Kissed and Missed (Daddy Issues #2)

Chapter 17

17

JULIAN

SIX WEEKS AGO

H onor is talking on the phone, as she has been for over an hour. I can see her clearly from my place in the living room, sitting on the back deck, her long legs stretched out on the lounger. Since she went outside to take her call, I’ve seen her go from confused to worried to shocked and now, inexplicably, sorrowful.

She lifts her hand to wipe tears from her cheeks and, so quickly I don’t have time to look away, turns toward me. Our eyes meet through the glass door, and drop just as quickly, pretending nothing is amiss. We’ve been doing a lot of pretending over the last few days, but I, I’m the worst of us.

I pretend she doesn’t make my heart beat faster just by entering the room.

I pretend I haven’t just spent more time in this house over the last three days than the entire time I’ve owned it.

I pretend I didn’t finally give in and fist my cock last night, making myself come to thoughts of Honor on her knees for me.

She goes home tomorrow, and already I’m dreading the cold stillness of my life without her in it. Likely, I’ll go back to the downtown penthouse I favor for its convenience. I will go to work, I will come home, attend industry events and shareholder meetings. Nothing will be different, except these three days spent in a suspended reality, falling for a woman I shouldn’t want, but do.

A solution has been floating in the periphery of my imagination since our talk about her work yesterday. There’s a way to keep her here and in my life.

I’ve been keeping The Ballard Foundation on ice, waiting until I’d separated myself enough from my business dealings to manage it myself. What if I didn’t, though? Would it be so insane to entrust my vision to someone else until I can be as involved as I’d like to?

What if that person was Honor?

It’s faintly alarming how deeply I’ve come to trust her in such a short period of time, but I don’t have a single doubt that she would be excellent.

The woman in question wipes her cheeks again as she sets her phone down beside her, staring out at the ocean. Finally, she swings her legs over the side of the lounger instead and gets to her feet, meeting my eye as she opens the glass door and steps back into the living room.

“Are you alright?” I ask automatically, alarmed by the redness around her eyes.

Honor nods, offering me a wobbly attempt at a smile. “I’m okay. That was… it was my friend Sophie.”

“Oh,” I answer lamely, unsure of whether I should press further.

She slides her phone into her back pocket and wraps her arms around her middle. “We live together. Anyway, she’s an engineer, and she actually works at my dad’s firm.”

“That’s, ah, cool?” I say, unsure what about this warrants her current state.

Honor winces. “Maybe six months ago, my sister told me they have a thing for each other. I figured she was just being gross and teasing me, you know?”

I swallow with difficulty. “She wasn’t teasing you.”

With an unsteady laugh, Honor looks over her shoulder toward the window then down to the floor, clearly at a loss for what to do with herself. Without thinking, I take a step forward and freeze when my brain catches up to my body. It’s clear by the wounded look on her face that she didn’t miss it.

She wants me to hold her.

I want to hold her.

The only thing wrong here is our circumstances.

Finally, Honor shakes her head. “Apparently she’s in love with my dad. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.” She stares at the floor, as if willing herself not to cry.

I swallow. “I’m sorry. That’s… that’s tough.”

It’s technically the correct thing to say, but I know instantly it was the wrong one. With a sharp nod and one last pained smile, she moves past me, heading toward the stairs. Frozen to the spot, I stare blankly at the place where she was just spinning, filled with something like grief that I can’t follow her.

If I did, though, what could I say? She is leaving tomorrow, and as it is, my kid barely speaks to me. I can’t ruin whatever chance I have left of building a relationship with her for a woman I barely know.

It hurts. Fuck me, does it ever hurt, but there’s no way around it. I have to let her go.