Kindred Spirit: Book Five of the Bound Spirit Series

Chapter 11

Felix

Connor sports a black eye and split lip, among other bruises, from the pounding he took while sparring with Donovan. He got in a few good hits as well, but it’s clear the match was about more than training. Afterward, D helped him up off the floor, then said some things I couldn’t hear, and now they seem fine. Strangely, Connor appears lighter somehow, like he’d been wanting penance for what he’d done. Kaleb is still having a hard time, but the way Nolan’s cousins have been giving Con nasty looks has engaged his protective instincts. He’s allowed to be angry at Connor, but he won’t allow anyone else to look down on him, especially due to some bizarre feud between shifters and vampires.

As the resident human, I’m not supposed to know any of this, and playing dumb is driving me insane. Con can’t shift because of this bullshit, and I have to pretend that Ellessa’s flirting has nothing to do with the fact that she sees me as a literal snack versus the fun, figurative one. The phrase “I could just eat you with a spoon” loses some of its complimentary quality when delivered by a vampire with boundary issues.

Callie stayed with Nolan in his room to “keep him company,” aka feeding him her blood while everyone else kept the ignorant human entertained. This left Kaleb as my only defense against the creepy cousins. The whole encounter was definitely one of my top ten most awkward moments of my life, which me being me is really saying something.

When we return to Nolan’s suite, he’s sitting in one of the recliners, bundled up in blankets, and Callie is sitting on the arm of the chair, running her fingers lightly through his hair while they watch a movie. In any other circumstance, I’d leave them be, but I have amorous vampires who look ready to reenact The Most Dangerous Game, so I beeline it for Nolan’s black leather couch, scoop up Callie by the waist, and tug her into my lap. She squeaks with surprise, but fortunately, she doesn’t try to escape the tight hold I have around her. Instead, she covers my hands with hers and gives the cousins a hard look, correctly guessing her role as a human shield.

Ellessa shrugs daintily with an innocent smile, as if to say, Can’t blame me for trying.

Her twin, Kaven, has the barest of apologies in his eyes. More of a sorry, she just can’t help herself than a sorry for trying to seduce you into being our human Capri Sun, it won’t happen again.

Despite his injuries, Connor gives them a low warning growl as he steps past them and takes the spot next to me.

They have almost comical levels of annoyed cat face, until Donovan drops heavy hands on each of their shoulders. With a smile that promises violence worse than they’ve witnessed thus far, he squeezes until they wince and try to pull away. He holds on a beat longer, making it clear that they aren’t the only predators in the room, before releasing them and sitting down on the other side of Connor.

With an expression usually only reserved for his distaste of Gina, Kaleb murmurs something in their ears. They give the barest of nods of acknowledgement. He then sits in the other recliner, leaving the cousins to stand or sit on the floor.

I really do have the coolest friends.

“Cousins,” Nolan greets with a sharp smile, “I hope you had a productive workout. I’m sorry I wasn’t feeling well enough to join you, but I’m sure my friends were able to show you how everything works around here. I can imagine it’s very different from what’s familiar back home.”

Kaven glances around the room at all of the unamused faces. “It was… enlightening.”

“Well, don’t feel like you have to stay on our account,” he continues, his voice almost a deadly croon. “I’m sure you’ll want to get cleaned up after such an enlightening morning.”

The twins look as immaculate as they did before their workout, none of the boring human exercises able to stand up to their supernatural abilities. Clearly not used to being dismissed by someone who, at most, she sees as a peer, Ellessa opens her mouth to speak, but she is interrupted by a light rap on the door.

Nolan looks immensely tired as he calls, “Come in.”

A woman dressed in all black from the neck down steps into the room and offers a slight bow. “My apologies for interrupting, but Dr. Callidus has need of Miss Volkov, Master Kaven, and Mistress Ellessa.”

“Did my grandmother say what she needed them for?” Nolan asks, pushing his blankets aside and bracing himself to stand up.

The woman’s eyes flash to me, clearly distressed over what she can and can’t say, before returning to Nolan. “She said she needed to perform some tests, but that you were to stay here and rest.”

“I’m not leaving my girlfriend alone with her,” he insists, irritation coloring his words and souring his expression. Today is one of his bad days, his exhaustion evident in the effort it takes him to sit up.

“Don’t be so dramatic, cousin,” Ellessa chastises, placing a hand on her hip. “Grandmother isn’t going to hurt her.”

“Matriarch Volkov is also in attendance,” the woman supplies, then her eyes widen as if she’s revealed too much.

Callie’s body softens in my lap, and she assures her with a gentle voice, “It’s okay, Maria. James knows that my family is well off, and because of that, sometimes people refer to my nan as the matriarch like it’s a title instead of just a position in the family.”

“Rich people are weird,” I add awkwardly, because I’m a terrible liar. Now, I completely understand why the guys didn’t tell me anything before I died. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Nolan rolls his eyes at me and then slumps back into the recliner. “Fine.”

Before standing up, Callie turns to give me a peck on the lips. I’m always happily surprised when she does this—that this is our normal—and can’t help feeling immediately better despite my misadventures with the creepy cousins. She then steps over to Nolan to kiss him on the forehead and whispers, “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

He reaches behind her neck and pulls her to his lips. After kissing her like there’s no one else in the room, he murmurs, “Don’t let her talk you into doing anything you don’t want to.”

“Okay,” Callie whispers, a little wobbly on her feet.

I’m not jealous of the kiss itself, but I am envious of the skill he executes it with. My lack of experience is obvious when Callie and I are together. I know she loves me and hopefully finds my clumsiness endearing, but I don’t know if I’ll ever make her weak-kneed from a single kiss. Then I remember Nolan probably kissed James with the same amount of skill and attention, which, by proxy, means he’s kissed me that way—and now I feel weird again. The simplest solution would be just to talk to him about it, but I haven’t really found a good time this past week. Part of me is still hoping he’ll tell me, because I want to believe he wouldn’t intentionally keep this from me.

Ellessa interrupts my thoughts with her impatience. “You are well aware Grandmother deeply dislikes being kept waiting, correct?”

A blush crawls up Callie’s neck and cheeks, which is all kinds of adorable. “Coming.”

She rushes over to gently kiss Connor, gives an exasperated look at Donovan before kissing him as well, and then spins around to squeeze Kaleb’s shoulder, refusing to leave him out of her affections.

Ellessa rolls her eyes at the display. “How very diplomatic you are with your attention as others wait for you.”

“Sister,” Kaven warns mildly, “you know it’s important not to show favoritism within a nes—family,” he corrects with a tight smile, as if only just remembering I’m supposed to be one of the ignorant humans.

“Tell that to Grandmother as she chastises us for wasting her time,” she grumbles, stalking out of the room with Maria scurrying after her.

Kaven politely motions for Callie to leave before him and then shuts the door behind him.

There are several seconds of silence as we wait for them to get far enough away so their vampire super hearing won’t pick up our conversations, and then we collectively groan in relief that they are gone.

Nolan bundles into his blanket, looking drawn and subdued. “Sorry about them. It’s no excuse, but I genuinely think our way of life is a huge culture shock to them.”

“I don’t know what’s so hard to pick up,” Donovan complains, slouching back into the couch. “Don’t be assholes to the people who fucking live here and don’t eat the humans.”

“Don’t you also struggle with the first part?” Kaleb taunts with an amused smirk and raised brow.

“It’s fine when I do it,” D protests, pointing a finger at himself. “I fucking live here.”

“You can shift now,” I remind Connor quietly, still feeling bad that he had to wait so long to heal his injuries because of me.

Connor turns to Donovan, silently asking his permission.

“Oh, fuck you,” he responds, his body language going from annoyed to instantly pissed off. “I should punch you again for that look. You fucked up. You deserved to have your ass handed to you. I’m an asshole, but I’m not that fucking petty to force you to stay this way.”

Con moves his attention to Kaleb with the same question in his gaze.

Kaleb stiffens, looking visibly disturbed. “Are you serious? What you did was unbelievably selfish, and I’m incredibly disappointed in you, but I’m still your friend. I don’t want you to suffer.”

“I swear if you look at me with that wounded wolf face, I will stab you with the knife D gave me,” Nolan interjects before Connor can finish his tour of penance. “Go shift.”

After slowly rising from the couch, he steps behind it and starts tugging his shirt over his head. Huge, fist-sized bruises the color of plums litter his ribs and stomach. I’ve seen them spar before, and I thought it was brutal then, but this is another level. Donovan didn’t pull his punches. Not wanting to get an eyeful of naked Connor, I spin around when he reaches for his sweats.

Kaleb and I trade looks, my conflicted feelings reflecting back at me. I don’t fully understand what it means to be mates, but I know it’s for the rest of their lives. Connor took that choice away from Callie. Anytime I think about it, I can’t help the anger and disappointment I feel. However, he’s also one of my best friends, and witnessing what’s been done to him by one of us makes me feel ill. I guess two wrongs really don’t make a right—except… except it also did. It’s hard to hold onto my anger when I know he just got the shit kicked out of him.

Wolf Connor comes padding from behind the couch and flops on the floor with a sigh. Nolan leans down to pat his giant head, which earns a wag of his tail against Kaleb’s legs. The man is massive in this form, filling up the entire space in front of the couch, and it makes me wonder what it’d be like to be a shifter. I’d be stronger, faster, and have superhuman senses. There’d be no more risk of having my memory wiped if I said the wrong thing about shit I’m not supposed to know. Plus, bonus, the creepy cousins wouldn’t want anything to do with me.

Connor yawns, his sharp teeth on full display, and then he settles like he’s ready to take a nap. The solution is so fucking obvious that I can’t believe it’s taken this long for me to think of it. Unlike other types of supernatural beings, humans can be turned into shifters. He’s the alpha now. He can turn me into a wolf.

Practically vibrating with excitement, I blurt, “Con, turn me into a wolf.”

No longer sleepy, he snaps up to his feet faster than should be possible for a creature that size. With narrowed amber eyes, he puts his face right to mine, nose to snout, and growls. My human monkey brain goes into survivor mode, flooding me with adrenaline, and I freeze like a deer seeing its first pair of headlights. He huffs a warm breath, flashes those same sharp teeth, and then walks up the stairs to Nolan’s loft.

“So that’s a no?” I wheeze, my body starting to shake without my permission.

“Yeah, that’s a no,” Donovan supplies, his voice laced with amusement. Apparently, me looking like I’m about to wet myself is funny.

“Use your words next time,” I shout toward the loft.

“He’d have to shift back to do that,” Donovan reminds me with a smirk, “and you have that hang-up about nudity.”

“I don’t have a hang-up about nudity,” I protest, crossing my arms defensively over my chest. “It’s not weird to not want to see your friends naked.”

Ignoring our mini squabble, Kaleb leans back in the recliner, his right foot supported on his left knee. “Why do you want to be a shifter?”

“You mean besides all the cool supernatural abilities?” I state like it should be obvious. “I’d be one of you. No more pretending.”

“No, you’d have new things to lie about while trying to learn to control yourself and your wolf,” Nolan counters, rubbing his temples.

“I lie about who I am to everyone all the time anyways,” I persist, annoyed that they don’t understand how easily this would solve so many of my problems. “And I’d have you guys to help me.”

“We aren’t shifters,” Kaleb points out, his expression sympathetic. “As much as we intellectually understand the shifter community, we have no experience in what it means to exist with a second consciousness that answers only to their instincts. Connor and the pack would be the only ones who could help you.”

“Okay, so they’ll help me,” I reply, still not understanding what the big deal is.

Donovan sighs, turns toward me, and relaxes one arm on the back of the couch. “What he’s pussyfooting around is that you would give up your human life. You’d become part of the pack. Your absolute loyalty would be to the alpha—not yourself, Callie, or us. Right now, that’s Connor, but the shitty reality is, that might not always be true.”

“But Connor was able to go against…” I begin, but my voice trails off when Kaleb shakes his head.

“He’s exceptionally powerful,” he explains in a tone people use when they are trying to let you down easily. Glancing up at the loft, he adds, “And it took most of his life to break the old alpha’s hold.”

“Let’s not skip over the fact that being turned is mind-shatteringly painful, and you’d be treated as a second-class citizen your whole life because you weren’t born a shifter,” Nolan interjects, the heat of anger adding some color to his face. “Felix, don’t you think we would have suggested this by now if we thought it would actually help you?”

“Sam’s Connor’s second, and Connor’s mom is an alpha in her own right,” I remind them, hating how they are shooting down my only chance to be one of them. “And even if the pack wasn’t nice to me, I’d have you guys and Callie. Just like Con always says, we’re pack.”

Donovan drums his fingers against the back of the couch. “Skipping over the mind-shattering pain part, shifters are territorial. Callie is Connor’s mate. She literally carries his scent with her to ward off other wolves. Even if his wolf didn’t rip you to pieces for daring to go near her, what do you think it would do to your wolf, knowing that the girl you love belonged to another?”

“But she doesn’t belong to him,” I counter stubbornly, hunching into myself. “She’s dating all of us, and she wouldn’t treat me differently because I was a shifter. I know she loves me too.”

“Your wolf wouldn’t see it that way,” Nolan explains, his lips pressed tightly together. “Your instincts would always be at war. Every time you’d be with her, it would be a punch to the face that she’s not yours—not like she’s Connor’s. It would drive your wolf insane.” He runs a hand through his hair, gripping it in a tight fist before releasing it. “And if, by some miracle, your wolf made peace with Connor’s, and you two could share Callie, the pack wouldn’t stand for it. He is their alpha, while you would be a lowly turned wolf. If they didn’t kill you outright for the disrespect, they would make your life a living hell.” He holds up a hand before I can try to argue. “Even if you could handle it, what do you think Callie would do to them if she found out you were being mistreated?”

I’ve seen Callie go warrior witch enough times to know that it would be devastating, and the repercussions would be catastrophic. All my fight dries up on my tongue, and I kick my shoes off so I can pull my feet up on the couch. I want to make myself small, but once again, it’s hard to do with this overly muscular form. When I was skinny, I wanted to look like this. Now that I do, all I want to do is go back.

Kaleb looks at me with this crushing understanding, like he can see right through me to the part that feels like an outsider around them. “I know how hard it is to keep secrets around the people you care about. Lying isn’t something that comes natural to you, and that’s a good thing, but being a shifter would only compound that problem. We will help you keep our secrets. You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s more than that.” I deflate into the couch, resting my chin on my knees. “I don’t want to keep living a life that is separate from yours. It was hard enough when I didn’t know the truth.”

Nolan releases a pent-up breath, what anger he had dissipating under the weight of my pathetic state. “I’ve been thinking about that. I have an idea, but it relies on convincing a few people.”

My head jerks toward him, hope building like an inflating balloon in my chest. “What is it?”

He fidgets with the blanket around him, tugging on its fringed edges. “I’ve been talking with my aunt and uncles…”

“This should be good,” Donovan comments with a roll of his eyes.

Nolan shoots him a quick glare before continuing. “I was asking them to speak with their children about behaving around my human friend.”

“Which they clearly didn’t fucking listen to,” Donovan interjects with a flat smile.

“Stop interrupting,” Kaleb chastises, leaning forward onto his crossed leg. “Nolan, what did you learn?”

“They recommended making Felix my thrall,” he admits with a pained expression. “Under vampire law, he’d be my possession, and therefore, protected from any other vampire’s advances.”

“No fucking way!” Donovan shouts, rising to his feet. “You’re not turning our friend into a goddamn walking feedbag.”

“I feed from you,” Nolan states calmly, leaning back in the recliner. “I feed from Callie. How is this different?”

“We choose to do it every time,” Donovan argues, pointing an accusing finger at him. “He’d be compelled to do it. It would be his fucking purpose in life.”

Kaleb holds up a silencing hand, which earns a frustrated grunt from D. “What exactly goes into being turned into a thrall, and how would it affect Felix?”

Nolan looks at me as he explains, “As I understand it, I’d feed directly from you, and then I’d feed you some of my blood. The first time, you won’t feel much different, but each time I do it, you’ll eventually develop some quality of life enhancements.”

“Like what?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest. This seems like the easiest answer, but I also know what vampire venom does to a person and how it will complicate my already complicated feelings about Nolan.

“Regular consumption of vampire blood is known to not only extend a human’s lifetime, but also keep them in good health for the rest of their days,” he answers, running a hand through his messy blond hair. “It’s like a fountain of youth.”

“But?” I prompt, waiting for the downside. There’s a reason his family chooses blood bags over thralls.

“But Donovan is partly right,” Nolan murmurs, his shoulders drooping with exhaustion. “Vampire venom is highly addictive, and by consuming my blood, you’d be more inclined to… want to be at my side.”

“Compelled to be, you mean,” Donovan corrects, walking over to stare out the window, the picture of brooding.

Kaleb tilts his head to one side, a thoughtful frown furrowing his brow. “Do you have to feed directly from him? I know that’s how it’s supposed to be done, but is it a necessity for others to believe he is your thrall?” He looks over at me. “The effects of the vampire blood on you would be too obvious not to do it at all.”

“I can’t believe you’re encouraging this,” Donovan complains, glaring over his shoulder at Kaleb. “You, of all people, should be against this.”

“This is Felix’s choice. I’m making sure he has all the information before making it,” he counters with a hard press of his lips.

Nolan scrubs at his face. “It depends on how much my parents would adhere to tradition. The first time is done as part of a ceremony, and then there are twice a year festivals where the bond is renewed. How often the exchange is done beyond that is to the vampire’s discretion, but in those instances, it’s a public celebration.”

Great. Getting supernaturally horny for my best friend isn’t bad enough. Let’s add his parents as witnesses! I try to imagine it, not his parents’ part, but what it would feel like for Nolan to feed from me—the heat of his breath on my skin, his teeth sinking into my flesh, the urge I’d have to be physically close to him. Did he used to feed from James? Is that another experience my body had that I haven’t?

“What’s it like?” I ask, feeling strange in this body I inhabit. There’s so much history written in invisible ink all over me by the hands of a past I’ll never fully know.

“It only hurts for a moment,” Kaleb answers, dropping his foot to the floor. “Then an intense pleasure takes over, loosening your body and lowering your inhibitions.”

A crooked smile flits over Nolan’s face. “Is that what you felt? Because, as I recall it, you seemed pretty tense.”

“I knew what I was feeling was artificially created,” Kaleb states evenly, as if the whole conversation is academic. “I was doing my best to give you what you needed while protecting the boundaries of our friendship.”

“Bullshit,” Donovan coughs, called back into the conversation by the opportunity to embarrass Kaleb. “You freaked about suddenly wanting to fuck a dude.”

“I’m perfectly confident in my heterosexuality,” he replies with pinched lips and a raised brow.

I’m not, I think, peeking over at Nolan. I don’t know if it’s because of James, or maybe I’ve always been this way, but although I love Callie with all of my heart, I can’t deny I’m physically attracted to him. If I become his thrall, will I be able to keep those urges at bay? Will I even want to?

“Do vampires have sex with their thralls?” I ask, my cheeks burning with the question.

Nolan grows paler than his already sickly pallor. “I didn’t ask, but even if they did, we wouldn’t. I’d never take advantage of you like that.”

The truth he tries to hide is in his icy blue eyes. He wouldn’t with me, but with James? Everything Dave said was true and more. Nolan not only slept with James, he fed from him too—not as a thrall, but as a fling.

Donovan snorts and walks over behind Nolan’s chair. “He won’t even take advantage of me that way, and I want him to.”

Nolan tips his head back to look up at him. “When I’m better, I’ll take advantage of you in any way you want me to.”

Something eases in Donovan, his shoulders relaxing, as he reaches a hand gently around Nolan’s throat. “I’m holding you to it. Once this shit is over, that ass is mine.”

“And too much information,” I interject before they can get into any more details. I don’t want the image floating in my head in case I like it a little too much.

“You were the one who asked about sex,” Donovan points out, releasing Nolan so he can lean on the back of his chair.

“Speaking of, I have another question,” I announce, this time purposely not meeting Nolan’s eyes. “So James wasn’t a virgin, and I am, and I was wondering…” I run my sweaty palms down my jean-clad thighs. “What is sex like?”

I expect some detailed, raunchy story from Donovan, or something riddled with warnings from Nolan, but instead, Kaleb answers, “Physically, it’s a building tension that infuses your entire body before an extremely pleasurable release that’s hard to compare to anything else.” He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Emotionally, when possible, it can be a deep connection that leaves you feeling content and closer to your partner in all ways. However, it can feel different for every person, so you won’t really know until you experience it yourself.”

“Leave it to you to make it sound both flowery and clinical,” Donovan scoffs, and then he looks almost accusatory at him. “Wait. How the hell do you know?”

“I was in a committed relationship for a year, remember?” Kaleb says, like he’s speaking to a very dense child.

“Yeah, with a Stepford wife in training,” he counters, standing up and placing his hands on his hips. “I didn’t think Rachel had it in her to get down and dirty.”

Kaleb sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It wasn’t ‘down and dirty,’ as you like to put it. I made sure it was romantic, and that I was a gentle and considerate lover.”

Nolan’s brows furrow, as if he sees something the rest of us don’t. “Sounds like she had the perfect first time.”

His smile is tight and doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Based on her reactions and what she said afterwards, the experience exceeded her expectations.”

“How did I not know you fucked?” Donovan asks, genuine surprise in his voice.

“Because, unlike you, I keep that kind of information private,” he explains, his expression one of strained patience. “I only said something now because it was pertinent to helping Felix.”

Donovan shakes his head. “It’s like I don’t even know you.”

Kaleb sighs with a sad twist of his lips and disappointment in his eyes. “You don’t.”

My heart is heavy as I consider the implications of Kaleb’s statement. Does he just mean D or all of us? Has he always felt this way? My reliable Obi-Wan with all the answers radically changes before me to someone who is tired and misunderstood. Guilt slithers in my belly as I recount how many times we’ve placed him in his box and then teased him for fulfilling the role. We’ve never wanted him to be perfect, but did we ever give him the room not to be?