Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Deacon
T he three of us stared at each other in silence after Sarah’s concerning outburst. I reached for her hand, but she jerked it away. “Don’t touch me!”
I felt so helpless to comfort her, and I hated the feeling. “I am sorry, I—"
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she wept.
It was an odd phrase coming from her, but I nodded and carefully rejoined her on the bed. So did Jac on the other side of her. “I am not going to touch you, but I want to sit with you. Is that alright?”
She nodded, tears falling down her pretty face. Each devastating one made me want to crumble with her. Each one reminded me why I could not.
“Would you like some water?” Jac asked quietly.
She sniffled. “I’d like tissues.”
“They’re not really a thing on Halla—"
“Why the fuck not!” she shrieked at him.
“We do not cry much,” I tried to explain. “Nor do our sinuses become burdened by—"
“Shut up!” she yelled in my face. But then she curled her knees up to her chest and clasped her arms around them, rocking her body on the bed that way. “Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
I cast a glance at Jac, only to see that he was just as stricken as I.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, and left us on the bed.
“He’s running away from me,” she said piteously.
“No, I am certain he is—"
“Doesn’t matter,” she wailed miserably. “Everyone leaves me eventually. My mom left.”
The urge to pet her back or hold her was overwhelming, but she did not appear to want that, so I held back. “I am sure she did not want to leave you. She was sick, wasn’t she?”
“She liked my brother better than me,” she said in a woeful tone.
I frowned, thinking back to my many conversations with Sarah about her siblings. “You’ve never spoken of a brother, Sarah.”
She looked up at me in confusion. “I don’t have a brother.”
I was equally confused. “You just said…that she liked your brother better than you.”
“Oh god,” she whispered and put her hands against her head, her eyes wide. “I…Rex...his mom told him she liked his brother better than him.”
Apprehension trickled through me, and I fought a shudder, just as Jac returned with Ode. I was relieved to see them both.
Ode had her med kit, and she smiled at Sarah. “I hear you’re not doing too good with the whole solo thing.”
Sarah sniffled, frowning at Ode. “You don’t need to be here. I’m not sick.”
Ode set her med kit down and opened it up. “No, but sometimes medicine can help when you’re not sick, but your brain feels complicated.” She produced a jet injector from the bag.
“What are you doing?” I asked in a low voice.
Ode gave me a reassuring look. “I think this serum will help her sort through what’s Rex’s memories and thoughts, and what is hers.”
“No,” Sarah said adamantly. “I don’t want that.”
“Why not?” Jac asked.
Panic etched her expression. “I…I need to figure out how to deal with this on my own.”
“It’s just a sedative, Sarah,” Ode said gently. “You need sleep to be able to process—"
“No!” she roared. Then she leaned her head against me and started to cry again.
Ode huffed in frustration. “Fine.”
As she repacked her med kit, I noticed that she did not put the jet injector back into the bag. Instead, she seemed to tuck it beneath the footboard.
“Whatever you want, Sarah,” she said in a placating tone as she picked up her bag. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
Ode looked at Jac, then purposefully shifted her gaze down to the jet injector. He knew what she had done and gave a subtle nod. Then she left.
He palmed the tool and climbed onto the bed next to Sarah, keeping it out of her sight. “How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly, still leaning on my shoulder. “I’m so tired. But I don’t think I can sleep anymore.”
He nodded. “I get that. Sometimes after a long scouting trip, I’m wiped out, but also wired, like I can’t sit still. I think that’s because I don’t let anyone else drive.” He shrugged. “Control issues.”
She nodded and exhaled a shuddering sigh.
I said, “Perhaps, if you—"
Jac coughed loudly and the next thing I knew, Sarah was unconscious and slumped against me.
My gaze shot to his. “What—"
He held up the jet injector. “I couldn’t take the risk of her hearing it hiss when I used it on her, so I coughed to cover it up.”
“I don’t like drugging her,” I said, feeling conflicted.
Jac’s lips tightened. “You heard the things she said.”
I gently set her onto the pillows, covered her with the fur, then told him, “Come with me to the parlor. We need to talk.”
I pulled on my clothes, he did the same, and we headed into the adjoining room. There, I turned on Jac, releasing my own frustrations on him. “Are you so afraid our tiny human would get the better of you, that you drugged her? Since when are you scared of anything?”
He jammed his hands on his hips, glaring at me. “Since she talked about cutting her own throat, then killing us all. It’s a little fucking unsettling.”
“She’s exhausted, and she’s not thinking straight—"
Anger flashed across his features as he cut me off. “What about this situation do you not understand, Deacon?” he shouted.
I stiffened at his tone. “Why are you yelling at me?”
His face was incredulous. “Because I am scared out of my mind right now. I haven’t slept since yesterday and after I found my consort in the den of our enemy, she insisted we stay there and bang our brains out, and while that part was fucking amazing, it doesn’t change the fact that she just talked about hurting herself and others!”
He continued to glare at me. “Yes, she’s not in her right mind and she’s not thinking clearly, but that is exactly the reason to drug her, not a reason to let her roam around free, while we’re asleep !” His body started to shake, just like his voice. “If she’s out of her mind and tainted by Rex, what do you think she could do? What is someone like him capable of? Calling the capitol and telling Justice that his daughter, Silence, is here, alive ? Or maybe attacking your infant siblings? Or making good on her throat cutting idea? Or—"
I get it, I get it,” I finally said, my mind racing with the possibilities I had not fathomed. I needed something to do, and figure out a way to get our Sarah back. “When you were getting Ode, Sarah said her mom liked her brother better than her.”
He looked up at me in bewilderment. “She has a brother?”
“No. When I asked her about it, she said that was Rex’s memory.”
“Shit,” he muttered beneath his breath.
I hated to even voice the disturbing possibility, but I had to share my thoughts with Jac. “I think…this may sound like cina waste, but what if this stems from something deeper inside of Sarah?”
“How do you mean?”
“She has always spoken fondly of her family, aside from her impoverished childhood that she does not speak much of. But what if part of this is due to her lack of their presence? I know she misses them terribly.”
Jac frowned. “You think that if she saw her family, she might be able to sort this out?”
“I think it is worth a try. I think anything is worth a try right now to wipe Rex’s lingering memories out of Sarah’s mind.” Wearily, I dropped down onto the bench seat in the parlor. “If I can get her to the forest temple where she called her mother to her, then perhaps a chat with her mother would help keep her grounded. I’ll take Sovereign , if you do not mind. The other injured are still healing on board Allegiant . If Sarah and her mother can speak on old times or something…I do not know.” I shook my head. “Do you think it is a bad idea?”
“I think it’s a brilliant idea, Deacon,” he said, pacing back and forth in front of me. “But you saw how she is. Do you think you can get her to agree to try and talk to her mom?”
I gave him a slight smile. “Since she is unconscious, if she wakes up at the temple, then most of that conversation is not necessary, right?”
He laughed. “You’re going to take her there now?”
“Obviously, I am not going to get any rest and since I was the last one of us to get any sleep, I think you deserve a break. Taking her there is the only thing I can think to do right now.”
“You didn’t get sleep, either,” he said in a wry tone. “You were in a coma.”
I shrugged. “Call it what you will, I am still more rested than you.”
He chuckled. “You’re not wrong. Alright, I’ll get some sleep, and you take Sarah to see her mom.” He stopped his pacing and looked at me. “Or do you think I should go with you?”
“No. You will be no good to anyone if you are too tired to function.”
He nodded and we walked back to the bedroom. Sarah was deep in slumber, snoring from the drug-induced sleep. She did not stir as Jac helped me dress her in a long tunic shirt.
Jac pressed a kiss to her forehead, then glanced at me. “Take care of our girl.”
“Always.”
I carried her to Sovereign and explained where we were going to Ode, to relay to anyone who asked. Then, we were off for the temple. I kept Sarah reclined back on the passenger seat, should she awake before landing. I did not want her to wake up alone.
Or to be able to sneak up on me.
I tried to keep the thought from my mind, but it was difficult. She had spoken of hurting me, and more importantly, hurting Jac or herself. As Jac had conveyed to me, there was no room for error on the matter.
It was early afternoon by the time we landed at the temple. I carried her inside, laid her down on some furs, and waited for her to awaken. She was peaceful—no snoring—and a sweet smile made her seem at ease. I hoped she was having pleasant dreams. I curled myself around her, holding her hand, praying she would wake up and be herself again.
She woke with a start, clutching onto my hand. “Where…what?”
“Shh, everything is fine,” I assured her in a calm tone. “We’re in the temple—"
She bolted upright, her eyes glancing around wildly. “Why?”
I sat up, too. “I thought, perhaps, a chat with your mother would set your mind at ease.”
Sarah’s eyes flared with anger. “Are you out of your mind?”
“No, in fact, Jac also thought—"
“I don’t want her to see me like this,” she insisted.
I was perplexed. “She is your mother. She loves you, no matter what you have done—"
“I’m a fucking mess, Deacon,” Sarah said, a hitch in her voice. “I don’t want to worry her.”
“I can understand that,” I said gently. “But you are troubled, and I am sure she would want to help. We all want to help you, Sarah.”
Her lips tightened, then trembled, and I thought she might cry again. “You do?”
I reached out and brushed wild strands of her hair off her soft cheek. “Of course we do.”
“Even though I said those horrible things?” she whispered, her eyes filled with regrets.
I smiled and nodded. “Always means always , Consort.”
A glimmer of a smile flickered on her face again. “There is one thing that might help.”
“Tell me.”
“I’d rather show you,” she said as she pulled me down for a kiss.
“Sarah, I don’t think—"
“Good. Don’t talk, either.” She pushed me back and moved on top of me, her mouth glued to mine.
I grunted and pushed her back. “This is not going to fix you. If it was, it would have fixed you this morning.”
“Don’t you want me?” She tossed her tunic shirt off.
The sight of her naked body penetrated the last vestiges of my will, but I tried to resist and stay the course. “Sarah, please, I don’t think this is the way.”
She was undeterred and unfastened my uniform. “I know lots of ways—"
I grabbed her busy hands, trying to force her to listen. “Yes, you do, but I do not—"
She kissed me again and laced her fingers with mine before she pinned my hands to the stone floor. Her hips rolled herself against my cock, as if we had no clothes between us. That warmth again…I loved feeling her there. But still, I tried not to think of it. We had real problems to handle.
Then she lifted her mouth from mine and said, “You will get hard for me again. Right no w.”
To my dismay, my body obeyed her, my cock instantly stiff. “That is cheating,” I groused.
She grinded against my already throbbing shaft and purred, “So?”
“You are being unreasonable,” I grumbled, knowing resisting her like this was next to impossible.
She nipped at my bottom lip. “You’re being a stick in the mud.”
I huffed. It was not the first time I had been told such a thing. “You are—"
“I am,” she said before her mouth covered my own, stealing my breath and my protests.
She pulled my hard cock from my uniform and slipped the head through her slick folds before notching it at her entrance. Her pussy was so wet that I knew thrusting inside of her was going to be a smooth stroke.
She panted, but met my gaze. “I won’t do it if you don’t—"
“I do,” I decided, and drove up into her, unable to hold back any longer.
We growled as our bodies slammed together. I knew it was foolish to delay the inevitable, but I had lost the ability to care about what was right or wrong the moment she pressed herself against my cock. I needed her—more than that— I had to have her .
I wrapped my arm around her waist and flipped her back onto the pile of furs. She grunted and her eyes went wide from the dominant move. Then I fucked her in earnest, dying to see her come again. Our stark height difference always made things interesting, as she was face-to-chest with me most of the time. But I bent down and kissed my consort—I wanted all of my body occupied by hers.
She feels too good. Better than usual. Hotter, wetter. Tighter.
She clawed at my chest and bit me there, too. Like a Ladrian woman would. I loved every minute of it. I loved her. All of her. Whatever was wrong, whatever was eating at her, each thrust was a promise that we would fix it together.
Sarah’s back arched beneath me as she gasped, “Fuck yes, now!”
I pounded into her, feeling the waves of her orgasm in my whole body. Her pussy squeezed on my cock in a frantic rhythm, while her small frame beneath me jumped and shook. The throes of her passion were a sensual delirium I had never known before I met her. Now, she was my addiction.
When she finally stilled, I pulled out and turned her over onto her hands and knees, because I wasn’t done with her yet. I bit her shoulder, spread her legs with mine, and snarled, “My turn.”
Then I shoved back inside and rutted into her welcoming body. Our skin slapped together, echoing in the temple, along with her pleas for more . I pressed her head down to the fur, making her hips rise at just the right angle for me to hammer into her harder. I gripped her hips and dug my thumbs into those dimples right above her ass and listened to her sing a new tune.
The shock of my tawdry orgasm hit swiftly, like lightning made of ecstasy. I lost my breath as it flowed through me and into her. She whimpered while I jerked inside of her, again and again, until I dissolved into the nothingness of our bliss.