Kindred Spirit: Book Five of the Bound Spirit Series

Chapter 4

Callie

It’s been just under a week since Mildred advised me to simply keep living my life, and maybe Kaleb will pull his head out of his butt if he witnesses what he’s missing out on. I don’t want to hurt him, but she’s right. The whole point of confessing how I felt was because I didn’t want to hide it anymore. Kaleb knows how I feel about him, and now it’s up to him to decide what to do with it. Besides, today isn’t about him. It’s about Connor.

With a bright smile on my face, I approach the front of the school where the guys hang out before the bell rings with a container full of chocolate and peanut butter cupcakes. Connor is the first to notice me, our mate bond acting like an overpowered bat signal, and I feel his heated interest as soon as his gaze sweeps down my body. Since it’s a special day, I decided I would try dressing up a bit—nothing too fancy, just my jean skirt, knee-high boots, and a light sweater—but I also dusted off makeup mountain, trying out a little eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I even attempted to tame the wild beast that is my hair, using a variety of products to get it to lie in gentle waves.

Noticing Connor’s quick change of attention, the others follow the direction of his gaze, and each show various signs of appreciation. Donovan’s expression fills with such wicked promise that my cheeks start to burn, and my mouth goes dry. Nolan, too stubborn to stay home, is leaning against the wall next to D. He appears more alert now that he’s consuming my blood twice a day, but there’s an open hunger in his eyes that makes my skin tingle, and I miss the intimacy of feeding directly from the vein. Kaleb’s mask slips only for a moment, longing written in the way his full lips part and his warm brown eyes widen, before he shores up his walls with a friendly smile. I can’t decide if I want to smack him or kiss him stupid. Anything to shatter his tight control and reach the passionate boy underneath.

Felix releases a low whistle. “Looking good, pretty girl.”

“Thank you,” I reply, striking a pose as best as one can with full hands, and then I giggle, feeling silly and lighthearted.

It’s wonderful to see Felix so full of life—pun not intended. I know it’s been a hard transition, taking over James’s life, but I can’t stop feeling overjoyed that he’s still here with us, and that he’s mine. My heart aches with love as my eyes linger on each of them. They are all mine, and I’m theirs. After so many years of pain and loneliness, I finally belong. I’m finally loved. My eyes snag on Kaleb, and I try to ignore the bite of pain in my chest. There’s love there too, and I hope I can express it fully one day. Please, choose me. Ugh, I’m doing it again. I can brood about him later.

My smile turns shy when I stand in front of Connor and hold out the container. “Happy birthday, mi lobo.”

“Gracias, mi reina,” he replies, his voice low and soft in a way that invites a person to listen carefully to what he has to say.

His amber eyes search mine, sensing my inner turmoil, which makes me feel guilty. This is his day, and I’m ruining it. Without looking away, he passes the container to Felix, who makes a surprised yelp as he tries not to drop it. Connor then cups my face with his large hands, and with no other warning, he kisses me softly. It’s a kiss that speaks to all of the cracks in my soul, filling them with unrestrained love and desire. He wants me fully and completely without reservation. Butterflies dance in my stomach, and my head swims with the onslaught of sensations. The sweetness of the kiss starts to burn, lighting up all my nerve endings, and I reach for him, fisting his flannel. His hands slip into my hair, and a low growl vibrates in his throat.

“So we’re just doing this now—kissing in front of everyone,” Felix quips, sounding amused. “Is this like a special birthday kiss, or can we all get one? Because if it’s the latter, I’m next.”

I pull away, blushing and feeling a little dazed. Being physical with Connor in any way is always intense since the mate bond gives us what Donovan has referred to as a feedback loop—our desire for each other heightening the other’s. I’m certainly not complaining, but it’s definitely something I need to be careful of when we’re in public.

Before I answer Felix, I once again look into Connor’s eyes, silently communicating my own question. Are you okay with me kissing the others? We haven’t had a conversation about what is okay in front of each other, and I don’t want to push him if he isn’t ready. He kisses my forehead and then gestures with his head toward the others, which I take as his consent.

“You can have one too,” I tell Felix, grinning at him.

“Hold this.” Felix passes the cupcakes to Donovan, and then he rubs his hands together excitedly. “Come here, pretty girl.”

Laughter bubbles within me as I put my backpack down and then walk with an exaggerated hip sway over to him. His pale green eyes light up with playful mischief. Once I’m within reach, he sweeps me into a low back bend over his forearm and kisses me like we’re in an old Hollywood movie. My arms wrap around his neck, and I kiss him back with all the joy and happiness filling my heart.

From there, I’m passed to Donovan, the cupcakes going back to Connor. Not to be outdone, D leans down to pick me up by the backs of my bare thighs, hoisting me up so we’re eye level, and then he spins me until my back is against the brick wall. My hands immediately go to his broad shoulders, and to keep from flashing the school, I let my legs dangle, the heels of my boots knocking against the wall. He presses his heavily muscled body into mine and kisses me like we’re alone, or more accurately, like he doesn’t care who sees. It leaves me a blazing mess of unfulfilled need. With a cocky grin, he slowly puts me back down, my body dragging against his. He teases me with all that I can’t have because we’re currently in public, the jerk.

With wobbly legs, I turn to Nolan and gratefully walk into his stabilizing embrace. His smile is knowing, and he murmurs in my ear, his voice like a ribbon of black silk wrapping around over-sensitive skin. “You look beautiful, my love.”

I don’t know if he means my outfit or what being kissed thoroughly three times does to my appearance, but either way, hearing the endearment spoken so tenderly leaves me feeling soft, and a different kind of warmth blooms within me. Melting into him, I seek out his mouth. Words seem too shallow for what I want to express, so I kiss him slowly, taking my time to infuse each brush of my lips with the depth of my love. My heart feels particularly fragile in this moment, bared and open for all to see, and we’re left wide-eyed when we break apart.

The world comes back into sharp focus when I turn and find Kaleb with his teeth clenched and his eyes fixed on his shoes. In this moment, I can’t seem to do as Mildred advised. It made sense when I was complaining and frustrated, but seeing him like this, struggling and alone, I can’t ignore it. I’m in too deep. Approaching him, I place one hand on his chest, feeling the thundering beat of his heart against my palm. His gaze snaps to mine, startled and unsure, and then skitters to the others, like he’s waiting for one of them to step in. My other hand reaches for his cheek, drawing his attention back to me, and a bittersweet smile twists my lips.

Lifting up on the tips of my toes, I gently kiss the corner of his mouth and whisper, “You’re not last to me.”

He shudders but remains silent, the battle within him written in the way he stands perfectly still, his hands flexed into fists at his sides. His control is cracking, but it won’t break—not here in front of the others—but my hope lingers that what I said will sink in.

Donovan releases a frustrated groan. “For fuck’s sake, just kiss her so we can move the hell on.”

Kaleb glares at him, and whatever moment we had is gone. Stiffly, he grabs my wrists and steps back from my touch, releasing me when he’s at a safe distance. His walls grow taller and thicker, an impenetrable fortress around him. His mask is a blank slate that reveals nothing of the person inside. It makes me want to cry over the loss.

His attention shifts to Connor, and with all the forced pleasantness that comes from ignoring a person only a few feet away, he says, “I forgot that I have something I wanted to discuss with Ms. Mills before class. Happy birthday, man. Let me know what we’re doing to celebrate tomorrow.”

As he briskly walks through the school’s front doors, Mei and Rand approach our disappointed little circle.

“So he’s still out, I take it?” she comments, like it’s the continuing saga of her favorite soap opera.

I nod, staring after him in defeat and worried that I made it worse. He asked for space and time to work through his own feelings, but I also couldn’t ignore him. I love him as thoroughly and deeply as the others, and I can’t downplay that.

“Huh,” Donovan grunts, glancing at the doors. “I really expected a lecture on why it was important to think things through before committing to a poly relationship.”

Felix drags his hands down his face. “Dude, it’s not that simple for K. I know asshole is your whole MO, but maybe lay off him a bit. Badgering him to give in isn’t going to work this time.” He frowns. “It’s never worked, come to think of it.”

“Fine,” Donovan grumbles, running a hand through his short black hair. “But goddamn, he better fucking pull his head out of his ass soon. There’s only so much of his brooding I can take.”

“At least he’s not disappearing again,” Nolan observes, crossing his arms over his chest and hunching into his coat. “He’s going to be there tomorrow.”

I send a wave of warm magic Nolan’s way, the spell natural for how frequently I cast it, and he seems to relax. Wordlessly, Donovan shifts closer to him, leaning against the wall so the sides of their bodies touch. Felix takes up the other side, and the rest of us huddle closer around him, as if to protect him against a bitter winter night. Nolan’s lips press tightly together, and he rolls his eyes, but he keeps any complaints of us babying him to himself.

Attempting to salvage Connor’s birthday morning, I wrap my arms around his bicep, his hands still full of the cupcake container, and ask, “What do you want to do for your birthday?”

There’s a little wolf in his smile when he murmurs, “You.”

Mei snorts, and Rand coughs in a way that sounds a lot like laughter, when it’s clear my brain does one of its overload short-circuits. The other guys seem amused, having had a lot more practice speaking the monosyllabic dialect that is Connor.

“What?” I sputter, sure I have definitely misinterpreted the single word. He couldn’t possibly be suggesting… with everyone?

“Tonight. Stay with me,” he elaborates.

“Oh, uh…” My eyes shift to Nolan.

“I’ll be fine alone,” he insists, but Donovan overrules him by volunteering to stay over.

It’s been an unspoken agreement that he shouldn’t be left alone at night. The argument is that someone should be with him since he’s so sick, but the truth is, we nearly lost him to his inner demons once, so we won’t risk it again.

I look up at Connor and smile. “Assuming my nan is okay with it, I’ll stay, but what I meant was, what do you want to do tomorrow?”

There’s a fierce certainty in his expression, the decision seemingly made long before any of us bothered to ask. “Time to use my Yule present.”

“Fuck yeah!” Donovan exclaims with a huge grin, his near perfect memory recalling the free home makeover we all gifted him last Yule. “I can’t wait to tear down the alpha house with the biggest sledgehammer I can find.”

“To do renovations, something has to be left standing,” Nolan reminds him dryly.

“Please, let me come,” Mei begs, digging her fingers into Rand’s arm and shaking him like he has any choice in the matter. “You live in a literal tree house, and I’m an earth witch. Come on, this is practically made for me. Think of all the ways I can move important branches or grow new ones.”

“You can do that?” I ask, always curious what is and isn’t possible with magic. Being told I can do almost anything as long as I understand how it works is super unhelpful when learning spells.

“I know it can be done,” she replies with an innocent, you can totally trust me expression.

Before I can call her out on her nonanswer, Felix asks, “Humans are probably not allowed, huh?”

“I’m the alpha,” Connor replies, as if there’s nothing left to discuss.

“Yeah, but I’m not supposed to know anything,” Felix reminds him, rubbing the back of his neck. “One kid shifts, and I don’t get to keep my memories.”

“Technically, I’m the pack’s witch,” I state, chewing on my bottom lip. “It’s my job to uphold that rule. I could just say I did, and then not.”

Felix shakes his head. “Too risky. It’s hard enough to pretend to have amnesia when it comes to James’s life.” He looks at Connor with a stubborn glint in his eye. “And you’re not changing your plans. This is important and long overdue.” Shrugging, he puts on one of his sweet smiles. “We’ll still have the dinner together. It’s tradition.”

“What dinner?” I ask, looking around for an answer.

“Chinese off of Main Street,” Donovan supplies with an eager grin. “We eat until we’re stuffed or until they throw us out.”

“We’ve never been thrown out,” Nolan corrects, nudging D with his elbow.

“There was that time where they ran out of rice,” Felix points out, tapping his finger against his mouth. “We weren’t thrown out, but there was some strong glaring at us, silently telling us to leave.”

“You made a Chinese restaurant run out of rice?” Mei asks, aghast at the mere concept.

“Free refills with every entree,” Connor explains distractedly, the talk of food reminding him that he has cupcakes. He pops the lid and sniffs the contents.

“I made them myself,” I share with pride, and suddenly the guys don’t look nearly as interested in consuming the dessert. “They are good. I promise.”

“We made them after her first failed attempt,” Mei corrects, and then shakes her head. “And by we, I mean I made them while Callie handed me premeasured ingredients.” She eyeballs each of the guys. “Have you ever had a cupcake brick? Because I have.”

“I’m still learning,” I mutter and try not to take it too personally when everyone reaches for a cupcake now they know Mei helped me.

“Baking is just chemistry,” Donovan explains, like this concept has eluded me in my own attempts, and then takes a bite. After licking the frosting from his lips—which isn’t sexy in any way, dang it—he praises, “These are good.”

“Don’t act so surprised,” I grumble, stealing one of the cupcakes. It may be Connor’s present—well, one of them—but I deserve to enjoy some of the fruits of my labor.

“Yeah, I’m an excellent baker,” Mei states with an exaggerated flick of her long black hair.

“She is,” Rand agrees, speaking up for the first time. His amber eyes crinkle in the corners as he looks down at her. “Mei could open up her own bakery.”

“But I won’t, because I have a family business to inherit,” she interjects, not appearing particularly bothered by the concept. “My parents literally named it after me, so it’s left to you lucky few to enjoy my delicious hobby.”

There’s just enough time for each of us to finish eating a cupcake—the breakfast of champions—before the morning bell rings, and we all scurry to our classes. Felix and Connor walk with Nolan, escorting him to his first class despite his protests that he’s sick, not an invalid. Despite my general worry about him, I can’t help but find humor in his plight. Since the first day I arrived at Twin Cedar Pass High School, at least one of the guys has walked me to my classes like someone is going to jump out and attack me at any moment. At least they are equal opportunity overprotective. Rand follows Mei, clearly intending to also walk her to class. He’s at least stealthier about it, distracting her with questions about baked goods as they go.

For Donovan and me, it’s another fun-filled morning with Mr. Harris for pre-calc. We walk side by side through the halls, his hand at the base of my spine under my sweater. It’s both a very normal couple-like thing to do and terribly distracting, because it reminds me of all the other places he’s touched me, and all the places I want him to touch me. Since that infamous night, we haven’t had a chance to do more than steal some make-out time here and there, both of us focused on Nolan’s declining health.

Before we enter class, Donovan slips his fingers into the waistband of my skirt, pulls me back, and crowds me against the wall. Once again not caring about anyone around us, he slides his hands down to the curve of my ass as he leans down to murmur against my ear. “You look so fucking hot right now.”

“I, uh… Thank you?” I whisper, the phrase turning into a question toward the end. His nearness, particularly like this, has a way of scrambling my brains.

His teeth graze the delicate flesh of my earlobe, causing tingles to skate across my skin. “I want a night where you’re all mine.”

“Oh?” I wheeze, my hands pressed against his firm chest, though I’m unsure if it’s to hold him at bay or pull him closer. “What about Nolan?”

“We can finish by sleeping at his place,” he answers, wearing a smirk that makes me question how much sleeping we’ll actually do.

My head nods like it’s not quite attached to my neck. “Okay.”

“Good.” He stamps my lips with a hard kiss. “Now, let’s go before I decide I can’t wait.”

∞∞∞

When I get out of my last class for the day, I expect Connor to be waiting for me, ready to claim his birthday request as soon as possible. Instead, I find Kaleb standing across from the door, his eyes tracking every person who leaves until he sees me. He waits for me to approach, almost like he half expects me to walk past him.

“Hi,” I say, tugging on the bottom of my sweater, because I’m at a complete loss on what to do with my hands.

“Hi,” he echoes, the deep bass of his voice a rich sound that makes me think of distant thunder. “Can I walk you to your locker?”

Nervous energy churns in my stomach as I nod. “Sure.”

Neither of us move, and I try to read what he wants to say in his expression. All I can grasp is that same warring indecision. At least it’s real. After taking a fortifying breath, he offers me a proverbial olive branch by holding out his hand. Just like all the times before, he allows it to be my choice. Tears sting my eyes as how much I’ve missed his touch wells up inside me. Greedily, I take it, lacing our fingers together before he can change his mind. Now firmly attached, he begins to lead the way while I resist the urge to wrap myself completely around his arm like some lovesick leech.

“I want to apologize for this morning,” he states, glancing down at me. “I promised in my letter that I wouldn’t leave again, and I did.”

“Kaleb, you were uncomfortable because of what Donovan said and needed time to yourself,” I reason, squeezing his hand. “You’re here now, talking to me like you promised. That’s what matters.”

“Columba mea, I don’t know what I’m doing,” he confesses quietly, his gaze on the quickly emptying hallways. “Donovan makes it all sound so simple, but I’m not built like he is. I’m not like the others.”

I refrain from telling him that Donovan said the exact same thing to me when we decided to start dating, knowing the comparison won’t be helpful in this moment, but it’s almost laughable how similar they are. Two sides of the same coin and brothers in all ways that matter.

Giving in to some of my leech-like urges, I lean into him as we walk, breathing in his scent of sandalwood and well-worn paper. “I don’t want you to be like the others. I want you to be yourself.”

He snorts with derision. “I’m not sure I know who that is either.”

An idea sparks in my brain, and my magic immediately hums with delight to be used. “Do you want me to tell you?” I offer, craning my neck so I can watch his reaction. Why are all the boys I like so tall?

Kaleb stops in his tracks, his brows low and eyes intent as he looks down at me. “What do you mean?”

After quickly glancing around to make sure no one is listening, I whisper, “I’m a spirit witch, remember? I can literally see your soul. If you want, I can look and tell you the core of who you are, how it manifests, or in what ways you choose to follow it or deny it. That’s on you.”

“You’ve done this before?” he asks, and I can’t tell if he’s interested in the concept or concerned that I have such an invasive gift.

“A few times,” I answer vaguely, only now aware that I’ve looked at each of the guys’ souls for various reasons over the past several months except for Kaleb. “I’ll only do it with your permission.”

His gaze drops to our joined hands, and in a sad whisper, he asks, “What if you don’t like what you see?”

“I will,” I answer firmly, giving into full leech mode and wrapping the rest of myself around his arm. “I already have a sense of you. That’s something I just passively do. Now, the real question is, can you handle what I see?”

He’s quiet for a couple seconds, clearly weighing the pros and cons of having such information—information he has to take on faith, because I’m the only one who can see it. Finally, he releases a deep breath and says, “What do you need me to do?”

“Just stand there,” I reply, placing my free hand against his chest, enjoying the steady thump of his heartbeat underneath my fingers. Technically, I don’t need to touch him at all to see, but I’ll take any chance I can get to be close to him.

Closing my eyes, I let my magic wash through me and use my mind’s eye to see into the core of Kaleb’s being. He is everything I suspected and more. The depths of his passion is like a rolling sea crashing violently against stone walls that dare to try to contain it. I gasp in the wonder of it and revel in the beauty of finally experiencing all that he buries deep inside. The kindness, the consideration, and the gentleness that he lets bleed through the cracks are there, softly lapping at the shore on the other side, but it’s the sea I want to dive into. I want to swim within its waves until I’m pulled under. He is blinding light and ravaging storms, and I long to tear down his walls so I may bask in it always.

Kaleb calls my name, the sound distant under the constant roar of his spirit.

“You are magnificent,” I murmur, tears dripping down my cheeks. I’m overwhelmed and heartbroken that he hides all of this behind pleasant smiles that don’t reach his eyes.

He gathers me into his arms, holding me tightly, and murmurs soothing sounds into my hair. The gentle caretaker. His entire life, he’s sectioned himself off into pieces, doling out only the parts people care to see, and I can’t let him do it to me. Not anymore.

Blinking the tears from my eyes, I reach up with both hands to cup his face. Words jumble on my tongue as I try to explain what I’ve seen. How do I encapsulate all that he is? All the parts of him that he denies himself?

At a loss, I reach for a truth that resounds deep in my bones. “I love you. Every part of you. The parts you share. The parts you fear. All of it. Be who you need to be to survive, to feel safe, but know that I’ve seen it all, and I’m not afraid.”

“I am,” he admits, having a hard time meeting my gaze. “Not everything I am, everything I feel, fits the mold that people expect of me. There’s an ugliness that only hurts people if I let it out.” He gathers his courage and looks into my eyes. “That’s why I can’t just say yes. If I can get that part of me under control, then maybe I—”

“Kaleb, there’s a vicious side to all of us,” I interrupt, running my thumbs along the smooth lines of his cheekbones. “Yours is particularly biting because you’re observant, but it’s the way you lock yourself away that makes it so explosive. No matter how hard you fight it, the sea always wins against stone.”

He frowns, processing my metaphor for his powerful emotions. With fear evident in his voice, he asks, “Did you see it? The… vicious side of me?”

“Viciousness isn’t the core of who you are,” I answer, dropping my hands so I can wrap them around his waist. Stealing every precious moment of his touch, I snuggle into his embrace. “You are a force of nature that, once released, could rattle the stars.” A smile skirts across my lips. “And so am I.”