Keep Healing (Fighting For Tomorrow #2)

CHAPTER 10

EVIE

I opened my eyes, the feeling of adrenaline coursing through me, fueled by the fear I was filled with, forcing me to wake.

Gasping, terrifyingly short of breath I remained still but looked around me, desperate to know where I was. Was I back in that hell, with Soloman? Had he come into the room and that was what had woken me?

But I knew instantly that wasn’t right by the smell that surrounded me. It wasn’t the scent of mold mixed with the iron of blood and stale air. The smell that surrounded me right then was a mix of gas and car fumes. The carpet beneath my rough cheek was rough and old, and all around me, all I could see was darkness.

Then it hit me. I was in the trunk. Soloman had grabbed me from Zack’s daycare and forced me into the back of his car. And here I was. Screwed. He was going to kill me, or worse, take me back to torture me more until I begged him for death. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks as I realized I wouldn’t be able to remain as strong a second time. I’d end up giving him what he wanted and I would lose everything. My family. My life. My guys.

My tears started to fall faster at the image of those four amazing men I had so hoped would one day be mine. We hadn’t had enough time. I wanted everything with each and every one of them. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to lose them and everyone else I loved so damned much.

My panic only increased ten-fold as the car jerked to a halt, then all that surrounded me was utter, terrifying silence.

I tried to think straight, to come up with a plan to escape. I could fight. This was what my brothers trained me each week for. They taught me to defend myself and that was what I needed to do. I wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Except as the trunk opened and Soloman loomed over me, a baseball cap pulled down low over those terrifying eyes, my entire body was frozen. It was like I was paralyzed, and no matter how hard I tried, nothing would move, no part of me. I wanted to fight, but I was helpless and at this monster’s mercy.

“You broke the rules, Eight,” he tells me, a sneer on his face, like me breaking his rules was what he had wanted all along. “Time to pay the price.”

A scream ripped from me as he grabbed my arms and jerked me from the trunk, but still no part of my body would move – not even a fucking finger. Panic just consumed me as I feared he had drugged me, or something much worse.

I landed hard on the cold ground, laid out on my back and looking up at a sky full of stars.

“Evie!” a deep voice booms. I know that voice and I turn with panic to search out my brother.

“Kade! NO!” Kade was laid on the ground, side by side with all of my brothers, and beside them, also bound at the ankles and wrists and laid out like lambs to the slaughter were my guys. “No! Please!” I beg as I look up to a still smirking Soloman. “Please don’t d-do this! They didn’t do anything! I did! I broke the rules! Please!”

But my words are useless. Soloman is smiling. He’s enjoying this as he pulls a gun from the small of his back and strides towards my guys first.

“NO!” I scream, but the first shot sounds anyway, and still I can’t move. Soloman moves down the line, killing Harris, Nick, Kailan, and Aleks. Then he turns to my brothers and the shots continue. I’m screaming non stop as pain rips through me, but still I can’t move. They’re all laid, bleeding out, cold, and dead before me and there’s nothing I can do but scream. They’re gone, all gone.

“Evie! Wake up for me, darlin’. You’re okay, You’re safe. It’s not real,” I hear Kailan’s voice, pulling me from the horror. My eyes snapped open and instantly my eyes locked with Kailan’s deep, dark pools of brown. His brow was furrowed with worry and I could feel his hands holding my forearms.

“Kailan!” I cried as I sat up and wrapped my arms around him frantically. He was alive, and right there with me.

“Sshh, you’re safe. Everything’s okay.”

“No! H-he sh-shot you…all of you. I c-couldn’t st-stop him,” I gasped through my tears.

“No, Evie. We’re all here, safe with you, see?” he pulled back from holding me enough for me to see Harris, Nick, and Aleks standing in my room at the foot of the bed, watching me with so much worry.

“Nothing is going to happen to any of us, Ev. I promise you. Kailan’s right for once, everything’s okay,” Harris assured me.

“See? We’re all good. It was just a nightmare.” Kailan pulled me back into his arms and for several minutes I cried against his bare chest, terrified by how real the whole thing had felt, and so relieved none of it had been real.

“Fuck!” I panted as I managed to gather myself a little. Another fucking nightmare. I took a deep breath and looked up at Kailan, who still held me and seemed reluctant to let me go. “Sorry. D-did I hurt you?”

“Nah. I’m fine,” he replied. “Can you try and slow down your breathing for me, before you hyperventilate?” he asked with a teasing edge.

I nodded and lay my head back on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and relishing the heat of him against me as I tried to just calm myself back down.

“Can I get you anything, maleńka?” Aleks asked softly after several minutes.

“Thanks,” I looked up and gave him a grateful smile. “I’m okay now. You should all head back to bed and get some sleep. I…I think I’ll get up and make some tea.”

“We can make you tea. You need to sleep too,” Aleks told me.

“I will, but not yet. I…I just need a breather after that. It was a bad one,” I admitted.

“You guys go back to sleep. I’ll stay with Evie. I was sleeping in here anyway. I just went to pee and she started screaming,” Kailan explained.

As the fuzz of the nightmare cleared I remembered him volunteering to stay the night with me. We’d snuggled up and Kailan had held me tight as I drifted off to sleep. The nightmares must have found their way in when he left to use the bathroom, I realized.

“You good with that, sweetheart?” Harris asked. “We can all stay if that’s what you want?”

I was so close to nodding my head and having them all stay close at my side where I could continuously reassure myself they were there and safe, but they looked exhausted. I’d also been pretty needy since I arrived there with them and I knew I needed to get a handle on that. So instead I smiled and nodded.

“You guys get back to bed. I’m fine now,” I lied.

“Just let Kailan know if you change your mind. We want to be here with you if that’s what you need, baby, okay? No hiding, remember?” Nick added.

“I’m good,” I assured him. He nodded and headed for the door, Harris and Aleks following behind him. Trying not to be too needy was hardly hiding from them, right?

***

A short while later Kailan and I sat at the counter in the kitchen, sipping hot chocolate he had insisted we needed much more than ‘boring tea’. I had to admit, it was good, and I felt much calmer with the warm cup cradled between my hands.

“What’s on your mind?” Kailan asked. I turned and looked up at him, our height difference very evident even when we were sitting.

“My mom used to make me hot chocolate when I was a kid. Sometimes when Livy had nightmares, she’d scream, just like I did before, and if I woke up upset, or scared my mom would scoop me up, carry me downstairs and make us both hot chocolate,” I recalled.

“Livy’s the one married to four of your brothers, right?”

“Yeah. She was like a sister to me…still is. She went through hell and she was in a bad way when she came to live with us. There were a lot of nightmares, but my brothers were always with her. They knew she was theirs pretty damned fast.”

“Maybe that’s just what happens when things are meant to be,” Kailan shrugged.

“Maybe,” I agreed. I was certainly falling way too fast for the four of them, but there seemed to be no stopping it. I just felt like they were all meant for me, and I wanted to be everything they needed in return.

“I mean it, Evie,” Kailan continued. I looked up into his dark eyes, and they were focused wholly on me. “I know things are messed up right now, and I get it if you need time, but I know you’re it for me…for all of us. We’re not ever going to let you go without one hell of a fight. You’re ours, perfect for us. I know we’re all far from perfect for you, but we will never stop trying to give you each and every single thing you need.”

The intensity in his gaze was completely locked on mine and it awakened something inside. He wanted me and I, for damn sure, wanted him.

“You’re all perfect for me,” I whispered. “The four of you is all I’ll ever truly need.”

He leaned in and I did too. Our lips met and the kiss was intense and frenzied right away. We both wanted this – needed it. Kailan’s hand tangled in my hair, dragging me even closer into him as he deepened the kiss even further. His other hand slipped under my thighs and lifted me until I was in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist as I clung to him and allowed him to take complete control. I snaked my arms around his shoulders, and tried to get even closer to him, the whole time my body humming with the need for more.

He moved the kisses down to my neck, nipping with his teeth and then soothing with more caresses of his lips. My hands moved to his back, running up and down over every ridge and plain of his hard muscle. I was moving in his lap, my core searching for the friction it needed. Kailan had set me alight and there was no dousing the fire within. I needed more.

“Kailan,” I rasped.

“Tell me, darlin’. Tell me what you need.”

“Upstairs…m-my room. We can’t do this here,” I panted, even in my kiss frazzled state I realized I didn’t want one of the other guys walking in on whatever came next.

Kailan gave a short nod, not once stopping the kisses he was trailing down my neck and driving me wild with. He stood, keeping me tightly in his arms and moved hastily for the stairs. In moments we were at the top and Kailan was backing into my room, kicking the door closed behind him.

The room was dimly lit by the lamp I kept on at night so I was able to clearly see the heat in Kailan’s eyes as he paused his kisses and locked those dark eyes on me.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” he gasped.

“No. I don’t want you to stop. I want you, Kailan…please. Don’t make me bag.”

“Never gonna happen, darlin’” he replied as a sexy as sin smile filled his face.

He kissed me again, hard and fast until I barely knew which way was up, then tossed me down playfully into the center of my bed, making me giggle.

“I love seeing you smile. We need more of that,” he told me as he stood at the foot of the bed and watched me with a huge smile on his own face.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Get over here and make me smile more,” I teased.

“Feeling a little needy, huh?” he asked as the goofy smile morphed back into that sexy grin of his, complete with dimples that only made me need and want him more. He was so handsome.

“I’d have thought that was pretty obvious from the way I was grinding on you before,” I replied with a roll of my eyes.

“Are you gonna be sassy in the bedroom, little Evie?” he asked in a low sexy voice as he started to crawl onto the bed and over me.

“What if I am?”

“Bring it on, darlin’. Your sass is only making me harder right now,” he threw back.

He caged me in with his body, and for a second I worried I might freak out and ruin everything, but the panic never came. This wasn’t like Soloman looming over me as he hurt me. This was Kailan and I had no fear of him. I knew he’d never hurt me. More than that – I knew he’d do anything to stop me from ever being hurt.

He leaned down and kissed me again, this time the kiss slower and more languid, like he wanted to take his time. His hand snaked down between my breasts and over the scarred plain of my stomach.

“Can we take this off?” he asked gently.

“Yes,” I nodded, but the reply was shaky and unsure. “Just…my scars…they’re not pretty.”

“I don’t believe any part of you isn’t pretty,” he said.

“No, really Kailan. They’re bad. I…I get if you change your mind when you see them,” I added, trying to hide the devastation from my face at just the thought of him rejecting me because of the hideous patchwork Soloman had left on my body.

“Don’t Evie. Your scars are a part of you, and I’m falling for every damned part, fast,” Before I could even process his words, he grabbed the hem of the cami I wore and lifted it clean over my head. I didn’t stop him, but I had to fight my instinct to use my arms to cover the burn and knife marks on my stomach. I knew how ugly it all looked. Hell, I could barely look at the mess that remained myself, in the mirror.

“Just like I thought,” Kailan spoke as his eyes met mine, all playfulness gone and replaced with that intensity I never imagined him capable of. “Perfect. Every fucking inch of you is utter perfection.” I didn’t have time to argue as his lips crashed down over mine and kissed me hard and fast, then he was drifting down my neck with those teasing kisses. He continued down my chest, between my breasts and down to my stomach. All of my earlier insecurities fled as heat consumed me once again. All I could think about was Kailan and how much I needed him. His hands stroked back up and cupped my breasts. He massaged them with his hands as he continued to place gentle kisses on my stomach. It took my fried brain a few moments to realize he was kissing each and every one of the scars.

“Kailan!” I gasped, desperate for more. It had been so long since I felt this alive and desperate with need in the bedroom. Since Harris to be precise.

Dean had never made me feel this way. He’d never been able to make me desperate and needy for him, and even if he had, I knew it would have been a major disappointment for me when we did get down to it. Dean had been all about getting what he needed in the bedroom, and now, as Kailan ignited every nerve ending in my body, I wondered why the hell I had even stayed with that selfish sonofabitch. I was going to marry him! What was I even thinking?

“You with me, Evie?” Kailan asked, and I looked up hurriedly, feeling terrible for even thinking about Dean in such a wonderful moment.

“Definitely,” I gasped, already feeling breathless.

“You say stop, and everything stops, yeah?”

“I d-don’t want anything to stop,” I cried. Kailan just smiled sexily, then he grabbed the pajama shorts I was wearing and whipped them off before I could even start over thinking it.

I should have felt self conscious, laid before him completely naked, baring every scar I now owned and showing him my too thin, almost skeletal frame, but I didn’t because of him – because of the way he was looking at me. He made me feel like I really was perfect in that moment. He made me feel like I was everything he wanted, and I never expected to feel that way ever again.

“Quit staring at me and take off those damn shorts,” I told him playfully.

“Yes ma’am,” he quipped with a mock salute. Thankfully, he also stood and shucked off the basketball shorts he had worn to bed, then he was back over me, caging me in again, only this time he was naked and I was so ready for whatever he wanted to give.

I moaned in delight as he turned his attention to my breasts, clamping my right nipple in his mouth and nipping it slightly with his teeth. He alternated between them, the combination of pleasure and that little hint of pain once again making me writhe beneath him with desperation for more.

“Did I tell you I’m a breast man?” he asked as he sat back and looked to me with way too much calm. He was straddling my thighs and I could feel the weight of his unmistakable hardness, as desperate for more as my whole body, it seemed, pressed against my aching core.

“Kailan, please!” I cried. I was like a wild animal, unable to control the way my body moved beneath him, desperate for his touch and so much more. There was a word, I was sure – wanton. That was it, right? I was a wanton woman in that moment.

“Sshh darlin’. I’m here,” he soothed. He kissed me chastely a few times as he fumbled to grab his shorts which he’d thrown onto the edge of the bed. I wondered what the heck he was doing until he pulled a condom from the pocket.

“That was very presumptuous of you,” I told him between kisses.

“Always prepared,” he told me with a wink, and I couldn’t help but laugh. He was too damned cute and how could I be mad? It wasn’t like the sexual tension between us all hadn’t been building.

“Just hurry up, boy scout,” I laughed.

“So bossy,” he uttered as he quickly got the condom on. He looked to me assessingly for a moment and I knew he was worried I’d have second thoughts. I nodded to reassure him there was no damned way, and he winked again. “I’m gonna go slow at first, okay?”

I nodded, but there were no nerves from me. I wanted this. I wanted Kailan. I was surer of that than I had been of anything else for months, maybe even years. These men were made for me and I knew it. I belonged with them.

He crawled up the bed over my body, his eyes locked on mine and I rubbed my hands up and down his perfect abs, appreciating the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. I reminded myself to go and watch the guys work out in the gym they all spent so long in, sometime very soon.

I could feel scars on his body too, jagged long lines, but there wasn’t enough light to see them. I recalled Nick telling me Kailan had taken shrapnel in the explosion, not to mention the weeks of torture they had all endured. The guys were right when they said we were all messed up in our own ways. Maybe that’s why we fit together so well. Maybe it was all of our broken parts that just clicked into place together.

Kailan started to kiss and nibble his way down my torso again. It felt both amazing and torturous, my own desperation for more, now at the point where it was almost unbearable. Just when more protests and much more begging was about to pour from me, his touch moved lower – to exactly where I so badly needed it, brushing over my core, and then delving deeper to toy with the bundle of nerves that were throbbing with my need for his touch. I was lost to pleasure as he skillfully brought me to the brink. I was so close, about to crash down over that edge that I had been chasing since Kailan pulled me into his lap downstairs, but I needed more still.

“Kailan!” I panted. “Now…please. I…I want to feel you inside me…please!” I was out of breath and dizzy with how close I was to finding my pleasure, but I wanted this. I wanted Kailan and I to be so close we were like one person the first time he made me climax. I wanted us to share the perfect moment we had come to.

“No more begging, darlin’. I’ll always give you what you need,” he told me huskily. His eyes locked with mine as he lined himself up with my core. The stretch was unexpected as he slid into me gently. I hadn’t caught a peek at him when he got naked, but it was obvious to me now he was big, and thick, so thick.

“Okay?” he asked as he paused and met my eyes again.

“Don’t stop!” I cried. He was patient, much more patient than I felt as he pushed forward little by little, going slow just as he’d told me he would.

Then he was all of the way in and I was fuller than I had ever felt in my life. I needed him to move, and finally he did, still keeping each thrust slow and steady, and looking at my face continuously to ensure I wasn’t in pain. But as he started to move in a slightly faster rhythm, pain was the last thing I was thinking of. The pleasure within me was already building right up, getting me closer and closer to that edge once again. I wrapped my legs tight around his waist, locking my feet, hoping it would pull him deeper inside of me and it did. I cried out in utter bliss, riding that edge and drowning in pleasure. I clung even tighter to him, my hands holding his huge shoulders, my nails digging into his skin as I pleaded nonsensically for more.

“You gonna come for me, Evie?” Kailan rasped against my ear.

“Y-yes!” I cried as I clung to him even tighter and buried my face against his shoulder. I crashed over that edge then, lost to the sensations that were coursing through me. It was almost overwhelming, but Kailan held onto me as he found his own release and it was just what I needed. I felt like I was floating away and he was the only thing tethering me to the earth.

I could barely see straight as I opened my eyes and met Kailan’s gaze. The pleasure was almost too much, but at the same time I was happy for it to go on forever.

“You okay?” he panted.

“So totally okay,” I nodded, knowing I must look hilarious with the goofy smile that was on my face.

“I didn’t think you could ever look sexier than you did naked on your bed, but I think this post sex look is the winner,” he told me as he ran a hand through my, no doubt, wild hair.

“Quit teasing me!” I whined as I hit out at him.

“Not teasing, darlin’. You look hot as fuck right now,” he told me, making me smile even more goofily.

“Kailan, that was…” I paused, “…I have no words.”

“That bad, huh?” he teased and I hit out at his shoulder again.

“Shut up, idiot!” I laughed.

“Am I crushing you?” he asked as he lifted his weight from me a little.

“A little but I’m happy to go this way,” I joked.

“I love this side of you. I mean, I love everything about you, but this side of you is so playful,” he told me as he leaned in and kissed the end of my nose.

“I guess I was like this more before,” I shrugged. “I changed a lot after…well, you know. I keep trying to find the old me, but I’m not sure she’s even still there.”

“Maybe the old you isn’t still there, not completely anyway. You’ve been through so much. That shit changes you, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’m not who I was ten years ago, neither are the others. We found a new version of us. It’s not perfect. Infact, it’s pretty messed up in some ways, but what we went through made us stronger and wiser and we chose to use that to change who we are. You can too.”

“Like Evie 4.0,” I joked.

“You can be whoever you want to be, Evie, but whoever you are, know that I care for you very much and I always will. I won’t use the ‘L’ word, but believe me when I say I want to. You’re amazing and you were made for me.”

“I feel the same,” I admitted. “Whoever Evie 4.0 is, she wants the four of you in her life.” I pulled him closer, not caring about being crushed, and wrapped my arms around his neck, then I kissed him to cement my words. I didn’t know what was next for me, but I did know these four men were going to be a part of it.