- 23 -
April 2045
Dean
“Are you nervous?” Matt yells through the open door.
He and Hudson have been sitting on my bed for the last forty minutes “helping” me get ready for my date.
“Why would I be nervous?”
“Our offer still stands to take her off your hands,” Hudson jokes, but it’s starting to sour, so I walk back into my room. Want to look them in the eyes for this one.
“She’s mine, and only mine.”
Their tensing shoulders receive the message.
“You love her?” Hudson questions, his playful tone on vacation.
“Already?” Matt asks.
“Are we talking about this right now?”
Raising his eyebrows, Hudson asks, “Do you want to?”
Yes. No. Yes .
“She had me before she even looked at me. She’s . . .” My voice trails off.
Breathtaking, captivating, exquisite—none of those are enough. I’ll have to create a new word just to describe her. One that means a culmination of all of the good things to ever exist, because she’s all of it and then some. Hurts a bit, how much I love her.
“You guys have seen her. Her body is drop-dead flawless in every single way. But her mind? I can’t imagine a world without it. She sees everything so vibrantly, it’s contagious. It challenges me to live fully—freely.”
I both hate and love that they nod like they agree. For the first time, Hudson doesn’t have a sarcastic reply, and Matt’s face softens. They know it’s reckless to get attached.
“Spare me the warning. I know what I stand to lose and I’ll stand anyway, because yes. I’m in love with her, and I’ll spend the rest of the year making sure that when it all goes to shit on New Year’s Eve, it was worth it.”
They wear a look of pride, like military cadets accepting their next order, as they each give a single nod.
“Then we will stand with you,” Matt gently replies.
“Wear the tan pants today. They look better than the jeans,” is all Hudson says as he walks out my bedroom door.
Matt and I share a glance of acceptance for the end of whatever’s to come before I return to my bathroom and finish getting ready.
He sits on my bed the entire time, doing what he does best—being there for me without saying anything at all.
Muffled music welcomes me to the third floor as the elevator doors open. It’s coming from the girls’ apartment. There’s no way they’ll hear my knock, so I hesitate for a few seconds. Hal would be embarrassed if she knew I was listening to their three voices scream-singing “Love Story,” but for all I know this is her pre-date routine, and I wouldn’t dare interrupt that. Makes me smile that she has such thoughtful friends to enjoy life with.
Once the song tapers off, I knock loudly.
“ Ooo, Hallee!” one of them squeaks.
“Shhhh!” she protests. “Coming, Dean!”
She’s definitely pretending to be annoyed, side-eyeing her roommates while prancing to the door. Wish I could see it ?cause I know it’s cute.
The lock clicks and my heart skips.
“Hi!” she half yells as the door swings open.
A perfume cloud of sweet vanilla crashes into me before she does, and her arms wrap around my neck. While I hug her tightly, my eyes close and our bodies sway. In my head, we’re dancing. I’m about to lead her into a spin, but she pulls away before I can fully imagine it. As if it’s second nature, I lean in. Her shoulders tense as her eyes open as wide as the world—what the hell am I doing?
Shrugging my shoulders a little, I play it off as me waving goodbye to her roommates. Her knowing glance heats my cheeks, but she shouldn’t be surprised. Not when she looks like that.
The light blue sundress makes her legs look extra long. As it shifts, I envision her up against a wall with me, kissing her like I can’t get enough. Her back closing the door and my hands holding her legs around my waist. Might be the death of me, those legs, or at least the death of my innocence. That is, if I ever had it.
“Are you ready?” she asks, self-consciously tugging down on her dress.
I take a beat, purposefully letting her watch my eyes drag down and back up her body. Down—strip off her insecurity. Up—flood her with confidence.
“Spin for me, Sunshine.”
Flashing a flirty smile, she flips her hair over her shoulder and spins into me. My arms cradle her in a mid-air dip, and her head tips back in unabashed laughter. This is what it feels like to hold the sun without getting burned.
Suspended in time and nearly suffocated by desire, we breathe in time with each other.
“We better get going,” she whispers, glancing at my lips.
“Right, can’t be late,” I reply, smiling as I glance at hers.
I wonder what her lip gloss tastes like. Sugar and strawberries seems right. Time glitches as her grip tightens on my shirt.
“There’s a car downstairs. We don’t want to miss the sunset,” she says, pulling away and skipping down the hallway.
“A car?” My face falters.
Surprising choice, with how much we both love walking.
Glancing back at me, she winks as she says, “It’ll be quick, I promise.”
Placing a hand on her lower back and guiding her into the elevator, I whisper, “Oh, Hallee, I can assure you, it will not be.”
Curiosity lines her widened eyes as she imagines it—all of the ways it could be not so quick with us. Makes my heart skip about four thousand beats, until we slide into the car and my hand rests on her knee. Bizarre, how someone can be both a shock to your system and a sedative to the shock.
The golden-hour light is stunning, and I could look out the window, enjoying it, the entire ride. Instead, I watch my Sunshine stare at the sun, and that’s even better. She is my grand, magnetic center star, and is completely unaware of how lucky I am to exist in orbit around her.
Hallee
My love for the city lights has started to turn to hate. They aren’t very calming to my increasingly restless soul, so as the driver pulls out of the city, I release a much-needed exhale. There’s no fluff or frills to the date I have planned. It’s only us and the setting sun, and I hope that’s enough.
The temperature has dropped with the sun, and chill bumps cover my legs the second Dean opens my door. I’m not sure him helping me out of the car will ever get old. It’s nice to feel cared for, even in the littlest ways.
He closes the door behind me and we wave goodbye to the driver watching us in the rearview. Do you think he can tell we belong together?
“Come on. It’s not too much farther,” I say, linking Dean’s hand in mine.
After five minutes of walking, we wander into a meadow of wildflowers. Nerves build in me with every step. Now that there’s a chance someone else will think this is silly, it feels a little less inspiring than I remember.
“Well, Dean, you said you wanted to know me.”
He stares, blankly.
“Welcome to my favorite top-secret hiding spot.” I giggle, gesturing to the open field before throwing my hands behind my back and twisting like I usually twist my hair. I tap my toes three times because I can’t control his reaction, but I can try to summon some luck.
Finally he looks at me, eyes sparkling as he asks, “How did you find this?”
“I had a hard day and wanted to escape the city, so I walked to the edge and kept going. Stumbled upon this little oasis. It’s too far off the road for everyone to know it’s here, and far enough outside of the city to not hear honking horns. It’s a calm pocket of peace when it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever hold hands with peace again.”
His index finger traces a star on the back of my hand as I lean into the dream of doing this forever. He bites his lip, and my stomach jumps, and underneath the spotlight of his stare, I do what I do best.
Bolting away, I sprint wild and free through the flowers like a little kid running with their best friend. So light, so carefree, before they know the weight of growing up. He chases me closely, pretending to struggle catching up. This is the whole reason I wore tennis shoes with this dress—so I could run away with him, if only for a minute. Each breath in and out propels us into a new round of uncontained laughter.
The edge of the flowers is the finish line, and I spin through the soft, green grass on my victory lap, throwing my arms out wide. Dean catches me within a few steps, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off the ground.
This is what it feels like to fly.
This is what it feels like to fall.
He throws himself under me as we land on the ground. Eye to eye and breathing as one, we are ambushed by a second wave of laughter. His happiness is my favorite song. It awakens my soul from sleeping. It makes me want to live.
“I could stay here all night,” he admits.
Like a camera flash, I see us intertwined with one another. Tightening my grip on his shirt, I roll over and pull him on top of me.
“I picture us more like this at night,” I whisper inches from his lips.
Even now in the heat of his hungry stare, he makes no move forward. Never fails to lead with respect and self-control. I wish he’d let go a little, if only for me. If he won’t for me, he wouldn’t for anyone, right?
Holding his gaze, I ignite my eyes. My city’s on fire, Dean. This is your smoke signal. A muscle in his jaw tenses and his breathing hitches.
He wants to, doesn’t he? If he wanted to, would he?
Instead of being my remedy, he climbs off and rests his head in the grass. My cheeks burn the city down at his silent denial. Why won’t he kiss me?
Why won’t I kiss him?
The sunset does nothing to ice the impact of the punch to my pride.
“I hope I get to paint a sunset someday,” I blurt, desperate to distract myself.
Rising up halfway, he props his head up on his hand.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve recently had this idea that maybe we can be whatever we want when we pass on. Maybe whoever controls the skies will let us paint a sunset to light up the sky for those we left behind.”
He’s looking at me like I hung the moon, encouraging me to continue.
“This one was painted by someone who left too soon. Someone trying to remind all of us that there is a lot of life to enjoy in the small moments. It’s chaotic, but beautiful, like a painting at the hands of a child. Look.” I point to an area of colors mixed so aggressively that it’s impossible to decipher what the original one was. “They used every color they could to remind us to live a bright life—to live boldly. What a legacy to leave.”
His eyes break and lower as sadness peers through the cracks. The brief pause stitches me together, preventatively providing reinforcement so I don’t fall apart right here.
“Do you think about it often—leaving a legacy?” he timidly asks.
“Do you?”
“I have to admit that it’s crossed my mind more recently.” His eyes flicker to me. “Life could be really beautiful if we could remember, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful this way too. There isn’t much use in wishing life were different when the outcome is already chosen.”
“My mind doesn’t work that way. We only get one life—why would we willingly accept anything short of everything we hope for?”
“I’m just trying to do the best I can with what I’ve been given.”
“But what if—?”
What if what, he blinks.
“There was an old lady at work the other day. She carries around a balloon with her everywhere she goes.” I guide the conversation toward the idea that has haunted me over the last few weeks. Maybe The Gift isn’t so permanent.
“When I asked her why, she gave me a suspicious look and lowered her voice. She thinks that somehow, someday, someone will remember her, and she doesn’t just hope, Dean. She believes that someone will. What if she’s right?”
It takes less than one second for hope to be ignited in the heart of someone who’s desperately searching for it. He too will now cling to it like a life raft. Hope—the ultimate lifeline of our love.
“Do you really think it’s possible? To remember each other?” he asks.
“I don’t know, but I officially have something worth remembering, so I won’t go down without a fight.”
His hand cradles mine as he gently kisses my hairline.
“Naive of me to think that I could be the exception to the rule. It’s a little bit embarrassing, isn’t it?”
The security blanket of his arms wraps around me, pulling me closer into his chest.
“It’s not embarrassing to have hope, Hallee. It’s essential, and you’ve given me a great deal of it.”
We share a charged glance, like two people walking into a battle they don’t expect to walk away from, and his head rests onto mine. My shame cowers at his touch.
“Let’s be whatever we want to be right now, Hal. There’s no time to waste.”
Surrounded by the wildflowers, we watch as the sun sets and the stars appear one by one like freckles in the sky.