Kanyan (Gatti Enforcers #1)

36. Kanyan

36

KANYAN

W e’ve lost the vans.

Each one we caught up with proved to be a dead end. Somewhere in the chaos when we entered the freeway and Kadri unleashed his decoys, the girls somehow got lost in the shuffle, and now we no longer have eyes on them.

I’m seething. I’m raging. Every muscle in my body feels like it's vibrating with the need to break something, anything. My mind is flooded with thoughts of all the things that could go wrong now. Every worst-case scenario screams at me from the back of my head, and I can't get rid of them. Every minute that ticks by feels like a countdown to disaster.

I sit alone at the desk in my office, my head in my hands, breathing through my nose, trying to calm myself. But calm’s not coming. It’s like trying to hold back a tidal wave with nothing but my hands. My body aches with exhaustion, my nerves a frayed wire threatening to snap. I’m running on fumes—no sleep, just pure, raw anxiety twisting my gut.

The office door creaks open, and I don’t even look up. I know who it is without needing to see his face.

Brando steps in, his boots heavy on the floor, the sound of them slicing through the silence. He doesn’t say anything at first, just stands there, the weight of his presence enough to fill the space. I feel the heat of him, like the sun that’ll burn through the dark clouds in my mind.

"Even in the silence, your rage burns through the walls," Brando finally says, his voice low and rough.

I clench my jaw but don’t move. He knows better than to push me right now, but I can feel him watching me. Waiting for me to make a move.

I finally lift my head and meet his gaze. Brando’s eyes are steady, unwavering, like he’s already seen this version of me a thousand times before and he doesn’t flinch. He’s not here to coddle me. He’s here to remind me who I am.

“Kanyan,” he says, his voice softer than usual. "You look like you're going to let this shit tear you apart, brother."

I scowl, clenching my fists at my sides. “I’m not going to let it tear me apart. I just... I just want to kill something.”

Brando snorts, the faintest smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, we all want to kill something right now. That’s not the problem.” He leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “The problem is you. You’re letting it get to you.”

I open my mouth to snap at him, but I can’t. He’s right. It is getting to me. I hate it. Hate feeling like this.

Brando steps closer, the distance between us narrowing, and his eyes harden. “Kanyan De Scarzi. The untouchable one. Have you forgotten who you are?”

My jaw tightens, and I look away. “Not feeling like it right now.”

“Doesn’t matter how you feel, man. You think anyone gives a shit how you feel?” His voice drops an octave, a little rougher. “This isn’t about your feelings. It’s about the job. It’s about who you are .”

I grit my teeth, holding back the rage, but it’s like a dam breaking loose inside me.

He’s right. It’s about the job. It’s about what I do , not how I feel about it.

Brando steps in closer, slaps a hand on my shoulder with a force that nearly pushes me off balance. "This isn’t some fucking fairy tale where everyone gets a happy ending, Kanyan. You’ve been living in the gutter your whole life. You weren’t built for easy. You were built for this.” He points to my chest, tapping me hard over the heart. “You’re a goddamn Enforcer. When shit hits the fan, you don’t bend, you break the damn world in half. You’re not a fucking hero. You’re a beast. And that’s what they need right now.”

I stare at him, trying to push through the thick fog of exhaustion clouding my head. Brando’s eyes don’t waver, but I can see the truth in them. The same truth I’ve been trying to bury for years: I have always been the one who takes the hits, the one who shoulders the weight. I can’t afford to crack now. Not when they need me the most.

“Do you remember what it was like when you started out in this business?” Brando asks, his tone rough, but not unkind. “You were a fucking wreck. You told me so yourself. But you didn’t stay that way. You know why?”

I look at him, my mouth dry. I can’t even answer him.

He leans in closer, his voice lowering but getting harder. “Because you’re a goddamn killing machine, brother. You know what the world is. You don’t live in some fantasy where everyone gets a clean break. You survive it, and you break the other guy first.”

“It’s so much harder this time,” I grunt, the weight of it sinking deeper.

“No, it’s not,” he counters, his voice cutting through the air with brutal clarity. “It wasn’t when you faced down Falcone’s men at the docks and saved Scar’s ass. It wasn’t when you dragged me and Rafi out of that burning house. And let’s not forget my wedding—surrounded by Russians, and you rolled in and ended the gunfight in fifteen minutes. You’re underestimating yourself, Kanyan. You’re letting emotions cloud your judgement. You need to switch off."

His words land like a slap, stripping away the weight in my chest, but the truth stings harder than anything else, because I know he’s right.

The anger boils inside me, but this time, it’s not a blinding rage—it’s the kind of fire that’s been burned into my soul since I was a kid. The kind of fire that’s kept me alive. Kept me standing when the rest of the world would have turned its back on me.

Brando’s right. It’s not about them. It’s about me.

I have to shut off my emotions, block everything out, and deal with this like it’s just another job. I force myself to my feet, the weight of the situation hitting me hard. I know what I have to do now.

“You’re a fucking beast,” he reminds me, his lips curling into something close to a grin. “Never forget that.”

The fire inside me blazes hotter, the weight of everything pressing down as I stare at him. "Let’s finish this."

Brando steps back, his gaze steady, cutting through me with a kind of raw focus. "Don't let anything touch you, Kanyan. Not even your own damn redemption."

I give a sharp nod, my hands clenching into fists at my sides. I’m not a hero. But I’m the one who’s going to get them back. No past, no demons. The devil himself couldn't stop me now.