Chapter Fifteen
Monday morning reared its ugly head, trying its best to live up to the insufferable first day of the week status. The sky spit down on the windshield as Gabe drove Jacob to school. He refused to allow his mood to mimic the darkness around him.
He still hadn’t spoken to Lianna since yesterday morning’s debacle. She hadn’t returned his calls, so he left her alone. She must need some space to deal with, well, everything. Finding out her neighbor was dangerous, fighting with her brother-in-law and the night they shared. This morning he had a plan.
Turning down the street a block away from school, Gabe smiled when he saw her parked vehicle. Lianna once described to him in a comical fashion, how much anxiety the school drop-off line caused. He could imagine her cute face twisted in annoyance at one of the many minivans cutting her off. She avoided it all by parking a street away and walking the extra distance to school.
Pulling a U-turn, he parked behind her car. Jacob buzzed with energy as Gabe dragged him and all his gear out of the back seat. Gabe pitied the poor teacher who handled these kids for six hours every day.
“Who plays tonight, Dad?” Jacob huffed as he shouldered the backpack that neared his own body weight.
“I think it’s Chargers at Denver, buddy.”
“Lame.”
Gabe smirked. It did promise to be a dull game. He was proud Jacob knew enough about football to realize that. Some kids could count to one hundred in prime numbers, some could recite the alphabet in reverse, and Gabe’s kid could name all thirty-two NFL football teams and mascots.
As they approached the building, nervous energy had Gabe buzzing right along with Jacob. Almost immediately he spotted Lianna off to the side, speaking with another woman. Seeing her was like a gut punch. He had to focus to breathe. What had he done treating her so harshly? He would sell his soul to go back to yesterday morning when they were still lying in bed. Instead of rushing out, he would hold her in his arms, spend the morning loving her. She would be safe.
“Dad. Dad!” Jacob was pulling at Gabe’s sleeve.
“Huh?” Gabe pulled his eyes away from Lianna with the same difficulty as pulling two magnets apart.
“I said bye!” The little kid yelled up at Gabe, his sweet voice full of exasperation.
“Have a great day, pal, love ya,” Gabe replied, ruffling his son’s hair.
“See ya.” Jacob ran in the door and out of view.
After watching the boy bound into school, Gabe turned and started in the direction of the two women. Stopping a few feet away, he balanced not intruding on their conversation, with getting noticed. It must have been one intriguing conversation because neither of them spared him a glance.
Gabe took a step closer, stuffing his hands nervously in his pocket. This time he caught the blonde’s attention. She gave him the once over, then glared like he was going to snatch her fancy purse and run. Lianna followed her friend’s gaze. Her eyes momentarily widened when she saw him, then she pasted on a neutral expression.
Just as fast as Lianna had turned to him, she turned back away. Gabe couldn’t hear everything but enough to know that she was wrapping up her discussion with blondie. He used the time to compose himself, remember his plan.
“Casual day?” Lianna asked, her perfect brows pulling together as she walked towards him.
Gabe looked down at his jeans, forgetting that he was out of his usual work attire. When he woke up this morning, he called in to let the department know he was taking a personal day. It was so out of character, Dan had texted him within minutes to find out what was up. Gabe chickened out and told his friend he was sick. He never called out for personal reasons and it was making him itch. But it was worth it; she was worth it.
“Yeah, I’m not going in today.”
Phase two of the plan had commenced. Looking perplexed, Lianna tilted her head. A bouncy spiral escaped from where she had her hair pulled back.
“Why?”
Before he could respond she answered her own question.
“Are you not feeling well? I would have been happy to take Jacob to school this morning.”
God, she was sweet and apparently no longer angry.
“No, I feel fine. I was thinking it would be nice to spend some time with you today.”
“Why?” It was more a sound she made than an actual word.
“After everything that happened this weekend, well, the last few weeks, I thought we could use some time to talk. And honestly you shouldn’t be alone all day.”
Lianna broke eye contact, looking at the wet grass she murmured, “Oh, now I shouldn’t be alone.”
I guess she was still angry.
“Look, you don’t have to feel bad. I have friends that can keep an eye on me.”
Okay, that stung a bit. Gabe knew that her composed outer appearance didn’t match the way she was feeling inside. His heart broke watching her put on a brave face and brush off his sympathy. The urge to pull her into his arms was almost unbearable. But there was more damage control needed before she would welcome that.
“If it sounded like I want to spend time with you only because I feel bad, then it came out wrong. In fact, a lot of things have come out wrong recently. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you yesterday.”
Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, but she blinked rapidly to hold them at bay. She was so strong. Gabe spoke softly, wanting to reach out again to comfort her, instead forcing his hand farther into his pocket.
“This is all new to me. I’m trying to get back in your good graces here. Humor me?”
Lianna pushed out a laugh but didn’t look all that convinced.
“Come on, I’m parked right behind you.” He started back the way he had come.
“I’m not going home. I have so much to do today,” Lianna backtracked. “It’s Annie’s birthday. I have a ton of stops to make, then I’ve got some work to do from home. I didn’t get much done this weekend.”
“Then I’ll go with you. I’ll drive.”
Gabe started walking again, willing Lianna to stop arguing and just follow. When she didn’t, he stopped, gifting her the sincerest smile he could muster. Not able to hold back this time, he reached out and gently took her by the elbow.
“I’ve got nothing but time, sweetheart. Think of me as your chauffeur. Or better yet, didn’t you say you always wanted a bodyguard?”
****
Lianna racked her brain the whole walk from the school to their cars. She thought of several more excuses to get away from Gabe but all of them failed. He was determined to spend the morning with her. Although he said it was to talk, not because he felt bad for her, he hadn’t brought up one topic of importance, unless you counted the weather. Deciding on the path of least resistance, she had given in and let him accompany her.
Two hours later, Lianna sat looking out of the passenger window of Gabe’s SUV as they waited in the drive-thru for their coffees. The raindrops crashed down, bleeding into the sitting water already on the car. While her eyes focused on the wet drops, her mind was far away, contemplating the things happening to her today. It seemed with each passing minute Gabe threw a new surprise her way.
They were finished with her exaggerated list of chores, and it had taken no time at all. First, they had gone to the bakery to retrieve Annie’s birthday cake. Gabe stayed close every step of the way, opening doors, and ushering her around with his hand on the small of her back. It was the first time they had been shopping together so she wasn’t sure what to make of his possessive behavior.
Next, they went to the pet store. On the way to the dusty back corner where they hid the fish, they walked past the pets available for adoption. Gabe oohed and aahed over a particularly adorable mutt, before casually mentioning that he may want a dog one day. She didn’t know he was a dog person, and it highlighted just how little she knew about him.
After that was the grocery store. Lianna tried to persuade Gabe to wait in the car, as she was pretty sure no one would accost her in the produce aisle. But he insisted on joining her. Who knew such a monotonous chore could feel so intimate? Walking side by side, taking turns putting things into the cart just felt odd. Maybe because she imagined they must appear to be in a relationship to the other shoppers, not that anyone had paid them undue attention. It just felt too personal, like something only people that shared a life or home should do together.
Lianna tried to make sense of it all. She missed the signs, but they must have taken a turn into the twilight zone somewhere along their route this morning. She wanted to feel happy, excited, about the prospect of Gabe wanting something more. But if anything, she was irritated.
This guy was as readable as the French side of the cereal boxes. Unfortunately, she had taken Spanish as her second language. Surely this wasn’t a man who only wanted sex from her. If this was all a pity party, he wasn’t as smart as she had pegged him for because he had been given numerous opportunities to walk away.
Which would leave the last option—he truly cared for her. That possibility was the strangest of all. Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that he only conversed in a series of grunts and nods? In fact, their entire relationship was one giant rollercoaster ride. Lianna was starting to feel nauseated.
Gabe’s big hand passed her the half-sweet pumpkin spice latte and jostled her back to the present.
“So where to now?”
“Why are you really doing this?” Lianna blurted the words out as Gabe’s grin quickly faded. But she wasn’t sorry, unable to play his game anymore.
“I just wanted to be with you, to…”
“Because I’ve really gotten all the sympathy I can handle at this point. In case this wasn’t already crystal clear, you don’t need to feel indebted to me because of what happened the other night. I don’t expect anything more out of you, nor do I…”
“I don’t feel bad for you, Lianna. I care for you, big difference.” Taking his eyes off the road, he glanced at her briefly. “And I do expect more out of you, a lot more.” His tone was sharp.
Lianna gaped at him for only a moment before she was back on her game.
“Two weeks ago, you couldn’t stand to inhale the same air I did and now you care for me? I’m not an idiot. I get it, you had an itch to scratch, I was eager to help with that and now here we sit.”
Unwilling to look at his face, she narrowed in on his ridiculously sexy forearms, flexing with each turn of the wheel. She looked away, disappointed in herself, pretending instead to focus her attention on the rain sliding down the passenger window again. How could she be turned on in the middle of an argument, and by his forearms of all things?
“I explained that.”
She waited for him to go on and when he didn’t, she was forced to look back in his direction.
“I don’t remember you explaining anything.”
When he glanced at her again, she immediately looked away. She couldn’t look into his pretty brown eyes now. Not when hers gave far too much away.
“I told you, I liked being with you too much. So, I thought it was best to keep my distance.”
“Oh, come on, Gabe,” she enunciated each syllable. “That doesn’t even mean anything.” She raised her arms and let them drop to her lap in dramatic fashion. When her coffee sloshed onto her sleeve she regretted acting like a drama queen.
Exhaling loudly, he focused on the road.
“I was … conflicted. But I always wanted you, from the first time I saw you at school orientation. I also knew from day one you were way too good for me.”
Lianna couldn’t help rolling her eyes.
“I mean it. I thought it would be easier to just keep my distance from you, but that was impossible. What’s that saying, to know you is to love you?”
“Isn’t that a song from Austin Powers ?”
Gabe laughed and some of the tension left the vehicle. Lianna prayed he hadn’t heard her intake of breath at his mere mention of the “L” word.
“I was an idiot for thinking I could stop myself from falling for you and a selfish prick for the way I treated you.”
Her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest. Knowing she might be overstepping with her next question, Lianna risked asking anyway.
“Then why can’t this happen?” she motioned between them. “Does it have to do with Jacob’s mom? Is she still in the picture?”
While Gabe hadn’t come out and said he was only half in this thing, Lianna felt it. He was clearly attracted to her, but had drawn an invisible line in the sand. Only recently had he started to cross it. But she never knew when that would be. Gabe was holding her at arm’s length.
Gabe shook his head. “Things in my past, my life, it’s complicated and no one needs that kind of baggage.”
Lianna sat with her hands clenched tightly in her lap waiting for him to go on. The seconds stretched into minutes, but Gabe didn’t utter another word.
The impact of his silence was overwhelming. The fact that he couldn’t, no—wouldn’t— trust her with the truth about his past was where she drew her own line. Christ, she didn’t even know if he was still in a relationship with the mother of his child. In a way, Gabe’s unwillingness to say anything spoke volumes.
****
Gabe was starting to sweat. Lianna was a smart woman and understood It’s complicated , meant I’m not talking about it . At least not yet. She didn’t push, which he appreciated. Maybe that’s why he wanted to open his mouth again and dump the whole long convoluted story on her. But then she really would run, and he couldn’t handle the stress of losing Lianna at the same time as fighting Jacob’s mother.
Deep down, he knew he might lose Lianna anyway by not confiding in her. It was inevitable that the cracks in his walls would start to crumble. There was no way Lianna could be in his life and not find out. Although he hated lying to her, Gabe just couldn’t risk it yet.
She deserves better , the nagging voice in his head taunted. Just a little more time to think out a solution , he fought with himself. Giving up on Lianna, on them, was not an option he took lightly. Gabe vowed to tell her everything once he figured out how.
“I just don’t get it.” Lianna sounded tired, defeated, as she resumed looking out the window. “You want me to trust you, but you don’t trust me. I really know nothing about you, just that things are complicated .”
As Gabe listened, he couldn’t help but feel his frustration level rising. Maybe because she’s right.
“How can I feel so close to you and so far away at the same time?” Her voice was distant as if she were merely thinking out loud.
“I do trust you. There are things in my life that I’m still working out. Maybe it was unfair to start something with you, but I couldn’t stay away anymore.” At least that was the truth.
“Physically.”
Instead of admitting all that was in his heart he left it at, “It’s better this way for now.” It was better for him, better for Jacob, and probably best for Lianna if she didn’t get in too deep when it came to him, at least not yet.
“Right.”
“Do you want to stop at school and grab your car?”
“No, I’ll walk to school and pick it up at dismissal.” Lianna just wanted out of the car as soon as possible.
The rest of the rainy drive was conversation free. Gabe’s windshield wipers provided a sort of comforting white noise. As he pulled into her driveway, the vehicle was barely in “park” before she undid her seatbelt and started to open the door. When he mimicked her, getting out of his side, she spoke firmly.
“No need to get out, I can grab everything.”
Gabe got out anyway. She couldn’t even carry the cake she got for the marching band that was apparently coming to Annie’s party tonight, let alone everything else.
“I’ll help.”
Instead of arguing, Lianna walked over to the garage and punched in the door code. Gabe walked to the back of his SUV, opened the trunk, and grabbed the ginormous cake first. Ignoring her earlier words, he asked, “Where do you want it?”
“Kitchen island, if you don’t mind.”
If he didn’t mind . Well, this sucked. He didn’t want to go back to tiptoeing around each other. When he had planned this day in his head, the whole point was to spend it comforting her, getting closer to her, and keeping her safe. Every step of the way he had screwed things up with Lianna and he saw his chances quickly slipping through his fingertips.
As he headed back through the garage to get the next load, he saw her coming towards him, balancing everything remaining in the car. Hustling towards her, he quickly took most of the items.
“I had it.”
“Poor Ren and Stimpy almost met their maker before they got to meet the kids.”
In the pet store he had decided on the quirky name for the two fish, telling her it was his favorite TV show in college. And if that didn’t speak volumes about his mental acuity, he didn’t know what did. It earned him a laugh from Lianna, in the store. The idea of her knowing things about him felt good, but apparently that only applied to arbitrary details. This time the joke fell flat, as she exhaled loudly.
Gabe entered the kitchen then took his time situating the loot on the island. He was panicking about having to leave her with this Grand Canyon-sized void between them. There had to be something he could say to pacify things. He searched for the magic words to conjure up, other than the truth of course.
“Lianna…”
“What will happen to him?”
“To whom?”
“Tim. I know it’s just a temporary restraining order, but since he resides within the restricted area, where will he go?”
Swallowing, Gabe chose his words wisely. “He has gone. I planned to tell you this morning. They finished with questioning, and he was formally charged with a simple assault. This is his first arrest. Other than a few speeding tickets, he has a clean record. His wife posted bail. I’m not privy to where they went, but it’s within province and it’s not next door, so…”
He shrugged his broad shoulders, implying what she must already know—he could be anywhere.
“I’ve been thinking about yesterday non-stop. I wish I could talk to him, try to understand where all that anger came from.”
Gabe had to clamp his jaw shut and mentally count to ten to keep from screaming.
“Do not attempt to contact him,” he warned through clenched teeth.
She gaped at him as if he told her, do not attempt to kidnap the President.
“I’m not an idiot. It’s just … frustrating, that’s all.”
She looked frustrated, and tired. If he were the man she deserved, he would have a solution to make all the bad things go away.
Lianna had different plans for making the bad things go away.
“Thanks again for your help today. I should get busy preparing for tonight.”
That was his ‘don’t let the door hit you on the way out’ cue. While Gabe wanted to argue his way into staying, he knew he wasn’t going to give her what she wanted, what she deserved. Unless he was willing to open up and tell her the truth, he would only add to her frustration. That was the last thing he wanted.
“Okay, I’ll be at home all day. Call me if you need anything at all, or if you want to talk.”
“The only things I want to talk about are off limits.”
Gabe opened his mouth to argue but was cut off.
“I know, I know … forget it. I’ll lock up behind you.”
She gazed at him expectantly, waiting for him to turn around and disappear out of the mudroom door they came in through.
Gabe may have floundered his plan today, but if he couldn’t tell Lianna with words, he would try to tell her physically what he was feeling inside. He seemed to be pretty good at that. If she let him. Closing the distance, he advanced until she was forced to step back against the kitchen island. Then he pressed against her, taking her sweet face in his hands.
Lianna looked up at him with a don’t you dare warning in her eyes. He dared. Without uttering a word or giving her a chance to, he bent down and sealed his lips over hers.
Gabe didn’t push, but he kissed her deeply, thoroughly. Just enough to convey that he wanted her, for more than just sympathy and more than just sex. That, although she may be frustrated with him, he wasn’t renouncing his claim on her.
When he pulled back her eyes were still closed, her lips still parted, signaling that she wanted more. That was good. She would get more when they were both ready.
“I’ll be a phone call away if you need me,” he whispered, her eyes slowly opening.
Gabe stared down at her, fighting hard to make himself release her. She nodded and he let go. As he walked out, Gabe possessed a renewed determination to find a resolution to his own problems. Then he could get back to this woman and give her the man she deserved.