3. Declan
3
DECLAN
I was laid back in my office chair, staring at the different picture frames of Winter, Donovan, and myself. It was after eight and I should have been home hours ago, but I didn’t want to go. Since the revelation of Winter cheating on me, it hadn’t seemed like a home. It was more like two strangers walking around. She hadn’t mentioned it since the night we talked about it. Luckily, Donovan had been staying with his grandparents at their condo, so he didn’t have to be at home watching his parents mope around. I knew my feelings didn’t matter to her because she hadn’t stopped talking to him. When we were in the same room, I’d catch her looking at her phone smiling, or she’d leave the room claiming she had to take a call. She’d never had to take a phone call away from me, so I knew it was him.
It was only Wednesday, and she’d become a completely different person since Sunday, starting with when she came home with all her hair cut off and dyed fire engine red. That was out of left field, but it did look good on her, so I didn’t have any complaints. When my mom asked if everything was okay with us, I lied. On top of changing her hair, she’d been out every night since. With every hour she was gone, my chest tightened more and more. I was back up to four pills a day, and even that seemed like it wasn’t helping. I’d been staying at my office as late as I could without it seeming crazy. At work, I could pretend everything was good at home.
The one time I tried to have a conversation with her, she barely paid attention because she was looking at her phone. A part of me wanted to take her phone so I could have her undivided attention, but that would only throw jet fuel on the already blazing flame. The last few nights were spent waiting up for her. She’d come in after three, after four, and last night, she didn’t come in until I was in the shower getting ready for work, with no explanation. She didn’t think she owed me one at all. With Donovan starting school soon, that behavior wasn’t going to fly, open relationship or not.
My phone vibrated on the desk, and I sat up to see my mom calling.
“Hey, Mom,” I answered.
“Hey, son. Can you bring Don his eczema cream? He thought he had it.”
“Okay, I’ll be right there.”
The pause in the conversation had me ready to come clean about everything, but I didn’t, especially since Winter always called me a ‘momma’s boy’. This was the first big issue that Winter and I had since my mom asked her if she wanted to have more kids. Although I told my mother not to say anything to her about it, she did it anyway, causing Winter to be mad at me for weeks, claiming I was trying to force her to have another baby. That wasn’t the case because I would never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do, but damn, I wanted another baby. My baby fever was so high I’d been looking up adoption and surrogacy agencies out of curiosity.
“All right. See you in a bit,” she said and ended the call.
I got up and left my office, locking the door behind me. On my way out of the door, I waved at the cleaning crew who cleaned the building at night. Outside, I got on my golf cart and headed to my house. Nearing the house, it was pitch black, so I knew Winter was already gone. Part of me wanted to call her, but I didn’t want to know where she was. It was easier to believe she’d just gone into town with some of the other moms than to believe she was with another man. When I got off the golf cart, I walked inside and almost immediately, my heart pumped faster. Trying to ignore the feelings, I distracted my brain by clutching my healing thumb, welcoming the stinging. I went in my son’s room and grabbed his cream from the nightstand and was out of the house just as quick as I’d came in.
I sat in the golf cart, clutching the steering wheel and trying to catch my breath. Just a split second in the house knocked some of the wind out of me. I’d tapped out on my pills for today, so I had to force the feelings away or I’d have to take another trip to the hospital. It was embarrassing that at thirty-eight years old, I needed medicine to help regulate my feelings and emotions. I couldn’t talk to any of my family about it. My brother Dymon thought he was the black sheep of the family because our dad sent him away at sixteen, but I was the real black sheep. It was worse for me because I was around the family to see them walk on eggshells around me.
If I called Diesel and told him about Winter, he’d laugh at me and say, ‘I told you so’. I definitely wasn’t going to call Dymon, because he didn’t like Winter at all, claiming it was her who made me crazy. I didn’t want to hear him tell me I should have been dumped her. I couldn’t call Denim and talk to her about it because she would echo the same sentiments that I believed Dymon would express. Demetria was the sibling I would consider myself closest to because we were the only two who got treated differently, but this was different. I felt if I told her, she’d let it slip to Denim, and she would tell Dymon, and Dymon would tell Diesel, and then at the next family dinner, everybody would act weird and make snide remarks until my parents demanded to know what was going on. That was usually how it went, and it was why I kept a lot of shit buried deep inside.
After getting myself together, I pulled out of my yard and headed toward the beach. It wasn’t that far of a drive, and the wind felt good. When my phone rang, I looked at my watch to see that Diesel was calling.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“What you got going on?”
“Nothing, heading to drop some cream off to Donovan at your parents. You on your way back?”
“No, not right this moment. Still in the office. Matter of fact, listen… I called you because between now and two weeks, I’m going to need every receipt, no matter how big or small, to be scanned into the system, if they haven’t been already. We are being audited and doing the financials for agriculture is a bit tricky.”
“Oh, so there is something that the grand mathematician can’t do.”
He chuckled. “I said it’s tricky, not I can’t do it.”
“Yeah, I got you. I’ll take some time to do it over the next week. Is there a specific deadline?”
“Preferably, ASAP, so I can have the team already working on it, but two weeks at the latest.”
“Bet. When are you coming back?”
“I’ll be back in a few days. Do you need me sooner?”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Good. I’ll talk to you later; my wife is calling.”
“Okay,” I said and ended the call.
I was passing one of the bars on the beach and noticed Winter’s car. A part of me wanted to stop, but I wasn’t. The familiar feeling started to creep up in my chest, so I mashed the pedal so I could get to my parents’ place faster in case I couldn’t get in front of it.
Just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe.
I slammed on the brakes next to my parents’ golf cart and nearly fell off mine. There were times when my panic attacks would stir up so fast, making me feel like my throat was closing and every breath felt like my last. I massaged my throat as I stumbled up to the door and tapped on it before twisting the knob. While I waited for someone to answer the door, I paced and massaged my neck. As soon as my mom opened the door, I rushed by her into the house and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the cold water, gathered some in my shaky hands, and splashed it against my face. After splashing my face for a third time, I rubbed the excess down my head.
Some knocks on the door got my attention.
“Declan, you okay?” Mom asked outside the door.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I choked out as normally as I could.
It was quiet, but I knew she was still outside the door. I closed my eyes trying to think of anything other than my girl being out with another man. A few minutes later, the thumping in my ears slowed and my chest and throat started to untighten. When I felt back to myself, I left the bathroom and found my dad, my son, and my nieces in the kitchen. My dad was leaned over the kitchen table rolling a pizza cutter through a homemade pizza. Donovan, Deija, and Dymani’s eyes were wide-eyed, hooked on the pizza without noticing noticed I’d come in the kitchen.
He looked at me. “Hey, son. You okay?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me if I’m okay,” I spat.
He stopped cutting the pizza and stared at me. His expression was unreadable, but I knew he was thinking of something he couldn’t say in front of his grandkids.
“Grandpa, come on,” Donovan urged. “I’m starving.”
He looked back at the pizza and continued slicing.
“Well, son. I was asking if you were okay because I hadn’t seen you in a while and hadn’t talked to you in a couple days. I’m not sure why everyone else is asking if you’re okay.”
He put their pizza on their plates before he looked back at me, dusting his hands.
“Now, I want to know if there is something going on I should know about, so I can ask if you’re okay.”
I shook my head.
Although my relationship with my dad was how I wished it had been since the beginning, I still didn’t want to tell him about Winter. I’d messed up a lot of shit, so my relationship with Winter was the one thing I wanted… needed to work. At one point, my whole family was against our relationship. It was so bad that even my mom had started to second guess it. I needed this relationship to work. I had to prove I could keep something together. Yeah, I was keeping the grove running, but I was sure they thought it was more Mr. Quest than anything.
“In that case, would you like to have some of this delicious extra meaty meat lover’s pizza your son and nieces made that is going to give their grandfather a heart attack,” he asked while tapping Deija on her nose, making her grin.
“Yeah, I’ll have a slice.”
He grabbed me a plate and put a slice of pizza on it.
“Viv! Where are you?” he shouted.
“I’m right here,” she responded, coming around the corner.
She gave me her worried mom look before she stood next to my dad. Their marriage or lack thereof was just as confusing as my relationship, so they were the wrong ones to ask for any advice right now. My mom was running around with another man while still being married to my dad, and surprisingly, he was taking it better than I expected. Granted, he deserved it, I just never thought he’d be so cool about it. Their marriage could be considered an open marriage, so maybe I could ask him about it, but I wasn’t ready to say anything.
“Donovan, when you coming home, you been busy all week. How you know I don’t miss you?”
He laughed. “I miss you too, Dad. You know the bed is big enough for us to share at my uncle’s. It’s boring at home with just you and mom.”
“Ouch.”
He laughed. “Sorry, Dad.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
There were a lot of things I got wrong, but being a father wasn’t one of them. Donovan was the best thing that ever happened to me. At only nine years old, he was super smart and funny. Sometimes I stared at him in awe of what Winter and I created. With him being as smart as he was, I knew we wasn’t going to be able to keep this shit going. He would start asking questions I didn’t have the answers to.
When my watch vibrated, I looked at it to see that Kemba had sent me a text.
Kemba: Yo, come to Seaside. I got some shots with yo name on it.
Seaside was Citrus Grove’s main bar, where tourists mostly hung out, and where I saw Winter’s car parked. He must have saw Winter and wanted me to see her, too. I was already embarrassed because he’d noticed how off I’d been all week. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, because I didn’t want anyone to know. If I showed up, I’d probably embarrass us both, seeing her with another man. If I didn’t show up, he’d probably tell Quinci. I had no choice, but to make up something.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to text him back.
Me: You see Winter. That’s her cousin.
Kemba: No I don’t. Ginger working tonight. Free shots.
There wasn’t a way to clean that up, so I would have to tell him the truth and hoped he kept it a secret.
Me: Give me a min.
“Son, how’s business,” Dad asked.
“Business is good. It’s time to harvest and I just recently closed a multi-million-dollar contract with a grocery chain over in EastRose.”
“What!” He and Mom shrieked. “When? I mean, why you haven’t said anything? That’s great news,” he continued.
He wiped his hands on his towel and stood up.
“Well stand up, so I can shake your hand like a man.”
I stood and shook his hand. “I got the deal closed last week. It’s no big deal.”
“Yes, it is a big deal, Declan.”
Instead of sitting down, I leaned over and kissed Donovan on top of his head.
“I’m going to Seaside to have a couple shots to celebrate.”
“Okay, Dad. Congratulations on the contract,” Donovan said with a mouth full of pizza.
“Thank you, son. I really appreciate it.”
My parents kept their eyes on me as I kissed my nieces on the top of their head. When I approached my dad, he pulled me into a hug.
“I am really proud of you, son.”
“Thank you, Dad. It really means a lot to hear you say that.”
“You’re welcome. Let’s have a one on one before I leave.”
“Okay, when are you leaving?”
“Greysen is due soon, so probably not for a while.”
“Hmph,” Mom hummed. Dad and I looked at her.
“What was that, Mom?”
“Nothing. Come hug me. I am so happy for you. Please allow us to celebrate you, Declan.”
She hugged me and kissed my cheek.
“Okay, I’ll tell everyone soon,” I said.
“Good. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I left the condo, got on my golf cart, and headed toward the bar. With everything going on, hearing my parents say they were proud of me felt good. I’d been working on the EastRose deal for nearly a year. I’d kept quiet about it because if it failed, then no one would know. They sent over the paperwork a week ago and I just wanted to bask in that joy before I said anything about it in case my siblings didn’t approve of it. I had something to smile about until I pulled into Seaside and Winter’s car was still in the same place. I purposely parked my golf cart next to her car.
Walking inside, Kemba noticed me and threw his hand up. I nodded at the women who seductively smiled and waved at me. I wasn’t a stranger to women flirting with me, but none of it moved me. If I wanted to hit a different girl every week, I could. While the attention was cool, I would never disrespect Winter like that. My eyes darted around the area looking for that red hair, but she wasn’t around.
Kemba hopped off the stool as I approached him.
“What’s up, my boy?” He dapped me up.
“Not shit.”
We sat back down, and he waved Ginger over.
“What you mean not shit? I talked to Mr. Quest. He said we getting another raise because you got some new deal. Why you ain’t said shit?”
Ginger approached us. “Hey, handsome. What you getting?”
“Ginger, get my guy two shots of Jager, and a glass of Johnnie Walker Black,” Kemba said to her before looking at me. “But nah, every time I think I got you New York niggas figured out, you throw me a curveball. It’s been years and sometimes I still feel like yo’ brother be sizing me up about Quinci.”
I chuckled while shaking my head. “What you talking about, man?”
“You know y’all don’t make friends easily, but it’s cool. I get it. You been off this week and thought you needed a drink. That contract shit was stressing you out like that?”
“Not really. It was just a whole bunch of legal jargon and taste testing and testing out how we wanted to ship it. I been working on it for over a year.”
“That’s crazy, but good for us, right?”
“Yeah, it is.”
When Ginger came over with our drinks, I looked out on the deck to see if I could spot Winter, but she wasn’t there. It didn’t make sense to look out at the beach because it was too dark. If I started to wonder where she was, I’d start to get anxious.
“Enjoy, boys.” She winked at me.
When she walked away, my eyes dropped to her thick round ass. I looked away, slightly shaking my head. No matter what me and Winter was going through, I didn’t think I could do it.
We tapped glasses and threw our shots back.
“How you gon’ celebrate the deal? You need a vacation, bro. Take you and your girl on an expensive vacation before the lil’ man go back to school, because—oh, there go yo’ redhead right there.”
I looked to see Winter coming out of the hallway, with a man following a couple of steps behind her. Nothing could be misconstrued about what had taken place as they both looked disheveled and covered in sweat. They walked out on the deck, never noticing us. Suddenly, it seemed like my heart had been dropped-kicked out of my chest.
“Her cousin, huh?” Kemba mumbled, then gulped from his glass before setting it down and standing. “Her cousin? What the fuck you still sitting down for? Let’s go get that nigga.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to bring attention to it. Just…” I paused and cleared my throat.
“Just what?”
I couldn’t find the words. I couldn’t tell Kemba that if I stood up too fast, I’d probably pass out. They’d sat in the back corner of the deck directly in our eyesight. They sat on the same side of the table, and she started kissing him like they weren’t just in the bathroom together. Winter must have felt someone glaring at her because she looked around before her eyes found mine. Her eyes bucked, knowing she’d been caught. She looked at him and said something before gathering her things and leaving the table. I watched him watch her walk away from his table, smirking as if he'd won a prize. When he picked up his glass, he held it out toward me, then threw the rest of his drink back.
“Aw, hell naw. He think you pussy, man,” Kemba snapped.
“Kemba—” I started.
“Shit, I forgot. Your name is a brand. You can’t whoop his ass, but I can.”
The dude stood, dropped some cash on the table, and walked off the deck toward the beach.
When Kemba started after him, I grabbed his shoulder. “Man, don’t…”
He snatched out of my grasp, walked outside on the deck, and hopped over the banister after him. I heard the moment Kemba’s palm connected with his jaw.
“Ooh, shit,” somebody exclaimed. “He smacked that nigga!”
“Bitch, nigga, we don’t play that around here,” Kemba snapped.
I couldn’t see, but I heard what sounded like a bone crack and body drop.
“Damnnn. That’s cold Kemba,” a dude said.
Moments later, Kemba jumped back over the banister, not caring that everybody was looking at him.
“That damn sure wasn’t her fucking cousin, huh,” he said, dropping down on his stool. “Why the fuck you sitting there looking stupid while your girl just…” He shook his head and waved Ginger over to us.
“That’s why you been off? Yo’ girl running around on you?”
“Refills of the same thing, guys?” Ginger asked.
Kemba nodded and she walked away.
“Don’t tell Quinci, man. I don’t want my brothers to know just yet.”
“Know what?”
I sighed. “She asked for an open relationship.”
His eyebrows knitted together. “Open relationship? What the fuck that mean?”
“She wants to see other people, but still stay with me.”
His nearly bucked out his head. “Just her?”
“She said I could too.”
“Aw, so why you ain’t say that before I went knocked his ass out.”
I shrugged. “Because I don’t want it.”
“I’m confused then.”
Ginger came over and brought our drinks. “Kem, baby, you want me to get some ice for that hand.”
“Please and thank you, mama,” he said.
I downed both of my shots back-to-back, wishing I had something stronger. He knew now, so I couldn’t avoid the truth anymore.
“You remember when I went home after I cut my hand. She was having phone sex with somebody, and we argued about it. That night, she told me she wanted to be in an open relationship, and it would make us stronger and some other bullshit like that.”
“That’s crazy. You said no and she still did it?”
I waved my hand out.
“So, what you gon’ do?”
“Mannn…” I drank some of my drink.
“Y’all been together for a minute and maybe it’s time for a change, but both of y’all gotta agree to it. If that shit gon’ kill you every time you see her with another man, and you don’t want to leave her, then y’all gotta come to a common ground or some shit. I’m just telling you that because I know what kind of dude you are. Straight lace. Only have eyes for your girl, type dude. Declan, this ain’t gon’ end well for you. That’s gon’ drive you crazy. How this supposed to help y’all?”
“I don’t know. She wants us to try it for a few months. When we close the relationship again, she’ll marry me and give me another baby.”
He downed a big gulp of his drink and shook his head.
“What? Be honest. This is the most honest I’ve ever been about my relationship with anybody. I can’t tell my siblings this. They’ll have jokes for days.”
“So, nigga,” he laughed. “That’s what siblings are for, but—”
“Kemba.” Someone shouted his name.
I looked past him to see the sheriff standing there with his hands on his hips and head cocked to the side. The dude must’ve called the police on Kemba. He nodded at me and focused back on Kemba. Mr. Percy was one of the few police officers in Citrus Grove.
“I know, I know, Mr. Percy. I’m about to go home and sleep it off,” he said, waving him off.
My watch vibrated and I had a message from Winter telling me to come home in all caps.
“Yeah, I gotta get home anyway.”
“A’ight.”
I picked up my glass and downed the rest of my drink.
“Yo, Kemba. I just thought about something. You really didn’t see Winter here?”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have let you see nothing like that, bro,” he said, standing up.
“Did you know him?”
“Nah. I can put my ear to the streets and let you know something.”
Ginger came and collected our glasses. “Okay, boys, I’ll see y’all next time. And Kem, baby, stay out of trouble. You my best tipper.”
He blew her a kiss, making her blush. We walked out the door to my golf cart. I got in and started it up.
“You want a ride, bro?”
“Nah, I’m good, but I know you hurt and stuff because it’s crazy how she’s moving right now. If you want my honest opinion—”
“Excuse me?”
We both turned to see a young woman standing there with a nervous look on her face. A couple more girls stood huddled by the door, like they’d sent their bravest solider out to do their dirty deed.
“Hi. Are y’all together, together?”
“Excuse me?” Kemba responded, almost sounding offended.
“Uh, well…” she stuttered.
“I’m joking, Lil’ Mama. What’s up?” he asked.
A smile crossed her face. “Well, we are here in town for a few days and if you want to meet up and give us a tour of the town, then you can take my number.”
She came closer and handed him a piece of paper; I assumed with her number on it. She walked away with a pep in her step, knowing we were watching her.
“See. That’s what I was going to say. This is the universe telling you that you need to play the game how she’s playing it. Especially if you ain’t going to break up with her.”
When my phone rang, I knew it was Winter before I looked at my watch to confirm it.
“Get home, man. I’ll see you later.”
He dapped me up again before I backed out and headed home. The buzz from the liquor and the wind was the only thing keeping me upright and my brain calm. When I pulled in my yard, the living room light was on, so I knew Winter was waiting for me.
As soon as I got off the golf cart, the front door swung opened, and Winter walked out on the porch.
“How dare you!” she screamed.
I walked by her in the house, into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pulled out a bottle of water and cracked it opened.
Winter pushed the door forcefully, prompting me to jump back. When she got in my face, I walked away from her.
“You had no right!” she screamed at my back as I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.
One thing my mom taught me was when I felt myself getting pissed off, I needed to walk away. She knew I hated when she squared up with me, daring me to hit her. There wasn’t anything Winter could do to piss me off, for real. From finding out my girl was cheating on me, to seeing it with my own eyes, I felt a whole bunch of shit I should’ve never felt for anyone I was supposed to love. I couldn’t believe she was screaming about her other nigga getting knocked on his ass instead of trying to pacify me with some bullshit lie about me seeing them together.
She pushed me in my back. “Declan! You don’t hear me talking to you!”
I stopped short, turning around to face her. “That’s why you wanted an open relationship, to be fucked in the bathroom of a public place?”
“More passion than you’ve showed me in the last twenty years, for sure.”
I nodded. “Passion. Treating you like a hoe, is passion? Fuck outta here, Winter. I don’t know what I did. Or didn’t do that made you want to act like this, but I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, but I’ll do better. Just tell me what you want me to do. Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”
“That’s the problem, Declan. I shouldn’t have to tell you!”
I backed away from her and against the wall. “How can I fix something when I don’t know what I need to fix, Winter?”
She scoffed. “Declan, I have told you time and time again and now I’m done talking.”
I slid down the wall, sighing. “So, I’m just supposed to be okay with you fucking other men in bathrooms? Winter, my family. My co-workers. Our relationship. You don’t give a fuck about any of that? How it makes you look? How it makes me look? Your fucking son!”
She didn’t respond.
“I’m nearly on my knees, begging you to tell me what I have to do to fix this and all you keep telling me is that fucking another nigga is the answer.”
She kissed her teeth. “Can I ask you a question, Declan? And I want you to answer me honestly.”
I looked up at her.
“Do you really care about me fucking other men, or you just don’t want your family to find out? I think that’s it. Not because you care about me, this relationship, or any of that, you just don’t want your brothers to find out.”
“Winter.”
“No.” She snapped her fingers. “For a very long time I’ve known you only tolerated me. You loved me, yes. You treated me well, yes. Doing the dad thing perfectly. On pictures, we look great. The supposedly perfect man for any woman. Yes, you are supposed to do that, but you’re only doing that out of spite for your brothers and your dad. If you could have traded me in and handled the heat from your family, you would have done that a long time ago.”
“Where is this coming from, Winter? I’ve never felt anything other than—”
“Save it! And then, I felt like we were doing okay. You were trying to somewhat be yourself and then, one by one, they moved here, mostly full time, and you went back into this robotic shell of yourself, and that’s what I can’t take anymore.”
I looked at the wall, wishing I could dispute anything she said. She always teased me about being jealous of them, but I wasn’t jealous of my brothers. It was envy. I was envious of my brothers. I wanted them to have their shit, I just wanted that shit, too. No one knew what it was like to always be the ‘other Danger’ brother whenever we went to events as a family. When they came around, it was easier to become a shell of myself.
I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry, Winter,” I choked out.
“You always are. You always fucking are.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “So, what now?”
She sighed. “Well, I figure we can have an, don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I don’t want to know, and I’m sure you don’t want to know. When we are having me time, I will be fully focused on us. Um, I’ll be discreet. I think that’s it. The family is going to come first, so don’t think I’m ditching my mom duties or even my girlfriend duties. Oh, and you can’t go around having your friend beating up every guy they see me with. I also won’t have them taunting you, either. That was foul.”
My stomach turned at how excited she sounded to be with other men. It was almost like she couldn’t contain herself.
“Every guy? There are going to be multiple guys?”
My head started to throb.
“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
I looked away from her, shaking my head in disbelief over how casual she was about planning to cheat on me with several different men.
“Look, Declan, for a very long time I hadn’t been myself. I lost myself. Then you moved me down here in this claustrophobic ass town and I can’t escape my thoughts anymore. You hadn’t even noticed me drowning here, Declan.”
I stood up over her. “Noticed you drowning? Winter, you hadn’t even tried to fit in here. Quinci has done everything to try and make you feel welcome here, but you have not appreciated it. Recently, you were asked to help with the back-to-school festival, and you didn’t reply, talking about you won’t ditch your mom duties.”
“Seems like you and Quinci been talking a lot, huh?”
Shaking my head, I walked away from her, and she immediately followed me in our bedroom.
“How much extra talking have y’all been doing, huh? You’ve been trying to force me to get pregnant, so you must have been talking to Greysen a lot, too,” she snapped.
When I turned and looked at her, she stopped and stared up at me, regretting what she’d said. Instead of engaging, I walked in the bathroom and closed the door, locking it before she could turn the doorknob. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to turn shit around on me by making wild accusations, so we’d end up arguing about something completely different.
“Declan!” She pounded on the door. “This is what I’m always talking about with you. You always run from tough conversations because you don’t know how to deal with shit, and then you blame it on your fucking anxiety!”
Ignoring her, I turned the water on and grabbed my toothbrush.
“And then you see me with another man, and you just sit there and look stupid! You didn’t even try to pretend to fight for me! You let your friend do your dirty work!”
I didn’t respond. In a way, she was right, but in all my thirty-eight years of living, I’d never approached another man about a woman, and I didn’t intend to start now. I would look stupid for starting a fight with a dude she was going to keep fucking. She wanted me to look like an even bigger fool than what I felt like.
“Open the door and talk to me like a man, Declan, damn!”
After I finished brushing my teeth, I opened the door, and she was still standing there with her hands on her hips. For a split second, my mind drifted back to twenty years ago when a shy five foot seven, pretty brown, seventeen-year-old girl approached me at a party. I never imagined this was where we would end up. I stared at her, still trying to figure out how we ended up here.
She sighed. “Declan, I didn’t forget what I promised after this.”
It sounded like it hurt her to say that, so I nodded and walked away. A part of me knew this was the beginning of the end for us, and the thought of losing Winter hurt, but I worried more about our son than myself.