It Pains Me (Betrayal #5)

10. Theo

10

THEO

A couple days passed.

Axel called a few times, but I didn’t pick up.

He didn’t come by the house like Scarlett had. Seemed to decide ambushing me was the wrong way to go about it.

When enough time had passed and the steam left my ears, I stopped by his villa. Aldo was surprised to see me, hating it when company dropped by unexpectedly. He escorted me into the study and said he would retrieve Axel.

I stood in front of the cold fireplace and looked out the window, seeing the darkness brightened by the lights of the city. My heart had slowed to a glacial pace, like I was half asleep even when I was most alert, even when I lifted in my gym.

It was a depression I couldn’t shake.

Hurried footsteps sounded down the staircase, like someone was running, and then they grew louder as they approached the study. Axel appeared in sweatpants and a t-shirt that had a huge stain on the front, probably spit-up or food from one of his kids. He stopped to observe me, to make sure I was real and not some phantom. He stayed at the threshold between the open doors.

I stared back before I crossed the study and stopped a few feet from him.

He looked at me, his breathing slightly elevated.

I’d come all the way here, but now I had nothing to say. I’d never been good with words. I’d done my best to say them eloquently to Astrid, but I still lost her. It was even harder with Axel, because talking about feelings and shit with another dude wasn’t my thing. “I’m sorry.”

Axel inhaled a slow breath.

“I’ve just been in a dark place, and?—”

He moved into me and gave me a bear hug, squeezing me tight the way a father hugged his son.

I stilled as he squeezed me, my arms by my sides.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Forget it.”

It took a second for my arms to reciprocate, to hug him back and embrace his affection.

He continued to hold on like he didn’t want to let go. “You said I had everything. But I wouldn’t have anything if I didn’t have you.”

“Scarlett told me what happened with Astrid,” he said as he sat across from me in the armchair. “Sorry, man.”

“I should have listened to you. You warned me it would be a bunch of bullshit.”

“That’s not what I said. I said it would be unnecessary bullshit if she wasn’t important to you. But she was.”

“I really didn’t know her that way. Didn’t know her that long.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “It happened so fast with Scarlett. I knew I loved her in just a couple of weeks of us seeing each other.”

“But I didn’t have that experience with Astrid. She was always anchored to someone else. We had dinner a few times and fucked, but our relationship was so restrained.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying.”

“So I never really knew her.”

“But you wanted to know her. That’s a big deal for you.”

I took a drink of my scotch. “I sure know how to pick ’em, don’t I?”

“Shayla was great.”

“But she was unavailable from the beginning. Should have just walked away when she told me to.”

Pity moved into his eyes.

“I got to experience the end of a long marriage without actually living it.”

“I know you wouldn’t change anything, man.”

“Sometimes I’m not so sure.” I swirled my glass and watched the ice cubes spin.

After a long stretch of silence, Axel changed the subject. “What are you going to do about Astrid?”

“Nothing. I’ve moved on.”

“You have?”

“I’m sleeping around again.”

“You weren’t before?”

“No.”

Axel smirked. “I knew you were full of shit.”

“I hope she’s happy with Bolton.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“No,” I said. “I hope I’m wrong about him.” But I didn’t think I was. I suspected Astrid would realize staying with him was the wrong decision, but she would probably have a couple kids by then and be trapped. She’d have to settle even more. Make the best out of it because if she didn’t, she would lose her mind. And I would be…dead or fucking whores and then eating dinner alone.

“But you aren’t.”

I shook my head.

“Scarlett told me about the burglary. If you think it was a setup, all you need to do is some digging. Figure out which guys he uses most often and then get their photos. Show them to Scarlett and see if she recognizes them.”

I gave a shrug. “I’m not going to do that.”

“Why?”

“It’s done,” I said. “I’m done.”

Axel gave a slow nod of acceptance. “You want me to set you up with one of Scarlett’s friends?”

“No.”

“Some of them are pretty boobalicious.”

“Did you just admit you check out your wife’s friends?”

“Actually, she’s the one checking them out.” He smirked. “That’s how she describes them, and you know I’m here for it.”

I smirked back. “I’ll pass. I can get my own women.”

“Can you?” he asked playfully. “Seems like the only women you get are being paid to do so.”

“Shut the fuck up, Axel.”

He chuckled. “Since you’re receptive to a relationship these days?—”

“I was never receptive. I’m not sure what would have happened between Astrid and me even if she had picked me.”

“You said you would try. I call that receptive. And if you’re receptive to her, maybe you would be receptive to someone else. All I’m saying is, you aren’t going to meet someone if you’re spending all your time underground like a vampire and fucking whores.”

I was too busy to meet a woman spontaneously. I didn’t go out to a bar often, not when I drank at home or at work. And I sure as fuck wasn’t on a dating app. I’d shoot myself in the head before I did that. “I’m not interested in looking. Too much talking and too much bullshit.”

“You didn’t seem to mind with Astrid.”

“Because she was different.”

“How?”

She had a smile that could light up the room…but an attitude that could set off grenades buried in the earth. “She already knew the game, so that saved a lot of tedious conversation.” Having to explain my job and my world to a woman who had an ordinary life didn’t sound appealing.

“And that was why you liked her?” he asked incredulously.

“No, but it helped.”

“Shayla wasn’t in the game.”

“Yeah, but…” It’d been so long that I had a hard time picturing her from memory. Not that I’d forgotten her, but I didn’t look at her photos. They were all packed up and hidden away because it was just too fucking hard. It was still painful. “A very different circumstance.”

He grabbed his glass and took a drink. “Sorry, man.”

“For what?”

“It still hurts you.”

“If Scarlett died, would it ever stop hurting?”

He looked down into his glass and shook the cubes to dodge the question.

I stared at his shirt and the big stain that still sat there. “You look like shit, by the way.”

He didn’t glance down like he already knew it was there. “I’m so used to it, I don’t even notice.”

“Not gonna lie, that sounds fucking terrible.”

Axel smirked. “Yes, you’ve made it clear how you feel about kids, Theo.”

“I love your kids, for what it’s worth. But I can’t imagine doing it myself.”

“If Shayla puked all over you, would that bother you?”

She had puked all over me. “No.”

“It’s like that. When you take your dog for a walk, you don’t mind picking up his shit. But another dog’s shit, forget about it. There’s this haze that settles over everything and makes even the most mundane things sparkle.”

“I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

Scarlett walked into the room, her eyes tired and her shirt wrinkled. “Glad you two made up.”

Axel patted his thigh for her to sit on his lap.

She eyed his shirt. “I’m not sure whose vomit that is.”

“I don’t remember.” He yanked off his shirt and bundled it up before he tossed it on the table. “Come here, baby.” He patted his thigh again.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ll let you boys talk.”

“You’re one of the boys,” I said. “Come on.”

She looked at me, and a slow smile moved on to her lips.

“Now, get over here,” Axel said. “My dick is cold.”

She rolled her eyes like Axel was obnoxious, but there was a smile on her face that she couldn’t hide. She dropped into his lap, and his arms immediately circled her body like vipers, and he pulled her close.

“The babies are asleep?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“Thank god,” he said. “Have a drink.” He handed her his glass.

She took a drink and didn’t make a face when the booze lit up her throat.

I watched them together, remembering my chaotic and tumultuous time with Shayla. By the time I saw her meteor in the sky, she was already crash-landing into the earth and destroying everything in her path—including herself. There was nothing I could do to stop it. We were doomed from the moment our eyes met that night.

I would have been better off if I’d just walked away when I had the chance. She’d known it. I’d fucking known it.

But I’d stayed…and I would stay again.