaths are deafening in the silence of the room. My eyes are glued to the floor, but I can feel their stares stabbing through my blanket cocoon. Even when my breaths are even and slow, the room stays quiet.

After what feels like an eternity, I manage to drag my eyes up to meet theirs. All three of them are just staring at me with an identical mix of shock and horror on their faces. For a moment, I wonder if this is how Medusa felt when she was alive because it certainly seems like I’ve managed to turn these men into stone.

“I don’t have anything else to say for my part of the story. I know I was rambling and jumbled, but I did manage to get it all out. Please, one of you, say something. Even if it’s just to call me every terrible name you can think of and tell me to never come back. I wouldn’t deserve anything less. Please, just say something. I can’t take this anymore.”