27. Lula
27
LULA
T he search is endless. The hotel halls blur together, filled with frantic voices, flashlight beams cutting through shadows, and the constant, gut-wrenching thought that Allegra could be anywhere—or nowhere. I force myself to keep up, my chest tightening with every second that ticks by. Kanyan is always within reach, his sharp gaze darting between me and the chaos around us, his body tense like a coiled spring.
I want to help. I need to help. But right now, my stomach twists in knots, a dull ache spreading from my side. I try to shake it off, chalking it up to nerves or exhaustion. But then it gets worse—a sharp, stabbing pain that cuts through me like a knife. I double over, clutching my side.
It takes a second before I realize I’m screaming.
“Lula!” Kanyan’s voice thunders above the commotion. His arms are around me in an instant, steadying me as my knees buckle and I sink to the floor. The pain—or at least the appearance of it—makes my body shudder, and I moan loudly for effect, clutching my abdomen as if I can’t breathe.
“Her side!” Mia’s voice breaks through the panic. She and Jacklyn drop down beside me, their hands hovering like they’re not sure where to start. “It could be her appendix,” Mia says, her voice urgent.
“Shit,” Kanyan mutters, pulling me into his arms with one smooth motion. His strength steadies me, but I can see the fear in his eyes. “We’re not taking any chances. I’m getting her to the hospital now.”
“Kanyan—” I try to protest weakly, but he silences me with a look.
“No arguments, Lula.” His voice is firm, and for a second, guilt gnaws at me. But I push it down. I can’t let him know what I’m really planning.
The ride to the hospital is a blur of passing lights and Kanyan’s hand gripping mine, his touch grounding me even as my mind races ahead. I fake groans and keep my hand pressed to my side, trying to make it convincing. Inside, my heart pounds for an entirely different reason.
When we get to the hospital, Kanyan barks orders like he owns the place, demanding a private room and immediate attention. Within minutes, I’m lying on a stark white hospital bed, nurses bustling around, and a doctor asking me questions I barely register. Kanyan never leaves my side, his large frame a comforting presence, even as I quietly work through how to slip away.
Finally, they leave us alone. Kanyan sits beside me, his hand brushing a strand of hair from my face. “You scared the hell out of me,” he says, his voice low, almost a whisper.
I swallow hard, looking up at him. “I’m okay,” I manage to say. My voice is shaky, but not from pain—from what I’m about to do. “You should go back to the hotel. Allegra?—”
“No,” he interrupts, his jaw tightening. “I’m not leaving you.”
I give him a small, weak smile. “Just for a little while. I’m just going to sleep. Allegra needs you.”
He hesitates, torn, and I hate myself a little for manipulating him like this. But I have to do it. “Mia and Jacklyn can stay with me,” I add. “Please, Kanyan.”
Reluctantly, he nods, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he says.
When he finally leaves, I don’t waste any time. I slip out of the bed, grabbing my phone and clothes. My hands tremble as I text Derin.
“I’m coming. Send me an address.”
The reply comes almost instantly, with a location pinned on the map.
Taking a deep breath, I sneak out of the room, my heart pounding with every step. The hospital is quiet, dimly lit, and I move like a shadow, avoiding nurses and staff as I make my way outside. The cold air hits me, and I fumble with my phone again, calling for a cab.
As I wait, my stomach churns—not from fear, but from the weight of what I’m doing. This is the only way. Allegra deserves to go home, to be with Scar. If trading myself is what it takes, then so be it.
The cab pulls up, and I slide in, giving the driver the address Derin sent me. The city lights blur as we speed through the streets, and I clutch my phone tightly, my pulse racing.
It’s time to end this now. One way or another.
I never thought much about how I’d die. But now, standing here with my heart racing and my fists clenched, the thought is unavoidable. If my life is the price I have to pay to set Allegra free, I’ll pay it. No hesitation. She deserves to go home, to wrap her arms around her daughter and kiss her husband. She has a life worth saving.
Scarlett needs her mother. She deserves someone who will be there for her, to hold her when she cries, to celebrate her every little victory. Allegra can give her that, because she’s already earned her place in that little girl’s life.
I know what it’s like to grow up without a mother. That hollow feeling of absence—it doesn’t go away. It’s like reaching for something you’ll never touch, a piece of yourself that’s gone forever. I can’t let Scarlett feel that. I can’t let Allegra’s story end here.
But as I stare at the cracked concrete under my feet, I can’t shake the guilt gnawing at my chest. This should’ve been me. It was always supposed to be me. Allegra was just caught in the crossfire, dragged into a nightmare that was never hers.
I knew this would happen eventually. Deep down, I always knew. Me staying here in this city has caused so much destruction for so many people, and I don’t know that I can ever come back from this. Not unless Derin is stopped once and for all.
I can’t stop thinking about what’s coming. Derin’s not the kind of man who lets anyone walk away. I can feel his shadow, like a hand already wrapped around my throat. He’s either going to kill me, or he’s going to make me his wife. And honestly? Marrying him might just be more of a death sentence.
My stomach churns just imagining it. His hands on me, his voice whispering lies like they’re promises—it’s enough to make me feel like I’m suffocating. My ribs ache as if the weight of him is already crushing me.
I close my eyes, but the images don’t stop. His eyes, cold and calculating. The smug smirk he gets when he knows he’s in control. My pulse thunders in my ears, and for a second, I think I might throw up.
I force air into my lungs, slow and deliberate, shoving the panic down where it can’t reach me. I can’t break now—not when Allegra’s freedom teeters on the edge of a knife.
For just a moment, Kanyan’s face flickers in my mind, sharp and vivid, and regret cuts through me like glass. My chest tightens as I picture the disappointment in his eyes, the anger he’ll feel when he realizes what I’ve done. The thought of him never forgiving me scrapes against something raw and tender inside me, leaving it bleeding.
Even if I never see him again, the weight of going against his wishes feels unbearable, a wound I’ll carry for as long as I have left.
My hands are shaking, but I press them against my sides, willing myself to be still. I feel the sweat drip down the back of my neck, cold against my skin. But I won’t let Derin see it. He won’t see me break.
I glance at the door, my stomach tightening. Any moment now, it’ll open. He’ll walk through, calm and in control, like he owns the world. And in a way, he does. He owns my world now.
The thought presses against my chest, sharp and suffocating, but it’s also what keeps me standing. Allegra’s life depends on this. Her chance to go home depends on me.
I have to do this.
Even if it means shattering every piece of myself in the process.
Even if it means losing who I am forever.