If You Give an Artist a Killer Muse: A Dark Grumpy Sunshine Romance

Chapter 27

Rurik

What the actual fuck is she doing here?

As soon as I see her walking in my direction, I wait until she turns the corner before wrapping an arm around her waist, dragging her inside a stall in the men’s bathroom, and locking the door behind her.

She makes a surprised gasp when her back collides against the door as my body presses her against it.

“Wow,” Briar breathes, blinking up at me. “Seems like our roles have been reversed.”

“What are you doing here, Briar?” I hiss, gripping her shoulders. “Did you follow me?”

She has the nerve to roll her eyes at me, and my hand cramps to slap that ass again.

“Oh, don’t act as if you don’t know I do that sometimes,” She says, placing her hands on my chest. “Since your cousins don’t know about your stepdad’s side, they wouldn’t know me either. I didn’t see what the harm would be to introduce myself—”

“That’s not the fucking point, Briar,” I snap. “You didn’t respect my boundaries about meeting out in public with my family.”

Her lips part as she stares at me. “W-what? I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”

“Exactly,” I interrupt her as fear and anger course through me. “You didn’t fucking think.” I run a hand through my hair, shaking my head. “Jesus, this is why we’re never going to work out. I set rules and boundaries for a reason, Briar. If you’re just going to ignore them because you don’t like them, then…” I trail off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Her eyes narrow, and she crosses her arms. A fierce storm brewing beneath that calm, collected look she’s trying to portray. “Go on, then. Finish that sentence, Rurik. Then… what?”

I glare at her. “You don”t get it, Briar. The media knows who I am. If some desperate pap sees the Senator’s stepson out with a random girl and snaps a picture, internet sleuths will somehow link the Charons gangsters to you, and that”ll somehow reach my stepdad, and he”ll know about us!”

She throws her hands out and snaps back, “Well, what if I don’t care if he knows about us? I don’t care if anyone knows about us, Rurik! Why should you?”

I stare at her, unable to form the words screaming inside my head.

No, no, no, everyone will know.

They’ll kill each other. Everyone will get hurt. Everything will be ruined!

“I’m tired of being your dirty little secret,” Briar pokes me harshly against my chest. “I don’t give a shit if your stepdad knows you’re with me and if he finds out who I’m associated with. I. Don’t. Care. I just want you, Rurik.”

I can only shake my head. I can’t listen to this… I can’t. I know a part of me is being fucking irrational, and I want to listen to what she’s saying so I can tell her I agree.

But I can’t.

I feel like there’s a death grip in my body, and it’s not just my heart that is bad. I feel rigid, frozen in place. I can’t even fucking speak.

So I just stare at her.

She stares back, pushing herself away from me for a few inches, and breathes heavily. She looks away, swallowing hard. Her face twists into a look of uncertainty and desperation.

“Rurik, I don’t think you understand how much I’ve come to really care about you. I mean, really, really care about you.”

She blinks and glances back at me.

“I have these overwhelming feelings when it comes to you, and sometimes it’s hard for me to sort them out and label what they are, but I care about you, Rurik. I can’t… I hate being kept in the dark when it’s day out and only having you at night. I hate waking up alone and pretending we’re nothing to each other whenever we come across in public; I hate it. I fucking can’t stand it, Rurik. I thought I could wait for you, but it’s getting harder each night we spend time together.”

She inhales deeply to catch her breath and continues. “Like I said, I don’t care if your family knows about us. I only care about you.”

Like a fucking, useless idiot, I just stare at her. Again.

Why can’t I repeat the exact damn words out loud?!

Yes, I fucking care about you, too.

You’re right.

I’m scared.

I’m a fucking coward.

I hurt you.

Help me do better.

I look away from those wide eyes because if I keep staring back, I know I’ll just fall on my knees before her and beg her to do whatever she wants.

But I fucking can’t.

As I lie to her, I focus on a piece of gum stuck on the floor because it’s easier. “You only feel those things because we’re just having fun, Briar. Don’t be such a girl and let feelings get in the way. We’re just physical, remember? That was part of the rules we set.”

“Rules,” she half whispers and half spits out. “Your so-called rules and boundaries.”

“Yes,” This time, I look at her again. “Do I need to remind you what some of them are? We are not friends, and we do not have any sort of relationship other than being fuck buddies.”

But she throws her head back and laughs, shaking her head and almost looking sorry for me. “Angel, you are so deep into your bullshit that you actually believe them.”

She steps closer to me, her lips brushing against my jaw.

“I know you have feelings for me, Rurik. I feel it every night you wrap your big, strong arms around me before I fall asleep. I feel your eyes light up whenever I enter a room. I feel it every time you cook me the best homemade meals ever when you don”t even cook for yourself. I feel it in every soap, shampoo, and conditioner you use on me as you wash me. I feel it in every little small kiss you plant on my head, shoulders, and forehead. I feel it everywhere, Rurik. Everywhere in me, too.”

“You”re fucking crazy,” I whisper, clenching my hands into a tight fist to stop them from grabbing her.

“Maybe,” She nibbles on my Adam”s apple, and I fight the urge to groan. “But at least I can admit I”m fucking crazy about you.”

“Briar,” I warn her as her hands slide down to my abs.

“I know you”re scared of me and your stepdad, Rurik. But here”s the thing,” She says, her gaze trailing my neck and chest. “I’m really tired of not being someone”s number one. I”m tired of feeling like I”m never good enough. For once, I want someone to choose me.”

This time, I touch her by placing my fingers under her chin and lifting her face so I can look at her. “What are you talking about, Briar?”

“I”m letting you choose,’’ She shrugs. “Me or your stepdad. A stepdad you admit you”re not even close with, by the way.”

I drop my hand from her face.

Is she fucking serious?

She”s making me choose between her or the guy who has been saving my life with these medical appointments?

She doesn”t know about that, though. Tell her.

No. I can”t.

“I can”t do that,” I shake my head, grabbing her hands because I just need to touch her. “You don”t understand, but he”s very important in my life.”

“What about me?”

I groan with frustration, “What about you, Briar? You go around killing people as part of your job, and you expect me to be 100% okay with that.” I let go of her and scoff, “At least my stepdad is a senator everyone loves. He does what he can by helping people and saving lives! What the fuck do you do besides murdering innocent people?”

The moment the last sentence spilled from my lips, I immediately knew I fucked up.

The last person they killed was involved with trafficking, far from innocent.

I know I fucked up when she throws her head back as if I punched her. Then, all she does is stare at me without a word. She continues this for a few more minutes, and it’s becoming extremely uncomfortable.

I sigh, my shoulders dropping. “Look, Briar, I”m sorry—”

“Innocent people,” Briar repeats slowly. I don”t like how she sounds, though. Almost defeated. She releases a pathetic chuckle, shaking her head and looking away from me. “I am such a fucking idiot.” She mutters softly that I almost didn”t catch that.

She takes a step back, distancing herself from me.

And yes, I don”t fucking like it.

“Briar?”

“Fuck this,” Briar scoffs, rushing toward me. I slam my hands against the sides so I don”t fall. Then she shoves a hand inside my pockets.

“Briar, what the fuck?”

She slaps my hand away when I try to reach for her. She says nothing as she swipes my phone open and types something. When she finishes, she looks up and hands me my phone back.

“What did you do?” I ask, swiping side to side to see if anything is different.

“I made the choice for you about me and your stepdad,” Briar says, her melodic smooth voice now blank and monotone. “I deleted my contact information and our messages. You win, Rurik. We”re done. You were right. We”re not good for each other.”

My heart lurches, and I can feel a fist punching my chest as I go through my phone to confirm what she did.

“Wait,” I reach for her, but she shoves me with her elbow and unlocks the door. “Briar—”

I freeze. A single tear drips out of the corner of her eye, and I want to fucking kill myself for being the cause of it. I shake my head and follow her as she heads to the exit.

“Briar, don”t—” But she slams the door behind her, leaving me behind.

After a few minutes of me trying to get my shit together in the bathroom, I return to my cousins and ignore their questions.

“I’m not feeling well.” I just say. To which they knew something was up, but I was glad they didn’t push me.

Now, I’m home.

It feels like I haven’t been here in so long because I”ve spent most of my time at Briar’s. When I”m not working, I”m at Briar’s. When I’m eating, I”m at Briar’s because either I’m cooking or she’s cooking. When I’m showering, I”m at Briar’s because it’s usually after sex or after work to wash the day away. The only time I’m ever back here is to sleep and down my pills if I remember them.

God, now I fucking wish I just slept over all those times she’s asked. That way, I can spend more time with her.

Now I feel like a fucking stalker because I’m trying to find her on social media, but it’s like she disappeared. She’s no longer on my Friends list, which tells me she blocked me.

Fuck.

I am so fucked.

What do I do now?

I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.