CHAPTER ELEVEN
I ride on one of the carts for the injured for the journey back to Ironhold. The crowds around us wave and cheer but the journey back is always more somber than the one outbound. Already there are faces missing from among those who set off. Arctus is dead, his body nearly hacked intwo. I won't shed many tears for him.
My friends have survived, at least. Cesca and Zara are walking back together. For Cesca, today was her first time fighting for real. She killed her opponent quickly with her needle like sword, stunning him with a jolt of lightning through it, then finishing him with a thrust. She looks different somehow tonight, both exhilarated andmore serious. Alaric isn't with the procession, which can only mean that he's with his patron, his mother. He will return to the fortress later than the rest of us. Rowan is walking by the side of the cart, looking at me with concern.
“How badly are you hurt?” he asks me. He wouldn't have seen it all of my bout. He would have been busy preparing for his own, and in any case, we don't get much of a view from down underneath the stadium. The games are for the spectators, not for us.
I shake my head. “I'm not injured, I'm just… when I fought Callus, he did something. He has magic.”
“I heard that part,” Rowan says. “I can't believe someone managed to get in without Lord Darius realizing what their talents were.”
I look over to where Callus is marching at thefront of the procession. A couple of guards are between me and him, clearly making sure he doesn't try anything else, at least until we're back in the fortress. It doesn't make me feel much safer.
“He can drain someone's life from them,” I say. “And the emperor… he believes that Callus was sent by someone to kill me, either for some personal reason oras a way of attacking the emperor through me.”
Rowan looks worried. He reaches out a hand and puts it over mine. “Any patron can attract danger for you, buthaving the emperor as yours is doubly dangerous. Anyone who wants to insult him without risking being accused of treasonwill do it through the gamesrather than out in the open.”
“That doesn't make me feel better, Rowan,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I'm sorry but it isn't meant to. I need you aware of just how dangerous this is, Lyra. Lady Tyra…”
Even saying his former mistress's namemakes him wince.
“…she was upset once with another noble whowas a patron to a gladiator in the games. She had the gladiator’s armor tampered with, so that it tangled their movementsthe next time they fought. I was standing next to her when she strode up to the noble to watch the bout together. She stood there and smiled as she watched a gladiator diejust to make a point.”
“That's horrible,” I say. I know that Rowan has many difficult memories of his time as a slave to Lady Tyra. “I wish none of this had happened to you, Rowan.”
“This isn't about me now,” he says. “I just want you to take the warning from it. If someone is targeting you like this, and you know who they’re sending after you then… you can't be alone, Lyra.”
“Is that a way of getting to spend more time with me?” I ask. It's only half a joke. The truth is thatRowan near me is more than a comforting presence at the moment. It's hard to deny how attracted I feel when I look his way. Especially when Alaric has pulled back from me. It might almost be simpler if I could put Alaric from my mind and be with Rowan. Alaric is leaving after all.
And yet I can’t. I can’t let go of him like that. I can’t pretend that what we have isn’t real.
“I'm serious, Lyra. If he has the powers you say, if he can just drain the life from you with a touch, then anytime he can catch you alone, he can kill you. Worse, no one will even be able to prove anything because it will just look as though you have died for no reason.”
Making him the perfect assassin. I assume that if I were anywhere else, Callus would not have attacked me face to face. If I had been some fine noble, he would have touched his hand to me in the street, and I would have fallen dead. It would have looked as if I'd suffered a heart attack.
How many people has he killed like that? He talked in the colosseum about all the other beasts whispers he's killed. I have heard the empty threats of the arena, and that didn’t sound like one. This is a man who has hunted many like me before. Who has killed and killed again.
“Promise me,” Rowan says. “Promise me that you won't be alone.”
“I promise,” I say, although how I'm going to manage it, I don't know. The thought of what I must do to stay alive is frightening, the kind of nagging fear that I hate the idea of having to live with.
Ironhold looms ahead of us, its granite wallsdark and grey compared to the white marble of the city, as if to remind us that we are less, undeserving of such beauty. We head inside, and Lord Darius is waiting as usual in the main practice area to address us.
“As always, we take a moment to honor those who have died today. The fallen.”
He slams his fist to his chest before raising it in salute.
“The fallen!” We copy the gesture. Each of us is meant to take a moment to think about those who have died, but I find myself thinking of how close I came to death instead.
“Today there was cheating in the games,” he says. “Remember that they are a holy thing. Remember that we train here for the glory ofAetheria. If you have other aims, if you wish to do things that are beneath the dignity of the colosseum, remember that there will be punishment for it.”
He looks my way and then at Callus. I want to point out that Ididn't have a choice about him attacking me with a power I knew nothing about, but I have done enough things to upset the master of Ironhold over the past seasonsthat I doubt it makes much difference to him. He has decided that I do not fit in with Ironhold any more than beast whisperers fit in with Aetheria.
“Now those of you who have survived, get to the practice posts. Work out what you could have done better. Work out how to avoid making the same mistakes again. Learn from your fights and become the best gladiators you can be.”
The others go to the practice posts, and I can see the indecision on Rowan’s face. He wants to be near me but at the same time, he cannot ignore the instruction. I should be going to the healers, but that would leave me alone and vulnerable. Now that Callus has tried for me in the colosseum, I doubt he will hold back outside it.
I solve the problem by getting downfrom the cart and forcing myself to go with Rowan to the practice area, taking up wooden weapons and working through the movements of my bout. Every effort of it is agony.
“You don't have to do this,” Rowan says.
“I do, though,” I say. “I don't want to be alone and… if he really wants to kill me, I need to know what I can do differently. I need to think of a way to beat him.”
“If you fight him again it will be becausehe has lunged at you out of the dark,” Rowan says. “The key will be to strike swiftly and surely.”
That's easier said than done. Callus is fast and dangerous. I only survived this time because of the intervention of Lord Darius and Lady Selene.
Rowan can obviously see the fear on my face. He wraps his arms around me, drawing me to his chest. I look up at him. In that moment I want… all kinds of things. But I also find myself thinking of Alaric. Alaric with whom I argued in the beast pens. Alaric, who should be the one doing this. Why isn't he here? I know he is with his mother, I know he is thinking about being parted from me should he succeed in these games, and about the pain that would cause, but I want…
Right now, I’m not sure what I want, or who.
Rowan arranges for Zara and Cescato go with me to the bathhouse, because I must wash the dust and mud of the day from me. A part of me wants to invite him to go with me, to use the excuse of not being alone to get in there butthat just brings back more memories of Alaric, as I first met him, wrapped in a towel there because I had gone at the wrong time.
Luxuriating in the water of the bathdoes something to restore my strength. Cesca is recounting Every detail of her fight from earlier, excited in the way that only someone who has fought for the first time can be.
“Oh enough!” Zara says, dunking her under the water. That prompts some playful fighting between the two.
When we're done, we head for the dining hall. Rowan is there waiting for us, looking worried and keeping a careful eye on the spot where Callus is sitting. It seems obvious he's been watching him all this time, making sure that he doesn't go anywhere near me.
He takes over the task of guarding me as we sit and eat and drink. There are those who will celebrate tonight because they have survived their first bout of the games. There are those who will go into each other's rooms just to spend the time with one another. There is nothing like closeness to death to bring out passion. Somewhere in it, Zara and Cesca rise, heading back to their respective rooms. Or maybe to one of their rooms, judging by the looks going between them.
I stay with Rowan in the hall. It's getting later. Alaric should be back by now, although he's not here, in the hall. That doesn't necessarily mean anything though because he's a noble and nobles can have food brought to their rooms. Maybe he's still keeping his distance. I understand why he’s doing it, pulling back from me to save himself the pain of having to watch me when he’s done in the arena, but I can’t just let everything between us go that easily. And… whatever else is true, he is my ally. He has sworn it. Maybe he will be the help I need with Callus.
“I want to go find Alaric,” I say, suddenly.
“You can't just go wandering the halls by yourself,” Rowan points out, with a look across to Callus. “Do you think he won't stalk you the momenthe sees you go off alone? And anyway, shouldn't the nobleman be here? Shouldn't he be checking on you, not the other way around?”
Rowan doesn't bother to hidethe disdain he feels for Alaric’s nobility, his arrogance, and possibly the fact that he's the one with me, when Rowan feels it should be him.
“Please, Rowan,” I say. “If you don’t want me to be alone, come with me. Alaric should know what’s happening, at least. He’s our ally. And you can’t watch me all the time.”
“I can try.”
“But you can’t be there all the time,” I insist. “Maybe if we tell Alaric, he’ll help.”
“I…” Rowan hesitates, but then he nods. “All right. I might not like him, but I’ll admit, for something like this, he might be useful. I’ll go with you to find him.”
We need the help. Callus is a dangerous foe, and Rowan cannot watch me in every moment. If I do not find more protection, I will not survive.