Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The following day, Laura stayed up late again. She’d started reading on Fetlife and before she knew it, it was three hours later and way past her usual bedtime. Her sleep was filled with dreams of a shadowy man wielding a flogger and whip on her and not stopping even when she called “red.” Then the shadows melted and it was James all along, smiling at her tenderly as he silenced her pleading with a ball-gag, telling her in Jake’s voice that no one wanted to hear her fat-cow mooing. Then he pulled her out of her bonds and into his arms, cuddling her until she…
She woke up, already exhausted, with tears drying on her face.
After her nightmare, things didn’t seem so straightforward anymore. Was she capable of trusting James or anyone else with her submission?
After dragging herself through the day, she managed to get her ass to her sister’s and planted at the dinner table. Despite her weariness, she enjoyed the dinner – meatloaf and mac-n-cheese, like their mother used to make, with mushrooms -- and her mood lightened with every moment around the kids, but she really wanted a chance to talk privately with her sister. The kids chattered about school and their friends, then turned their charm on Laura, begging her to tell them where she was taking them that Saturday.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” she teased. She hadn’t actually given it any thought, and it was already Thursday. She’d have to talk it over with Suzie after dinner. Maybe she could afford a movie this weekend. What with popcorn and soft drinks, a movie with two kids, even at matinee prices, wasn’t cheap.
When the kids were safely out of the room finishing their homework and she and Suzie were cleaning up the kitchen, Laura brought up the subject of BDSM again. “Have you given any more thought to what I was telling you about BDSM, Suze?”
Suzie looked up from the counter she was wiping down, “Yes, I have. I’m not at all sure I like the idea, but I did start reading that book you gave me, and it is smokin’ hot.”
“Yeah, and the reality of being with James was even hotter,” Laura confessed, hugging her waist. “But he hasn’t been in touch with me since and I don’t know how to find him, so I don’t really know what to think. I really liked what he did to me. The whole tying me up thing was incredible, and the orgasm was better than anything I’ve felt before.” Or after , she thought but didn’t voice.
“I knew Jake was an asshole, the way he talked to you. Figures he’d be bad in bed, too” Suzie braced herself on the counter and drew her eyebrows together in a fierce scowl. “What else did he do to you?”
“Oh, I don’t want to talk about that.”
“No, you never do. Not even after you finally left him. But don’t you think that’s part of the problem? If you never talk about it, never let it go, then you’re just carrying it around with you!”
“It’s embarrassing,” Laura hedged.
Suzie was having none of that. “The only embarrassment is his, for being an obnoxious man-baby. You were abused. Yes, you were!” she said in an intense whisper as Laura opened her mouth to protest. “The things I saw and heard were bad enough, it’s the things I didn’t see that scare me. Why are you still making excuses for him?”
“I’m not, I just…” Laura rocked from side to side, almost like she was soothing a baby. A whiny, obnoxious man-baby who would never be content, who only wanted her to try so he could tell her all the ways she failed. She dropped her arms to her side and looked at Suzie. “He knocked me around some. No visible marks, he was smart enough to avoid that, but I had bruised ribs a couple of times. The last time was when I cut my head… when he pushed me and I fell into the table and hit my head,” she corrected, “and told you and Dad it was an accident.”
“I fucking knew it,” Suzie breathed and glanced toward the doorway, where the distant sounds of children debating fractions could be heard.
“That’s when I realized I had to get out. I’m glad he wasn’t one of those exes who won’t let their wives leave. I did have to get a restraining order against him though. Dad helped me and I made him promise not to tell you. You had so much on your plate with Richard and the children.”
“Oh Laura, you should have told me. I would have been there for you if I’d only known. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Thank God you got away so cleanly.” Suzie reached out and enveloped Laura in a tight hug.
Laura let out a long sigh and hugged her back.
“I’m so glad you’re free. I’m so proud of you. Anyway, let’s get back to something more interesting.” Suzie leaned back to make eye contact and gave Laura a chin lift. “What about James the hottie and this BDSM stuff? Do you want him, specifically, or are you just interested in the whole ‘scene’? You need to decide what you want.”
Thankful for the out, Laura told her about getting onto Fetlife and how overwhelming it had felt while Suzie watched her with a critical eye. But when she started to explain about some of the local things she’d found, Suzie’s demeanor became more thoughtful.
“They have these things called ‘munches,’” Laura mentioned, “where you can meet people and talk. It’s usually in a normal venue, like a hotel or a restaurant. Everyone is in normal clothes and there’s no play. You just… greet and eat.”
“Now that sounds like a good way to find out more.” Suzie nodded her approval. “How do you go about finding one? And do you think you might run into James there?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Laura, as if the possibility had never occurred to her and wasn’t making her heart pound right now. “He’s much more advanced in the, um, the lifestyle. I doubt he bothers much with munches anymore.”
“Unless he’s looking for a certain newbie. Think about it, you walk in and there he is. Your eyes meet across a crowded room, and you…?”
“Run screaming from the room.” She shrugged. “At least it would get his attention. ”
Suzie shook her head and threw a dishtowel at her.
Laura caught it and started wiping down the table, saying, “But there’s a munch next Wednesday night at the Smokehouse. It’s right on a bus route so I could work a little bit late and then go straight to the munch. Is your computer on? I should RSVP before I lose my nerve.”
Suzie nodded, amused. “Sure, go ahead. Is it just me or is the thought of a kink club asking for RSVPs like it’s a wedding or a baby shower really, really funny?”
“I told you, it’s at the Smokehouse. The host has to know how many people are coming to make the reservation.” She hovered the mouse over the button. “Here’s the notice. It looks like the host is someone called ‘LadyKatetheSadist.’” She took a deep breath and clicked. “Okay, then. Here I go. One RSVP sent out.”
“Now clear the browser history, because while I am happy that my big sis is reclaiming her sexuality, I am not prepared to explain to my children that ‘FetLife’ is not a fun new game they should be playing. And can I just say, ‘LadyKatetheSadist’ does not sound like a nice person to me,” Suzie cautioned.
“No, I don’t think it means anything bad,” Laura hurried to explain. “It’s a way of announcing what you like. Sadism isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of masochists around looking for good sadists, at least from what I can tell.”
There was plenty more she could have said and Suzie seemed to be a bit more open-minded about hearing it, but just then, the kids came running in, asking if Laura would stay and read them a bedtime story, and the rest of the night passed in a flutter of Harry Potter pages.