Chapter Fifteen Jamie
Chapter Fifteen
Jamie
When Jamie arrived home the next evening after dinner with his mom and a run to the grocery store, he received a call he wasn’t expecting. He was just pushing through the front door of his apartment when his phone rang.
It was his sister.
He slid his thumb across the screen and put the phone between his shoulder and his ear, pulling things out of the bag. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she said. That was it.
Jamie waited for her to continue. Blythe was a texter through and through, so when she called, it was usually because she had something specific to say. She always got straight to the point and got the hell off the phone.
When she said nothing more, he frowned, pausing with a box of whole wheat pasta in his grip.
“What’s up?” he prompted.
“Elliott’s her, isn’t she?”
It took him a second to connect who she meant by “her.” He stopped in the middle of his apartment. “What?”
“Elliott. Yesterday when she was at the shop, she mentioned hating chocolate. I’ve only heard of one other person who said they didn’t like chocolate, and it was that girl you told me you met last year. It suddenly clicked when I got home after work.”
Jamie didn’t know what to say.
“She’s the girl you tried to find.”
He released a burdened sigh, his eyes drifting closed. “Yeah.”
“She’s also the reason you came over that night, asking about connections with other women.”
He cleared his throat around the lump forming there. “Yeah.”
“ And she’s the one Carly donated bone marrow to.”
He opened his eyes. “You’re telling me things I already know.”
“This is crazy, Jamie. What are the odds?”
He didn’t answer that, and instead pulled a beer from the six-pack he’d just bought and slid the rest in the fridge.
“Are you okay?” she asked, tone gentler. “I remember how you were after she disappeared. I can’t say I understand being that into someone after one night, but you were totally gone over her. I’ve never seen you like that.”
He had the sudden urge to cry.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. “I’ve never felt a connection like that.”
“She’s been back, what, a month now? Do you feel it still?”
“Yes.” It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud. “I tried to ignore it at first, but ... that’s why I ended things with Carly. I don’t expect anything to happen with Elliott, but it wasn’t fair to stay with Carly when there was another woman I kept thinking about all the damn time.” He fell backward on the couch and popped the top off his beer. Hank leaped up and stretched out beside him.
“Does Elliott feel the same way about you?”
“I don’t know.” Sometimes, with the way she looked at him, he thought she might. Hoping for it was pointless, though, and would only make things worse. “But even if she did, Carly saved her life. She’d never do anything to hurt her.” He took a long pull from the bottle, then pressed the heel of his hand to one eye to stem the sudden burning beneath his lids. “I don’t want to, either.”
“You really think Carly would care? The first time you two broke up, I saw her out with a new guy six days later.”
“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t break up with her to pursue Elliott. And Elliott doesn’t want me to. Can you just be supportive and let me wallow in what a fucked-up situation this is?”
“Oh, this is definitely fucked up. The woman you basically fell for in a single night and who ghosted you for a year finally returns—but by that point you had a girlfriend, one who saved her life, because of course, so you can’t be with her. And because you still had feelings for her and are a decent guy, you ended things with said girlfriend. So now you don’t have either one.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Appreciate the recap.”
“I assume Carly doesn’t know who Elliott is to you.”
“She doesn’t,” he confirmed. “That was Mistake Number One, but it’s too late now.”
“Is it? What if you told her? Maybe she’d understand.”
He’d considered that, too, but it didn’t seem worth it. “Carly’s a good person, but she can hold a grudge. I should have come clean right away, but it’s gone too far. If I did it now it would hurt more than just Carly and me. Elliott would get caught in the middle, and she doesn’t deserve that, either.”
“So you’re just going to be miserable, Elliott will be miserable, and Carly will move on and find someone else who probably fits her better because you two never made sense in the first place? All because you don’t want to take a risk?”
He frowned. “I don’t think Elliott will be miserable.”
“Based on what you told me about that night, it’s hard to believe she didn’t feel the same about you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just as torn up about this, wishing there was some way things were different.” She paused for a second, her tone turning thoughtful. “I could do some recon, you know. I hired her, and I could talk to her—”
Jamie shot forward. “Don’t you dare . I mean it. Promise me you won’t say anything to her.”
“I’m supposed to keep pretending I don’t know who she is? That I don’t know?”
“Yes.”
She let out an annoyed sigh. “Fine. I promise.”
He sank into the cushions and leaned his head back. A promise from his sister was as good as gold. “Thank you.”
Jamie stared at the ceiling as a few beats of silence passed. He’d thought breaking up with Carly would give him a measure of relief from the guilt that had plagued him recently. Instead, his body and his heart just felt ... heavy.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” Blythe finally said. “I’m here for whatever you need.”
His chest squeezed. “Thank you,” he said again. He was lucky to have her.
“But can I say one more thing?”
“Depends on what it is.”
“I know you’re trying to do the right thing here. You’ve always shied away from things that cause other people discomfort. And if you ultimately decide staying away from Elliott and not talking to Carly is that right thing, I’ll support you. But I just want to make sure you know that no matter how you spin it, no one walks away from this unscathed. There’s something to be said for considering other people’s emotions, but sometimes our decisions are going to hurt people. Sometimes the truth hurts, but is that a reason to hold it back? Even if Carly got upset, I’d bet a hundred lemon tarts it would be short term and she’d move on. At some point, you need to consider the long term, and consider your own happiness, too, and what this could mean for your future. It’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time, as much as I know that bothers you.”
He drained the rest of his beer and put the bottle on the coffee table. Hank shifted and draped his head across Jamie’s thigh.
“I don’t want to be like Dad,” he finally whispered. “Always chasing a new feeling. Never settling or being content with what I’ve got.” What he felt around Elliott was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, it was true. It wasn’t something he’d constantly been chasing. On the contrary, she’d come out of nowhere like a heat wave in December.
He hadn’t been looking for her and never saw her coming.
Now, though, he could hardly think of anything else. He wanted to talk to her, be in her presence. He wanted to know more about her and let his gaze roam over her freckles and study the colors in her eyes.
He wanted to touch her and find out if it still felt like fireworks.
Would this feeling always be unique to him and Elliott? Or was it possible he could feel it again with someone else? If this was the feeling his dad and brother were after, he could hardly blame them for wanting it, even if their methods of going about it were pure shit.
“You’re not, Jamie. You. Aren’t. Dad,” she repeated pointedly. “Hear me?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”
A loud noise sounded in the background, and Blythe groaned. “I gotta go check on Jake and Holden before they tear up my living room. Just do me a favor, okay?”
“Maybe.”
“Something tells me this won’t just go away. Consider the consequences—both of them. Worst-case scenario, both women hate you and neither end up in your life.”
“Is this supposed to be helping?”
“You didn’t let me get to the best-case scenario.”
It didn’t seem possible anything was worth the risk of what she’d just said. “What’s that?”
She paused for a beat, probably for dramatic effect.
“You end up with everything you’ve ever wanted.”
Jamie laid low over the next two and a half weeks, avoiding thinking about his conversation with his sister. Blythe and his buddy Ian texted him a couple of times, but he’d declined their offers to hang out. He’d been looped into a barhop Tara organized, and while he was pretty confident he and Carly would be fine around each other, he didn’t want anyone else to feel awkward. It was too soon.
He’d never minded being alone and kind of enjoyed the peace and quiet, truth be told. He spent his days at the nursery or on jobsites, headphones in and content to be outside. He’d long ago decided trees made damn good colleagues—living, breathing, selfless companions that offered beauty, shade, and life without expectation or judgment.
Other than spending a day with his nephew and regular Tuesday dinners with his mom, he spent his evenings at home, reading and running. The latter had become a necessary outlet, and Hank wasn’t complaining. In fact, he’d become a complete nuisance on the two days Jamie’d taken a break, constantly barking at his leash and pawing at the door.
Which brought him to his current situation: beseeching his beloved dog with an apologetic gaze.
“I can’t do it, bud,” Jamie said from his sprawled position on the couch. “I spent the day with Holden to give Blythe and Jake some time to themselves, and that kid ran me ragged. Four-year-olds are no joke.”
Hank sat by the door and barked.
“No.”
Another bark.
“Hank, no.”
A sad, high-pitched whine.
Jamie made the mistake of catching Hank’s eye and groaned. He couldn’t resist that pathetic face. “ Fine , we can go outside, but only to the park, okay? No run today. My calves are toast.”
Jamie rose from the couch, and Hank leaped up, circling his legs and nearly knocking him over. “Easy.” He slipped the leash on, and Hank fairly yanked him through the door.
He took a deep breath as they stepped into the evening air. Sunset was Jamie’s second-favorite time of day, just after sunrise. There was just something about those moments of transition when his part of the world went from night to day and back again. The stillness, the colors, the opportunity for something new ... It never failed to give him a sense of calm and the urge to just stand still and breathe. Just for a second.
Resisting Hank’s intent to pick up the pace, Jamie strolled through the buildings and to the grassy knoll leading up to the dog park. He wasn’t prepared for Hank to suddenly veer right, and he cursed as he barely caught himself from falling on his ass.
“What the—”
“Hank!”
Elliott materialized to his right, sitting in the grass with her legs extended straight in front of her.
In the fading daylight he hadn’t even noticed her.
A grin split across her face as she welcomed Hank into her arms. “You’re energetic today, aren’t you?”
“Always,” Jamie muttered, followed by a “Hey.”
She glanced up at him. “Hi.”
It was the first time they’d spoken since deciding to give friendship a try.
Hank planted one paw beside her and another on her thigh, licking her face. She smiled again and laughed, her face significantly brighter than when she’d looked at Jamie. He glanced away, irritated.
He was jealous of his damn dog.
“How are you?” Her voice floated up, soft and tentative.
“Fine. You?”
“I’m good.”
He slid his gaze back to her. Was she really? Her eyes looked tired, and she absently brushed her hand across her upper collarbone, something he’d noticed she did often, almost a nervous gesture. It was impossible to tell with the way she kept her expression cool—placid, almost.
Then he noticed her clothes. Shorts, T-shirt, running shoes. Phone and earbuds on the grass beside her. “Are you going running?”
“Yeah. I took a lap around the building to warm up and stopped to stretch.”
He frowned. “It’s almost dark.”
She angled her head, eyebrows lifting. “I see that.”
Part of his brain tried to interject—this wasn’t his business. “You shouldn’t run out here by yourself at night.”
“There are lights everywhere.”
Yeah, but just outside the path dark corners and bushes lurked everywhere. Countless places for someone with nefarious intentions to hide. And if she had earbuds in, unaware of her surroundings? He didn’t like it one bit.
Basic facts pointed to a woman in that kind of situation being less safe than a man. It sucked, but that was how things were. He’d have felt the same if it were any woman in this scenario.
Probably.
Hank leaped at her side and crouched on his front paws, tail wagging with ferocity.
“Would you take Hank with you?” Jamie asked.
She glanced at his dog, then back at him. Her eyes narrowed. “Because you think I can’t take care of myself?”
Jamie swallowed. “I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t make me feel better, knowing he was with you, but mostly because he’s dying to go. I’ve taken him running more than usual lately, and he’s gotten used to it. I babysat my nephew today, and I’m exhausted, but he’s been driving me crazy ever since I got home. You’d actually be doing me a huge favor. Otherwise he’ll be bouncing off the walls all night, and I won’t get any sleep.”
She eyed him, considering. Hank shifted back on his haunches, a sudden picture of perfect manners, as if he knew something important was at stake.
Jamie tried one last time. “He’d love you for it.” Not to mention Jamie’s peace of mind. “I’m in 26A; you could just bring him by when you’re done.”
Hank whined, and Elliott’s face went soft. Jamie could have hugged him.
“You’re sure?” she asked.
He dropped the leash by her feet before she could change her mind. “Completely.”
She stood, brushed off her shorts, and picked up the leash. Hank sniffed her shoes and pranced back and forth, aware of what was coming.
“You ready?” she asked him, and Jamie’s heart squeezed. Hank barked.
She slid her gaze back to Jamie and shrugged, smiling.
“I guess we’ll see you in a bit.”