If I Were You

Chapter 23 Flynn

Amy is more composed, a determined jaw, the back of one hand banging her other palm as she lays out a plan of action.

‘Flynn?’

I can barely hear her, wondering again whether I’m seeing things. How is it possible? The group have moved inside and I want to convince myself it wasn’t who I thought. Worry stirs inside me. Jay told me he wasn’t coming. That his brother would be best man instead. As if things aren’t complicated enough.

‘Flynn? Are you paying attention? Did you hear me? We just need to see Laurs, get to our room and work out what is going on. How we can fix things. Or at least talk about how we’re going to get through the next few hours … Flynn?’

My passenger door is flung open and Laura is staring down at me, her mouth a thin line in her freckly face.

‘Amy, why are you just sitting here? Where have you been?’

With a jolt I’m reminded again that I am Amy, not me. And perhaps that is why the expression on her face is new to me.

‘Hey, Laura. Sister. My sister.’

She blinks and ignores me, bending down to look across me. ‘Hey Flynn,’ the tone is sugary sweet, more what I’m accustomed to, ‘I didn’t know you got your licence! Can I steal Amy? Do you mind?’

‘I do,’ Amy yelps, reaching across with a meaty arm to pin me back against the seat.

I smile up at Laura awkwardly. ‘She … he’s …’ I correct myself quickly, ‘he’s just … keen … not to miss out.’

‘Well, I really need you,’ Laura says, her grip on my upper arm quite something. ‘Just a second,’ she directs back at ‘Flynn’ and I am hauled out of the vehicle. ‘Oh my god, Amy,’ she shakes her head. ‘What do you look like? Is that a man’s sweatshirt? You so don’t have time to change now. Seriously, I need you, like, NOW. Patty is off the charts already.’

‘Laura, Laura, breathe.’

‘I just need a friendly face, someone I can tell this stuff too. You get it. She just lost it because the waiter didn’t know what a bellini was and she wants him fired.’

‘Laura, relax, it’s cool.’

I’m not sure how I’ve managed it in one sentence, but Laura has gone from looking frantic to pissed off in a few short seconds. Her brown eyes have narrowed, and her mouth moves into what I can only describe as a snarl.

‘It’s not cool. You know I’m worried she’ll terrify everyone. I need you to help mix with people, make sure Mum and Geoffrey are OK, they look totally lost …’

She only tails away because Amy has walked around the car, clumsily throwing an arm over my shoulder. ‘What are we talking about?’ Amy says, her big hand gripping me nervously.

‘Flynn, hey, I’m just talking to Amy,’ Laura says, barely concealing a sigh.

‘Yes, Flynn. Laura was telling me about the challenges she is facing and I was telling her it’ll be fine.’

Amy’s grip tightens on me. ‘And you’ve told her that you’ll do everything to help, haven’t you, Amy? You’ve told her that whatever problem, big or small, you’ve got it. You are here to be her port in a storm, her rock …’

‘A rock,’ I mutter. ‘I can be a rock.’

‘Thanks, guys,’ Laura says, head tipping to one side, the most relaxed she’s been in the last five minutes.

My shoulders drop.

‘Laura, babe.’ We’re interrupted by Jay who has come jogging down the hotel steps, shaven head and the sunglasses he always wears perched on his head. ‘Mum says she needs you in the aviary, something about the bird man?’

Laura briefly closes her eyes before slowly rotating to face him. Jay freezes on the spot.

‘But, do you know what, I’ll go,’ Jay says, holding up both hands defensively and backing away with a grin, ‘my best love, my darling, my sweetheart.’

He grins when he spots us.

‘Flynn, mate, good to see you!’

I watch as he reaches forward and holds out a hand for Amy to shake. She just stares at it stupidly.

I step forward to save her, sticking out my own hand just as Jay moves to greet me. And he turns straight into my outstretched hand.

We all freeze and stare down at Jay’s crotch and my hand. Jay steps back abruptly as Laura stifles a laugh.

Laura is the first to speak, ‘Um … Ames, did you just touch my fiancé’s special place?’

‘No!’ I explode, ‘No! I …’

Laura starts laughing, Amy looks at me wide-eyed.

‘It’s fine, it’s cool,’ Jay is flustered.

He steps towards Amy and in a low voice says, ‘Flynn mate, I need to have a word with you about something. Later,’ he says, glancing back at me and then giving a significant look at a bewildered Amy. ‘Something’s come up …’

My palms dampen.

Amy is still looking dazed and then seems to come to. ‘OK, Jay, my mate, my friend!’

Jay laughs. ‘Good to see you mate.’ Clapping her on the back he jogs back up the hotel steps.

Before I can think more about his words, an enormous blur of fur and energy comes rushing down the steps of the hotel, swerves me and practically bowls Amy over, two paws in the centre of her stomach. It is now I learn what I would sound like if I screamed more.

Amy starts flapping her arms as Reggie jumps up on the green jersey, his large tongue now lolling out, his tail wagging enthusiastically.

Laura shouts, ‘Reggie! Down! Bad dog!’

Just pet him, I think, just before Amy grabs me and turns me into her tiny woman Human Shield.

‘Desist!’ she shouts, dancing around in diamond golf socks. ‘Desist!’

I reach forward and ruffle Reggie, forgetting all the madness for a moment as I relish the comfort of being around such an uncomplicated animal. He licks my face with his rough tongue and I laugh.

‘Down! Come on! Down! Flynn – deal with him. It is your job.’

Amy’s eyes widen in alarm and my heart goes out to her.

‘I … I …’ she is stammering, still backing away from where Reggie is now confusedly turning this way and that between us both, clearly caught in the confusion. Has he sensed what has happened? As Amy steps forward, knees knocking in my navy shorts, he curls his lip, his legs stiff as she approaches, and I’m fairly sure I have my answer.

‘Let me take him up,’ I offer, steering Reggie away from a gaping Laura.

Laura frowns, ‘Ames, you’re scared of dogs.’

‘I … I got hypnotized.’ I seize Reggie’s lead and let him pull me away, slipping in Amy’s silver pumps.

‘Amy, wait,’ Laura calls.

‘I’ll be right back!’ I call from over my shoulder. ‘It’s cool!’

I cringe as I speed up the hotel stairs, just catching Laura’s gabbled instructions.

‘Flynn, can you go and help Jay with whatever he is doing? Amy!’

Laura catches me up in the foyer of the hotel, panting as I stand staring once more at the couple I spotted. The man, Eddie, hasn’t noticed me in a dripping dress and sweatshirt to my knees, and I dive behind a marble bust as the woman he’s with peers around.

Suddenly fingernails grip my upper arm and I am immediately dragged into a small side room, Reggie following on his lead. ‘Ames,’ Laura whispers as she squeezes past me.

I immediately realize, in horror, that it is a small toilet and Laura has just reached past me to lock us both inside.

‘OK, seriously, thank god you’re here, we need a time out …’ she says, holding up her hand. ‘Then I need you to help me control Patty, she wants to release doves, Amy—’

‘Patty,’ I say dazedly, alarm gripping me as Laura suddenly lifts the hem of her skirt and pulls down her pants. Oh my god. My eyes start darting frantically around the room. This is not happening. This cannot be happening. I want to turn and pummel my small fists on the wooden door to be released.

‘Hello! Patty who I’ve been phoning you about every day for the last two months Patty. Mother-in-law. Planning this wedding like she’s invading Cornwall. Won’t let me do a thing. Has arranged eight thousand tasks before I’m allowed to walk down the aisle. The woman who booked this venue because it had flamingos! That Patty.’

‘Yes, yes, of course,’ I squeak, reaching for a pot of pot pourri to hide behind. Don’t look, Flynn, just look anywhere but at her.

‘Current obsession is the shape of the dovecote. Do you even know what a dovecote is? No! Who does? I— Amy? What are you doing?’

I’m cringing behind the bowl of pot pourri which I now sniff at pathetically. ‘Just smelling this. It’s nice,’ I say lamely, eyes now determinedly on the ceiling.

‘Amy, seriously, what is with you? Get it together. Oh! Are you ready for your speech?’

I can’t help a panicked glance down and then remember what Laura’s doing and snap my eyes closed as I repeat, ‘My speech.’ Another thing to panic about.

Laura seems to have finished and stands up.

‘Yes, your speech.’

‘All up here,’ I say, tapping my head with one finger, eyes still squeezed closed in case I see anything.

‘Well, come on, weirdo’ Laura says, squeezing past me and Reggie.

I pat him on the head, feeling flummoxed.

‘OK, you weirdo.’ My version sounds more aggressive.

This is not a good idea. Amy was right, we should never have come.