It Pains Me (Betrayal #5)

4. Theo

4

THEO

I was in a meeting with the Colombians when she called.

Even though I felt a jolt in my chest when I saw her name on the screen, I assumed she wanted to air her grievances, to tell me that I was a liar, that she hadn’t solved the puzzle with the missing piece.

So I ignored her.

But then I realized it was abnormal for her to be awake in the middle of the night. She went to sleep at ten and stayed asleep until seven in the morning like clockwork. It made me worry that something was wrong, that Bolton had done something to her or she had another flat tire in the rain. A million scenarios went through my mind.

I paused the meeting to call her back.

She ignored me—sent it straight to voice mail.

I called again, and she ignored me again.

It only made me worry more, so I fired off a text in the hope I would get something back.

Nothing.

I was tempted to go straight to Bolton’s house to check on her, but if he opened the door and everything was fine, we’d have a shootout right on the front step like the Wild West. Bullets would fly, and they might hit Astrid instead of either of us.

The dread in my chest didn’t improve. As every hour passed, the invisible anchor secured to my body became heavier as it caught on the rocks on the seafloor. I continued forward, but the trek became harder.

I told myself she wasn’t my problem, that she’d gone back to Bolton the second I was out of the picture, that she had a husband to care for her. But that didn’t stop the horrible pain from suffocating me.

I called off my plans for the day and drove past her gallery in the hope her car would be parked outside, a car so nice it should belong to a client shopping for artwork, not the saleswoman pitching the paintings.

Relief dissolved in my blood when I recognized it. It hadn’t been there last night when I’d driven by, so she must have driven to work that morning like another other day. But the comfort quickly disappeared as the anger set in. I was clearly worried about her, and she didn’t give me the time of day.

I parked my Range Rover then walked inside the quiet gallery, the place that seemed perpetually empty. Every time I came by, she was the only one inside. When I walked in, she was at her desk, her hair slicked back in a smooth ponytail, wearing a black skirt with sheer stockings underneath. Diamond earrings were in her lobes. She didn’t notice me right away, finishing up an email that took her complete focus. She had the elegance of a princess, sitting upright with a perfectly straight back without needing the support of the chair behind her. Every strand of hair was perfectly in place, and her neck looked even more slender because she seemed to have lost weight.

While she remained distracted, I stared at her, looking at her the way I used to watch her sleep. When her left hand moved for her mouse, my eyes moved with it, and I spotted the diamond ring I’d never seen her wear before.

It made me sick.

I stepped closer to her desk to get her attention.

When she realized she wasn’t alone, she quickly turned to me, looking flustered. “I apologize. I didn’t realize—” Her words died in her throat when she realized it was me and not some regular patron. A lot of emotions passed through her gaze in those few seconds of silence. I saw affection and longing, but those vanished like shooting stars, and the feeling that remained was rage. “What do you want?” Her tone immediately changed, slicing me with the edge of her words.

The sight of her had softened my heart and provoked a subtle longing, but her hostility chased it away. “You called me. Remember?”

She rose from her desk before she came around it, moving gracefully in her heels as if they were flats. “It was an accident.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me that?”

She faced me, keeping more distance between us than we’d ever had before. There were more than just walls up between us. She’d dug a moat and filled it with alligators. She held my stare but seemed to lose her nerve.

“You had the opportunity when I called again. And again.”

She glanced at the door like she hoped someone would come in and interrupt this conversation. Last time we spoke, she asked me to give our relationship a chance, and now it was like that had never happened. What the fuck had changed so drastically?

“A fucking text message would have sufficed, Astrid.”

“What do you want from me?” She lost her cool, her eyes growing wide with anger. “I’m sorry I called you. Now get off my ass?—”

“You can always call me, sweetheart. That’s not the issue.”

“Please don’t call me that.” Her voice turned surprisingly soft…almost weak.

The ring on her left hand hurt me, hurt me like she’d betrayed me. “I just needed to know that you were okay.”

“If you cared whether I was okay, you would have picked up the first time I called.”

My eyes narrowed. “So you did call me for a reason.”

“I’m just saying that you would have taken my call if I were important to you.”

“You are important to me.”

Her arms crossed over her chest. “Right.”

“Would I be here right now if that weren’t true?”

“Would you have dumped me if that were true?” she countered.

Words I couldn’t release stayed on my tongue until they died. “I was in a meeting when you called. If I’d known it was important, I would have taken it.”

“Well, it wasn’t important,” she said. “It was an accident, like I already said. So whatever guilt you feel is unnecessary. You’ve seen that I’m perfectly alright, so you can go, Theo.” Her arms remained crossed over her chest, her wedding ring blinding because of all the diamonds. It was a clear day with sunshine, and the light entered the gallery at just the perfect angle to illuminate the spectrum of colors in the gems.

I continued to watch her face, seeing the same woman who’d slept in my bed, who wore her heart on her sleeve with the kind of brave vulnerability that I found courageous. I was so broken I couldn’t even string a few words together to tell her my story, and that was pathetic. “Next time you call, I’ll answer. I promise you.”

“Fuck off, Theo,” she snapped. “I hope this is the last time I have to see your goddamn face.” When she looked at me, there was so much hatred there, the kind of hatred I’d felt for my enemies. “You’ve got a lot of gall coming in here.”

Her words felt like a hard slap against my cheek. “Do I?”

“I was stupid before, but I’m not stupid anymore.”

My eyes flicked back and forth between hers, trying to read the story behind that gaze. “What did he say to you?”

She gave a slight shake of her head. “Just go.”

“Whatever he said to you isn’t true, Astrid.”

“And yet, he’s the one who took my call—and you didn’t.” Her eyes drilled into my face, a mixture of anger and disappointment.

What was that phone call about? What did she need? Whatever it was, she’d gone to me first and Bolton second. “What did he say to you?” I pressed, needing to know what lies he’d used to poison my soil and destroy my crops.

Her arms remained tight across her chest, all the light gone from her eyes. “You knew his name before I told you what it was. I didn’t notice it at the time, but now I see. I see it all so clearly.”

“I didn’t know the entire time, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

She stared at me, her eyes looking long dead. “Sure.”

“I didn’t. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“You used me as a pawn to get back at Bolton for whatever he did to you. Well, congratulations. You destroyed our marriage and our lives like you intended.”

“I didn’t destroy your marriage,” I snapped. “He did. When he decided to revoke his wedding vows. A vow is an ironclad promise, irrevocable, and he fucking pissed all over that. Don’t let him manipulate you, Astrid. You deserve a lot better than him, and I’m so fucking disappointed that a woman so fucking perfect would settle for someone so far beneath her. You’re a damn mountain and he’s a shadow. You’re the ocean and he’s a stream. You’re a goddess and he’s a damn peasant. You deserve a man who will bend at the knee and worship you. Who doesn’t look at another woman, even when you aren’t in the room. Who says good things behind your back and talks shit to your face. That’s not him.”

Her eyes remained dead, like she’d barely listened to a word I said. “Is this conversation over? Because I would really love for you to walk out of here and never come back. You’re a fucking sociopath.”

“I say what I mean and mean what I say?—”

“You’re a liar.” The life came back into her eyes, but it was swimming in a sea of hurt. “You made me feel special. You made me feel important. You made me feel like I really did deserve the world. And for a moment, I actually thought the perfect man could exist. But you slashed my tires in the rain so you could come to my rescue. You came to my gallery and pretended to be some broken soul who understood even the most disturbed piece of art, so you could understand me too. But it was all a bunch of bullshit.” Her eyes started to water, but only slightly. “The whole fucking time… And I was too blind to see it.”

“I didn’t know you were married to Bolton until the end.”

She blinked a couple times and cleared away the moisture.

“I didn’t know until I walked into that restaurant to kill him and saw you sitting there beside him, his arm around your chair, while you looked fucking miserable. And the only reason I didn’t kill him is because of you. He lives and breathes this very moment because of the guardian angel beside him. I didn’t know, Astrid. I didn’t use you. What we had was real, and it fucking pains me to see you back with him.”

Her eyes shifted back and forth slightly, her arms still tight, her mind working to cast judgment. When her eyes became lifeless once more, it seemed like she’d ruled in Bolton’s favor.

“I’m not lying.”

“Then why did you dump me?” Her voice held no spirit, like my answer would make no difference.

“Because…”

Her eyes were hard on my face, hitting me with her disappointment.

“Because…” Because I had to. “When I told you I had nothing to offer you, I meant it. But you have more choices than me and Bolton. You deserve someone better than both of us. Don’t settle, Astrid.”

“I’m tired.”

My eyes narrowed, unsure what those words referred to. Was she tired of this conversation? Was she tired of me?

“After I lost my mother, my father was all I had. But I wasn’t enough for him, and he chose to leave. I wasn’t enough for Bolton, and he chose to leave. And then I found you, seeing a fairy tale instead of a nightmare, and I thought…for a moment…that maybe this was what I was destined to find and I just had to survive to get here. But then you left like the others. Used me…and hurt me more than both of them combined.” She spoke with dead eyes again, like she truly was tired, almost too tired to speak. “Maybe it is settling. But I’m ready to settle. I’m ready to accept that life is not a fairy tale…but a nightmare instead.”

“You need a lift?” Octavio approached the table and looked down at my empty glass.

“No.”

His eyes shifted back and forth between mine as he looked me over. “You sure? Because you know I don’t mind, Theo.”

“Why do you think I need a ride?”

“Because you’re redder than a tomato.”

I grabbed the glass and took another drink. “I’m just pissed off.”

“I’ve seen you pissed off. Your face is whiter than snow.”

“I said I’m fine, Octavio,” I snapped. “Now, fuck off.”

He continued to watch me. “Call me if you change your mind.” He walked away and headed to the stairs.

I was the last person in the Underground. It was almost five in the morning. We’d dropped our product that evening and had to collect our tariffs. Everyone had left for the night, but I lingered like a bad cold—because I had nowhere to go.

My bedroom still smelled like her, even though that wasn’t possible. There was no evidence that she’d ever been there in the first place, but I smelled her perfume in the bathroom, smelled her scent in the sheets. My butler had removed her canvas and paints, but sometimes I would take a trip into the storage room to look at it, just to torture myself.

I wished I’d done things differently.

I didn’t have a lot of regrets. When I wanted something, I went for it without reservation. The biggest event in my life had been impulsive, and while it had scarred me for life with pain, it still wasn’t a regret.

It would have been a regret if I hadn’t done it.

But the way I handled Astrid…was riddled with rage and self-loathing.

I finished the rest of my scotch and left, taking the cavern stairway back to the surface level and emerging through the door in the kitchen. The place was spotless, ready to be wrecked again when it opened at lunchtime.

I left the restaurant and stepped into the cold air. It was still dark because the sun wouldn’t be up for another hour or so. It was indistinguishable from midnight if you didn’t know the time. I got into my Range Rover and fiddled with the keys to get them into the ignition, but then I remembered I just had to push a button to start the engine.

The car roared to life, and the heater kicked on. I pulled onto the road, but the lines all merged together, and I almost swerved into a car parked at the curb. The ground felt uneven as it shook underneath me. There was an open spot at the curb, and I pulled over, half of my Range Rover on the sidewalk and right next to a parking meter. If I’d gone a few more inches, I probably would have smashed into it.

“Jesus.” I put the vehicle in park then searched for my phone, not sure which pocket it was in. I finally found it and called the first and only name that came to mind.

“You’re up late.” He sounded wide awake. It was probably his morning to get up with the kids.

“Yeah…I guess.”

I must have sounded like someone else, because he said, “Theo?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Sure. Can I get a ride?”

Axel paused for a moment. “Fuck, you’re wasted.”

“I’d sleep in the car, but…” It was bulletproof, but I was still out in the open, a target on my front and my back.

“I’m on my way. Where are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Great, that’s helpful,” he said. “I’ll find you. Hold tight.”

A tap on the window woke me up.

My eyes opened, and I saw Axel right next to me. With a groan, I hit the button and unlocked the door.

Axel hit the ignition button and turned off the car. “Nice parking job.”

“Fuck you.”

“Can you walk?”

“Fuck you.”

“You said that already.” He grabbed me by the arm and helped me out of the Range Rover. The sky had lightened, but daylight hadn’t broken yet. He walked with me to the passenger seat of his car and opened the door. “Let me repark your car, and we’ll be on our way.” He shut the door once I was in the seat and then parked my Range Rover on the street instead of on top of the sidewalk. I’d get a ticket for leaving my vehicle there, but at least it wouldn’t get towed like it would if I’d left it how it had been.

When Axel got into the driver’s seat, I was jerked awake. It made me wonder if I’d imagined him parking the car. Did I dream that, or did he park the car and then I fell asleep for two seconds before I was woken up again?

Fuck, I was smashed.

Axel didn’t talk as he drove. I wasn’t sure where we were going.

“Where?” I meant to ask the full sentence, but it came out as a single word.

“My place.”

“No.”

“It’s either that or the hospital. Figured you’d prefer this.”

I lay back against the seat and closed my eyes. I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, we were in Axel’s underground parking garage in front of the elevator. Axel threw my arm over his shoulder and helped me into the elevator before we rose to the entryway of his villa.

I looked at the stairs and had never felt so intimidated.

“The couch in the study.” He guided me across the room, past the staircase, and into the room where we smoked our cigars together. He helped me onto the couch.

I immediately lay back, using the couch as a bed.

Axel pulled the coffee table away in case I rolled onto the floor. He closed the curtains next, placed a glass of water and some pills on the end table, and then shut the double doors to the study.

The second it was quiet, I was out.

When I woke up, it was warm, the sunlight pushing heat through the slits in the curtains. I blinked several times, realizing I had the migraine from fucking hell. I remembered the pills and the water and downed both before I lay there again, paralyzed once more.

The door cracked, and Scarlett poked her head inside. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I ever was.”

She smirked then closed the door again, probably to retrieve Axel.

Axel came in a moment later, in only his sweatpants like he’d just gotten up or was getting ready for bed. “Hungry?”

“No.” I forced myself to sit up, and the shift in blood flow helped with the migraine.

“Really?” Axel sat in the armchair. “You must be starving.”

“I had dinner a couple hours ago.”

“A day and a couple of hours ago.”

I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. It was nine in the morning.

“You slept all day and all night. You were out, man. Scarlett wanted to take you to the hospital, but I said you would pull through.”

I had twenty-eight missed calls and forty-five text messages. I quickly opened them and made sure none of them were from Astrid. I set my phone to the side and sank into the couch again. When I looked at my hand, I saw a bunch of ink from a pen.

“The kids snuck in and drew on you. Sorry.”

I looked at the other hand, seeing scribbles that were probably supposed to be barn animals. “It’s fine.”

“Scarlett is making breakfast. So this kinda worked out in my favor.” He smirked.

“Congratulations.” I reached for a cigar from the tray on the table.

“Whoa.” Axel leaned forward and moved the tray away. “None of that for today.”

I shot him a glare. “Smoking and drinking aren’t the same, Axel.”

“Well, you’re going to be sober from both for today, alright? You’re under my roof.”

“Then maybe I’ll just walk out of here.”

“I’d love to see you try.” His smile disappeared, and the threat moved into his eyes.

“You know I could take you.”

“Maybe on your best day, but we can both agree today is your worst.”

I sank farther into the couch, knowing I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Scarlett would make me a hot breakfast with an Americano, and I would be forced to take it down whether I was hungry or not. There was no urgency in any of the messages that had been left for me, so I let myself sit there.

Axel stared at me for a while.

“Yes?”

“You want to talk about it or…?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Axel looked away, staring at the cold fireplace.

My body hurt like I’d smashed into a brick wall.

Axel turned back to me. “You know we’re going to talk about it, right?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then what the fuck happened, Theo? Because you could have died and taken an innocent person with you.”

“I drove twenty feet before I pulled over,” I snapped. “It wasn’t that egregious.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten into the car in the first place?—”

“You want to talk about my stupidity or how I got stupid?”

Axel shut his mouth and glared at me. “It’s obvious you got stupid because you drank way, way too fucking much. But it’s not obvious why.”

I sat there.

“It has something to do with Astrid, doesn’t it?”

I didn’t want to admit it, not to him.

He didn’t say I told you so. Didn’t remind me of the bullshit he’d warned me about. “What happened?”

“She took him back.” I snapped my fingers. “Like that.”

He propped his cheek on his closed knuckles as he listened.

“He betrayed her, and she just accepts it.”

“What happened the last time you spoke?”

“She got her own apartment. Seemed like she was going to move on.”

“But then you broke things off.”

“Yeah.”

“Bolton was begging her to come back. She probably had a moment of insecurity and embraced a guarantee.”

“But she’s better than that.”

“We do stupid things when we’re heartbroken.”

“She’s too smart to be that stupid.”

He continued to watch me. “You’re too stupid to get smashed like that, but yet, here we are.”

A wave of self-loathing washed over me. “She called me the other night…and I let it ring. I was in a meeting, but even if I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have answered. But then a second later, I realized that was a mistake and I called her back, but she didn’t pick up. Didn’t answer my text messages. She lies and says she called me accidentally, but that’s bullshit. That phone call was important, but she won’t tell me why.”

“Why do you think it’s important?”

“Because she called Bolton right after—and he answered.”

“Then she probably needed something.”

“Maybe.”

“Is she okay?”

I nodded. “I stopped by the art gallery, and she’s wearing her wedding ring.”

Axel slouched in the armchair as he listened.

“He told her I was only with her to slight him, and she believes him.”

“Shit.”

“That it was all a premeditated attack, and she was just a pawn.”

“You told her otherwise?”

I nodded. “It made no difference. You should see the way she looks at me.” Her eyes had been dead in the center, lifeless like an oasis that had turned into a barren desert. “It’s worse than hate.”

Pity shone in his eyes.

“I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

“There’s nothing for you to do, Theo. You made this decision.”

“I didn’t think she’d go back to him. I didn’t think he’d turn her against me. She’s back in that shitty relationship and thinks I didn’t give a damn about her.” The last thing she said to me haunted me down to the bone. Every man she’d ever trusted had betrayed her—and that included me. If she really knew me, she would know I was different. But now, she would never know.

Axel remained quiet.

“You never shut up, and now you have nothing to say?”

“What do you want, Theo?” He sat up in the chair. “I told you to pick Astrid, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“I—I thought it would have a different outcome.” I was still a little drunk, my thoughts coming to me slowly, my emotions uncapped and flowing in full force. “After everything she said to me and everything we had, I thought she would leave.”

“Then you underestimated Bolton.”

“I—I wish there was a way that I could have both.” That I could have the woman and the revenge, but my life was too fucked up. My heart was too fucked up.

“Talk to her,” Axel said. “Maybe it’s not too late.”

I stared at the coffee table.

“But you burned her bad, so you’re going to have to give her some guarantees.”

“What about Bolton?”

“He hasn’t upheld his end of the deal yet, so you don’t have to uphold yours. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no contract in place. He’s strung you along for weeks now. Revert back to the original plan.”

“But I can’t kill him.”

“You can still torture him for the information, kill the asshole who ordered the hit, and let Bolton live. You’ll have to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, but it sounds like you were going to do that anyway. And if Bolton feels any affection for Astrid, he’ll be in the same predicament as you are, unable to kill the man she cares about. It’ll be an unspoken truce between you two.”

“Bolton made it sound like the guy who ordered the hit is a force to be reckoned with. That’s why he agreed to help me.”

“Well, I’m a force to be reckoned with too,” he said. “I’m with you on this.”

My mind was in a haze, so I had to blink a few times before I understood his words. “You’re out of the game, Axel.”

“But you know I have your back.”

“I appreciate the offer?—”

“I want you to have what I have, Theo. I want you to have the woman, and I want you to have the peace. I’m happy to do this with you. We don’t need Bolton. So get your woman back—and then we’ll handle the rest.”