Chapter 24
Isabelle
That hollow feeling hadn’t left her. Isabelle couldn’t shake this despair. Everything felt dark and cold. It took all her energy to get up and shower.
She wasn’t so out of it that she didn’t notice the concerned words that were flung around her. Outside of her bedroom door. In the kitchen when she’d ventured out of her room every so often. Mateo and Nikki would talk to her other siblings when they thought she was still asleep.
None of them ever brainstormed the right reason for her spiral into the darkness. Good. Jason had kept his promise not to tell anyone about her. But if he thought that he could walk away and that would force her hand to do anything, he had another thing coming.
There were hours during the day when she felt she was losing her mind.
It was like she’d been buried alive in her grief, and she hadn’t figured out a way to claw herself out.
She’d talked to Jason enough about her issues to know that talking to a shrink wasn’t going to do her any good. What was the difference, really?
She stared out the window. The days were starting to bleed together. She’d lost her appetite.
But this was only for a while, right?
Eventually, she’d wake up one morning and things would be better. She’d had bad days before. That’s what Jason didn’t understand. Everything would work out eventually, and when she finally got her feet under her, she’d be able to convince him that she was ready to try again.
That was why she’d told Marcus to leave Jason alone. This wasn’t his fault. He’d been nothing but good to her. She still wanted him.
He didn’t want her.
Isabelle wrapped her arms around herself and moved toward her bed. The insomnia was getting worse. The nightmares had returned. Only this time she couldn’t dredge up the energy to go for a run or even a walk.
One day at a time. At least she’d figured out that much.
A knock on her door pulled her attention from the window. “I told you, I’m fine—” she started to call out, but the door opened and Charlie slipped inside.
Her words died on her tongue the second Charlie’s eyes swept over her. Charlie placed her hands on her hips, then shook her head. “I thought we promised not to lie to each other.”
“I’m not lying,” Isabelle said, turning back to the window. “And what are you doing here, anyway? You just had a baby.”
Charlie ignored her second statement. “Not lying? Really? Because I’m pretty sure you drunk-texted me about a week ago and then never got back to me.”
Isabelle winced. She’d hoped that Charlie would just chalk it up to a funny situation—one of those unspoken things that friends agreed not to speak about after the fact.
“Izzie,” Charlie said softly, moving across the room toward her. “You don’t look great.”
“Gee, thanks,” Isabelle muttered.
“You know what I mean. You look exhausted.”
“That’s because I have insomnia.”
Charlie sighed. She was well aware of Isabelle’s sleeping habits. Apparently, Isabelle looked worse off than she usually did. “Are you eating?”
Isabelle scowled. If she had to guess, one of her siblings spoke to Charlie before letting her come up to her room.
“Are you?”
A shrug was all she could manage. The truth was, she’d been tempted to call Charlie and tell her everything.
She’d wondered if she’d get a similar feeling of relief when she confessed to Charlie as she had with Jason.
Getting that information off her chest had been cathartic. But Charlie was different.
And her husband worked with the criminal in this situation.
“Izzie,” Charlie whispered, the light touch of her fingertips on Isabelle’s arm indicating she’d made it to her side. Isabelle didn’t move. She could feel her defenses crumbling. They’d been weakened by Jason both when he’d supported her and when he’d pushed her away.
Isabelle needed someone.
She needed her best friend in the only way that could help.
Not even her tears were enough of a warning for the sobs that burst from her chest. She turned into Charlie, wrapping her arms around her best friend. “I messed everything up,” she cried. “I lost everything.”
Charlie rubbed her back. No words. But then, of course, she didn’t speak. Charlie knew how to be the best friend Isabelle needed.
Clinging to her friend, Isabelle allowed the sobs to wrack her body. The last bit of energy she had slipped from her fingers. All the heartache and pain she’d experienced over the last five years was expelled over the next several minutes.
All Charlie did was hold her. Eventually they found themselves seated on the floor, and all of Isabelle’s tears had dried up. Her breathing had settled. Unfortunately, her eyes were puffy and her head pounded. Charlie still didn’t speak. They sat in silence as the light in the room started to fade.
Isabelle didn’t meet Charlie’s eyes when she finally found her courage to speak. “Five years ago.”
Charlie’s brows furrowed, but she still didn’t speak.
“Someone put a roofie in a drink and tried…” Her voice cracked. Isabelle closed her eyes and, surprisingly, another tear slipped past her defenses. She brushed at it roughly.
Charlie’s hand landed on her knee and squeezed.
“He didn’t get very far. Someone intervened.” Isabelle shut her eyes tight, embarrassment burning her cheeks, and she let out a startled laugh. “I don’t even know why this matters so much.”
“Izzie,” Charlie said softly. “It matters because it does. No one deserves to have their trust broken. No one deserves to feel violated that way. Just because it didn’t go as far as it could have, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to hurt.
” She reached up and wiped a tear from Isabelle’s cheek. “You’re allowed to hurt.”
Isabelle lifted her eyes. There was no denying the truth in Charlie’s voice and her eyes. She believed what she said.
“Have you been dealing with this alone all these years?” Charlie whispered. “You haven’t confided in anyone? Your family? A therapist?”
Isabelle grimaced. Yet again, someone was asking her if she had found a doctor to help her through this.
“No one.” This time it wasn’t a question.
Shaking her head, Isabelle met Charlie’s eyes once more. “Jason knows.”
Charlie’s brows darted upward. “You told him?”
“He’s sort of the person who intervened,” Isabelle hedged.
Her friend’s mouth dropped open. “What?” she whispered.
“That’s where I met him the first time. He was there. He’d tried to ask me out, apparently, but I declined because I was there with—” Isabelle cut herself off and looked away.
“With who? Do you know him?” Charlie demanded. There was an edge to her voice. “Please tell me you pressed charges.”
Once again, Isabelle shook her head. “I didn’t want to have to deal with it. I woke up the next day at the hospital, and the doctor confirmed everything with a tox screen. Jason wasn’t there. I didn’t even remember Jason. He filled in the missing pieces of my memory recently.”
Another stray tear slipped free, and Isabelle forced out a sad laugh. “It’s ironic, right? If I had accepted his request, maybe this wouldn’t have—”
“Don’t do that,” Charlie said firmly. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not. You were there on a date. You’re not the kind of person who would just ditch a guy when someone else shows interest.” Charlie was right, and she knew it. They both did.
Isabelle nodded numbly. “Regardless, that was the beginning of how everything got worse.”
“Worse?” Charlie asked. “What happened?”
“He broke up with me.”
Charlie gasped, her eyes flashing with ire. “You’re kidding.”
Isabelle shook her head. “And before you suggest that we sic your brothers or your husband on him, he was probably right.”
“What?” Charlie had been asking that question a lot. “What gives him the right to—”
“He thinks that I’m digging a deeper hole. He wants me to call this therapist person.”
Charlie remained silent this time.
Isabelle wanted to scream. Heaven knew she wanted to blame him for the disaster she felt her life had become. But she couldn’t. Maybe it was the numbness she felt. Maybe it was the inkling of logic that remained in her heart. Or maybe it was the utter exhaustion.
Yeah, that was probably it.
She swallowed hard and stared at her friend, waiting, holding her breath. This was the point where Charlie might finally look at her differently—like a victim. Because that was what she was, right?
Her friend worried her lower lip. “You know who it is, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” Isabelle said.
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. “He’s here. In Copper Creek.” Yet again, not a question. Charlie was too smart for her own good.
Isabelle nodded.
“Who?”
“Charlie—”
“Who is it, Izzie? You can’t just let this guy roam free when he had intent. Just because Jason stepped in doesn’t mean that this monster hasn’t followed through before or after.”
Isabelle blanched. What Charlie said made sense. The fact that he’d attempted it with her meant the probability was high that it wasn’t his first time.
“We should do something about it. I mean, it’s been a long time, so it might be difficult to do much more than report his behavior to his boss or the community, but still. Women should be warned.”
Why was it so hard for Isabelle to utter his name? Charlie had made several good points. This wasn’t about protecting him. This was to prevent it from happening again with someone else. What held her back?
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Dillan,” she whispered.
“Dillan?” Charlie repeated. “As in the new guy at the fire station?” The question was uttered with a gasp.
Isabelle nodded.
Charlie rose to her feet. “We have to tell Ash!”
“Charlie, no—”
Her friend leveled her with a pointed stare. “Remember what I said. We can’t let him get away with it.”
The fear Isabelle had buried deep down flared to life and her breathing came in short spurts. “But what if people treat me differently?” There it was. The deep-seated worry that she’d be looked at as a victim. Or something worse.
“Isabelle,” Charlie whispered, dropping down in front of her. “No one is going to think that. You didn’t ask for him to violate you that way. But that doesn’t mean you’re the victim, either.”
“It doesn’t?” Isabelle hated the hope that tinged her voice.
“Of course not. You’re a survivor. Always have been.
You just need to look at things from a different perspective.
” Charlie made it sound so simple. Of course it wasn’t, but the way her friend was framing things made Isabelle believe that things could change.
“I know it’s easier said than done, but what you really need to do is start living for you.
Stop listening to the doubts in your head.
Stop believing in the unknown assumptions you have about others.
Find your happiness again. Seek joy.” She gave Isabelle a crooked smile.
Isabelle couldn’t help but offer one in return.
“And when you’re ready, we’re going to go out,” Charlie added.
Anxiety flared to life, but Charlie patted her hand. “Not dancing or anything big. Let’s start with coffee. Or a run to the bookstore. Maybe we can head to Sal’s for some pie with ice cream.”
All of that actually sounded really good.
“Could we?” Isabelle whispered.
Charlie wasn’t capable of hiding her surprise. “Like right now?”
Nodding, Isabelle clambered to her feet. “I’ll change into something else and run a brush through my hair. Maybe if I get out of here for an hour or two, my overbearing brothers will leave me alone tomorrow.”
Charlie snickered. “I doubt that. But sure. We can give it a try.”
When they left, Jason was just leaving the cafeteria building. Their eyes locked for mere moments before Charlie pushed her forward and glared openly at Isabelle’s ex.
Isabelle still felt terrible, but the fresh air was doing wonders. A sliver of peace was attempting to break through the stone of disquiet that had taken up space in her chest for far too long.