Chapter 15

Did she really want to do this?

Yes,her mind screamed, which almost made Isabel laugh, because it was usually her mind that approached things logically. But logical thinking told her it didn’t make sense to give her virginity to a man who was the rogue of all rogues…or who at least pretended to be.

And yet Sirius Dawson sparked a slew of emotions in her chest that she tried so very hard to suppress. From the moment she met his sapphire eyes from under that desk, no other man had commanded her attention. Not even dear Lord Westhope, who treated Isabel like a queen. Still, the viscount did not send flames licking up her spine at his nearness. Didn’t make heat coil in that place between her thighs that she hadn’t been able to forget since Sirius had caressed it with his tongue.

The only man to make her feel thus was sitting beneath her now, his gaze almost adoring as he stared up at her. When she returned to Mexico, Isabel desperately wanted these memories to cherish. To keep her warm when she was alone, for Isabel knew she would never feel these emotions with anyone else.

Sirius had loosened her bodice and pulled it from her arms but had made no attempt to remove her corset or chemise. He hadn’t tried to remove her skirts, which were thankfully lacking the bulk they usually had, since she left her crinoline at home. With his hands on her thighs, he simply looked at her. And suddenly Isabel understood. Sirius was waiting for her to make the first move.

Which was definitely something she could do.

Sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, Isabel curled both ends of the corset knot around her fingers and pulled. Ignoring how his breath hitched and the path his hands took as they traced the muscles of her thighs, Isabel made steady work of the ribbons until finally they were loose enough to pull the corset up and over her head. Her hands trembled with the urge to shield herself, knowing all too well that her white chemise hid little of her figure beneath. Instead, Isabel straightened her spine and met Sirius’s gaze head-on, determined for him to look his fill.

“Isabel,” he breathed, his pupils blown wide as his gaze drifted over her. The delicate hairs on her skin rose even as heat surged like a torrent through her blood, pumping not just desire to her limbs, but power. Sirius’s admiration of her beauty, yes, but also of every one of her awkward and tenacious traits, made her feel powerful. He made her feel deserving of good things…and in this moment, Sirius’s hungry gaze promised very good things.

Her skin abruptly felt too tight, and Isabel shifted in his lap, her hands curling around the hem of his loosened waistcoat. Sirius groaned, his eyelids dropping to half-mast as he stared up at her. “Have a care, darling. We’re not hiding under a desk this time, and my desire for you knows no bounds.”

Isabel shuddered at the dark note in his voice. Surging forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.

Faith, kissing Sirius Dawson sent a bolt of lightning sizzling along her skin. The logical part of her brain noted this as hyperbole even as it quickly melted under the onslaught of his mouth. And when his tongue flicked along her bottom lip and she opened for him, coherent thoughts were incinerated in the rush of sensations. Isabel dragged her fingers along his scalp to run through his glossy hair, moaning into his mouth.

She needed to feel closer to him. She wanted to make him feel as overwhelmed as she felt.

Without lifting her lips from his, Isabel grasped the hem of his shirt and broke away to lift it off his shoulders and over his head.

“Off,” she ordered, smiling when he mumbled something about her being bossy.

Any response she would have offered died on her tongue as soon as she took in the broad expanse of his chest. Blond hairs ran over his torso and down his sternum to disappear into the waistband of his trousers. Isabel ran her fingernails through the wisps, chuckling when gooseflesh spread in her wake. A raised scar streaked with shades of mauve and rose ran over several ribs, and she bit her lip to keep from touching it. Instead, she reached for one tan nipple and traced it with her nail, flames flaring in her core when he shivered.

“Shall we see if yours are as sensitive as mine?” Sirius asked in a growl.

Before she had a chance to respond, he grabbed the delicate straps of her chemise and ripped them down her arms, baring her to his hungry gaze. Her nipples immediately pebbled, whether from the coolness of the room or the heat in his eyes, she knew not.

“Darling, I should have known.” Sirius stroked his thumb along the underside of her right breast, while he blew his warm breath across the puckered peak. “Of course you would have the most delectable breasts I have ever seen.”

“You’re such a liar,” she said…the words turning to a hiss when he flicked a hungry tip with his thumb.

“I would never claim to be a paragon of truth and honesty,” he said, cupping her right breast in his hand and kneading it gently. “But I don’t tell lies in the bedroom.”

“An honorable rogue, are you?” Isabel breathed, arching her back and pushing herself more fully into his hand.

“Only with you, Isabel.” Sirius looked up and snared her gaze, his eyes dark and stormy. “Only with you.”

And then he drew her nipple into his mouth.

Isabel sank her nails into his thighs as she lost herself in his lovemaking. Sirius kissed and caressed, nibbled and kneaded her flesh until she was crying out inarticulate babbles and grinding her hips in his lap. When he finally released the tip with a loud pop, Isabel felt as if her skin barely contained her and she needed something—anything—to appease this sudden desperate need clawing through her.

“Bloody hell, let’s get this nonsense off you,” he said, tugging on her dress.

Standing on trembling legs, Isabel helped Sirius pull down the bulk of her skirts with impatient hands, kicking the dress aside when it finally pooled at her feet. Sirius paused with a slack jaw to take her in, his scalding blue gaze fixed on the juncture between her legs. Isabel knew she should have been embarrassed to stand in front of a man in such a scandalous state, but her core pulsed with an unfulfilled need she knew, from experience, Sirius could satisfy. He was the only one she wanted to satisfy it.

Without a word, Isabel straddled his lap again, tackling the belt and the fall of his trousers. Her fingers were clumsy and awkward, and after she bumbled several attempts, Sirius stopped her movements with his hand.

“Take a deep breath.” He brushed his palms along her temple to smooth back her wayward curls. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. With you.”

Isabel sat back on her haunches, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. “It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Sirius pecked a kiss to her chin.

Her fingers curled into the firm flesh of his thighs. “It’s just…I don’t want you to change your mind. I don’t want you to remember whom you’re with and think of all the reasons why this is a bad idea.”

Sirius’s face crumpled. Twining his hands in her hair, Sirius tugged her head back until the long line of her neck was bared to him. “I know exactly who’s in my arms. Whose smooth, fragrant skin is stretched under my lips. Whose perfectly decadent breasts fill my hands.” He sucked on her pulse point, causing her toes to curl. “And I know whose cunny I will be filling.”

Isabel shivered at the crude promise of his words.

With a groan, Sirius surged up to fuse his lips with hers, wrapping his arms about her and pulling her flush with his chest. The feel of his coarse hair abrading the tender skin of her breasts made her squirm, her pelvis bearing down on the hard ridge of flesh still encased in his trousers.

“Sirius, por favor,” she pleaded, clutching his hair and holding his face close to hers.

“Say it again,” he gritted as his grip tightened around her.

“Make me feel good.” Isabel rolled her hips, moaning at the hard feel of him there. “Por favor.”

In a whirl of movements, Sirius spun her about until she lay tucked under him, looking up into his boundless indigo eyes.

He said not a word, instead placing a quick kiss to her lips before walking to his desk to extract a small box from a compartment. Undoing the remaining buttons on his placket as he returned, Sirius pushed his trousers and drawers over his narrow hips and knees, kicking them aside when they fell at his feet. Seizing her gaze, he opened the box and pulled out a narrow sheath of some sort. Grabbing his length, which stood hard and pressed against his abdomen, Sirius gave it a firm stroke before he pulled the sheath over himself. Isabel had heard of condoms before, especially after Charles Goodyear had successfully vulcanized the rubber used to create them some years before, but she hadn’t dreamed of seeing one herself. A bubble of gratitude lodged in her throat that Sirius had thought to protect her in such a way.

“Is this the first time you’ve seen a man undressed?” he asked, propping a knee on the settee near her thigh.

Isabel shook her head. “But he wasn’t like…this.”

His brow quirked up, and the corner of Sirius’s mouth followed suit. “He wasn’t erect?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Do you know what it means when a man is erect?”

Swallowing, Isabel nodded.

Sirius grasped the inside of her thighs and spread them wide. Wide enough to fit his hips between them. Gripping his thick flesh, he pumped it once, twice, before cocking a brow. “It means the man is aroused. Eager to copulate.”

Isabel trembled, her body pulsing at his words.

“It means the man wants to fuck.” Leaning down, Sirius kissed her, sucking on her tongue until she whimpered. “May I fuck you, Isabel?”

A sob lodged in her throat, and Isabel could only nod.

“Are you sure?” he panted against her lips. “If we do this, there’s no turning back. There’s no returning what I’m about to take.”

Arching her back to grind against his swollen flesh, Isabel moaned. “There’s no taking when it’s freely given.”

With a stifled groan, Sirius captured her lips with his own.

Even while his mouth played a hypnotic melody over hers, Isabel was still aware enough to know when he ran a thumb along her seam, cutting off her gasp with a kiss. But instead of pulling his hand away in embarrassment or chagrin, Sirius hooked his other hand under her knee and spread her legs wide. Pulling back, he stared down into her eyes as he ran his member up and down her sensitive flesh. Isabel panted, her heart threatening to lurch out of her chest.

Sirius clenched his eyes closed, a harsh sound slipping from his lips. “Christ, I’m not even inside you and you already feel so good.”

Isabel grasped the seat back with one hand, the other clutched at his hip, and dug her heels into the cushion underneath her, anything to gain purchase. Anything to moor herself for the onslaught of sensations—pleasure—he was subjecting her to.

“Por favor,” she begged, tossing her head back as he finally notched his member at her opening.

“Look at me.”

Isabel dragged her gaze to meet his. Sirius looked down at her as if she were the sunrise after a long, dark night, and slowly pushed inside her. Gritting her teeth, she willed herself to relax. Not to shy away from the sting, the uncomfortable pressure and stretch she felt as his body made a home within hers. Instead, Isabel kept her gaze connected with his, the glimpses of pleasure in his blue eyes the salve she needed to withstand the discomfort.

When his hips eventually met hers, a breath shuddered from his chest, and Sirius dropped his head forward to press it to hers. “Are you all right?”

She jerked a nod. “Are you?”

Sirius hissed between his teeth as he slowly pulled his hips back, and then thrust them forward again, his gaze avid on her face. “You feel unbelievable.” He buried his nose in that hidden spot beneath her ear and inhaled deeply. “You’re unbelievable.”

Soul-deep bliss licked up her spine, and Isabel tentatively arched her back into his next thrust, sighing in delight. “This feels unbelievably good.”

He smiled down into her eyes then, grasping her hips as his next stroke surged deeper. “Oh, sunshine, I’m going to make you feel so good.”

And Sirius set out to do just that. Every movement of his powerful body elicited starbursts of euphoria that whited out her sight and stole the breath from her lungs. The only thing that seemed to exist was the ecstasy he coaxed from her with each stroke of his hips, for how could life possibly exist outside this moment? How would she ever be able to go back to being the Isabel of seasons past after she’d been shot into the heavens and given a glimpse of pure, unadulterated pleasure?

Before she knew it, Isabel teetered on the edge of that crevasse again, the one Sirius had taken her to before. Her thighs quivered around his, and sweat trailed between her breasts. Reaching up, Isabel twirled his short blond hair between her fingers and yanked him down to kiss her.

“I’m so close,” she whimpered, writhing beneath him. “I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin.”

Sirius smoothed his palm down the center of her chest, over her abdomen, and to the top of her sex. “We can’t let that happen. Let me help you.”

And he pressed the pad of his thumb to the nub tucked into the hood of her sex.

It wasn’t until moments later that Isabel realized the ringing in her ears was caused by her own shriek. Violent pleasure quaked through her flesh, and Isabel sank her nails into his thighs as she squeezed around him, her body intent on pulling him under just as sure as she had been. She was vaguely aware of Sirius’s movements growing erratic, of his grip tightening almost painfully on her hips, before he dropped his head to her chest as his body stuttered.

Isabel panted softly as Sirius climbed from the settee and returned moments later after discarding the sheath. He maneuvered himself onto the narrow settee next to her, his chest pressed to her back. Scooping his shirt from the floor, he draped it over her like a makeshift blanket and then wrapped his arms about her. With his thumb rubbing over her knuckles and the gentle rise and fall of his chest behind her, Isabel’s limbs relaxed. Cocooned in his embrace, she felt precious. She felt treasured.

The soft tick of a clock sounded from somewhere in the room, and Isabel allowed its steady rhythm to lull her heartbeat, and soon it was impossible to keep her eyes open.

Suddenly, Sirius’s embrace grew tight about her.

“I’m sorry, Isabel,” he breathed, burying his face in her hair. “You deserved to have your first time in a bed, surrounded by comfort and luxury. And all I offered you was this uncomfortable settee in my dark library.”

Running her nails up his arm, she pressed a finger to his hand. “Sirius, I can’t think of a better place for my first sexual experience. I’m surrounded by the things that have brought such solace and joy to my life. I am more comfortable here, with you, in front of all these books than I would have been in the grandest bed.”

She craned her head to meet his gaze. “This is poetic, don’t you think? Every one of our most contentious encounters occurred within studies and libraries. First at the Meadows ball, then at Dancourt Abbey, and then in Westhope’s library.” Prickles of guilt spread like ripples down her spine, but Isabel aggressively pushed the sensations away. “And now here, at your home.”

His throat worked for a long moment. “I don’t quite understand why you would grace me with such an honor. You’ve seen the worst side of me, over and over again. I’ve felt your disdain—your disappointment—so often. And though I’m used to disappointing people, it always hurt more acutely knowing it was you whom I had displeased.”

Sirius was used to disappointing people? What does he mean? He continued before Isabel could voice the question.

“But you’re here with me now. Why, Isabel?”

Why indeed? Isabel didn’t know how to respond. Should she tell him the truth? The truth that she was in love with him, despite her future in Mexico and his roguish life here in London. And yet Isabel did not know how to tell her heart not to love him.

But knowing better than to admit as much, and already feeling vulnerable in his presence, she twined her fingers with his and squeezed.

“Because I want to be.”

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