Chapter 30
Briar
If someone had told me a few months ago that Rurik would willingly spend so much time with me and that we would act like any other average couple out there — I would have called them out on their bullshit.
But no. He’s here. He has been for the past month since he barged back into my life.
The darkness no longer pays a visit every night because Rurik is always with me. Every morning, I open my eyes to see him there, sleeping soundly — or snoring with his mouth wide open and drool coming out — and it never fails to make me feel like I’m freefalling into pure bliss.
I am so screwed, mainly because I find his loud snoring and sleep mumbles so adorable.
However, this morning? I woke up to an empty bed.
I sat up straight, my hands feeling his side of the bed, and frown that it’s still warm. I immediately hop out of bed, calling for him.
“In here!”
As soon as I hear his voice, the scent of bacon and eggs fills my nose. Grinning, I rush to the kitchen to find my angel, wearing my pink apron, cooking breakfast.
I choose to ignore the pile of dishes in the sink because I didn”t wake up and choose violence. No, today I woke up and chose the man who woke up bright and early to make breakfast for the first time.
My angel.
“What are you making?” I ask, kissing his Adam’s apple.
He makes this low, happy rumble noise that vibrates through his chest every time I do that, so I do it every morning now because I love hearing it.
“I was hoping I would surprise you with breakfast in bed,” Rurik grumbles, kissing my forehead before focusing back on the stove. “I made scrambled eggs and bacon. Now I’m working on pancakes.”
“With chocolate chips?”
“Of course, I’m not an idiot.”
“Good boy,” I smirk, playfully patting his ass before leaving him alone.
Every time I try to hang out in the kitchen, I end up complaining because of the mess and splatter he makes. Then he starts complaining about how I’m hovering and that he feels like he’s being watched behind his back. So, we both agreed that whenever he’s in the kitchen, I leave him alone.
Which is hard to do because I love watching him.
He’s come so far. There’s been days when I would just stare at him while we were hanging out because I couldn’t believe this was the same Rurik who kept telling me to fuck off or leave him alone before.
Now, he’s rarely at his own home. I often joke that he should move out of his place and live with me. But I understand that when someone still wants a place, they can call it their own. When he’s not here with me, he’s working.
When he’s not working and still not with me, he goes home to fill a duffel bag with fresh clothes and leaves them in my apartment. It’s gotten to the point where I bought him a dresser so he can leave his stuff here to make it easier for him.
During the days when we’re both off and he’s not looking for new surfaces to fuck me on, he likes to paint a bunch of new canvases. I’ve gained about three new canvases in the past couple of weeks he’s been here.
It’s gotten to the point where I had to rearrange my apartment so all his canvases could be adequately displayed and shown off. I paint for him, too, though I’m not as great as him. But he would act as if I’d created such beautiful masterpieces.
“This is seriously amazing, Briar.” He would say.
“Stop lying.”
“Baby, you painted me painting something. It’s like looking at a reflection in the mirror.”
“Okay, now I know you’re lying.”
“Call me a liar again, and I will fuck your ass and pussy at the same time with my dick and paintbrush handle.”
So I called him a liar again to fuck with him.
And he fucked me twice as hard.
I love a supportive partner.
I asked him how he could paint freely when he confessed to struggling for inspiration last time. He had just smirked up at me and shrugged, “Well, if you give an artist a killer muse, the inspiration is endless.”
Slick motherfucker.
“Briar?”
I blink, his voice pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah?” I call out over my shoulder as I set the dining table.
“Cheddar cheese on top of your scrambled eggs?”
“Yes, please!”
He comes in with our plates and sets them on top of the placemats I set up for us. Feeling like my heart is about to burst just by seeing him wearing my apron and looking so proud of himself, I swoop in and kiss his cheek.
His face turns red as he sits down and clears his throat. “Sorry if I made the bacon too crispy.”
“It’s perfect,” I say, loving the crunch.
We both just sat there in silence, enjoying breakfast together.
Like an average couple.
God, this feels so fucking domestic — I love it.
“What are you up to today?” I ask while he shoves pancakes in his mouth. There’s chocolate in the corner of his lips, and I want to lick it clean for him.
“I’m off today, so I’m going to visit Mum and have lunch with her. You?”
“Nat and Oscar will be coming over.”
Rurik swallows his food, but I don’t miss how his body stiffens. “Oh?”
“Yeah. We go to each other”s houses every other Friday and just hang out. Today’s my turn to host.”
He just nods, looking like he’s super interested in his eggs.
I set my fork down and lean back against my chair with a soft sigh. “You don’t have to come over tonight, Rurik.”
He immediately looks up, frowning.
I shrug, “I know they already know about us, but if you’re still uncomfortable with the idea of all four of us hanging out together, I understand. I won’t get mad if you don’t stay over tonight.”
I’ll pull an all-nighter to keep the darkness away. It’s fine.
“I’ll come over,” Rurik blurts out. “I want to.”
I try not to show the super giddiness on my face as I grin. “Perfect!”
Rurik nods again and clears his throat. “So, you guys are just hanging out?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing… work-related?”
“You mean the gallery?” I tease him.
Rurik glares.”You know what I mean.”
I roll my eyes. “No. Nothing work-related.”
Yeah, so the situation regarding me working on trying to bring down his stepdad is still a super touchy subject. Ever since that day, he caught us nearly killing Philip, he’s become a bit distant toward both Nat and Oscar and yet more clingy and protective over me.
It’s so weird.
But whatever, I’ll never complain if it means getting his attention.
We avoid talking about my work and his stepdad. He still doesn’t know the reason why I want to kill Philip, though. He thinks I’m doing this for the fuck of it — which still pisses me off that he thinks I’m that violent.
I mean, I am violent. But that’s not the fucking point.
I don’t even know why I just don’t tell him. Like, who am I even protecting by not telling Rurik the truth? However, I have this intense fear that Rurik won’t believe me.
Rurik kept assuring me that he chose me—I’m his number one choice. Call it vulnerability or trust issues, but I can’t help but think he might end up siding with his stepdad. He said he owed Philip his life—apparently, he saved his life. All I’ve done was turn his world upside down, I think.
My angel wouldn’t be who he is if he turned the other way to let three bad guys, such as us, slaughter the man he views as his hero.
I fucking fear for that day to come. Because it has to, eventually.
Philip Greene has an expiration date, and even Rurik can’t delay that.
*-*-*-*
So, Rurik isn’t going to show up.
He texted me, saying he had some errands tonight and promised his mom he would spend more time with her and his cousins. They’re going out tonight, and he doesn’t know when they’ll be back, and he doesn’t want to make it suspicious if he leaves early.
I texted him it was fine and to have fun.
And I mean it. I want him to have fun with his family.
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t sulking throughout the day while waiting for Nat and Oscar to come over.
So what if his cousins are only here for a couple more days?
Jesus. I need to chill out.
My phone suddenly vibrates, and my heart jumps at the name. Holy shit, I seriously need to chill out if I get excited just by seeing Rurik’s name on the screen.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-When are Natalie and Oscar coming?
ME:
-Should be here in a few minutes! How’s the fam bam?
RURIK MY ANGEL
-My FAMILY is doing great. We’re at this local bar near my place.
ME:
-Oooh, exciting ;P
RURIK MY ANGEL
-It is.
ME:
-Question. Who’s Vincent Van Gogh? I saw you using my laptop to browse through this site about him.
It was to see an immersive show of his paintings. I checked the dates available and didn”t miss the flash of disappointment when he realized he would be working those days. So I may have called Oscar and begged him to give Rurik one of the days off secretly.
He did, and he promised not to tell Rurik because it was a secret. I purchased us two tickets to this event, and I’m going to surprise him with them when he thinks he’s on his way to work.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-You did not just fucking ask me that.
-Briar.
-I thought you said you love art.
ME:
-I do. I love the artwork, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about the artist.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-You’re joking. Please tell me this is you joking.
Of course, I’m joking. But he doesn’t need to know that. I just love to fuck with him because I miss him. So I keep going.
ME:
-Is he your colleague in the gallery?
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-Are you fucking kidding me?
-He did the Starry Night painting you love.
ME:
-Ooh, the guy who cut his ear off.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-Mental health’s no joke, Briar.
I snort out loud after reading that text.
“Don’t I know it,” I mutter, ready to reply.
But a knock on the door grabs my attention. I quickly sent Rurik a Gotta Go text and jumped up from the couch to let my friends in.
“Pizza?” I ask Nat and Oscar as they both settle on the couch.
“God, yes.” Nat groans, rubbing her stomach. “Give me all the cheese!”
And just like that, my day is better because of these two.
A couple of hours later, I hear Nat singing, “Soooo…?”
I look up from my phone — No, I was not stalking Rurik’s IG. I wasn’t. A picture he uploaded of him and his cousins popped up, and I clicked on his profile. That’s it.
“What?” I ask Nat.
“How are things with you and your sexy artist?”
My face burns as I put my phone away. “We’re fine.”
Oscar hides his smirk by drinking his beer.
“I’m thirsty,” Nat groans. “Serve me some tea.”
I roll my eyes. “Seriously! We’re good. He basically lives here, we hang out, we talk, laugh, fuck a lot—” Nat grins widely while Oscar looks like he’s about to barf. “What else is there to say?” I finish.
“But you guys aren’t together?”
“No. I mean, we’re friends.”
“Friends who fuck.”
“Fuck buddies.” Oscar chirps.
“Yup,” I say with a pop at the end.
Fuck buddies. I think I hate those words. It sounds so unfeeling and not at all what me and Rurik share. Sure, we don’t have the type of relationship where we can proudly announce to everyone, but… it’s something.
Who fucking needs labels, anyway?
“You’re cool with that?” Nat asks as if she read my mind. “Being in a secret relationship with Philip’s stepson, I mean.”
“It’s not ideal, but I love Rurik because of him and not because of Philip.” I immediately freeze at the same time, Nat gasps. Even Oscar lowered his drink to stare at me intently.
“Woah, woah, woah!” Nat puts her glass down and waves her hand. “Back up. Repeat what you just said.”
“It’s not ideal.”
“After that.”
“I’m with Rurik and not Philip.”
“Bitch, repeat exactly what you said.”
“I…” Oh my god. “Love him.” Shit. Am I really about to repeat what I just said? I swallow hard and inhale deeply. “Yeah. I love Rurik.”
Why am I surprised, though? I mean, I care about him deeply. I wasn’t lying when I confessed how much I cared about him and what he meant to me.
But love?
I don’t like throwing that word around. My parents have never said that to each other, nor have they ever said that to me.
Love is such a foreign concept to me.
Is that what I’m feeling?
All I know is that my day feels so much brighter every time I see him.
He chases the darkness back to the shadows hidden in my head. When he’s not with me, I feel so empty and lonely. The thought of him being with other women fills me with jealousy.
His kisses ignite these primal desires within me and overwhelming emotions I struggle to sort through. One glance into his piercing blue eyes and my heart falters. His smiles undo me. His laughter is my addiction.
Even when he’s being an annoying little asshole like leaving his dishes overnight, when he tries to tell me what to do, making fun of my fear of spiders, leaving the toilet seat up, eating on the couch without a plate, rudely unleashing disgusting farts, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor when the laundry hamper is right there, not replacing the empty toilet paper roll — I wouldn’t change him for the world.
Fuck, is that love?
All three of us just stared at each other in silence as my confession settled between us.
Fuck.
Fuuuuuccckkkk.
“Fuck.” I whisper, staring at my friends.
“Fuck.” Oscar releases a heavy sigh.
“Fuck,” Nat echoes, her brows furrowing. Why does she look both excited and concerned at the same time?
“I love him,” I repeat. “Jesus. What does that mean?”
“What do you mean?” Oscar frowns. “You love the asshole. Have you told him?”
“No. How? I literally just realized that now.”
“Oh my god, Briar!” Nat finally squeals, throwing her arms around my neck. “I’m so happy for you! Ugh, god, I can see how happy he’s made you.”
“He’s perfect, Nat.” I couldn’t help but gush. “You were right, you know? He’s such a golden boy, and I love it.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“How can she tell him when the whole senator issue is happening between them?” Oscar interjects disappointingly.
Our smiles vanish. I”m torn between wanting to smack Oscar for bringing this up and thanking him for trying to be realistic.
“I’m going to kill Philip,” I mumble. “Plus, destroying the senator will keep Rurik safe, right? Any potential harm won’t surround him.”
I realize what I just said sounds so fucking stupid.
“Okay Miss I-Keep-A-Dagger-With-Me-At-All-Times,” Nat says with a smirk. “It’s not like our job is harmful at all.”
I scowl. “But we don’t hurt innocent people.”
“We don’t try to.”
“Of course not.”
Nat and Oscar exchange looks before giving me their best reassuring smile.
Rurik calls me his muse. He’s my angel. I would never do anything to hurt him. I can’t.
But I can’t help but think of Nat’s insinuation. We made loads of enemies because of what we do. But Rurik will always be protected by us.
You’re going to kill him.
Fuck that little demon voice in my head. Not again. Not while my friends are here.
I swallow hard.
If you give an artist a killer muse—
No, fuck off.
The muse will end up killing the artist.
“Briar?”
I open my eyes.
What the fuck? Since when did I fall asleep?
I turn to see both Oscar and Nat staring at me with concerned looks on their faces.
“Are you okay?” Nat asks, placing a hand on my forehead. “You started zoning out while we were brainstorming about Oscar’s new gallery event, and you just…”
“You passed out.” Oscar finished for her.
I blink. “What? When?”
“Like an hour ago.”
Fuck.
An evening without Rurik, and already I’m losing it.
*-*-*-*
The feeling of the softest pair of lips brushing against my forehead and soothing fingers running through my hair enters my dream.
“Briar.”
God, even Dream-Rurik is so damn sexy.
“Baby.”
I love his voice. If I can turn his voice into a real person, I’d marry the fuck out of him. Can I do that? I feel those lips pressing against my lips this time. Oh, even in my dreams, he tastes so good.
Good grief, I’m so in love with him.
“Briar?”
I slowly open my eyes, blinking the fogginess away from my vision. As soon as my vision clears, I shield my eyes from the bright lights — yes, I kept the lights on because I didn’t want to be consumed by the dark.
But Real-Rurik is here!
I grin sleepily as I sit up, “Angel? What are you doing here?” I look at the clock, and it’s 8:30 PM.
Oh right. Nat and Oscar left after waking me up. They thought I was falling asleep and insisted they leave early. I didn’t stop them. I wanted to secretly indulge in my little hobby of self-sabotaging to keep the darkness and demons at bay.
Rurik grins back, “I was hoping to let you sleep some more, but you started mumbling.”
My face grew hot. “What was I saying?”
He ducks his head, biting his lip, then looks up at me with a strange expression.
My eyes narrow. “Rurik. What did I say in my sleep?”
“You really think my voice is sexy?”
My face is definitely burning now.
“Also, I”m pretty sure my voice is already attached to a real person. Me.”
I’m going to slap the smug look on his face. “What else did I say?”
But Rurik just stares at me, those eyes bright and beautiful. He chuckles, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. “Can you please tell me why all the lights are on while you’re asleep?”
“I forgot to turn them off,” I lie. “What are you doing here? I thought you were staying with your family?”
“What if I wanted to see you after?”
There goes my heart again. Damn it, Rurik.
“You could have come over tomorrow morning.”
“Are you complaining that I came here as soon as I was free?”
“No. Does that mean you’re going to sleep here tonight?”
“Are you still sleepy?”
“Not anymore, to be honest.”
“In that case, want to go to our little slice of paradise?”
“Now?” I ask in disbelief. “Also… Our?”
“Yes,” He chuckles, and I can’t believe how sexy it sounds. “Ours. Because that place is ours now, not just mine.”
He straightens up and offers his hand. Without hesitation, I take it.
*-*-*-*
“Did you plan this?” I ask Rurik as he pats down the blanket over the grass.
He grins. “No, but I’ve wanted to come here again with you.”
I try not to grin so widely that my cheeks would fall off. Clearing my throat, I sit beside him and lean against his shoulder.
Rurik wraps an arm around my back and breathes in deeply. It’s a nice night out, with barely any clouds out. I look up at the sky, once again feeling like I’m being sucked into space as I stare at the stars.
“This is nice,” I say, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder.
“Yeah,” He agrees, turning my face to him. He’s staring at me with this intense look on his face.
“What?”
Rurik shakes his head, then gently cups my chin with his fingers, pulling my face toward his until our lips meet. I can”t help but grin against his lips, and he chuckles before deepening the kiss. Despite being with the same person, it”s amusing how each kiss evokes a range of emotions within me, from playful loving to almost feral.
He kisses me as if he wants to consume me, his hand sliding to my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheek as our tongues intertwine. When I pull away to catch my breath, he doesn”t release his hold, instead trailing kisses along my jawline and nibbling at my ear, eliciting a shudder from me.
Rurik may not realize it, but he has a penchant for kissing. He showers me with kisses unexpectedly at the most unexpected moments. It”s so damn adorable and stirs deep feelings within me for him.
“Briar,” He whispers against my lips.
I open my eyes to see him looking over my shoulder. I turn around and gasp.
Flickering lights — fireflies — dance in the darkness around us. Normally, I freaking hate bugs. But fireflies? They’re just so cool.
Rurik”s eyes light up with amusement as he gazes at them. ”Looks like the stars decided to join us this time,” he jokes, a playful grin tugging at the corner of his lips.
I grin, looking between the fireflies and their glows lighting up Rurik”s face. He must feel my eyes on him because he turns to me, reaching out his fingers to gently brush against my cheek as he leans closer and captures my lips again.
We stay like this, kissing in our little slice of paradise with fireflies glowing between us while the sounds of the water rippling and the trees rustling in the background.
I breathe in.
Peace.
I breathe out.
For once in so long, I feel 100% at peace. Despite being surrounded by darkness, Rurik is here, keeping the light on.
We stayed here for a few more hours until I ask, “Ready to drive back home? It’s almost midnight.”
Rurik looks at his watch, “Leave in 15 minutes? I’m really enjoying this.”
“Of course,” I’m enjoying these quiet moments with him too.
I glance up at him and grin when he looks back at me. He raises a brow and… Fuck, can I just tell him I love him already?
No, he’ll freak out.
Rurik squeezes me and kisses the side of my head before getting up.
“Where are you going?” I ask with a playful pout.
He rolls his eyes, a small smile tugging his lips. “Wait here, Briar. I forgot to grab something in the car.”
I stare at his ass as he saunters off. The pants he’s wearing makes his butt look like a peach. I want to bite and squeeze it.
Jesus.
I need to get a grip. I glance up again at the sky and feel peace settling within me again.
I suddenly feel hands covering my eyes, and stiffen, my hand going to my hip, where I keep my small dagger.
“It’s me,” Rurik whispers, kissing my cheek. “I’m going to uncover your eyes, but keep your eyes closed until I say so, okay?”
I relax despite being confused with what’s happening. “Okay.”
He lets go, and I hear rustling.
“Okay. You can open your eyes now.”
“What the…”
Rurik is sitting in front of me, holding a big cupcake with an unlit candle. He grins sheepishly, “I, uh… I may have made a little detour before coming to get you.”
I stare at him. “What…? What is this?”
He clears his throat, then glances at his watch. His gaze remains fixed on it, his lips gradually curving upward with each passing second. Just as I”m about to let my impatience shine through, he breaks into a full grin, swiftly retrieving a lighter from his pocket and using it to ignite the candle.
“It”s midnight. I wanted to make sure I was the first person to say this to you today,” Rurik looks up, and his eyes soften as he smiles at me. “Happy birthday, Briar.”
Oh.
Fuck.
I forgot it’s my birthday tomorrow — or, I guess, technically, today.
Swallowing hard, I take the cupcake from his hand and gently place it on top of the blanket before throwing myself at him, not caring about his back hitting the grass. Rurik releases a surprised laugh before I kiss him.
“Thank you,” I murmur after leaving sloppy kisses all over his face like some untrained puppy. “Wow, Rurik. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Seriously, I… Wow.” I don”t know what else to say. I”m stunned. I can”t believe he did this for me.
Rurik just smiles—I”m realizing how often he does that now. Smiling—he pulls me to him, cupping my cheek as he kisses my nose. He pulls back and looks at me with the same intensity as before. He smirks that sexy grin again and kisses me.
My heart keeps thudding against my chest, and I”m so afraid that Rurik will feel it. But I could have sworn I felt his own heart beating abnormally fast against my chest, too, or maybe I”m just being delusional again.
I melt against him as his kisses become ravenous and his hands more adventurous.
If I had any doubts about what I was feeling earlier, there’s none now.
I am 100% deeply in love with Rurik Campbell.