Seventy—Ivy
S
ixteen days after Bree died, I flew back to Monterey with Camille. We’d been talking—well, mostly she’d been talking—but we decided together that it was time. Camille had filed for divorce in absentia through a friend of Peter’s, and Peter had been served. She’d chosen to gamble and use someone who knew her husband, but it appeared to be paying off. According to Ryan Bliss, Peter, when faced with the allegations of abuse sited in the summons, of course denied it all, but agreed that his marriage had been a monumental waste of time. He’d informed his friend, Camille’s lawyer, that his wife had actually saved him the bother of filing himself. Right. And the true test of Camille’s resolve was her decision to now meet with him face to face. I hadn’t known Mia’s sister before all her awfulness, but clearly in the time I had known her, she’d gained enough confidence that she was no longer afraid of the man she’d married. She was even a bit steely.
Camille had informed Peter that until he proved his willingness to cooperate and conditions were agreed upon and common decency had been achieved between them, she would not allow him to see his daughters or know where they were. Scout and Olivia were staying with Geneva, which was a gift to them all, and Peter was not expecting to see them.
The girls had fallen in love with Savannah, the laid back safety of Isle of Hope, the relaxed wellbeing of their mama. It would be hard for them to leave, but Camille was trying not to think about that. She knew Peter might threaten to sue for custody, but she had the ER report of Olivia’s broken arm and pictures of her own black eye, not to mention the police report. She knew that allegations of abusing his wife could cost Peter his job, where he was fast-tracking to upper management. He would never jeopardize that. It seemed she had covered her bases, and I was proud of her. So were her parents. Certainly, Lullaby would be doing a happy dance.
Lullaby Sutton might do a happy dance on my behalf, as well, because thanks to her, I was going back to Monterey for just one reason. Well, actually two.
We landed at the Monterey Peninsula Airport just before five in the evening after a long and uneventful flight, each of us tense for different reasons. Camille squeezed my hand. “We made it. Mom’s meeting us at baggage claim,” she said with forced cheer.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Her nod was unconvincing. “I’m just so glad I didn’t bring the girls,” she sighed. “They’d know I was nervous and try to mother me. Can you imagine? My babies trying like crazy to love away my nerves. That’s what I did to them, Ivy. How could I have done that to them?”
“Peter did that to them,” I corrected, and it made her eyes mist.
“Thank you, Ivy. Thank you for coming back here with me. That was a lot to ask, and I appreciate it.”
I smiled. I had not discussed Bo or my motives for making the trip. I had simply agreed because I was coming anyway. I hadn’t even planned to tell Mia, but then she’d called to ask if she could use some of the pictures she’d taken of me for her final project. I couldn’t think why she’d want to, but I didn’t care if she used them. We ended up talking for over an hour, mostly about Derek, who she was loving more every day. Of course, I was happy for her. And intrigued. “How did you get there?” I asked.
“Oh, Ivy—it’s very tenth grade,” she’d laughed. “But the truth is he’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I’m falling asleep, and when I look down the road at my future, he’s right there. He’s the center of everything…and I love him. I love him, awful—did you ever see Moonstruck ?”
I laughed. “Can I use that?” I said. “Because, if you replace Derek with…I don’t know, someone else…it’s kind of a big ditto.”
Mia had giggled. Actually, she’d cackled. “Only if that someone is my mopey brother. Please come back and do something with him.”
“Well, as a matter of fact,” I’d told her. “I’m coming back next week with Camille, but please don’t tell Bo,” I’d said. “For some reason, I need him completely unprepared for me.”
“Well, that sounds deliciously intriguing.”
“Please, Mia.”
“All right, I won’t tell him,” she’d promised.
And now, here I was. Was I ready? I hadn’t realized the depth of my musings, or that we had nearly reached baggage claim, until I heard my name shouted. I surfaced and looked around and thought I was mistaken, but then a familiar face emerged from the crowd.
“Who’s that?” Camille said as he hurried toward us.
I stifled a groan. “It’s my dad,” I said. Then to him, “Daniel, what are you doing here?”
His smile was big and forced and false. “I…I knew you were coming in, and I…I wanted to surprise you. Surprise, sweetheart.”
“How did you…”
He cut me off as he introduced himself to Camille. Then he nodded. “So, do you need a ride?”
“Camille’s mom is picking us up. What are you doing here?” I said again.
My father looked from me to Camille and back to me. “Ivy, can I give you a lift? I’d really like to talk to you. It’s been a while.”
I swallowed my annoyance. “Go meet your mom, Camille,” I said. “I’ll, um…I’ll catch up with you later.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. ”
She gave me a little hug and offered Daniel a tepid smile with her “Nice to meet you.” Then she walked away, leaving me in the middle of the concourse with the last person on earth I wanted to be with right now.
“What’s this really about, Daniel?” I said. “What are you doing?”
“Can’t a father just—”
“No! No. What are you doing?”
He moved close and put his hands on my shoulders and looked as solemn as I had ever seen him. “I want to talk to you, Ivy. I want to explain myself. Can I buy you dinner? A drink?”
“No. I can’t. I have to be someplace.”
“I’ll drive you, then.”
“No.” I blew out a breath. “We can talk here if you want. I guess you can buy me a Coke.”
“That’s ridiculous. Let me take you…wherever you’re going.” He took my arm and tugged, but I stayed put. “No, Daniel. I’m not going anywhere with you. If you want to talk to me, you can talk to me here. Then we can go our separate ways.”
He eyed me with disapproval. Especially when I lifted my elbow out of his grasp. I didn’t care.
“Ivy…”
“It’s the best I can do, Daniel.”
We walked in silence to the McDonald’s at the end of the concourse. It was mostly deserted, so I found a table while my father ordered us some soft drinks. I’d been dreading this moment—even though this moment was supposed to take place at his office later, sometime before I went home, his office where I could leave when I’d said what I had to say, his office at a time of my choosing, when I was prepared. Every day since Bree had died, I’d thought of this conversation. I’d even thought to avoid it all together and just put my thoughts in a letter. But what I needed to tell him seemed to require something more adult. I ran my hands over my face and took a deep breath as Daniel set down our drinks .
After a moment of watching me, he placed his hand on mine and said, “How are you, Ivy?”
“I’m…I’m fine ,” I said, slipping my hand away.
“Good. I’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m not sure I believe that , Daniel.”
“Ivy, that’s not fair. Are you still mad at me? Can’t you understand the position I’m in?”
“I don’t care. Look, Daniel, I don’t want to fight. I…I was planning to talk to you later this week anyway.”
“Then it looks like I’ve saved you a trip.” He half-smiled. “What did you want to talk about?”
I took a breath and avoided his eyes. “I wanted to thank you for bringing me to Monterey. I know Bree pressured you to do that, and it was only supposed to be for a few days. But…you actually saved my life.” I looked up at him. “Because of you, I met Mia. Do you remember that day—the day I met her? It was at the college; you walked a few steps ahead of me the whole time because you could not risk anyone seeing us together.” Now I was locked on him.
“Ivy, it wasn’t that—”
“It was exactly that, Daniel. It’s why you’re here now. Somehow, you heard I was coming to town, and you could not risk another surprise visit from me at your office. Not with your real daughter there walking around, taking such good care of you.”
Now he was the one to drop his gaze. “I’m sorry about that, Ivy. I really am.”
“Well, that might be. But if you are, I’m sure it has more to do with her than me.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter now. I just have to be finished with this; this us without Mama. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
He looked up.
“Daniel, I know Bree was incidental to your life. I get that, even if she never did. I know that being with her involved careful planning, getting your lies straight, and covering your tracks. I know she was an escape from your regular life. I get all of that. But what you don’t seem to get is…is…she was my mom , and she should have meant more to you. She should have been at least as important as you told her she was. But you lied to her, Daniel. You lied to her my entire life…”
“How dare you, Ivy,” he said grappling for authority with his tone. “I will ask you to remember who you’re talking to.”
“I know exactly who I’m talking to. I’m talking to the man who lied and used my mama for almost twenty-three years. I’m talking to the man who has been lying to his real family for all that time, too. I’m talking to the man I’m saying goodbye to. Officially.” I took a breath while that sunk in, and it felt strangely freeing. “I was planning to come to your office to say all this in a final, more formal way. But I guess this will have to do.”
“Ivy, what are talking about?”
“I think you know.” I stared at him for a long minute. “It’s not my intention to be mean here, Daniel. I just need us to stop pretending there’s anything between us when we both know there isn’t.
“Ivy…you don’t mean that.”
Emotion filled my throat, but I swallowed it down. “I do. I need this to be over and done. The simple truth is my mother is dead, and I have no interest in a relationship with her married sometimes boyfriend who just happens to be my father.”
Injury filled his eyes as he processed the apparent incredibleness of my words, never releasing my gaze. I didn’t blink.
At length he cleared his throat. “Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me, Ivy?”
“I don’t care how hard this has or has not been for you.”
He seemed to shrink a little. “Whatever you may think,” he said. “You need to know your mother was very important to me.”
“No, she wasn’t.”
“That’s not fair,” he insisted, raising his voice a notch.
“Well, none of it was ever fair, Daniel. ”
My father stared at me, irritation creeping in around the edges of his eyes. “Are you trying to hurt me? Is that what this is about? Do you think I’m not hurt enough already? That I don’t live with that hurt every single day?”
“I don’t care,” I said, again. “This isn’t about you. This is about me—my life. And Mama.”
“Ivy, that is not fair.”
I stared at him. “Again, Daniel: It was never fair. Not to Mama, certainly not to me, and definitely not to your nice family. But none of that mattered to you.”
His jaw hardened. “How dare you judge me? Or your mother? Our relationship was… special, albeit very complicated. And frankly, it was none of your business.”
I lifted a brow, as I glared. “And yet, here I am. The poison fruit of that special…albeit so very complicated relationship. Well, I have news for you, Dad : That makes me the perfect judge. And I said the same thing to Mama.”
He closed his mouth.
After a few beats of silence, I said, “She waited for you.”
“What?”
“She did. Mama simply refused to die until you came. And she knew you would—she knew you loved her at least enough to be there. So, she hung on. In all that misery, she hung on. Her bones were shattered, she was bleedin’ inside herself, she was delusional. At the end, she wasn’t even Bree anymore,” I said. “She was so broken and fevered. But she knew you’d come because your lies were so real to her. She knew you loved her. She waited to die until you came, and you finally did.” I nodded and sniffed back emotion. “The doctor had white hair, and she thought he was you. He was kind enough to play along so Bree could let go knowing you hadn’t let her down. But it was just another lie. A lie my mother clung to until the moment she died. ”
Daniel had long dropped his gaze, and I let him squirm. When he finally met my eyes again, his shame was so bare that I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
“ You are a lie, Dad,” I said softly. “You and my mama were a lie. And that sort of makes me a lie. And some days that is exactly what I feel like. I’m working on that, but just so you know, that is a terrible…a wicked thing to do to a daughter.”
“I…I’m sorry.”
“Maybe you are, maybe you’re not. I don’t care, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over now. I think it just took Bree dying for me to figure out that sometimes you just land in the wrong life. And you have to somehow claw your way out before you can find the right one.” Ilooked hard at him. “This is me clawing my way out, Daniel,” I said. Then I pushed my chair back and stood up.
“Ivy…” he said with pleading in his eyes.
I shook my head. “We were always just strangers, anyway. Connected by someone I loved and you didn’t. And now she’s gone.” I held his gaze for a beat. “I have to go now. I need to be somewhere. Goodbye, Daniel,” I said.
Then I picked up my things and walked away.