CHAPTER 10DENISE
CHAPTER 10
DENISE
By the time we got back to Cleo’s apartment, we were exhausted. Cleo had run down to grab our Thai food from the delivery guy, and I was sitting on the couch, bundled up in my coat because it was cold as shit. Before I could stop myself, I pulled out my cell phone.
There was a text message from Hugh waiting for me.
You should be enjoying your evening with Cleo and not checking your phone.
I sighed and typed back.
How do you know that I wasn’t coming to say thank you?
Almost immediately, I saw his dots typing.
Were you?
Laughing, I hugged my coat closer to me and pulled my feet underneath me.
This is a trap. If I say I was going to thank you, you’ll be all, I punish liars. If I say I was checking emails, you’ll say, we agreed no overtime and that’s misbehavior.
The dots came back and went away and then came back again.
Being a smart ass gets you punished too.
“Oh, fuck right off,” I said, throwing my phone down as Cleo walked in. I could already taste the peanut sauce, and I was salivating.
“You are so dickmatized,” Cleo said, bumping the door closed with her hip.
“I know. I can’t even pretend that I’m not, can I?” I groaned, covering my face with my arm.
Cleo plopped everything down on her coffee table and handed me a fork as she opened the boxes. It felt like high school all over again, eating right out of the containers. I moaned as the chicken satay hit my tongue.
“Okay. Calm down.” Cleo laughed as I continued to slowly chew and savor the fiery and sweet sauce.
“It’s the little things,” I said as I forked up some pad thai. We’d had such a good day. Despite all the bullshit, I was able to truly relax and get out of my head for the first time in weeks. Cleo was right about me being hypnotized by the glorious dick that rests between his leg, but there was more than that.
I don’t know what I was expecting from him after everything went down, but he was… there. When I was knee-deep in work he stayed late, when I recommended watching a show I’d seen a million times, he humored me, when I wasn’t hungry, he brought me something to eat anyways.
He recognized that I needed to just exist. And now this? That word that I’d been avoiding was rattling around in my brain again, and I started to panic. Nope. I needed a distraction.
“So, you’ve been talking to Lucian?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the food and my face blank.
“No. Well, I mean, yes. But it’s not even like that,” she was talking fast—too fast—with her lying self.
“Hmm,” I said, biting my lips to stop the smirk from forming.
“Nah, don’t hmm me, bitch. What about you and mocha-choca-lat-te-yaya? You need some ice for your sore kitty?” She popped a shrimp into her mouth and wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“We haven’t really… he told me some shit, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.” I chewed on a piece of broccoli while she side-eyed me.
“Typical,” she snorted.
“Umm, what the fuck does that mean?” I asked, hearing the annoyance in my voice before I felt it.
“Den. I love you. To hell and back. But, girl, you’re textbook avoidant. Anything that’s uncomfortable gets put on a list that you never get to.”
Rolling my eyes, I got up to grab a glass of water.
“See?” she mumbled. I gave her the hand as I grabbed a glass.
“I’m thirsty,” I said as I grabbed another glass for her and filled them both with water.
“Girl. You are literally running away from this conversation. A-void-ance.” Her arms were crossed as she watched me walk back toward her.
“I’m not avoiding it. I’m thinking,” I mumbled as I sat down and tucked my legs back under me.
“Thinking or spiraling?”
Her cutting words made me sputter on the mouthful of water I’d just taken. I choked it down as she smirked at me.
“Your ass likes to think you have all the information in the world, and you spiral. I bet your silly behind ain’t even talked to that man about what he told you since. You’re just sitting there twisting your brain into knots.”
I groaned, knowing she was right.
“Meanwhile, he’s been texting me daily updates, checking in with me, and keeping you company. Don’t you think that he deserves a conversation and not your doom spiraling?”
A few seconds of silence stretched between us, and Cleo made such a loud mhm that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I hate you,” I said.
“Fuck you, too,” she said, gesturing with a shrimp and giving me a wink.
She was right. The jerk.
After we finished dinner, we watched some sci-fi show that Cleo lived and breathed for, but I couldn’t concentrate. My whole body was a piece of ice in the Arctic Ocean. I half expected to see Rose floating by on a fucking door. I smacked her foot.
“Why is it so cold in here, Cleo?”
“The heater is broken,” she half-wailed, rolling around in her blanket cocoon, “let’s just go to sleep. I can heat up the blankets.”
“Fine,” I said, throwing off my jacket and clothes and reaching into the little overnight bag for my pajamas. I got dressed as quickly as I could as she shut off the TV. Once I’d plugged in my phone, I dove under the covers, shivering. I was reaching around for the switch to turn the blanket on high, but I didn’t find anything.
“Bring your ass. I’m losing feeling in my toes,” I cried out.
“Calm down!” She called from the kitchen. Was she doing the damn dishes? Couldn’t she do that in the morning?
By the time she finally brought her ass to bed, I was ready for the grim reaper to take me. That’s when this bitch leaned over and grabbed a hairdryer and flicked it on.
“You’re fucking lying.” I glared as she lifted her knees up and placed it under the covers.
“Are you cold or not? If I keep my knees up and the blanket clear of the blow-dryer, it works perfectly.”
I leaned away from her, almost sliding out of the bed. Narrowing my eyes, I felt the bed start to heat up as I scrutinized the blow dryer.
“That thing looks a little worn,” I said warily.
She scoffed and repositioned her knees.
“Stop asking questions. As long as we don’t fall asleep with it on, we’re fine. I’ve been doing this for years.”
“Hopefully not with the same hair dryer…” I chuckled.
When she didn’t laugh at my joke, I put my knees up too and gave her the side eye.
“Girl, if we burn to death in this bed, our pact about going to hell together is null and void. I’m hanging out with Jerri Curl Jesus, and you can enjoy Lucifer peeling you like a grape.” I snuggled into the heat.
“Nah, I’m dragging your ass with me. You can’t change up the plan now.” She kicked my foot, and I closed my eyes, ignoring her.
“Seduce Lucifer, take over Hell, reign supreme… Plus, do you think you gonna be able to do all that nasty shit with Hugh in heaven? I bet they only let you do missionary up there, and I know you like throwing that dump truck back.”
I let out a sigh. “I do. I do love throwing it back. But who’s to say it’s gonna be me and Hugh in heaven?”
Cleo scoffed. “Lie to your momma, not me. If I was the jealous type, I’d have thought you’d replaced me, the way you talk about that man. Nah, you love him—”
“The hell I do!” I screeched.
“You just aren’t ready to see it yet,” she talked over me.
I kissed my teeth, and she laughed, “Alright, I got three questions, and then I’m done with the ‘making Denny see reason’ portion of the evening.”
“I don’t want to answer them,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Question one: how does he like his coffee?” Cleo asked.
“Black,” I answered immediately, “But that’s—”
“Two: what’s his favorite color?” she continued.
“Bronze,” I answered again, “But I only know that—”
“Three: how would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and he was gone?”
She’d taken me by surprise. Her words made me suddenly feel… sad. She was watching as the emotions played over my face. It took me a second to verbalize the ache in my chest.
“Empty,” I whispered.
Well, shit. We had passion and fun, but we also had… something more. She gave me a smile as she adjusted the hair dryer and hit me with a wave of heat.
“Mhm, scary ass,” she said as she shut her eyes again.
Pulling the covers up to my chin, I held on to that ache in my chest. The idea, the very idea of losing the relationship I had with him made my eyes water and my chest feel hollow. There was something between us, something deeper than friendship and deeper than sex. He found his way into the very core of me and settled in when I wasn’t watching.
Cleo was right. I was spiraling. And I owed it to both of us to hear him out. I’d put him off for too long. I knew where it came from. It was fear of the unknown. Fear of what could happen if he was caught. But really, I was afraid of the man that he used to be.
He’d been waiting for me to talk to him, and I was obsessing over all the wrong things because that was easier. I grabbed my phone and started typing notes. Cleo opened an eye and gazed over at me.
“Girl, what are you doing?”
“Writing down some stuff,” I said as Cleo smiled wide.
“Look at that growth.”
Kicking her, I leaned back and kept tapping on my phone, typing out thoughts and how I was going to approach this conversation with Hugh in the morning. I was done tiptoeing. It was time to face this head-on.