Chapter 44 Amy
The reality of the situation hits me. I am dressed in whites, and everyone is expecting me to be exceptional at tennis. I’m a sporting star, a legend among the men here. I blink rapidly.
I last hit a tennis racket circa 2009 and that was in an attempt to hit Pauline Michael’s shoe over the school roof. It smashed a (first-floor) window.
Flynn’s face is a picture through the wire of the fence as he clearly comes to the same conclusion. In two years together I’m not sure I’ve ever caught a set of keys he’s flung at me. His expression only makes me more nervous.
I wish we’d been able to talk more before I was summoned to the court. I wanted him to reassure me that my worries about Mum were in my head.
‘Flynn!’
I know I can catastrophize and Flynn is always calm. As much as I want him to react, sometimes his mellow approach really is what I crave. In this instance I need him to tell me Mum is fine, that I shouldn’t be fretting.
‘Flynn!’
Someone nudges me and I finally register a woman calling Flynn’s name – at me, of course – and turn to see Flynn waggling his fingers through the fence. ‘You’ll be great.’
I still feel a shock at seeing myself staring back at me, even if the expression on my face is pure Flynn: wide eyes and smiling. I can’t do anything more than nod back.
‘Flynn, you’re being paired with Patty,’ Jay calls out. ‘Eddie, you’re with Tanya.’
I can’t help watching as Tanya walks over to Eddie, in a perfectly cut tennis dress, her swishy blonde ponytail bouncing as she moves, both of them looking beautifully blonde and glossy. I should feel grateful – here’s an opportunity to find out more. An evening of tennis ahead. And yet my stomach churns as Patty jogs onto the court to stand next to me, loudly telling someone I played first pair for Hampshire as a teen.
Gulping, I grip my racket. I should have left with Flynn when I had the chance. I’m completely out of my depth. I barely remember the rules. Something about love? I was brought up on a diet of football. Now sport doesn’t register at all, matches are too hard because they remind me of Dad, and it was never really about the game itself, just the excuse to go together.
Nearby I can hear Patty repeating the fact to Tanya and Eddie.
‘A county player!’
Because of course Flynn is a star sportsman.
Tanya replies, saying she knows, and I realize, with a punch to the middle, that Flynn must have once told her that fact too. It makes something simmer within me. How can I know that detail about him but so much of him is so often a blank? I thought our connection did go deeper, but am I just like every other girlfriend he’s had?
Eddie rolls his eyes. ‘We’ll see what ten years has done.’
As I line up, I think of a way I can engineer a meeting with her. Perhaps she can shine more of a light on the mystery behind their relationship. Flynn doesn’t seem at all like the kind of guy to have a deep, dark past. I don’t want to be insecure, but there’s an underlying niggle, an instinct, the thinnest thread I feel like tugging on.
All these thoughts disappear as Patty starts to discuss our approach, placing me on the backhand side because I’m the stronger player.
‘I think that’s a mistake. I should be on the forward-hand side,’ I say as she frowns at me. ‘The other hand side. I don’t want people to be too jealous. I’m quite rusty.’
‘Don’t be modest.’
When I wander off, she reminds me which side she means and I nod and walk there, as if I was just joshing around. I make a sort of clown like face and her lips disappear in a line.
The game begins. Patty soon realizes that I am the weaker link of our pairing and, when I duck another volley shot, shout as another ace whizzes past me and clash rackets with her as I attempt to hit something that flies down the middle of the court, tensions rise.
By the end of the set, which we have lost dismally, I stagger across to grab a water bottle from the table next to the court.
Patty has stalked off, possibly to lodge a formal complaint with Jay who might have told her Flynn is a sporting legend, and I’m left alone. Tanya has grabbed a bottle from a nearby chair and, taking a breath, I step across to her.
‘Hey,’ I say, as nonchalantly as possible.
‘Oh hey,’ she says, starting a moment, water dribbling on her chin. She frantically wipes at it.
My own heart pitter-patters with nerves. Here she is, the woman I’ve been wondering about for the last few years, standing in front of me. Close up, her skin is even smoother, her eyes sparklier, and I feel that familiar mix of admiration and envy.
‘That was nice of you,’ she says, indicating the court.
I’m lost.
‘Pretending not to be brilliant. I’d forgotten you were never really competitive, not like …’ she trails away.
‘Oh, yeah,’ I say, nodding earnestly. ‘Yeah, I thought it was better to try to give other people a chance.’
‘It’s kind of you. You were always kind,’ she adds.
I don’t respond, my brain turning over a hundred questions.
‘You know your girlfriend hates me,’ she says suddenly.
It’s the curveball I didn’t see coming. ‘Oh!’ I scrabble around for something to say. ‘Well, that’s, that’s Amy. She can be jealous. Of exes. Women, right?!’ I roll my eyes and shift my weight, letting out a laugh I’ve never heard Flynn use.
Tanya frowns, ‘I guess.’
‘But I’m fine with you being here. Fine. You can tell me anything. Really anything.’ I give her an intense stare and she glances across the court.
Eddie is standing with Jay and some of the other groomsmen, and in a rush she turns back to me, startling me with the speed of her next sentences, ‘Look, Flynn, I wanted to catch you, I wanted to say … Well, I came here this weekend in part to see you. I still think of that last message you sent me, when you saw me with Charlie, I just … I just wanted to say I get how you were feeling. And I’m sorry.’
She stops, breathes deeply, shoulders slumping with clear relief.
‘Right,’ I say, attempting to process what she is saying, unscramble the meaning. ‘Right, well, thank you for saying sorry. That is, that is nice,’ I finish lamely.
What message? Flynn always told me he broke up with her. In fact, he always gave me the impression that he didn’t like Tanya. He’s never mentioned anyone called Charlie. Who is he and why would seeing Tanya with him affect Flynn?
‘So,’ she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘So are we OK?’ she asks, words tentative.
‘Are we OK?’ I repeat slowly, still pondering the things she has thrown out.
Patty waves me over, another game starting. ‘I have to go.’
Are we OK?