Fifty—Ivy
M
y mother hung on through the night. Gran and I never left her side. Earlier Everett did get my grandmother to take a short nap and eat something, but she turned right around and drove herself back to the hospital and was sitting with me by evening rounds. Truth be told, I was glad she was there; I did not want to be alone with Mama if something happened. When it happened.
I was exhausted though, but I didn’t dare sleep. There was too much quiet inevitability in the room. I think Bree was just waiting for Daniel. Part of me too, hoped my dad would actually show up. Then maybe Mama could just let go.
I thought of Daniel’s face when he saw me standing in his office with Liz Proctor, my sister. It seemed like the sum-total expression of his worlds colliding, and for just an instant, he seemed undone by his secrets. But surely, he’d gotten his priorities straight by now and was on his way. Surely, he loved Mama enough to do that. I sighed.
“What is it, my sweet girl?” my grandmother said, taking my hand.
I looked at her and shook my head, tears threatening to overtake me.
“I know, sweetheart.”
We were quiet for a few moments as we got back to watching the rise and fall of Mama’s little chest and the green line on her heartbeat machine—both reassuring evidences that she was still with us. But studying them both so closely was nerve-racking. She’d been in a lot of pain and was finally sleeping with a hefty dose of something that was keeping her comfortable, but her breathing was shallow. They said it was a catch twenty-two at this point, but I wasn’t sure what that really meant.
“Talk to me, sugar plum,” Gran said, tugging on my hand. “Tell me something. Anything. I need to hear your voice.”
“I met my sister,” I said to the air in front of my face.
Geneva didn’t respond, but she squeezed my fingers.
“Yep. When I went to tell Daniel what had happened, she was there,” I said. “She works for him. Did you know she’s the same age as me?”
“I did. I’m so sorry, dear girl.”
I looked over at her. “When did you know, Gran? When did you know he had another family?”
“I found out before you were born.”
“No. So you’ve always known?”
Emotion filled Geneva’s tired eyes, and she looked over at my mother with brimming tenderness. “It’s true. Did you know your mama was just nineteen when she met him?”
“I did.”
“Do you know how young nineteen is, Ivy Lee?” She shook her head. “Of course you do. Your dad was a grown man, seasoned and away from his regular life, and your mama was untamed and adventurous and na?ve. Of course, she fancied herself smart and worldly, but she was no match for him. And he knew it. And I’m sure it didn’t hurt that they were both movie-star pretty and wanting the same thing from each other. So, they started something they shouldn’t have. And when he went home, she was in love. And you know that has never dimmed. Never.”
“I know,” I said.
“But for what it’s worth, I think he was in love, too. He came back a few weeks later. And a few weeks after that. And then one day, my not-yet-twenty-year-old daughter—who had not talked to me for the better part of a year—showed up in tears and told me I was going to be a grandmother. I did not know this man, and I was not thrilled—which is absolutely no reflection on you, my love,” she said with a sad smile. “But I just figured we’d whip together a hurry-up wedding and get things on track.” Geneva shook her head. “But of course, they had different ideas—well, Daniel did. Your mama would have married him in a blink and a grin. He said he loved her, but he wasn’t ready to get married. He said he wanted to, but he had things to wrap up on the west coast before he could. That’s what he said. Things to wrap up. So, I decided to go see what things , and I took a little trip to California.” She looked at me with a raised-up eyebrow. “That’s when I found out, sug. Little boy and a very pregnant wife, a dog and a mortgage, and a thriving law practice in a firm his wife’s daddy owned. If your grandpa had been with me, he’d have shot him. First between the legs and then between the eyes.”
I chuckled.
“You think I’m kidding,” she said. “I’m not.”
“What did Daniel say?”
“He cried.” She shook her head and looked over at my sleeping mother. “Big, important lawyer man cried like a baby. Broke my heart a little,” she said looking back at me. “I thought what a mess he’d made of things, but God help me, after we talked, I believed he loved my daughter. Now, I think I just needed to believe that—it was easier that way. But it didn’t matter. I knew then that he’d never leave them. And when I told Bree that, it damn near ruined her and me. And we were already pretty ruined.”
“Mom didn’t know?”
Geneva shook her head. “And I don’t think he was ever going to tell her. It just would have taken too much courage for your father to tell the truth in the middle of him living that big old lie. But when everything blew up, he still promised her they’d be together one day, and she believed him. I think telling themselves that was how they lived with what they were doing.” She sighed. “And here we are all these years later, sug. Twenty-two years of him paying your mama’s bills, twenty-two years of her listening to his woes and lies and mopping up his dissatisfaction with life. Twenty-two years of those two meeting up in exotic places whenever he had the notion and the freedom.”
I didn’t want to hear any of this. I’d known it forever; it was our life.
Geneva started to weep. “I despise that man for what he’s done, and her too, sometimes. But I’ve had to keep quiet about all that—the best I could, anyway—because my relationship with your mama—and you—has always depended on it.” She wiped her dripping nose with a balled-up hanky. “Y’all deserved so much better. So much better.” She looked over at my mother again and took a shaky breath. “And now…Ivy Lee, I don’t know what I’ll do without her. I simply can’t imagine…”
I squeezed her hand because her heart was breaking, and I would have done anything to alleviate my grandmother’s pain. This struck me as a little shameful because I realized the pain I felt on this tragic occasion paled in comparison.
***
At about 7:30 the next morning, something changed, a feeling in my mother’s room, a portent. I’d dozed off I guess but had wakened inexplicably to find Geneva had done the same thing. We looked at each other. Bree was still and her machines were quiet, but a slow heartbeat continued to register on the tiny screen above her head. My grandmother took my hand but said nothing. As we sat there considering the omen we both felt, a man walked in. He was crisply dressed in dark slacks and a blue dress shirt, pretty tie. He had white hair.
“Good morning,” he said quietly, so as not to disturb. “I’m Robert Flynn. I’m covering for Doctor Blumenthal. How is Aubrey doing?”
Upon hearing his voice, Bree opened her eyes a slit, and he moved closer to address her. “You are quite the fighter, Aubrey, despite that fever. I’m just going to listen to your lungs. ”
“Yooouu caame,” she moaned, in a drug-weakened voice, and Geneva gripped my hand.
The doctor smiled, but I’m not sure he heard due to the stethoscope in his ears. He went about his business, apparently oblivious to the adoring look on my mother’s face, unfocussed eyes wider than they had been since I got there, her futile attempt to smile. She thought he was Daniel. When he stepped back, she reached for his hand. “I…I knew…you…come,” she pushed out.
Dr. Flynn looked over at us.
“She thinks you’re my father,” I said, softly through a tear-soaked voice. “Who isn’t going to make it.”
He nodded and seemed to consider this. Then he did the kindest thing imaginable. Robert Flynn took my mother’s hand and leaned down very close to her. “Of course, I came. I had to see that beautiful face.”
“D…Dan…I…” she rasped, tears spilling from her eyes. “I…I…love…”
He touched her face gently. “You rest now. I’ll be right here.”
My mother tried to say more, but her eyes fell shut.
They never opened again.