Chapter 48 Ivy
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Ivy
The door creaks open, and I don’t even need to look up to know who it is. Jesse’s footsteps are unmistakable, and he’s carrying a storm inside him.
Pickle, who’s been enthusiastically chewing on an old sock at my feet, freezes, tail no longer wagging, sensing the tension before I do.
I look over at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in ages. He looks... not angry, but definitely not happy. His shoulders are tight, and his jaw is set in that familiar way that means things are about to get real.
“Jesse,” I say, trying to sound casual, as if it’s no big deal that my life has turned into a dumpster fire.
Pickle, apparently deciding it’s time to break the awkwardness, lets out a little bark and darts over to Jesse’s feet, wagging his tail so hard he might topple over.
Jesse doesn’t bend down to pet him, though.
Instead, he just stands there for a second, his gaze flicking between me and the room, like he's not sure where to start. I don’t blame him. I’m not exactly sure where to start either.
“Freddie told me,” Jesse says, his voice low, like he's testing the waters before diving in. “The truth. All of it.”
I rub the back of my neck, trying to keep my head clear, but the room feels a little too small, a little too heavy.
"I... yeah. He did. Look, Jesse, I… I know this is hard to wrap your head around. Trust me, I’m finding it hard as well, but Freddie, Mitchell, and Timothy…” I shake my head. “I know it sounds wild, but it feels right.”
I pause, trying to collect myself, but Jesse’s standing there, not saying a word, his face a mask of disbelief. I know he’s trying not to lose it, trying to keep it together, but the disappointment is already there, hanging in the air between us.
“And now I’m pregnant,” I add, my voice almost a whisper now. “And they all want to give things a shot. Like, a real relationship with all of us.”
“And how will that work?”
I have no words. This isn’t something I know yet.
“I don’t even know how to process this, Ivy,” he mutters, shaking his head. "You’re my sister. And you’ve got yourself wrapped up in this... this mess. And I… I don’t know how to help you. How to protect you from it."
“It’s not a mess, Jesse. I know it sounds like it, but it isn’t.”
“This is what you want?”
The air feels thick with everything left unsaid, and I wish I could just make it stop. Make him understand. But I know I can’t. Not right now.
So I just tell him the truth. “Yes.”
I can feel it. The sharp edge of his disappointment cutting through me, and it's worse than anything he’s said. Worse than any of the stupid decisions I made to get here.
“I just need you there, Jesse…”
There’s a beat between us, silence hanging heavy as he searches my eyes. For answers, for clarity. I don’t know. He inhales deeply, breaking eye contact. “I’ve always been there for you. I always will. But I need some time to process all of this.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it's lodged there for good. I can’t bring myself to look at him, not yet. If I do, I’ll crumble. And I can’t do that. Not in front of him. Not now.
“Okay,” I say, my voice barely more than a whisper.
I hate how weak I sound, but I can’t help it. The weight of everything pressing down on me is too much.
Jesse hesitates for a second, then, without another word, he leaves. The door clicks softly behind him, and the silence that follows is so heavy I might drown in it.
I sit there, staring at the closed door, as the sound of Jesse’s footsteps fades into the distance.
The silence in the room is almost suffocating, pressing in on me from all sides.
Pickle, sensing the shift, crawls up onto the couch and rests his head on my lap, but even his comforting presence can’t ease the knot in my chest.
I feel like I’m failing. Failing Jesse. Failing myself. This... all of this... it’s slipping through my fingers, and I can’t seem to grab onto anything solid.
I grab my phone from the coffee table, my fingers trembling slightly as I unlock it and search for Olivia’s contact.
She’s always been the one I turn to when I need to talk things out, when the world gets too loud and my head too full.
She’s the only person who knows me, really knows me, even when I don’t know myself.
I hit her name and wait, the ringing echoing through the quiet room. After three rings, she picks up.
“Ivy?” Her voice is a familiar balm, but there’s something in the way she says my name that makes my chest tighten all over again. “What’s going on?”
“I…” My voice cracks, and I quickly take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Jesse knows. He... he knows everything, Liv. And he’s pissed. He said he needs time. Space. He doesn’t understand.”
Olivia’s voice softens, and I can almost picture her frowning, rubbing a hand over her forehead, already trying to sort through the mess in her own mind.
“I’m sorry, Ivy,” she says, her tone gentle but firm. “I know this is hard. But you can’t expect him to just get it right away.”
“I know,” I mutter, my voice bitter. “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“You’re his sister, Ivy. This is... it’s big. I mean, huge,” she says with a sigh. “You’re talking about starting something with three men… three! He’s processing that. He’s trying to make sense of it.”
“I’m trying to make sense of it, too,” I snap before I can stop myself. “I didn’t ask for this, Liv. I didn’t ask to have my life turn into a damn soap opera. But here I am.”
She’s quiet for a moment, letting the silence hang between us, and then she says something that cuts through the storm of my thoughts like a blade.
“I know you didn’t ask for it. But you have to give Jesse time.
He loves you. He just... needs time to process everything.
He’ll come around. He just can’t do it on your timetable.
You have to let him breathe, Ivy. And, most importantly, you have to breathe too.
You don’t have to fix this all right now. ”
I hate that she’s right. I hate that she always has a way of cutting through the noise and giving me the space I don’t want but need. “I just... I need him. I need someone to not look at me like I’m a damn disaster.”
“You’re not a disaster,” she says, her voice steady. “You’re figuring it out. You’re doing the best you can. But you’ve got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You’re going to drive yourself crazy if you don’t give yourself a break.”
I lean back against the couch, closing my eyes as I press the phone to my ear. "I don't know how to give myself a break. Everything feels like it's breaking."
“You’re not broken,” Olivia says softly.
“You’re just... in the middle of a really hard chapter.
And like any chapter, it’s not the whole story.
You just need to keep going, one step at a time.
And maybe you don’t know where it’s all going yet, but you’re going to figure it out.
But you can’t do that if you’re stuck in the guilt and fear of how things might turn out. ”
I let out a shaky breath, the weight of her words sinking in. She’s right. As much as it kills me to admit it, I can’t control everything. Not even Jesse. Not even this situation.
“Okay,” I say, my voice quieter now. “I’ll give him time.”
“That’s all you can do,” she replies. “But in the meantime, you focus on what you need. Figure out what you want. And I’ll be here, okay?”
“Thanks, Liv,” I say, my voice breaking slightly. “I really needed to hear that.”
“I know you did,” she says. “You’re not alone in this, Ivy. You never will be.”
I hang up the phone, feeling the weight of her words settle into my chest, and for the first time in a while, I let myself believe them.
Maybe I don’t have it all figured out, and maybe I can’t make everyone see things my way right now.
But I can take things one step at a time.