Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
Deacon
“ I know you want to help rescue Sarah, but you help no one by killing yourself,” my father insisted.
“I know my limits," I grumbled irritably.
Ode laughed. “You almost fell when you scooted off the bed in the infirmary, Deacon. You have to accept that you have limits before you can know them. I’ll be right back.”
She left, no doubt to check on Mock back aboard my ship.
Seated in my father’s parlor, I was ensconced in the concern and love and too many eyes of my family and our allies. Silence made me drink broth to build my strength. Jac’s android, Camp Deo, was almost as concerned for me as she was for the twins and kept checking on my condition.
On the other end of the spectrum, my father seemed just as weak as I felt. He was pale—not only from being a ghost—and his eyes were tired.
His padded benches were more comfortable than those I grew up with in my parents’ home. In his life, my father had eschewed comfort for what was proper. Until he had his affair with Silence Bateen. It seemed her love had helped him realize practicality could also be valuable. Strange thing for a princess to do .
I exhaled my frustration out my nose. “This is my hell.”
Father’s hard eyes softened. “I know, Son. I know. Recuperation always feels impossible when your loved ones are in danger.”
“Did you feel this way during the war?” I asked him. “Most of our family are soldiers, they—"
“I felt this way about you , Deacon. You and your brothers.” His eyes dimmed, as though he was thinking back to those times. “Trying times tend to make us…insular. I thought only of my sons, and the safety of the women of our home.”
“And Silence,” I noted, who’d once been my fiancée.
“And eventually, Silence,” he admitted quietly.
“When did you two—"
“Not until she was an adult, I assure you,” he cut in. “I had noticed she was blossoming into a stunning young woman of course. I had eyes,” he said facetiously as he smirked. “But I never so much as spoke to her until she came of age. And even then, our conversations started about you.”
Silence smiled sweetly at him, as she refilled my mug with more broth. “Valor had already arranged our union,” she said, intimating mine and hers. “But he wanted me to consent to it. I was surprised. I had never thought anyone would think to ask me for such a thing. So, I—"
“Wait.” I looked to my father in confusion. “I thought you already had her consent for our union before you asked Justice to give his blessing to it.”
He shook his head. “Originally, I had believed Justice had spoken to her, offering the union. Not using it as a reward for his favorite general, unbeknownst to Silence. But once I knew that was not the case, I had to speak to her myself. I needed to know she wanted the union.” Father gulped, then admitted, “It was during our conversations that we fell in love.”
Their affair had crushed me in the beginning. But after my father had been executed for the affair by the Ruler Justice Bateen, Silence’s own father, everything changed. Justice had imprisoned his pregnant daughter, afraid of his people’s wrath should he have executed their favorite princess. It had all happened so fast that I hardly had the time to comprehend all the implications, before I had decided to overthrow Justice. Watching my father and Silence dote on one another, their love so obvious a blind man could see it, I could not hold it against them.
Though in the beginning, I had tried. I wanted to hate them for it. For the public humiliation of it all. But I was dedicated to my father, even as my mother tried to poison me against him. Understandable, given everything from her perspective. She came from a proud family and my father’s affair with a younger woman burned away what little warmth she had left. But watching her turn her back on him at his public beheading…it made everything worse.
I understood it—Justice would have taken all wealth and properties associated with my father, according to the deal she had made with him. But as his son witnessing his father’s execution, seeing my mother abandon him in his final living hour…
So I did not hold Silence’s love against him. Not anymore.
Ode scurried in, reading off of her tablet. “Three days.”
“Hmm?” I had no clue what she was referring to.
“I don’t want you up and around for at least three days.”
“Absolutely not.” I tried to stand but fell back against the bench.
She gave me a knowing face that said, see ? Then, she declared, “If you go fight for Sarah, you’ll die. Plain and simple. If you were to trip and fall, you could die. If you ran, the bouncing alone—"
“I get it, Ode,” I said, cutting her off in an irritable tone. “I get it.”
“Are you sure?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. I had to make her believe that I would stay put. “Yes. Thank you.”
She nodded once, satisfied. “Good.”
But Silence must have known better. She had a glint in her eyes, before she left the room.
Father glanced my way pointedly. “Just imagine what Sarah would do, if we didn’t make you convalesce.”
None of that matters. The only thing that matters is her.
“I know, Father,” I said in a placating tone. “I will try to behave, but no promises.”
Silence returned with my slumbering baby brother and unceremoniously put him in my lap. “Perhaps you will stay seated now .”
I quickly pulled him into the crook of my arm so he didn’t slide off my knees. “Why would—"
Silence braced her hands on her curvy hips. “He’s sleeping, and whoever wakes him has to be the one to put him back down. That’s the rule for the twins.”
I glanced down at the little fellow in my arms. His sleeping face was so peaceful. I wondered when was the last time I slept that well. Faint wisps of gray hair blew when I exhaled. His skin was still ivory—too young to be tanned. His tinge was like mine—pink. He would look like me and Father, if he had the chance to grow up.
He was the reason Sarah was on Halla. He was why she was the only thing that mattered. As the last living conduit, Sarah had the power to control ghosts, though we never knew to what extent until she had subsumed Rex. Sarah would be able to use the ghosts to train my brother and my sister. With any luck, she would be able to tap into that lifeforce and accelerate their growth, as well.
Staring at him in awe, I softly asked Silence, “When is the naming ceremony?"
"We’re not sure. With everything that has happened, we keep postponing it, coming up with new names—"
“But how do you name children whose father is dead?” My father asked with a smirk.
Silence nodded and smiled at him. “We have consulted with Wave about how to do all of this without Valor being able to participate in the ceremony…there are a lot of facets to consider.”
My father spoke on about the logistics of the ceremony, the details, even the names they were considering were not enough to gather my attention. My mind and heart were with Sarah and Jac. Where were they? How was she faring with Rex inside of her? Had they…had he…my gut sank with my thoughts, deeper into the recesses of my mind. Where dark and terrible things lived.
During the war, I had seen men do things I did not abide, including Rex. The horrors of war. The cost. The penalty of it all. Those atrocities were seen as the price of peace. At least, that was what soldiers told themselves as they did them. Our ghosts were marred by the actions of our bodies.
Rex Terian’s ghost was one of the most marred, and now, it resided in the body of my consort.
A hand waved in my vision, shaking me back to reality. I glanced up to find Silence now standing in front of me. “Apologies, what?”
“I’ll take him now,” Silence said, her eyes on her son.
My eyes fluttered as I came around and passed him to her. The parlor was empty, my father gone. “Did I drift off?”
She smiled and took my brother. “I believe so.”
“I didn’t mean to—"
“Not to worry.” She held him and sat on a rocking chair across from me. “How are you holding up?”
I laughed lightly. “Which part?”
Her full lips tightened. “I know what it’s like.”
“What what’s like?” I asked, unsure what she meant.
“Feeling trapped.”
I took a deep breath. Hearing the word was a suffocating reminder. “How…how did you handle it?” I asked, curious to know. “Being in the prison…I know what I am going through is not as bad."
She laughed sharply—a sound I had never heard from her before. Her laugh woke my brother, so she shushed him back to sleep. “My prison was nothing compared to what you’re dealing with, Deacon.”
My brow fell into a frown. “What are you talking about? You were stuck in the royal prison. Jac said it was a miniscule cell with no toilet room and near the palace’s sewer system—"
She held a hand up to stop me. “Please. Every nightmare I have is of that place. But I was stuck there. I had no choice, or even the illusion of a choice. The man I loved was dead—not in peril. There was no internal debate as to what I should do next. Yes, the prison was a horror. But it was an external horror. I had never thought of escape. I was resigned to my fate.” She sighed and continued rocking in the chair. “I had heard rumors about prisoners who had escaped, but I had believed they were only rumors. Jac is good at what he does. The day Jac broke in and rescued me after you sent him…” she smiled at my youngest brother before she said, “I had thought he was there to execute me, and once he got me on board his ship, I assumed he was taking me to you for the execution—"
“What?” I almost shouted.
My brother woke again, making whimpering little noises. I reached for him since I was the one to disturb him, but Silence waved my hands away. “I’ve got it. My point is, there was no choice in the matter for me, and while the threat of imminent death makes it seem as though there is no choice for you in this instance, you and I both know you are actively making the choice to do the smart thing every minute you sit on that bench. By letting Jac act in your stead, you are giving Sarah someone to come home to. As difficult as it is for you to remain here, it is a good thing you are doing, Deacon.”
She knows. She knows I plan to leave, and she’s still trying to convince me to stay.
I shook my head. “I made the choice already, Silence. It’s not minute by minute—"
“Mm, hmm,” she said as she cast a knowing look in my direction. “You forget I know your father well, and I know what sort of lengths he would have gone to to rescue me, had he the chance. You are your father’s son, Deacon, through and through.”
“Seriously, I know better,” I said, rubbing my fingers along my still aching forehead.
“As you say.” She stood up and glided toward the bedroom. Before she turned the corner, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Your father’s onworlder is a very smooth ride for an older model but it starts loudly.”
My brows rose. “Why would you bring that up?”
“No reason at all, Deacon. Sweet dreams.”