If I Were You

Chapter 50 Flynn

I can’t believe Eddie hit her, I’m going to jump back on his back and try and bite that arsehole. I miss my six-foot two-inch frame, my strength. My smaller body fizzes with anger. I realize then that Eddie has never liked me. We had the same interests, the same friends, but we were always poles apart. He always wanted to compete, to push. Why have I never stood up to him? He’s a bully. I can’t believe it’s taken this swap to see that for myself.

This weekend was meant to be a celebration of everything. And Amy loves Laura so much she wouldn’t want to upstage her. What have I done?

I see the hurt on Amy’s face, and it kills me that I’ve contributed to that. I just needed her to know I am in this forever. I’ve felt her pulling away and I panicked. I understand now that I need to be braver, to face what I’ve never been able to. It seems insurmountable, though: I still need time.

Amy has chased Laura down to the lake. All I can see from this distance is Amy still holding her face – that punch looked bad – as Laura yells at her thinking she’s me and that I’m butting in.

Tanya is looking at me nervously, like I might leap on her this time, and Eddie’s about to set off after Flynn.

‘Just leave him alone,’ I say to him. ‘You’ve already punched him for god’s sake.’

He scowls at me. ‘Deserved it.’

I take a breath, knowing I need to go to Amy, not make this any worse. My instinct is to rage and throw my weight around, but she needs me. I try to channel what Amy would say and do right now: she would want me to keep the peace. ‘Look, don’t ruin Laura’s weekend with whatever this is.’ I force myself to look over at Tanya. ‘It’s just going to make everyone more upset. And we need to remember this weekend is not about whatever happened between— between Tanya and Flynn.’

I try to meet Tanya’s eye, but I’m so cross that she is ruining this weekend. If she wasn’t here I wouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this, lying to Amy, having to think about things I don’t want to focus on. ‘The past is in the past,’ I say firmly.

Tanya nods miserably. ‘She’s right. Eddie, come on,’ she says, deflated.

Eddie mumbles something, finally allowing Tanya to draw him away. She’d always been quick to back down, more passive-aggressive than confrontational.

It is only then I see Laura racing back up the lawn to the hotel. I crane my neck to see if Amy has followed her as Eddie shoulders past me. ‘Just tell Flynn to leave Tanya alone. She’s with me now. He needs to get over this stuff with Charlie once and for all.’

My stomach plunges as Amy appears in the entrance to the bandstand, her tweed jacket askew, one hand still gingerly touching her bruised eye.

She stares at me as Tanya and Eddie walk past her.

‘Leave her alone, mate,’ Eddie hisses.

Amy doesn’t acknowledge him, just looks at me, her body still. They step away, swallowed by the darkness.

‘What was that about, Flynn? Who is Charlie?’

I lick my lips, straighten my skirt once more. ‘Let me take a look at that eye,’ I say.

‘Who’s Charlie?’ Amy asks in a faint voice.

I wave a hand. ‘It’s not important.’

‘Who. Is. Charlie. What happened between you two?’