19. The Aftermath
nineteen
“I found out where it is, by the way.” Alex took a sip of grapefruit juice.
Readying to bite into my grilled cheese sandwich, I mumbled, “Where what is?”
“Abel’s house. Or should I say… his mansion?” he rolled his eyes.
“Oh my God. We’re still on that?”
“You’re still on that,” he pointed a finger. “You don’t think I notice when you check your phone every three minutes?”
“It’s about work?”
“No, it’s not. It’s Saturday. And I’m not a big fan of what that relationship has done to you. Lying to your best friend?”
“Relationship,” I snorted. “Please.”
“It was a relationship, no matter how much you want to call it otherwise. I’d even go as far as to say that you were this close to falling in love with him.”
“Can we change the subject?”
“No,” he sternly placed down his hand on the table. “Not until you speak some truth.”
“What do you want from me?”
“You’re not even the same person anymore, Ella,” his tone was grave. “For the past two weeks, I’ve watched you wither into this… zombie. You don’t wanna go out with the group. You go to work like a robot. You wolf down your meals—are you even tasting that, by the way? Is it any good?”
I choked back my tears. “Fuck you. I’m trying my best.”
“Ella, denial… is not trying. I love you, okay? I actually give a shit.”
“Clearly.” Raising my eyebrows, I sat back, tossing my sandwich onto the plate.
“You’re mad at me. I get it. But until you actually start to acknowledge those feelings of loss and grief? Anger is all you’re going to be left with, and it’s going to eat you up inside.”
“Dr. Phil?” I snorted, “Is that you?”
“Ella?” he warned.
Grinding my jaws, I kept my eyes on his with a piercing glower.
“After this, we’re going to look at his house,” he decided. “We’re going to take a nice, long walk around the magnificent palace where that beautiful liar lives. You’re going to talk to me… scream… we can even egg the fence if you want. And if you cry… that’s fine, too.”
“Oh. My. God,” I squeezed my eyelids together and shook my head. “You sound like a shitty holiday movie. You know that?”
“Sometimes we need those.” He shrugged.
“You know what? Okay,” I picked up my sandwich. “We’ll fucking go… just so you stop your weird-ass nagging and go back to being my supportive friend Lexi. Have you seen him, by the way?”
He tilted his head, “Eat your sad little sandwich.”
I narrowed my eyes, “Bite me.”
It was the last thing in the world that I’d wanted to do, but after the fifteenth argument with Alex, I ended up there all the same. Standing in front of the giant metal gates, we could only see an endless winding driveway surrounded by a haven of blooming gardens.
“Gosh, how long do you think he drives to get there?” Alex breathlessly asked.
“I don’t know, ten minutes? I don’t give a shit. Can we go now?”
“You don’t wanna—” he made a circle in the air with his finger.
“Not really. Besides, he can come out of there at any second.”
“You’re right. I didn’t think this through.”
Turning around toward my car, we saw a big black limousine approach.
“Fuck,” I hissed, rushing toward the car. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Get in!”
“What? It doesn’t have to be him,” Alex stood by the passenger’s door.
“Get in!” I strained.
But it was too late. The limo slowed down by the gates, only a few feet away from us. The driver quickly got out, rushing to open one of the back doors. A man with silver hair got out, looking a lot like an older version of Abel with dark brown eyes.
“Shit. It’s his dad,” I whispered from between my teeth.
“Hello, there,” the man smiled as he took a step closer.
It was only a second before Abel himself got out with a puzzled look on his face. “Ella,” he finally said with a smile.
“It was my idea,” Alex immediately raised both hands. “I wanted to see the place. I work for this lifestyle portal called…”
His voice no longer mattered. In fact, nothing did as I prayed that the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
“Philip Drakos, pleasure.”
“Oh my God, this car… someone at work wrote an entire article about the custom options alone!”
“You, young man, have an interesting taste in shoes.”
“Thank you.”
The conversation in the background was like a distant, muffled soundtrack to the unbreakable eye contact that Abel and I shared. Standing like an idiot in the middle of the driveway, I was mesmerized as my eyes refused to budge from his gorgeous sight, freshly tanned like a Greek God clad in white linen.
“Would you like to come in for a drink?” I heard his father ask Alex.
“Uh—” I tried to interfere, but then one look from Philip’s intimidating eyes fixed me in place with parted lips.
“I—” confused, Alex looked at me and then at Abel. “You know what? Yes. I’d love that.”
“Alex?” I whispered.
“I insist.” Philip’s commanding grip got a hold of my friend’s will, leading him gently toward the backseat of the stretch limo.
I, on the other hand, was left alone with Abel’s magnetic effect that had me quietly gasping for breath. When he came nearer, I automatically took a step back. The wounded look in his eyes pulled the words out of my mouth, and they hurt like what I imagined labor pains would feel like.
“You’ll have to forgive me,” I said almost breathlessly. “I’m not sure I know who you are at all.”
“You know me, Ella,” he said with a low voice. “You just didn’t know how much I’m worth.”
“That’s a big deal,” I let my determination not to cry take over every muscle of my body.
“Would you at least walk with me?” He gestured through the open gates.
I was apprehensive and unsure of what Abel would have to say to me. But Alex had abandoned me, and I thought I might as well ‘face the loss’ and ‘embrace the grief.’ Maybe this talk would give me the closure I never knew I needed.
So I accepted.
As we delved deeper into the labyrinth that was his garden, I felt my body begin to relax. The sweet fragrance of flowers and freshly cut grass seeped through my nose, refreshing my lungs and giving them reason to inhale deeply.
A few minutes passed in complete silence before I decided to jump for the promised prize… finality.
“Nathan made it clear that you paid for his services,” I started. “I wanna pay you back.”
“Did he say that?” he kept his eyes ahead.
“He implied it.”
“I thought so because it’s not entirely accurate. Nathan’s firm charges my company—a retainer fee for all legal services.”
“I don’t work for your company.”
“It includes personal assistance.”
“I’m not your… person,” the last word came out in a whisper as I tried to ignore the lump in my throat. Regaining my composure, I pushed up my chin. “Why did you lie to me, Abel?”
“Technically—”
“Getting off on a technicality is beneath you, Abel Drakos. It’s also insulting to my intelligence. So, please, just be straight with me.”
“Wow,” his chuckle came out more like a strained exhale.
“Yeah. I’m cruel. Believe what you will.”
“I never said that.”
“It’s the other things you never said that I’m interested in.” Stopping, I turned to face him. He was standing awfully close, and I could smell him. The proximity was torturing me, so I took a step back. “C’mon, Abel. If this is the last time we’ll ever talk, then be real for once. Fuck it, right? It’s over.”
“I don’t want it to be.”
Tilting my head, I frowned so hard that the crease between my eyebrows hurt. “What do you think is gonna happen? That I’m just gonna forget? You made a fool out of me, God!” Shaking my head, I looked away. “To think of all the ways you played with words. Said things that held two meanings. Very clever, bravo.” I paused, linking eyes with his. “Yes, Abel, technically, you didn’t really lie. Which makes me so much angrier with myself.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Wow,” I tittered, shaking my head as I took another step further. “It’s not like you knocked over my cup of coffee, Abel. You gotta have something better to say to me.”
Clutching his hands into an intertwined fist, he held them in a ball in front of his nose. “Right. You want the truth. Here’s what I’m thinking…”
I held my breath and watched as his whole body language shifted.
“A couple of months ago? You didn’t exist to me, and I didn’t exist to you. We weren’t even ideas in each other’s minds.” He paused, spreading his arms in the air. “And now?” he chuckled. “Now you’re all I can think about.”
“Great.” With blank eyes, I nodded. “Another man who can’t think of a world where I’d say ‘No’ to him.”
“No, but here’s where you’re wrong,” he held up two fingers in a circle. “I’m not blaming you for any of this. Not for my lies. Not for wanting to never see me again. I get it.” He stopped, drawing a deep breath. “Lying was never a habit of mine, Ella. But I couldn’t bear the thought of losing your respect for me.”
I wanted to tell him that it was too late, but that, too, would have been a lie. Somehow, I still held him in a place higher than I’d wanted to admit. Instead, all my efforts went toward not crying in front of him.
Looking down for a minute, he gave me the chance to silently exhale, watching him seem so lost. But then he looked up again, and I had to hold my head up high.
“I’ll do anything—anything—to start this over the right way,” he said.
As I helplessly shook my head, I moved my hands aimlessly about, thinking of an answer to the question he never truly asked.
“At the risk of getting shot down… would you let me take you on a first date again?”
And there it was.
Did I have it in me to give him a second chance? I’d made that mistake before with Jude, and look where it got me. The warning signs flashed in red before my eyes. Everything I didn’t want fused with the man I wanted so badly. If only I could pretend not to know.
“You really hurt me, you know,” I confessed.
“I know, and I’m ashamed,” he admitted.
“I respect that.” I shrugged with one shoulder, taking a step closer.
“Shame?” He gave me a sad smile.
“Your ability to admit it.”
“Is that a yes?”
“It’s a maybe.” I paused. “Am I pushing it with the man that half the women in New York would kill to have?”
“He’ll allow it.” His smile changed.
“You look a lot like your dad.”
“I know.”
“He seemed to age well.”
“Why are you changing the subject?”
“Because this is hard for me, Abel.” I sighed. “I was already trying not to let my history with Jude dictate how I acted around you… how I trusted you.”
“And then I went and made it worse,” he inched closer, but I didn’t withdraw.
“But then if I don’t forgive… am I really—
“What?” he whispered.
“Don’t do that,” I begged.
“Do what?” he smiled, touching my cheek with two fingers. “I missed you.”
“That,” I repeated. “Where you do what you do to me, and I can’t think straight.”
His eyes gazed tenderly into mine. “Can you blame a man for trying?”
My heart was already pounding its way out of my chest, and I didn’t know how much resistance I would have left if I stayed another second.
I wanted nothing more than to kiss him.
But I needed to be careful… for the sake of my breaking heart.