Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
TIA
W hat the hell have I done?
The night has been lovely. I have enjoyed every minute of it. Luke is so different outside of the office. He still has that quiet confidence and somehow, being with him makes me feel safe, but he is much less reserved than he is at work. We have spent the whole night laughing, teasing each other, and flirting. I knew I was on dangerous ground with that, but I really like him, and I couldn’t help but get caught up in the moment with him. Why the fuck did I have to pretend to be Louisa?
In hindsight, it was a bad move, but it’s done now, and I can hardly just rock up and tell the truth now. I should never have kissed Luke. It doesn’t matter that it was the sort of kiss I have only ever dreamed of before now. It doesn’t matter that my pussy was instantly wet for him and that my clit is still tingling now at the thought of the kiss. It doesn’t matter that I want to throw him on the ground and ride him. What matters is that I can’t do any of that and I was the one to instigate the kiss which makes it even worse, but I have to say something. I have to let Luke know we can’t do that again.
I’m aware of the cab behind me, waiting for me to get in, but this has to come first. I can’t not say this now, because if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I’ll have the courage to say it later and … For fuck’s sake, why is everything such a fucking mess? Urgh.
“Shit, Luke, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me,” I say.
“Don’t worry, there’s nothing to forgive,” Luke says. “Mistakes happen. And yes, it was a fun mistake, but that doesn’t mean we have to repeat it.”
“Thank you for not making this more awkward than it already is,” I say.
I’m partly relieved that he has taken it so well, but there is a part of me that is kind of gutted. That part of me wanted him to tell me it wasn’t a mistake and that it most definitely will happen again. Maybe if he had chosen to fight for me a little bit, I could convince myself my name doesn’t matter. Because that’s the only part of me that’s fake. The rest is all me. And once my internship is up, I can tell Luke the truth, and maybe he’ll just laugh about it. But now all of that is off the table because he thinks the kiss was a mistake too. A nice mistake as he put it, but still a mistake.
“Good night, Louisa,” Luke says, and I take my cue and get into the cab, looking back over my shoulder and giving him one last sad smile before I do.
I give the cab driver my address and he puts the car into drive and pulls away and heads off towards my building. I look out of the window, watching the buildings pass me by, but I’m not seeing them. Not really. Instead, I’m back outside of the bar, and I’m kissing Luke, and he is kissing me back and everything is perfect. And when I say it’s a mistake and apologize, he tells me that’s not true, and he pulls me in and kisses me again.
All the way home, all of the time I’m getting ready for bed, and all of the time I spend trying to drift off to sleep, I’m thinking of Luke and specifically, that kiss. The way I felt inside when we kissed is like nothing I have ever felt before and I want – no I need – to feel that way again. That kiss has awoken something inside of me, something that had no right to be awake, and I know that what I feel for Luke is way more than a crush. I am in so much trouble here, because I have allowed myself to fall way too deep into something that can never even happen, with someone who doesn’t want it to happen. Isn’t that just a great ending to the night.