Chapter 21
21
APRIL
He looks better than the last time I saw him.
There’s a healthy color back to his face and his eyes are a bit softer. He wears a similar shirt to both Hunter and Liam, but his pants are a darker charcoal.
He looks at me tenderly, and I swallow nervously.
“May I talk to you privately?” he asks, and Liam and Hunter both turn to me.
The ball is in my court.
I could tell him to fuck off and leave me alone, and I know he would listen.
He waits patiently, holding my gaze.
“You don’t just mail someone a box of locks without having a discussion afterward, do you?” I ask lowly, and he shakes his head and chuckles.
“So that’s what you did with them,” Hunter grumbles. “You psycho.”
Donovan’s gaze flicks to Hunter, then back to me. He extends his hand, and I stare at it, unsure.
“We don’t have to,” he says softly. “It’s all on your terms. Whatever you want.”
But I catch the slight tremor in his fingers and the way his throat bobs.
Donovan Axton is nervous, and it’s enough to make me take his hand.
We walk along the beach in silence for a few minutes, listening to the string quartet playing contemporary pop love songs.
It’s a clever choice by Kelly, but judging by the wince on Donovan’s face, I can tell he hates it.
Hilarious.
“This is a lovely location,” I say after a while, deciding to be the first one to break the silence.
He nods. “It’s not where I would choose to get married,” he says finally.
“Where would you choose?”
He stops and looks at me pointedly. “Wherever my wife wanted to go,” he says quietly.
I swallow. The intensity and possessiveness in his eyes make me want to run.
But my inner Omega wants to stay, ready to beg him to knot me on the beach.
The pre-Heat symptoms are nasty.
“We need to talk about the locks,” I say, veering the conversation away from dangerous territory.
He nods. “I didn’t know what else to do to show you that will never, ever happen again.”
I shake my head. “I brought up a difficult conversation for you once, and you shut me out. Metaphorically and physically. That will never, ever , be okay with me, Donovan.”
He winces. “I know.”
“I want to forgive you,” I say slowly. “But you need to be honest with me.”
He stops walking and turns to me, the ocean at his back. “When things go poorly and they’re out of my control, I blame myself. I always have.” He looks away from me, pain in his eyes as he exhales deeply. “I blamed myself for my mother’s death. I blame myself for Liam’s anxiety.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “What—you can’t?—”
“Rationally, I know I can’t fix or change those things,” he says quietly. “But my mind—my heart , or whatever the fuck you want to call it—wants to. And it makes me pissed off. It makes me angry, so I just…shut down. I shut off.”
The wind blows as I process his words.
“You don’t have to take on everyone else’s burden, Donovan,” I say softly.
He nods. “I’m aware. I still want to, though.”
He squeezes my hand, and I stare off into the ocean. “You killed my captor,” I whisper.
“Did Vincent tell you that?”
I look back at him in surprise. “You know Vincent? Skylar’s Vincent?”
He quirks his lip. “My private investigator knows him.”
“Skylar told me, actually.”
He furrows his brow, and his scent grows spicy. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, April, but I will never be sorry for knowing that coward is no longer on earth,” he says darkly. “I realize that may be frightening, but…I can’t find it in myself to apologize for that.”
I’m not sure how I feel about casually discussing murder at his ex’s wedding, but here I am doing it.
“I’m not frightened,” I tell him. “I probably should be. But ever since I came back from that place, something has been wrong with me?—”
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Donovan snarls. “You’re perfect.”
I choke out a laugh. “Hardly. I lied to you since we first met. I didn’t tell you who I was.”
“I did the same thing. I liked you because you saw me , not just the name Axton. ”
“And I wanted you because you didn’t see some broken, defective girl.”
He shakes his head and takes a step closer. “I see everything in you,” he breathes. “Everything I could ever want. My apology will never be enough, I know that. But I would be honored if you would give me a second chance. I won’t waste it, April.”
“What about the contract?” I whisper.
“It’s null and void. It’s nothing ,” he snarls. “It was a stupid piece of paper because I was too much of a coward to ask for you . I wanted you, and I wanted you guaranteed to me, without the chance of losing you.”
Tears spring to my eyes. For so long, I was convinced he didn’t truly want me, and this was just for business purposes.
“You should have told me,” I say finally.
He looks unsure. “There’s something else I need to tell you,” he murmurs. “And I’m not sure if you’re going to like it. But I’d rather be honest than keep it from you. I don’t want to do that to you anymore.”
I nod, anxiety churning in my gut.
“When you were gone,” he says, swallowing, “I…heard you. In my head, when you weren’t there. My therapist says they’re auditory hallucinations.”
I freeze. “…oh.”
There should be alarms blaring in my mind.
I know that. I should be disturbed.
But I’m not.
“I’ve also heard it can happen with your mate,” he says lowly. “So…I’m not exactly surprised.”
My breath catches.
He’s all but admitting what I’ve suspected for a while.
We’re mates.
“I’ve heard that, too,” I whisper.
It’s rare, but it can happen. Skylar told me that River had experienced it before, but I never thought Donovan, of all people, would go through it.
And for him to admit that I’m his mate…
“I should have talked to you,” he insists, his voice urgent. He cups my face in his hands, and I close my eyes at his touch.
“I should have done a lot of things differently,” he whispers. “And I’d like to start now.”
And when he leans in to kiss me, I don’t stop him.
Kissing Donovan is like kissing fire —dangerous, intense, and burning. I whimper in his mouth as he tastes me, his heady scent making my pussy throb and slick drip into my panties.
“It’s starting,” he growls against my lips. “Isn’t it?”
I moan in response, and he nips my lip. “I’ll take you out of here,” he promises. “We will take the yacht and go?—”
I push him away and shake my head. “After the ceremony,” I breathe.
He narrows his eyes. “There is no possible way I’m letting everyone else scent like you this?—”
“ After the ceremony. I made a commitment, and so did the three of you. No one else can scent me. I’m on extra strength suppressants, and it’s just the three of you who will notice.”
Donovan growls. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“We have limited options,” I whisper. “I’ll get through it. I’ve made it through worse. If I have to be horny out of my mind for a couple more hours, so be it.”
He pulls me in for another kiss. “You’re crazy.”
“Says the man that ripped the locks off his door, mailed them to me, and prepaid for thousands of dollars in therapy.”
A ghost of a smile appears on his lips. “True. But mine was warranted. There’s no need for you to sit through this—for us to sit through this.”
“Maybe not,” I concede. “But it will be nice to watch you squirm.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “You’ll be uncomfortable, as well.”
I shrug. “I never said I make the best decisions, either.”
But Donovan turns his head, and I follow his gaze.
Guests are taking their seats, and the ceremony is about to start.
This was a mistake.
I’m in pure agony, sweating through my dress and clenching my hands into fists as I sit at our assigned table under the canopy. The food is exquisite—wild caught seafood and delicious cuts of meat—but I can barely taste it over the aches in my body.
Even if Hunter insists that I sit on his lap so he can feed me.
We have our own table, but we’re seated next to Tom and Sophie’s group, and I catch Sophie’s smug look every so often.
She’s delighted while I’m suffering in Hunter’s hold.
“You’ve got to eat, baby,” he whispers, feeding me a bite of delicious medium rare steak. “You’re going to need your strength for later.”
There’s no mistaking what’s going to happen. The Alphas keep an amazing poker face through it all, even though it’s obvious their Ruts could be triggered at any moment.
They have to keep it together. The press is here, and photographers snap pictures every so often.
And every time, I plaster a smile on my face, fighting through the painful cramps.
Thankfully, the guests are too wrapped up in celebrating to notice what we’re all going through.
“I can’t believe this is happening here,” Liam says carefully, swallowing. His fingers drum on the tablecloth, and I find myself enraptured by them.
I want them inside me.
“We’re almost out of here, baby,” Hunter whispers in my ear. “Can you hold on until we make it to the packhouse?”
I swallow. There’s no possible way I’ll make it there.
I need to nest. I need to be surrounded by soft blankets and pillows.
“Excuse me,” Donovan says suddenly, standing up. “I’ll be back.”
Don’t leave! I want to scream at him.
He needs to stay here with me. I need to breathe him in to keep myself sane, and he just left .
He left me all alone?—
“We’re almost done, sweetheart.” Liam says as I struggle to keep my breathing even. “Donovan’s taking care of it right now.”
I turn my head to see Donovan talking with Sophie, who looks back at me, then nods.
My breath comes out in a whoosh . I forgot about Sophie’s offer to use her yacht.
Before, I had dismissed it. There was no way I would spend my Heat on someone’s yacht , but it’s about to become a reality.
I’m so sensitive, needy, and aroused that I don’t care if she tells the world that I’m about to get knotted in the ocean, only that it needs to happen as soon as possible.
Donovan hurries back to us, gives Hunter a nod, then we’re on our feet.
I don’t know how I manage to say my goodbyes—but most of the guests are too drunk to care that we’re leaving early, especially when I say I’ve had too much to drink myself, despite not having a drop of alcohol.
People mistake my pink flush as not being able to handle my liquor, and that’s just fine with me.
I give Kelly a quick wave goodbye before we head to the yacht. She’s wrapped up in talking to other guests and dancing, but I make sure to thank her for having me, and for insisting I show up.
And as I step onto that yacht with my Alphas in tow, I realize I’m finally free of the contract.
Every event they needed me for is over.
Now, I can just be theirs.