Jasper (Dark Ops Daddies #2)

1. Jasper

1

JASPER

T hey say the Boogeyman isn’t real.

How would they know? They’ve never lived in my head.

Because every time I close my eyes—he’s there.

Lurking in the dark corners of my mind, just beyond reach. A shadow without a face. A whisper without a name. And maybe that’s what makes it more terrifying—not knowing exactly what he looks like. Maybe it’s because there are more than one. Or maybe my brain, in all its silent desperation, buried the memories so deep that they got lost in the wreckage of my childhood.

Still, faceless or not, he’s real.

At least to me.

I press the heels of my palms into my eyes, hard enough to see sparks behind my lids. The pressure doesn’t help. Nothing ever does.

Fuck.

I’m so goddamn tired.

I think I could sleep for the rest of my life and still never feel rested. Still never outrun the nightmares that stalk me night after night. Now at thirty-eight, I’ve finally accepted that this is my reality. Some people get sweet dreams. I get blood and screams and the torturous sound of my mother crying.

And yet, somehow, I still function. I get up. I work. I survive .

Rowie and Ember claim I’m a walking storm cloud because of it—grumpy as fuck. But tough shit. Family doesn’t come with an escape clause. They’re stuck with me. Just like I’m stuck with my brothers and all our respective damage. We’re not a family so much as a patchwork of trauma stitched together, held as one with shared loyalty and love.

Some of our demons come out to play more than others. Mine never leave.

A sharp cry tears through the silence.

My body reacts before my mind does—I’m already up, already moving.

Heart in my throat.

Feet pounding against the hardwood floor.

Her sobs grow louder, escalating into gut-wrenching screams before I even reach her door. I hate this part. No matter how many times it happens, the sound always rips something out of me.

I can survive my own nightmares. Hell, I’ve made peace with them. I probably deserve them. But she doesn’t.

“Rowie!” I call, bursting into her room; my voice firm, but laced with urgency. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe. I’m here.”

The soft glow of the nightlight casts shadows across the room. She’s twisted in her sheets, tangled and thrashing, fighting ghosts I can’t see, but still I feel them as if they’re my own.

Her small body jerks toward the edge of the mattress, and I surge forward, catching her before she can fall. I brace myself, knowing she’ll fight me, knowing that right now, in the throes of her terror, I’m no different from those who hurt her. Touching her is the worst thing to do in this moment, but I’m sure as fuck not going to let her fall.

She kicks. Claws. Whimpers.

And it fucking kills me.

Every goddamn time.

She thinks I’m one of them.

Maybe Theo was right. Bed rails might help.

“Rowie,” I whisper, softer this time. “It’s Jasper. You’re safe. Shh… baby, you’re okay.”

At the sound of my name, she gasps, a sharp, shuddering breath, and her eyes snap open.

Wide. Wild.

Terrified .

She looks at me like she’s dying and I’m both the devil and her angel.

Seconds tick by, long and aching, before her lips part and a sob escapes.

“Jas…” she breathes.

“I’m here.”

I settle on the edge of her bed, careful not to crowd her, but close enough to be a tether. My hands feel useless, heavy in my lap, but I offer one anyway.

She takes it. No hesitation.

The tiniest act, but it steadies something in me.

When she came to live with us fifteen years ago, she would’ve flinched at my shadow. Would’ve curled into herself like a wounded animal. But now? Now she reaches for me. And as much as I hate the pain she’s in, the fact that she wants me for comfort, to hold her, and trusts that I’ll take care of her, means the entire world to me. If it weren’t for Rowie, I’d believe I’m nothing but a monster. She shows me that there’s still something good in me, and I hope there always will be. As long as she stays in our lives, I think we’ll all have a bit of good in us.

If there’s one thing my brothers and I have done right in our lives, it’s this. Her trust. Her safety. Her knowing she has a family who would do anything for her.

“I’m here,” I say again, voice low and steady, as if repeating it will ward off the darkness. “You’re safe. You’re always going to be safe with us.”

She nods slowly, her breathing still uneven, shoulders sagging beneath the weight of her memories. Tears track down her red cheeks, and her lips quiver, but she’s being so strong. Like always. I don’t know how she has survived her nightmares this long. It’s a miracle they haven’t destroyed her completely.

I hate that we have this in common. That shared ache of haunted nights. But maybe, in some twisted way, it makes us closer. Gives us a language only we understand.

“Will you stay with me?” she asks quietly, her fingers curled around my T-shirt like a lifeline.

Same question every time. And my answer never changes.

“Of course I will,” I say. “But you can’t snore like last time. I barely slept with you sucking the curtains off the rod.”

A fragile smile flickers across her lips, even as a tear slides down her cheek. She uses the hem of her bunny nightgown to wipe her cheeks dry, then tucks the frilly material back under the blankets.

“We both know Marshmallow is the one who snores,” she mumbles, nodding toward the floppy-eared stuffed bunny by her pillow.

I snort. “Whatever you say, brat. Now scoot over before I kick Marshmallow out and take his spot.”

She moves, barely enough for me to climb in beside her, and when she curls into my side, something inside me loosens.

“Do you need to go potty before we go back to sleep?”

“No,” she whispers. “I’m good. Thanks, Jas.”

I might not be able to fight her demons. But I can sure as hell sit with her in the dark until they quiet.

A few minutes pass before she sleepily speaks. “Thank you for being such a good brother. I love you.”

My heart squeezes as I gently press a kiss to the back of her head. “I love you, too, Rowie. We all do. Always have, always will.”

Sometimes I think she still worries we’ll grow tired of her because of the struggles she fights. If only she knew that her very existence is one of the things that has kept us going all these years. She’s one of the bright spots in our dark, fucked-up lives. And now we have both her and Ember. And despite my lack of sleep, life isn’t all that bad.

* * *

T he first hints of dawn seep through the window, soft and golden, with promises of a beautiful day. Rowie’s still tucked against my side, her breathing finally even and deep. I don’t move right away, just watch the sunrise as I stare out the window toward the snowcapped mountains, grateful that she managed to sleep through the rest of the night.

When I finally shift, her fingers tighten around my shirt for a moment, but I murmur softly, “I’m getting up, sweetheart. Go back to sleep.”

She doesn’t even open her eyes; just makes a noise somewhere between a grunt and a sigh before turning over and burrowing deeper into the blankets with Marshmallow clutched so tightly in her arm that I almost feel bad for the stuffie. Then I notice the stuffed toy has on the same nightgown that Rowie is wearing and smile. I swear to God, this Little girl is too fucking adorable for her own good. Of course she has matching clothes for her and her toys. And I could bet good money on which of my brothers indulges it.

The smell of coffee pulls me downstairs, and I follow it like a bloodhound, half-asleep and desperate for the caffeine fix.

As I round the corner into the kitchen, Ghost and Cassian are already there, leaning against the counter with steaming mugs in hand. Ghost raises an eyebrow when he sees me.

“Morning, sunshine,” he drawls, smirking. “How was your night?”

I grunt, rubbing a hand over my face. “You mean surviving another round of ‘Rowie’s Nightmares’ on Hard Mode? Same old. She finally crashed around four.”

Cassian pushes a cup toward me. “She okay?”

I nod, taking a grateful sip. It’s bitter and absolutely fucking perfect. “Yeah. Took a bit to calm her down enough to sleep, but she’s passed out now.”

Ghost gives a sympathetic nod, his expression softening. “You good?”

I shrug. “Yeah. Tired, but what else is new? I’ll survive. I hate that it happens to her. Feels like I’m watching her drown and I can’t do a damn thing to help.”

Cassian claps a hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. “We’re helping by being there. You know that. She’s come a long way.”

“Yeah.” I take another sip. “Just wish we could do more.”

Ghost runs his fingers through his messy hair. “You get any sleep at all?”

“No.” If I’m being honest, the last time I got any good sleep was the times the Littles forced me to watch some kind of animated princess movie with them. For whatever reason, I always sleep like the dead during those. Sometimes I think they only have movie time to get me to pass out. They might be naughty brats sometimes, but their hearts are so damn good. Honestly, having Ember here for the past few months has not only made Cage less of an asshole, but it’s also helped Rowie so much. She’s more outgoing and playful. We hadn’t realized how lonely she had been with just us around. Now the two girls are practically attached at the hip every chance they get, and the main house is rarely ever quiet anymore. It’s a blessing. Most of the time.

“Great, so we’re going to have to deal with a grumpy Rowie and a grumpy Jasper today,” Cassian quips.

Before I can fire back a response, the sure sound of the front door slamming shut happens right before Cage walks in, guiding a skipping Ember in ahead of him.

Ember’s face is flushed, her hair slightly messy, and she’s still laughing at something Cage must have said. He’s got his hand at the small of her back, guiding her in like he can’t bear not to touch her. Which, considering it’s Cage, is a good possibility. He can’t stand being away from Ember. Not that I blame him. If I had a Little girl of my own, she’d never leave my fucking sight.

Ghost snorts. “Looks like you two had an eventful morning.”

Cage just shrugs, his lips twitching up in a smug grin. “You know what they say, the best part of waking up is?—”

“Jesus,” Cassian cuts in. “We don’t need to hear about your sexcapades with our new sister.”

Ember rolls her eyes but can’t hide her smile, while Cage gives Ghost a fist bump and a wink. I’m thrilled that my brother found his girl, but it pisses me off that he’s getting laid on the regular and we’re all stuck fucking our hands. Asshole.

“Coffee’s on,” I offer, taking another long sip. “Help yourself.”

Cage nudges Ember over to the counter, his hand never leaving her, and she leans into him like it’s second nature. He pulls down a mug and a sippy cup, filling hers with diluted apple juice before pouring himself some coffee.

Cassian raises a brow at Cage. “You dropping her off, or sticking around?”

Cage glances down at Ember, brushing his fingers through her hair. “I’ve got a job. Leaving in about an hour. Who’s babysitting today?”

Ember makes a little sound of protest over Cage’s comment. “I don’t need a sitter. I’m a big girl.”

Cage smirks and winks at her. “You’re a Little girl, and Little girls need to be watched so they don’t get into trouble.”

She rolls her eyes, but a tiny smile appears. As much as she tries to insist she doesn’t need to be babysat by us, I’ve realized that she actually loves being able to feel Little at all times, knowing she’ll be taken care of, even if it’s by her man’s brothers.

Once Cage downs his coffee, he pulls Ember closer, one arm wrapped around her waist. “Be good while I’m gone, yeah?”

She tilts her head up, pouting just a little. “I’m always good.”

He gives her a pointed look. “Really? Because this morning, when you turned the shower to cold while I had soap on my face, you were quite naughty.”

A blush creeps over her cheeks, and she huffs, turning her face into his chest. Cage chuckles, pressing another kiss to the top of her head before stepping back.

“You’ll be back tomorrow, though, right? And we’ll go on a ride to the creek?” Ember asks.

Cage gently pinches her chin and kisses her again. “Yeah, firefly. I’ll be home before you even wake up tomorrow.”

His answer seems to settle her because Ember wraps her arms around him and clings to him like a baby koala and it’s fucking adorable.

Ghost cracks an egg into a bowl and glances back at Cage. “Me, Cass, Dom, and Koda are assigned to stay on the property all day.”

No matter what, we always make sure at least four of us are home at any all times. With the nature of our jobs within The Agency, we want to make sure the girls are protected around the clock.

“Watch over her,” Cage says, giving me and the guys a nod.

“Always,” I reply.

As soon as he leaves, Ember moves to sit at the kitchen island, and not long after, Rowie appears and plops down next to her. They exchange sleepy smiles, and within seconds, the kitchen is filled with their non-stop chatter and laughter.

Ghost leans against the counter, shaking his head. “You look like you’re about to break, man,” he mutters to me.

I shoot him a flat look. “I’m about to lose my sanity to the giggle-fest over there. I’m going on a mission, too. My own mission.”

Cassian raises a brow. “Where to?”

“To find a cup of coffee somewhere quieter,” I say dryly.

Dom and Koda, who have ambled in from the living room, look at the scene with the same wary expression one might give a den of feral cats.

“You sure you want to leave us with this?” Dom grumbles, gesturing at the two girls, who are now plotting some kind of prank that I’m pretty sure involves glitter if I heard them correctly. We really need to stop letting Ember and Rowie hang out with the Irish Mafia girls, in my opinion. Ever since we introduced them all, Ember and Rowie have an obsession with glitter, slime, and fucking silly string. All things I try my best to avoid.

“Yes,” I reply, not even pretending to feel guilty. “I’ll bring you back pastries or something. Try not to burn the house down.”

Ghost just waves me off. “Go on, get out of here. We’ll hold the fort.”

Cassian snorts. “More like survive it.”

I head out the door before anyone can change their mind. As soon as I’m in my truck, the sudden silence hits me like a blessing. I take a deep breath and lean back in the seat for a moment, savoring the reprieve. I’ll never take the girls or my family for granted, but sometimes a bit of peace is nice. Especially when I’m this exhausted. Maybe when I get back, I’ll ask the girls if they want to watch a movie. I’m desperate for some sleep. Even if it means enduring one of those horrible princess movies.

Finally, I start the engine and head down the long, winding road toward town. Once I get to the bottom of the mountain, the café isn’t far away. It’s a place owned by some locals where the baristas already know me by name and have my order memorized. They also don’t try to chat with me when I’m there.

As I pull into the parking lot, part of me feels guilty for leaving. Rowie doesn’t have nightmares as often anymore, but the day after one is usually pretty rough at home, full of meltdowns and emotions. I know they’ll be fine without me, though. We’ve had Rowie in our lives for over fifteen years, and it’s true that she’s come a long way.

Besides, I’m about three decibels away from losing my mind, and the last thing I want is to get snappy with either of the girls when they aren’t doing anything wrong.