16
Jett
“Come on, Jett. Talk to me,” Reece begs from next to me on the sidewalk.
I did my best to avoid him these last few weeks. Things have been tense between us since the we had lunch together with McKenna. I do my best not to let the truth hurt so much, but then things randomly crash back down around me. Up until he said those things, I would have called McKenna and had her rescue me, but now Reece’s words keep coming back to haunt me and I just stew in my misery instead.
Once I realize my brother isn’t going to let this go, I stop on a sigh and turn to look up at him, eyes identical to mine silently begging for forgiveness. “What do you want me to say, Reece?”
His shoulders droop. “You haven’t been over for dinner in weeks. You keep sending my calls to voicemail. You never called Mom the other week, either. I know you are owed an enormous apology and that I haven’t been the brother you need, but please don’t stay mad at me.”
“I’m not mad,” I mutter, looking past him. When I notice my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, I fist my hands and cross my arms over my chest. My brother and I rarely argue. Even growing up, Reece was always my rock. Especially through our teen years when my daydreaming and fidgeting were at their worst. The number of times I’d get in trouble in class for zoning out and missing whatever was going on, getting called out for not paying attention.
Reece would go with me to our parents, providing a buffer between me and our mom. And since we only have eleven months separating us in age, we shared classes. Those were a godsend. But this feeling of betrayal—deserved or not—hurts, and I don’t really know how to address it.
Reece groans at my response, looking up at the sky then back to me. “Then whatever you want to call it. Irritated. Upset. Displeased.”
I tilt my head at his broken tone, trying my best to get a read on him. “Did you mean to hurt my feelings that day you and McKenna and I met at Riley’s, or were you just trying to get under her skin?”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, looking genuinely confused.
“When I told you what happened with Joey.”
“You’re gonna need to be more specific, sis.”
“You accused McKenna of being my keeper.”
Confusion flits across his face. “She kind of is. She has been for years.”
I shake my head, my heart pounding, palms tingling with sweat as I steal myself to verbalize my insecurities. I never used to get this worked up about talking to Reece, but I guess things change. “She was my rock. She kept me from losing whatever sanity I still have.”
“Was?” he asks.
I refuse to meet his eyes this time.
He steps closer, placing his hands firmly on my shoulders. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on, sis.”
I take a deep breath, still not looking up, and relent. “I’ve only talked to her a few times since then. She’s been busy, and maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time for me to figure out how to deal with my own shit on my own. I’m twenty-seven. I should be able to handle rough days alone by now.”
“Jett…” He hesitates, leaning down so that he can search my eyes for I don’t know what. “What have you been doing instead, then?”
“Like I said. Dealing,” I say with a shrug. Nothing else to say, really. “Reading. Trying to focus on a handful of minor editing projects. Texting Noah. I watch hockey with him on Sundays, now,” I add on a whisper, blushing.
The hurt in Reece’s eyes stabs me straight in the gut, even though a small smile tugs at his lips, likely at my mention of Noah.
“I never meant to make you feel like I was judging you, Jett. I’m really sorry.”
“Somewhere up here”—I tap my forehead— “I know you didn’t. I just want to remind you that words hurt, especially when you’re as sensitive as me.”
“So…are things with you and Slater serious?”
“Are you going to keep hating him?”
He groans, head rolling back as he stares up at the clouds. “I don’t hate the guy.”
“Could have fooled me.”
It’s Reece’s turn to look away from me. “I know he didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Jace already ripped me a new one, and I’ve apologized to Noah.”
“Really?”
“We had a good talk after slingin’ some bales in the rain. Came to an understanding.”
“I’m drawn to him, Reece. Like, really.” I shift the conversation back to me, feeling awkward discussing my not-relationship. “He feels like that weighted blanket you got me a few birthdays ago. Like nothing can hurt me when I’m wrapped up in him.” I look away, embarrassed that I shared that much. I hadn’t meant to, but the words are true. Noah Slater is my save haven.
“Does Noah know that?” he asks, drawing me back in.
I shake my head. “Too scared to say it out loud to him. It’ll make everything too real. He already wants to date me, but I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“I saw how you were with him on move-in day. As much as I hate to admit it, he may be good for you.”
I nod. “I know he is. I wish we’d found each other sooner. One touch and my mind goes quiet. But I’m still terrified that I’m diving into this too quickly. I mean, Joey and I were together for two years before things went south. What if the same happens with Noah? And we’ve known each other for all of six weeks.”
“What if it doesn’t, though? What if he proves you right and helps you go after your dream, helps you be amazing. Do you really want to go down the ‘what if’ rabbit hole?”
“No,” I mutter stubbornly.
“Don’t hate me for saying this.” His hands shoot up defensively at the look I give him. “I think it’s time you talked things out with Joey.”
“What? No.” No way am I willingly letting him stomp on my heart again.
“I’m pissed at the guy for hurting you, don’t get me wrong. But you never said your piece on it all. I think that’s why everything with him is still hanging over you.”
“You been talking to Kristen or something?”
“I may have talked to her on occasion.”
My jaw drops to the ground. It has to. No way my brother has gone to the town shrink.
“Quit letting the flies in. She’s Declan’s wife and a good friend. She has had more opportunities than you’d think to pick my brain.”
“I guess so.”
“Think about it. Talk to McKenna about it. Or even Noah. See what he thinks. You know he wants whatever is going to help you move forward with him. From the sounds of it, that man is smitten.”
A blush creeps up, staining my neck and cheeks.
“I know it’s not worth much, but I am sorry that my words made things more difficult for you.”
“It’s made me grow and figure out how to take care of myself even when things feel too tough. The hard part has been hearing your voice on repeat saying that I’m incapable of caring for myself when that was never the issue.”
“I didn’t realize how your relationship worked. From the outside, it always seemed like she controlled everything. I didn’t realize you wanted it that way. I said it to get a rise out of McKenna, and I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” I say softly.
He pulls me in for a hug. “We okay, sis?”
I nod. “Yeah. Love you.”
“Love you, too. And when you have some free time,
I want to hear about which dream of yours is coming to fruition. Noah seems to think you’ll rock it.”