Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
Jacaranda
S he still isn’t herself.
I had noticed it when she and Deacon had come back from the temple and every time I looked at her since. That vacant look in her eyes. Not cold, but not herself, either. Not unless we were fucking.
The next morning as we prepared for Mock and Silence’s union, Deacon told me she had not even tried to contact her mother at the temple.
“Why not?” I asked.
He sighed. “She told me her mother would worry, if she saw her like this.”
“Seems like there’s plenty to worry about, so I couldn’t blame her for the concern.”
Deacon shot me a look. “Her mother or Sarah?”
“Both,” I admitted. “If my child came to me looking as…harried as Sarah, I’d be worried. And I can understand Sarah not wanting to worry her mom.”
He nodded, then straightened out my dress fatigues. “I do not believe you needed to get so dressed up. It is a garden union, between two people who are uniting for the sake of safety, not love.”
I grinned at him. “I will not show up at a union with my companion and my consort looking as good as they do, and I’m in my daily fatigues. Hell no.”
Deacon indicated his own attire. “This is a simple black—"
“Can it, Deacon,” I said with a light chuckle. “You look handsome in that uniform, and you know it.”
He laughed. “Thank you. So do you.” He came up behind me as we looked in the tall mirror in Sarah’s bedroom. Being taller than me, his head sat atop my own. “In fact, when the ceremony and the party is over, I want to come back here and—"
“Are you two going to spend the day flirting and miss the union?”
We turned to see Sarah in the bedroom doorway. Her black dress was something the conduits had put together for her with Silence’s help, and she looked breathtaking. Far more revealing than the usual Ladrian fashion, the soft linen clung to her shape, while concealing the skin. It was closer to things I had seen on Earth, which made sense when I thought of it.
I stepped up to her and took her small hand in mine. “Silence has always had a thing for fashion magazines, and it shows. You look incredible.”
She tipped her head curiously. “I had no idea there are fashion magazines on Orhon.”
“There are not,” Deacon explained. “Magazines and other types of media were imported from Earth for the palace. It is seen as something for only the elite to have.”
“Oh. Well, can I see myself before we go?”
“Of course.” Jac and I moved away from the mirror.
She stared at her reflection, touching her long, dark wavy hair spilling over her shoulders, then smoothing a hand along the front of the dress. “Silence has an eye for clothes, but I don’t know how the conduits managed this.”
“Bone needles,” Deacon said. “Silence draped the fabric, while they used bone needles for the sewing.”
“They went to so much trouble for me…” She sounded sad.
“You are worth it,” I told her, while Deacon nodded in agreement.
“I’m not—let’s get going, okay? I don’t want to be late.” She turned around and left without another word.
We looked at each other in confusion, then Deacon sighed. “She is right, I suppose. About not wanting to be late. Let us away.”
But I grabbed his hand to stop him, and he glanced up at me. “You know she’s not being herself, right?”
“Clearly.” A slight frown furrowed his brows. “Whatever she went through with Rex, she does not wish to speak on it, either. I tried. I failed. I do not know how to get her to open up. It is a unique frustration.”
“I think it’ll just take time. Sharing your mind like that…” I shook my head. “I can’t imagine it. Not really. And with her abilities, who knows what could have happened while Rex was inside of her? There are too many factors to consider. I say we get through today, and then we have a family meeting tomorrow to figure out a plan.”
He smiled at me and my heart lifted. “That is an excellent idea. We should go.”
We left for the ceremony in Valor’s backyard. There was a clutch of tall skinny trees with strangely colored leaves and that was where Silence had wanted her union to take place—between those trees. I didn’t like it. Tactically, it was fraught. The trees hindered good line of sight. But no one had asked me.
We stood by as Wave officiated Silence and Mock’s union, and afterwards, I was shocked by how much I had relaxed when the ceremony was over, as if I’d been unconsciously expecting another attack. Mock was up on his own two feet, limping, but still walking. And now that Silence was safe from possession by the ghosts of Halla, things felt less dire.
Valor’s vivector projected the split disk game onto his cottage’s rear wall outside for all of us to watch the Cinas take on the Jem’horas in the playoffs. Wagers were made, banwine flowed among everyone, and I laughed at a dirty joke Bell told. It was like old times at a party in my youth, except this time, I didn’t try to find some beddable person for the evening, because I was a companion to two beddable people. Things in my life felt like they were finally falling into place.
Until I saw Sarah’s forlorn face.
“Excuse me,” I told Bell, before I left for my consort who was alone by the banwine table. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said softly, her gaze not meeting mine.
“Wanna join the party?” I asked her.
“I’m at the party,” she said, as if I were daft.
“Are you?” I asked, knowing I was prodding her.
She finally looked up at me, a flash of annoyance chasing across her features. “I’m standing right here, Jac.”
“Yeah, but you’re not here .” No, her mind was far, far away somewhere.
She almost glared at me, but then I felt someone behind me and turned. I was instantly relieved. Omen, thank the gods.
“Good afternoon, Sarah,” Omen said, beaming as she took in her attire. “The dress fits you well.”
Sarah’s face flushed. “You and the other conduits didn’t have to go through so much trouble on my account.”
“Nonsense. Our queen deserves the best of everything.”
Sarah huffed at the compliment. “I mean it, Omen. I appreciate the dress—I love it, actually—but this was a lot of work.”
“The other conduits were too cowardly to come find you after the Rex situation, and I think they felt really bad for it, which they should,” Omen said. “So they wanted to do something to make up for it.”
“Oh. That actually makes me feel a little better about it.” Sarah gave Omen a half-smile. “I don’t mind a gift given out of guilt.”
Amusement twinkled in Omen’s eyes. “Then prepare yourself, because some of them were talking about making you a wardrobe as penance.”
Sarah chuckled, and the natural sound coming from her set my mind at ease for the time being.
Omen focused all of her attention on Sarah and asked, “The union. Did it…trigger anything? Concerning what we talked about?”
I frowned, but neither woman explained the meaning.
Sarah looked just as lost as I was. “What?”
“You remember—you told me before—the thing about getting united and how it made you miss your sisters, because it was a small union and not your big fantasy wedding with your sisters there.”
Sarah’s eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. “I don’t need anyone ,” she snapped, then she stomped away.
Omen looked stricken at Sarah’s outburst, and glanced at me in contrition. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I know,” I assured her. “She’s not…” I shook my head. “I’ll be right back.”
I followed Sarah, who was marching toward her cottage. “Wait, Sarah. Hang on.”
“Leave me alone,” she yelled.
But I grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop and face me. “Sarah, talk to me. Please.” The words sounded as desperate as I was beginning to feel.
She flinched away. “I’m fine!”
I didn’t want to press her on the matter in front of everyone, so I let her go. She stomped away and into the cottage, but footsteps behind me alerted me to someone else’s presence.
“She is not fine,” Deacon said in a low, worried tone.
“No, she is not,” Omen said firmly, having joined us out of concern for her queen.
When I turned to face Omen, she looked just as dark and desolate as Sarah had. “What is going on? I know you told me the thing about addiction, but is that what this is?”
“I beg your pardon?” Deacon said.
Omen explained to him, “Possession— regular possession, that is—can become an addiction for the possessed. But this was no regular possession, Deacon. It is as I told Jac. What she did, no one has ever done before, so I am not sure what kind of repercussions we are to expect for her.”
Distress creased his features. “Why would possession be an addiction?”
She explained the details as she had told me, then added, “But I saw Rex leave her body. I shoved him off of the ship, but I think…” she frowned, like she had to consider her words.
“What?” I demanded.
Omen visibly winced. “I think there could be a part of him left in her. It can happen with long term possessions sometimes, and—"
“A couple of days is long term?” I asked.
Omen wrung her hands together anxiously. “Most possessed people do not survive more than a few hours, though that is usually due to the ghost’s fun, more so than the possession itself. Some ghosts think it’s funny to make their host hurt themselves to the point near death, then leave before the host dies. It’s…” she shuddered, “abhorrent. But the point is, Sarah’s possession was far longer than most. And that leaves her open to complications—"
“Like part of Rex still being inside of Sarah?” Deacon asked incredulously.
“Yes,” Omen replied quietly. “When a ghost has a strong enough will or personality, the host can be similar to when an addict still craves their drug. They might seem like themselves at times, but when they are still coming off of their addiction, they’re affected by the chemical changes in their body. But when a remnant is still inside a host, it’s like they are still getting small doses of that drug. She is not in full control of herself. I’m sure you’ve both noticed—"
"Yes," we said together.
“I have seen this before,” she said in a troubled tone. “And it did not end well.”
“What happened?” I asked, needing to know.
She hesitated, looking from me, to Deacon, then back again. “One of the people who lived near my cabin in the forest, he was a great guy. At first. He helped me build my cabin when I originally defected from the conduits, actually. But he was ununited. One night, I heard the strangest sounds coming from his place, so I went to check on him, and he was possessed. I fought with the ghost inside of him, some psychopath from Yesanol. I got him out and killed him, but my friend had been possessed all day. My friend screamed and acted like I had attacked him .” She stared at the ground, sounding conflicted. “I kept telling him, ‘You’re safe now, he’s gone,’ but it was like he wasn’t even in his own head anymore. After a few minutes, he pretended to calm down, then attacked me with a bone knife.”
I didn’t want to ask, but Deacon did. “What happened?”
She glanced back up at us. “I defended myself and burned his body after. I haven’t seen his ghost since that day.”
Deacon looked at me, his face reflecting the same fear eating me up inside, before he asked Omen, “What do we do?”
Her lips pursed like she didn’t want to say what was on her mind. “I don’t like admitting this, but conduits don’t have the solution to what you need. We have abilities and we speak for ghosts, and we have a certain level of control and influence when it comes to them, but that is all we have. You need something more targeted to the problem—"
“Which is?” I asked anxiously.
“A magician,” she said, her voice a whisper as she glanced around to see if anyone else was nearby. “Don’t tell the other conduits I told you this, but that’s what you need, I think. They have access to abilities we never could because they don’t have limits on what they are permitted to learn.”
Just the mention of magicians caused a shiver to run through me.
Deacon stiffened up, too. “I cannot believe what you are saying, Omen. It’s unthinkable.”
“I don’t care what it is.” Determination shoved out the fear trying to take hold. “If that’s what she needs, then that’s what we do.”
Deacon ran a hand through his hair, looking frustrated and distressed as he tried to gather his words. “Of course, Jac,” he finally agreed. “I just…I never would have thought this is where we would end up, that’s all. We will do whatever is needed. Omen, do you know one we can trust?”
She laughed dryly. “Of course not. You cannot trust a magician. Everyone knows that. Hell, I’m not even sure where I would find one.”
“I do.”
We jumped at Sarah’s voice behind us.
She looked worried, and a little scared, which I hated for her. “You think a magician can fix what’s wrong with me, Omen?” she asked hopefully.
Carefully, the conduit asked, “Do you want to be fixed, Sarah?”
“I hate…feeling like this,” she said, her tone desolate. “Like I’m broken and angry and confused all the time. I hate having his memories in my head. I hate myself for snapping at all of you. I’m so sorry for all of that.”
We brushed her concerns aside with comforting words, but I hesitated to hug her yet, not sure of the reception I’d get. So, instead, with my arms open, I asked her, “Can I?”
Sarah merely nodded and I wrapped her up in my embrace. I held her tight against me and breathed her in. She still smelled like her—sweet and a little floral. A scent unique to my consort. I loved it and that familiarity gave me a semblance of calm.
Deacon’s hesitation regarding magicians was understandable, but as I held her, I knew there was no limit to what I would do for her. I petted her hair and back as she clung to me, and I didn’t let go until she did.
“ You know a magician?” Deacon asked her incredulously once the quiet moment had passed.
“Sort of.” She hesitated a moment before saying, “He’s a friend of Rex’s though, so I’m not sure how it will go.”
I exhaled a deep, fortifying breath. “There’s only one way to find out.”