Kitty

Chapter 3Moving Home

3

It had been a relatively successful morning or at least one that had passed without major incident. Matron had kicked her out of bed at six thirty sharp, even though she’d insisted she didn’t want breakfast and didn’t need a shower. Rather than protest, she decided to think like a warrior and ‘crack on’, as Marjorie would say. So she painted on a smile and she cracked on. The desire to vomit had all but faded and she’d been pleased to spot Hamish through one of the classroom doors as she wandered the corridors. She managed to get through chemistry without revealing the true extent of the gaps in her knowledge, realising that her education on the subject to date had been rather rudimentary. It turned out Isla was right: Miss Drummond was a bit shit. History had been a blast; the Second World War and its aftermath was a topic that she and her dad had chatted about on numerous occasions in front of the fire, and she was grateful that the lingering memory of those conversations allowed her to bluff her way through the lesson.

Her nerves bit at the oddest moments, like when she was trying to find someone to sit with at lunchtime. It was as she realised she was yet to make a single friend that her sadness threatened to engulf her. It still felt surreal: here she was at Vaizey College, just a couple of weeks after she’d stood in the drive at Darraghfield and waved off Ruraigh, Hamish and Angus. It had all happened very fast, and she’d not really had time to process what it meant and how she felt about it. In fact it hadn’t even felt real until the point when she’d said goodbye to Marjorie.

It was Marjorie who’d accompanied her down on the sleeper train, and Marjorie who’d organised everything before she left, mending and ironing her clothes, packing them into her dad’s old trunk and making sure it was securely stashed in the guard’s van for the journey south. Kitty had understood that her parents couldn’t make the trip to Vaizey with her, but that didn’t make it any better. Her mum had barely left her room for days and her dad never spent a night away from her when she was in that state. Though Kitty wished they could have come and said goodbye and helped get her settled, she was aware of the irony – if her mum had been capable of travelling all the way down to Dorset on the train, then Kitty wouldn’t be coming to the stupid school in the first place. Not that she blamed her mum; she knew Mum wouldn’t have chosen her illness in a million years. Kitty could sense how scary it was for her, and she still couldn’t stop worrying that she might catch it herself. What if Vaizey made her brain broken and sent her happiness to Timbuktu too?

Poor Marjorie. Kitty had held on to her coat as they stood hugging in the corridor and begged her not to leave. Marjorie had cried, patting Kitty on the back with hands that had made her a million sandwiches and washed her clothes a thousand times. Kitty buried her face in her chest and hoped she knew how grateful she was for everything.

She fished out the handkerchief Marjorie had embroidered for her, dabbed at her eyes and dug deep to find a smile, determined to put a brave face on things. She walked into the quadrangle and felt an instant lift to her spirits when she spied her idiot cousins walking towards her. Ruraigh gave her a brief hug for the first time ever and Hamish stood close and with a hand on her shoulder whispered, ‘It’s all going to be okay, you know that, don’t you?’

She nodded, even though she didn’t know any such thing. But standing next to them, people who knew her, her kin, who knew about her life away from Vaizey College, well, it made her feel a wee bit better.

It was at the end of lunch that she caught sight of Angus across the dining hall. Her heart raced, but her head buzzed with self-doubt. Would he ignore her now that she was in his world, a world in which he was very much established – captain of the 1st XI, no less – and she was the new girl from way out in the sticks? Maybe he already had a girlfriend at school, one of the cool, sophisticated fifth-formers that were clustering around him. As Kitty listened to the assured way the other girls spoke, she hated the sinking feeling of inadequacy in her gut. Everyone looked and sounded much cleverer than her. They all seemed to know where they were going, and she didn’t have a clue. She felt like a salmon trying to swim against the current. If she’d had the option, she would have curled up and hid, just like her mum in her bedroom in the turret.

But then Angus turned round and smiled at her, and Kitty’s spirits soared. Her stomach bunched with joy, just as it had at Darraghfield, and she was overcome with the desire to kiss him again, everything else forgotten. It was all she could think about.

*

In the afternoon, Mr Reeves, the rather odd, portly tutor with a gravy stain on his shirtfront, chaperoned her to an empty classroom and then abandoned her. He’d appeared most put out by her arrival, reminding her of Marjorie when she got in a tizz, as if she were a late and unexpected arrival for dinner and he was going to have to upset the seating arrangements and lay another place.

‘Come on, Kitty, you’re nearly one day down,’ she whispered to herself as she sat there waiting for something to happen, wiping the nervous sweat from her palms on her school skirt. ‘You can do this.’

She became aware of someone to her left. Turning her head, she saw a boy hovering in the doorway, leaning on the frame. He stared at her until he realised she was returning his stare and looked away. Kitty noted the hunch to his shoulders, which were a little rounded, as if he was trying to hide, trying to fold himself away. She knew how he felt. He had a nice face, handsome, framed by dark curly hair, and yet his manner was that of someone in a semi-permanent state of apology. Very different from the confident swagger she’d seen in other Vaizey College boys. And it was unusual that he was alone; she’d noticed that the boys tended to travel in packs, be it a rugby clique or an academic group. And probably because of this, she felt an immediate bond with him.

He approached hesitantly, glancing nervously around the room as if he’d been warned that a trap might be sprung at any moment; the fall guy, forced to walk beneath the carefully balanced bucket.

Kitty thought it curious that of all the empty seats in the classroom, he pulled out the one next to hers and took up position alongside her at the two-person desk. It was a little awkward. She saw him swallow and understood that he might be too shy to introduce himself. She took it upon herself to break the ice.

‘Hi there, I’m Kitty.’ She smiled warmly and waved at him, even though they were close enough to speak.

He gave a small, nervy nod. ‘I’m Theo.’ He sat down and stared at her face, apparently having lost some of his earlier reticence.

‘Well, you’re going to have to help me out here, Theo. You know when a girl is a million miles from home and is smiling as though she has it all figured out but is actually just very scared, wondering how to fit in at a new school this late in the term?’ She dipped her eyes, her voice sincere.

‘Uh-huh.’

‘Well, I am that girl.’ She laughed softly and leant in closer, laying her fingers briefly on his arm. She felt him flinch beneath her touch.

Don’t be afraid. It’s okay… He reminded her a little of her mum – scared of the world and not sure of his place in it. The boy, Theo, clearly had no idea how attractive he was or how endearing his unassuming nature was.

Kitty continued, whispering now. ‘Actually, that’s not strictly true. I’m a warrior like my mum and that means I can get through just about anything.’ She sat back in the chair and rested her hand on the desktop. ‘Mr Reeves told me to sit here and then left me all alone. He seemed a bit odd.’

‘I guess.’ Theo nodded. ‘And people fear people who are odd, weird. They think they’re toxic, contagious.’ He blinked.

‘I suppose we do.’ She gave a small laugh. ‘I was going to give it five more minutes,’ she said, ‘and then run and hide somewhere, but then you turned up. You just might be my knight in shining armour.’

He beamed now. ‘I’m not usually this early. I was working in the library…’ He let this trail, as if there was significance there that he was unwilling to share. ‘It’s a coincidence, really. Out of all the people that might have turned up early… I’m a Montgomery, so you must be…?’

‘Oh! Oh, I see!’ She smiled when she caught his thread. ‘I’m a Montrose. So that explains the seating.’

They both laughed.

‘I think I can get through this, Mr Montgomery, with you by my side. What was your first name again?’

‘My name’s Theodore, but everyone calls me Theo.’

She twisted her head to look at him. ‘Theodore? Let me guess… after Mr Roosevelt? I must confess, I can’t think of any other Theodores right now!’

‘Actually, no.’ His face broke into a wry smile, ‘I was named after Theobald’s House. My father was a Theobald’s boy and my grandfather too, in fact all the men in our family came here, but I think my mother drew the line at Theobald and so Theodore was the compromise.’

‘That’s crazy!’ She put her hand to her cheek. ‘So your family are, like, Vaizey College through and through?’

‘I guess.’ He shrugged. ‘I sometimes wish I was named after Roosevelt instead. It would be easier and quicker to explain.’

‘And is that a Rudyard Kipling novel I see in your bag?’ she peered at the green cloth spine.

‘His poetry actually. For prep.’

‘We have a lot of it in the library at home, you must know some of it already?’ Her eyes blazed with enthusiasm.

The look he gave her made her heart lurch. His hesitation coupled with the flush of embarrassment to his cheeks. ‘I’m afraid not. I haven’t really read any yet.’

Kitty feared she was making him uncomfortable and smiled broadly. ‘Well, why would you? My boyfriend is the same.’ How delicious that word sounded. Boyfriend! ‘He only reads comics, if you can believe that!’ She shook her head and reached for her textbook.

‘You have a boyfriend?’ he asked, sounding shocked and almost disapproving.

Her frisson of joy disappeared as fast as it had arrived and the self-doubt returned. Did he not see her as suitable girlfriend material? Her face coloured. ‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘My cousins are already here at Vaizey – Ruraigh and Hamish Montrose…’

Theo nodded and she was glad to have the connection. ‘They always bring their friends home for the holidays, and he’s one of their gang, so we kind of met a while ago. He’s a fifth-former,’ she said with pride. ‘Angus Thompson – do you know him?’

Theo nodded again, but, strangely for a Vaizey boy, did not go on to share the many ways in which they were connected or recount times when their paths had crossed, as seemed to be the norm for Vaizey pupils, at least as far as her cousins and Angus were concerned. They were also going on about the importance of family connections stretching way back.

‘Are you sporty?’ she asked.

He shook his head. ‘Not really. Are you?’ He swallowed, reminding her of a boy in her primary school who, as the youngest of six, always felt that what he had to say was of little interest and so hurried to get to the point, sparing the detail, allowing the silence to return.

‘Swimming, that’s my thing. I love to swim. My dad always says that one day I’m going to develop gills behind my ears!’ There was something about him that made her want to confide in him, made her think he might understand how lonely she felt, on her first day away from home. ‘I’m finding being here harder than I can say,’ she said quietly.

‘I understand that,’ he replied.

‘My mum and dad are my best friends really. God, I know how naff that sounds, but they are. We do so much together and I would rather be with them than do anything else. Do you know what I mean?’

But he simply nodded at that, obviously didn’t feel ready to share whatever was going on in his home life. She smiled again at the boy who she could tell, even after one short chat, sat outside the pack, on the edge of the circle, was different. And she liked him all the more for it. Theodore Montgomery… it was such a grand name for a boy who seemed anything but.

The moment the bell rang at the end of class, he gathered up his books and left quickly, as if trying to avoid the crowds, as if trying to avoid people. Again, her thoughts turned to her mum, scurrying off to the sanctuary of her bedroom, and her heart lurched for the both of them.

*

‘What do you know about Theodore Montgomery?’ she asked Lulu, a girl in her dorm, as darkness fell on the day.

‘Theo?’ Lulu looked skywards as if trying to place him. ‘He’s one of the background boys – you know, not popular, hardly ever see him, never goes out. A bit weird, really. Gives me the creeps.’

‘Why does he give you the creeps?’ She felt a flash of indignation on his behalf. ‘I thought he seemed quite sweet. Interesting.’

Lulu shrugged. ‘I dunno – just one of those guys who will look at you but never talk to you. Odd. By all accounts, his parents are mega loaded. They’ve got a mansion in London and property and stuff, sports cars, and his mum’s very pretty and dead trendy. I’ve seen her.’

I wonder what everyone would say about my mum, my house… Kitty fell quiet. Up at Darraghfield, no one discussed money or status; it just didn’t interest her or her friends in the village. But at Vaizey it seemed that a family’s wealth was openly talked about, and that the size of their house and what car they drove was important. She couldn’t say that it made her feel comfortable.

She gathered all the information about her new friend and stored it away, thinking again of her own family situation. She knew what it felt like not to be able to face people. Poor Theo, her knight in shining armour.

She would be his friend or at least she would try. There was something about him, a feeling that had lodged itself in her breast, in the way some things did.

It was Theo who found her crying one day a few weeks later on the cricket pitch.

‘What… what’s the matter?’ He approached cautiously, looking left to right as if checking the coast was clear and it was safe to approach.

‘Oh! Hi, Theo. It’s nothing, just ignore me, I’m being silly.’

‘But you’re crying,’ he pointed out, as if to suggest that nothing silly would have prompted that kind of reaction.

His kindness melted her resolve. ‘My pony died,’ she began.

‘That’s awful.’ Theo held her gaze, speaking without guile.

‘His name was Flynn, and I loved him, I really did. My dad found him… in the stable a week ago… and it was too late to get help – he’d just died.’ Her voice wobbled, but Theo was looking so sympathetic, she carried on. Angus hadn’t really got it when she’d told him, so she’d decided not to go into it with him or anyone else. ‘I’m okay if I don’t think about him too much, but sometimes I forget he’s dead.’ She looked up with an embarrassed little smile. ‘Just now I was thinking about going home for the holidays and about how great it would be to see Flynn, and then… I remembered what had happened.’ She swiped at her teary eyes. ‘And it was like I’d just heard the news all over again.’ She raised her arms and let them fall to her sides.

Theo seemed at a loss as to what to say. He looked out towards the hedgerows and took his time formulating his response. ‘I don’t think there is anything I can say, Kitty, to make you miss Flynn any less, but I do think he was lucky to have you. I bet a lot of people have animals in their lives and don’t care for them half as much as you do.’ His voice dropped to little more than a whisper. ‘I can’t imagine anyone loving me so much that they would miss me like you’re missing your pony right now, so he was very lucky, wasn’t he?’

‘I guess he was.’ She sniffed, smiling up at her kind friend. His words made her heart flex. She hated the fact that someone as lovely as Theo did not consider themselves loved. She watched him walk across the school field, heading for the groundsman’s crooked cottage, and decided to seek solace in the one place that might cheer her up: the school pool.

Angus had been right – it was pretty grim. The grout between the tiles was grey and thin, some of the tiles were chipped, and it was odd being indoors, beneath the low, timber-clad ceiling. But any pool was better than no pool, so Kitty pulled on her swimming hat, curled her long toes over the edge of the board and dived in. As she lost herself in the watery world of fractured light and distant echoes, her thoughts cleared and her heart-rate steadied. She pounded up and down, working through the aches of her muscles until her body felt soft with fatigue. She forgot her worries, her sadness and even her grief for her boy Flynn – swimming made her forget most things. At one with the dip and swell of each stroke, she imagined she was in her beloved pool at Darraghfield. She became so lost in the moment that when she came up for air at the end of her swim, the breath caught in her throat and she gasped to find herself not in the beautiful Italianate pool built by her great-great grandfather but there in the slightly grubby, over-chlorinated pool at Vaizey College.

Her mind was full of Theo for the rest of the day; she thought about him as she lay in her dorm, waiting for sleep, and she hoped that one day someone might love him as much as she’d loved Flynn, because he was kind and lovely and he deserved it.

*

The term passed quickly and with so much to learn about the Vaizey routine, timetables, her boarding house and after-school activities, she was usually exhausted by the end of the day. In between all the official school commitments there was the challenge of stealing time with Angus. Their favourite spot was the little copse of fir trees beyond the cricket pitch. If Angus didn’t have cricket practice or wasn’t hanging out with his friends, they’d snatch twenty minutes there together in the early evenings, after prep and before supper, exchanging news, holding hands, kissing under the trees in the twilight. With all that, and being so busy with schoolwork, Kitty managed to put her longing for Darraghfield to the back of her mind. She was careful not to give in to her yearning for home; she knew that was a rabbit hole from which there would be no escape. So she painted on a smile and she cracked on.

The rules at Vaizey College were many and varied, not least governing contact with home. All she got was one meagre phone call home each Thursday evening, hardly sufficient but all the more precious as a result. She knew that her dad sat waiting in the estate office, his hand hovering over the phone, ready to pick up immediately and ensure he didn’t waste a second of their monitored chat time. He took calls from Ruraigh and Hamish over in Tatum’s House too, but the times were staggered to allow for that.

Kitty could always tell from her dad’s tone of voice that his emotions ran high, so she did her best to paint the most positive picture she could. She knew not to ask after her mum as there was never any news, no change, and to go over the dire, stagnant situation made them both sadder than they could bear. It also felt like a waste of their treasured minutes, which ticked by all too quickly. Instead, he would tell her about any deer that had come to visit in the lower paddock, they’d reminisce about Flynn together, and he’d talk about Marjorie, telling her how she fussed over him and continued to run the house with rigorous governance. Kitty closed her eyes when they spoke, picturing herself sitting opposite him in the leather chair on the other side of the desk, where the tartan carpet hurt her eyes and the log burner roared on a winter’s night, making short work of the chopped wood that was always neatly stacked either side of the fireplace.

This particular call was coming to a close and she felt her heart drop.

‘So, Kitty,’ her dad began, ‘it’s not long till the summer holidays. Patrick’s getting the pool ready and I might have a wee surprise for you.’ He laughed.

‘You know I hate surprises! Tell me now!’ she begged, feeling an instant lift to her spirits along with the maddening crackle of energy, wondering what his secret might be.

‘Uh-uh, you’ll just have to wait.’

Matron tapped her watch. That was it, time up.

‘Time to go, Dad. Love you. Bye!’

‘Bye, my darlin’. Mum and I love you too, so very much. Never forget it.’

I never could, Daddy…

Kitty lay in her bed with her stomach bunched in anticipation. It was always the same on a Thursday night. Part of the joy of her weekly call was in the recalling of all that her dad had said. Tonight felt extra special. His parting words with the mention of her mum had sent a beat of joy through her. Her mind whirred with all the wonderful possibilities of what her surprise might be, and then it occurred to her – her mum was better! They had fixed the broken part of her brain! Her happiness had come back from Timbuktu! What else could it be?

Turning her face into the pillow, she beat her feet on the mattress with excitement. Her mum was better! This was the very best thing imaginable. Oh, the things they would do together! Her mum could borrow her dad’s horse and they’d hack up along the ridge, or they could jump in the car and make their way to the beach like they used to on a bright sunny day, running up and down on the white sand before eating one of Marjorie’s delicious picnics by the water, then sitting under a thick blanket on the damp sand and watching the red, red sunset.

‘You all right there, Kitty? You sound like you’re squealing,’ one of her roommates called from the other side of the room. This caused a ripple of laughter through the dorm.

‘I’m more than all right.’ She beamed into the darkness, knowing that life was about to get a whole lot better now that her mum had returned from the place far, far away.