Chapter 33
JETT
Cari has undone me. I come hard, grunting out my release. This is what I've been thinking about, dreaming about, for so long.
I get up and take the condom off, throwing it away before I slide back under the covers with her.
It's a sultry night. We lie in bed, in the dim light of the lamp. Cari snuggles against me, her hand on my chest, her face near the crook of my arm. I love holding her. I love feeling her naked and damp against me.
We're a carnal mess of sweat and sin. She lifts up on her elbow, lying on her side as she stares at me with her big golden-brown eyes and gives me a goofy smile.
“Wow.”
My lips curl into a smile. “Wow?”
“I have no words.” She runs her soft fingers through my hair, and I fucking love this. Cari in my bed, looking at me like that, her smile wide, her eyes shining.
All that tension and gridlocked frustration has seeped away. I want this moment to linger forever. I want her like this—with me, alone in our own private heaven—forever.
“That's most unusual, it’s not like you to have no words, but ...” My hand skates over the dip of her waist. “Your sound effects more than made up for it.”
She blushes. The color shoots to her cheeks, just like it did when she came, her mouth open as she let out the dirtiest, sexiest groan. I felt her muscles clench around me, and it felt so goddamn good. I watched as she blushed from her face down to her breasts, and all I could do was savor that moment, pausing before I let out my release.
“Don't feel shy,” I tell her, tracing her lips with my finger. I want her again, and again and it feels like I'll never tire of her. This first time will stay with me forever.
Already I can see that things are different. Usually, I don't stay long enough to cuddle because something distracts me. My phone, or a message, or having to leave for a meeting, leaving my lover with nothing more than a kiss on the forehead.
But now, I want her in my bed all night. I tweak her nipple, and it stands to a peak. She's right. I am a breast man, and hers are perfect.
“I’m adjusting,” she says. “This will take some getting used to, the fact that you’re my—”
Boss. But she doesn’t say it. I don’t want her going there, allowing the office to encroach on our private haven. “You’re so relaxed, and there’s not a trace of anger in your face now.” She adjusts her words as her fingers skitter over my skin. I’m doing the same to her, touching, stroking, examining. We’re taking our sweet time getting to know one another. I don’t want this to be just something physical. I want to hold her close, breathe her in. I want her to tell me her innermost secrets, her fears, her dreams, her hopes. I want to ask her a million questions and discover all the hidden facets of her.
“If I'm relaxed, it's because I came hard. We're talking months of tension here, finally releasing.”
She giggles, and I swear it’s the most glorious sound.
“You laugh, but ... I'm not kidding when I tell you that I've had to jerk myself off most evenings. I have painted those granite tiles white.”
She scrunches up her face. “Mr. Knight!”
“I'm being honest with you. I like sex. Love it. I'm a physical man with needs and living like a monk was killing me.”
Her face falters and I realize I've been too blunt. Truthful, but blunt. “This isn't just sex.” I rush to say. She needs to know that. Months of fantasizing about her, and now finally getting to climax, have driven me insane.
Making love to her, I felt a connection I haven’t felt for a long time. I twist a lock of her hair between my fingers. “What we shared just now was something else. It was incredible. It was on another level.” I want to tell her that she's different, that this has blown me away. But I am scared to tell her the truth, because it’s not like me to gush or get excited, let alone talk about my feelings to a woman when we’ve been intimate.
I know Cari Summers. I know how she can doubt herself. She'll think I'm just exaggerating to make her feel better.
“It was the best sex I've ever had,” she says.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yes. Maybe there's some truth in not wasting my time on boy-men.”
“Aren’t you glad you took my advice?”
“A seasoned, experienced, older man is what I really need.”
“I’m not a dinosaur, or ancient,” I protest, sliding my hand between her legs again. Her eyes widen momentarily, and a tiny sigh escapes her lips.
“You do have a lot of energy. I’ll give you that.” She mewls again as my thumb circles her clit.
“An older man can teach you much. He can show you things … do things …” I slide in two fingers and her mouth falls open.
She often throws my age back at me because she knows it annoys me. It only annoys me when it comes to her, because of our age gap. It was another tool I used to keep her at bay. It’s not just the age, but the fact that she’s my PA. This could get tricky and I don’t know what comes next after tonight.
Fantasizing about Cari was the most I did. I never thought we'd end up in bed together. The unthinkable has happened, and we have two weeks left here. But ? then what? The Knight family won’t take well to our liaison, and now that my father seems focused on an alliance with the South American telecom magnate, he won’t like this at all.
I feel Cari’s muscles clenching around me, and I pull my fingers out of her.
“It was on another level?” she asks, completely ignorant of the worries encircling me.
I nod, looking at her and still marveling that we took this leap into the unknown. “It absolutely was.”
“Okaaaay, then ... I believe you, because I know how easily you lie. I’ve been privy to your business dealings, Mr. Knight, and I know the things you say about people behind their backs when you’ve been so nice to them to their face.”
Trust her to call me out on that.
“It’s the price of doing business.” I lower my head and suck her breast again, my addiction to her growing stronger. She moans as I suck her greedily.
She lifts my head gently, breaking the suction of my lips to her nipple. “We were in the middle of a conversation.”
I sigh with disappointment. “Okay. I own up to it. I can be two-faced sometimes if it's warranted. But that’s business. What we have is private. Personal.”
“You’ve liked me for months?”
“Yes.”
“But you liked me when my mom passed, you were still seeing people. “You'd just broken up with Dina and then you met Alicia.”
She seems to be hung up on Alicia. That’s my fault. I told her to make more restaurant reservations, and pick her up more gifts, than with the others. It’s as if I knew my feelings for Cari were getting stronger and I had to nip them in the bud. The Knight name has a certain reputation. “It’s all about the brand,” my father often says. “Tarnish the brand at your peril.”
“You were off limits to me. I couldn't do anything with you even though you were in my head much of the time. I had to carry on living. I had to get through the day,” I protest.
“Your relationships were ... transactional?” she asks, surprised.
I've been thinking a lot about that recently. This time away from the office, from my father, from my brothers, has finally given me the space to think. I realize that I haven't ever had a long gap between girlfriends. Apart from that year after Sophia died, when I could barely function and all I wanted to do was be with Brooke.
“They weren’t transactional, exactly,” I start to explain. “There was an attraction, both ways, with all my girlfriends. But I think I dated more to stave off the loneliness. Instead I was just making it worse.”
“Worse?”
It’s obvious she wants to discuss this at length, and I sense it's been bugging her. Just like being here in Bermuda has probably been aggravating, given the types of people she's had the misfortune to meet. I need to reassure her.
“Nothing ever felt right. I couldn't see a future with Dina, or Alicia, or the others.”
I've said too much. She moves away and sits up, drawing her knees to her chest and folding her arms. Fuck knows why I said that. I didn't mean to talk about the future. It’s the last thing on my mind, but sometimes, when I see Cari with Brooke, I get a whisper of what would make my life complete.
For Brooke, for sure.
For me, I'm not so sure.
“Don’t listen to me. The blood has drained to below my waist and I’m not thinking straight.” I sit up and gently move her arm away. “I don't want to scare you, Cari. I just don't know what this is.”
She gives a nervous laugh. “We don't have to think about that. We just have to get each another out of our systems.”
Is that what this is?
“You mean I have to fuck you out of my system?” I force a laugh, untangling her other arm from around her knees.
She gives me a rueful look. “That should do it.”
This isn’t about sex. No way. I take her hand in mine. “I was just building on the loneliness with those women because everything was superficial with them. I was too blind to see that at the time. It was about having someone to be seen at exclusive restaurants with. What luxury resorts we could stay at. What people we could meet with. What I could give them. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement. But it wasn't enough.”
I slide under the covers, and she does the same. We’re both turned on our side, facing each other. I move her hair off her shoulder, exposing her neck, and I see the hickey I left there. I’m tempted to leave more. To brand her, claim her as mine. Being with her—even before tonight, maybe when I saw her close her eyes with fear on the plane— I realized there was so much more about Cari that I didn’t know. And I wanted to.
I also realize that some things worth having, you have to chase. They don't just land in your lap, the way my previous girlfriends did.
I want more. I want warmth, stability, desire, and love all intertwined. Cari, looking at me, listening to me earnestly, giving me her undivided attention, is the person who can make that possible.
“Do you know what enough is?” she whispers in the dim light.
“Being here with you, is enough. I don’t need anything more.” I press a kiss to her lips. We are covered by a thin sheen of sweat and the room smells sinful. As hard as it is to leave the bed, I get up and open the windows some more. The gossamer-thin curtains ripple gently in the night breeze.
When I come back to the bed, she's turned the lamp off.
“Why did you do that?” I turn it back on again.
“Because ...” I sense the old Cari returning. My PA. Now that we’re not in the heat of the moment, post-sex reality seems to have hit her hard.
“I want to see you, Cari. Every inch of you. You're beautiful, as are these ...” I flip her over onto her back and start feasting on her breasts again. I lift my head, midway through a long, delicious suck. “They’re perfect.” She has an insecurity about herself, and I'm determined to erase that from her mind.
I slide my finger into her mouth and she sucks it willingly. I trace it along her lips, growing hard for her instantly. God. I want her again. But something comes to mind from earlier, something she said that bothered me. “You're not alone, Cari.”
“Alone?”
“Earlier you said at the party, you felt so alone, and you never expected me to stand up for you. You really felt alone, even with me and Brooke there?”
“You weren't there for most of the time, Mr. Hotshot. You were busy holding court with your female admirers.”
“I was trying to not follow you around.”
“Hmm.” She appears to consider this.
“I'm sorry this has been such a chore for you. The moms’ lunch and those hideous women tonight.”
“Celine is nice.”
“She’s an old friend of the family.” Cari stares at me expectantly, but I don’t want to talk about the past. “Are you sore?” I ask, hating that I might have hurt her in any way.
“I don't think so.”
“So, we can go again?” I waggle my eyebrows mischievously. I love the smile that spreads on her lips. She's been smiling and giggling and laughing so much more recently.
“I'm not ... I don't have as much experience as you ... and I haven’t had sex in a long time.” She sounds shy—embarrassed almost—but I'm over the moon happy to hear this. It means I can teach her things. Do things with her that she's never done before.
Be her first in a lot of ways.
I cup her face gently. “You should have told me. I would have gone slower and been more gentle. I mean, I tried … but …” I put my hands between her legs again and cup her there. “I couldn’t resist this. You turn me into a beast.”
Another full smile, before she lowers her head and kisses my chest.
“How many boyfriends?” I ask, my hand still between her legs.
She looks up at the ceiling, then at me. “Three, including the last guy. The one who sometimes met me at work.”
I remember him. “The loser who wasn’t there for you when you needed him to be.” What an asshole. During her mother’s illness, she was so fragile, so broken. She’d cry a lot and try to hide it, but it was impossible to ignore her bloodshot eyes, or her trash can filled to the brim with tissues.
“Yes, and the two before him were very short relationships.”
Three lovers? She has much to learn. There is a lot I can teach her. “Define short.” She seems surprised at my questions. “I want to know all about you, Cari. I know a few things, that you like pepperoni pizza with a ton of olives, you also like turkey and avocado on toasted sourdough, you live with your best friend, you love The Mayflies, you're reading up about businesses—”
“How do you know that?”
I got carried away and said more than I should have.
“I saw some papers on your desk, some courses or something. The leaflets were just lying there,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I snuck a peek. I didn't go through your mail. I would never.”
“I've been doing some business courses in the evenings.”
This only reminds me that she's leaving, and I don't want to think about that.
“How many lovers have you had?” she asks. Apparently she doesn't want to talk about her leaving either.
“You want me to count?” I protest.
“You expected me to count.”
Fair point.
“After Sophia died ...” I try to think. I had a year of celibacy, and then I went wild. There were many, and I’m struggling to count.
A warm hand lands on my chest, stroking my skin. “We don't have to go there,” Cari says softly, before pressing her lips to mine. I want to tell her. I want to share, but not this. Not yet. It's raw, and too soon, and I don't want my past to taint my present.
Her eyes assess me, like she needs to know that I'm okay.
This is what I mean. This woman gets me. She knows what I need, what I feel, often before I realize it myself.
She grinds herself against my hand between her legs. I want her to feel good, because I am grateful, I slowly slide two fingers in again, making her arch her back. She shudders as I glide in and out slowly.
Then she leans towards me and kisses me again, this time a long-lasting kiss. Her tongue explores my mouth as she bucks against my fingers. Breaking the kiss, she asks, “Can we go again?”
“I’m ready.”
She reaches down and grasps my cock in her hand. “So you are.” She wipes the wetness from my tip and smears it over the head, eliciting a dirty hiss from me. She continues to stroke me until I can take no more. Moving her hand away, I sit up against the headboard.
“I thought you liked what I was doing,” she protests.
“I fucking loved it.” But the intense pleasure she’s giving me is turning painful. “Sit down,” I order, like I have many times in the office.
“Sit?” She lifts up slowly, covering herself with the sheet.
“On my cock.”
She gasps. “What?”
“You heard. Take control. Slide onto my cock. Slowly. Swallow me.” I pull the sheet away, so she’s naked. That familiar bite of her lower lips tells me where her mind is at. She’s nervous and unsure, but she obeys, just like I knew she would.
“Can I turn the lamp off?”
“I want to watch you.” My cock lies against my stomach and she moves to straddle me, positioning my tip at her entrance. “You control it. Do it as slowly as you need to.” I stroke her clit gently and watch her pupils grow. A sigh slips from her luscious lips. I love this cause and effect. I love watching Cari react to my touch.
“I should be used to it by now,” she says, taking an inch of me in. She lifts up and rests her hands on my shoulders, dangling her pretty perky breasts in front of my face.
I grunt, because the friction between us is so good. She giggles nervously again, and then sinks onto me a little more. I let out a sigh as I slide into her wetness.
“Condom,” I groan, suddenly remembering. She moves off of me as I reach into my drawer and pull out a foil packet. Ripping it open, I unroll it and hand it to her. “Put it on me.”
Her eyes flutter, but she takes it and rolls it on perfectly. Just watching her, hesitant and unsure, naked and straddling my thighs, is one of the biggest turn-ons of my life. This woman undoes me like no other.
“Perfect.” I grit my teeth, letting her set the pace. Her eyes meet mine, but she looks hesitant again.
“What’s wrong?”
“You don't have to wear that. I'm ... I'm clean. I haven't had a boyfriend for months, and I’m on the pill … because I have heavy periods.”
My breath hitches in my throat. No wonder she was tight. I could feel her stretching as I slid in. My hands rest on her hips. I shake my head. “You should never offer to do that. With anyone .” I imagine someone like that man-boy sniffing around her wouldn’t hesitate to take her up on that offer. “How do you know I'm clean? You don't. Don't risk things, Cari. Not for anyone.”
The hurt in her eyes kills the heat of the moment. I cup her face. “I'm sorry. I care about you too much. I don't want you to do anything that puts you at risk.”
Her eyes soften, and I think I have her back.
“Now, fuck me any way you want,” I command.
A hiss escapes her mouth as she eases herself back down on my length. I love watching my cock slide into her pussy. Love hearing her soft noises, her sighs of deep content.
Oh, Jesus.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Her face turns red, and her hips gyrate, causing her beautiful breasts to jiggle. I continue to stroke her nub as she moves up and down slowly, the sound of her soft sighs pure music to my ears.
I love watching her. Love seeing her come, getting her release with her muscles clenching around me. She moans my name, and hearing her say it, in the heat of her climax is even sexier. Her eyes closed, her lips parted, she collapses onto me. I run a hand through her hair, before flipping her onto her back, my hands bracketing her hips as I thrust into her, driving in hard and fast, sliding in deeper and claiming every ounce of pleasure I can from her beautiful body.