Chapter 5
Wish Me Straight to Hell
I need a fucking break, but I can’t bring myself to take one.
That’s my guilt speaking. Guilt over Haven, over losing Creed. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. All of this is my fault. If I’d just deleted that stupid scorecard—hell, if I hadn’t gone to update it as soon as I finished fucking my girl—none of this would have happened. She’d be here with us, tucked up safely in her bed, likely on her way to being bonded with us. But instead, she’s with her monster of a father, and we’ve lost Creed.
A hint of anger swells in my stomach at my former pack mate. If he’d allowed us to stay with Haven, stay at the hospital, she never would have been taken by Frederick Bell. No. One of us would have been there. We would have kept her safe, but since he banished us, ordered us to stay away from her, Bell slipped by the lone alpha and snatched her.
We wouldn’t even know it had happened if Ren hadn’t been nice enough to call Tic and tell him. Or she told us as much as she could while the asshole’s alpha bark tangled her tongue, but she told us the gist of what happened. She didn’t owe us that, not after how we hurt her best friend, but she did. Mostly because she then demanded that we get Haven the fuck away from him. Get her safe.
We’re working on it. But it’s taking some time to get around Creed’s commands. They’re still way too strong, pinning me in place, keeping me from heading over to the Bell estate to demand to see her.
Fuck, I want to see her.
Which is what I’ve been working on since we got Florence’s call.
Just seeing her through a screen. Verifying that she’s okay, at least physically. I’m sure whatever her father has been trying to force her to do hasn’t been good. Though Hale assures Tic and I every day that his alpha command on Haven is holding strong. She’s not able to be influenced by her father that way, not able to be barked into submission.
Of course, that only protects her from him. Brian Coogan is another matter altogether. She never said it, but I have a feeling Bell’s aide was just as heavy-handed with his barks as the senator himself.
Urgency makes my fingers fly over my keyboard, code flowing from my fingers as I try to break into the Bell estate security system. This is something I’m really fucking good at, but I’ve been unable to crack it.
While we were dealing with finding Haven, rushing to the hospital, trying to get to her, her father was updating everything. And I mean everything . Cameras, alarms, guards, bars on the windows. We got by him once, snatched Haven out of her room. It won’t be so easy for us to do it again.
“Fuck!” I shout when my screen flashes and a compass rose appears in place of my lines of code. It might as well be Dennis Nedry from Jurassic park wagging a finger and saying “uh uh uh” at me. My hands fist in my hair, tugging hard, the pain grounding me, taking some of my anger at fucking… everything.
Blocked again. I don’t understand how the hell Bell’s security system is so impenetrable. Every system has a way in and I’m very good at finding it normally, but not this time.
The heels of my palms press into my tired eyes. I can’t remember the last time I slept, or had a proper meal, something that wasn’t prepackaged.
To be fair, Tic hasn’t cooked anything for us. He’s been holed up in his lab in the basement, churning out product for our suppliers. He needs to stay busy, but I kind of fucking wish he’d stay busy doing something useful.
We don’t need the money from drugs. We have plenty and I’m still slowly draining Bell’s overseas accounts. Technically, he’s paying for our entire lifestyle right now, and he doesn’t have a clue.
I should move that money into an account for Haven. Steal from him to give to her. That way, she’ll have enough to take care of herself if she decides she doesn’t want anything to do with us once we get her out and safe.
The tight knot in my chest releases somewhat at the idea of doing something for her.
So I spend the next few minutes creating a secure bank account with a high interest rate and adjusting where Bell’s money is funneled to. I watch the amount climb slowly, then blow out a breath, my gaze snagging on the compass rose.
“Take a break, Jude,” I mutter to myself. “Get something to eat. Come back and try again.”
I push to my feet and stumble downstairs. After making the saddest sandwich in the existence of sandwiches—dry bread, cheese and meat—and inhaling it while standing over the sink, I guzzle a glass of water, hoping it will help clear some of the fog from my head.
It doesn’t. If anything, having a full stomach has made my eyes grittier, heavier. I should sleep. I’ll be better if I do, sharper. Maybe I’ll even be able to break through the new security, but I deserve to rest. Not after what I did, not until Haven is back with us.
I head back upstairs, noting for the first time that the door to Haven’s bedroom is cracked open. It’s stupid to hope that she’s in there, but that doesn’t stop my stomach from flipping as I place my hand on the door and push it the rest of the way.
Disappointment hits. Ridiculous, because I knew she wasn’t here.
Hale is stretched out on Haven’s bed, a pile of her journals stacked next to him, one open and propped on his chest.
“That’s fucked up, dude,” I say, my voice coming out scratchier than normal. I haven’t spoken much since Creed kicked us out of the hospital, since my fuck up hurt Haven so badly.
The journal drops and Hale arches a brow at me like he has no idea what I’m talking about. Just in case I clarify. “That’s a major breach of trust, Hale. Reading her private journals.”
“She left them here.”
“‘Cause she couldn’t take them with her. I don’t think it was an invitation to read them.”
He shrugs and turns his attention back to the book in front of him. “Atticus read them all already.”
“He did?” Jesus, can we actually sink further? Can they actually think this is okay? Anger stirs in my belly and I stride farther into the room. Plucking the journal from his fingers and slamming it shut. Before he has a chance to react, I’ve scooped up the stack next to him, and dumped them in the bag, still half full of all of her thoughts and feelings.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Hale growls at me, pushing into a sitting position as I heft the bag onto my shoulder.
“Keeping you from fucking up more. She didn’t give you permission to read those, Hale! Why would you think it’s a good idea? Why would you think it’s okay?”
His shoulders slump, and he runs a hand over his face. “It’s not. I know it. But I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.” He lifts devastated eyes to me. “I miss her so fucking bad. So fucking bad I just wanted to feel close to her.”
I jerk my chin at the stuffed bunny on the bed. We found it in the empty building Ren told us Haven holed up in. “Then snuggle BunBun. Don’t betray her further with this bullshit.”
He swallows thickly and to my surprise actually reaches for the bunny, dragging the raggedy stuffy to his lap, nearly engulfing it with his big hands. “You’re right.”
My chin tips up. “I know I’m right.” But then, because I’m curious and I need to know. “How was it?”
Those devastated eyes meet mine again. “Bad. So fucking bad. Near as I can tell, she started journaling as a way to cope with her mother leaving her. Not because a therapist told her to, but because she looked up ways to deal on her own.” My heart lurches in my chest imagining tiny seven-year-old Haven googling ways to handle grief. “I know,” Hale says. “Broke my fucking heart, too. And it only gets worse from there.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask how it gets worse, but I’ve already fucked up so much with Haven, I don’t want to make it worse. “If she wants to tell me, she will,” I say instead.
He nods, lifting the bunny to his nose and inhaling. His eyes close as he holds his breath, keeping the small traces of our girl in his lungs for as long as he can.
Fuck, we’re broken. So fucking broken. And the only person who can fix us is trapped, locked away from us, at the mercy of a man who values her so little, he’d smother every spark of light in her, force her into a mold of his perfect daughter.
Need to get her out. Need to get her safe. Need to make everything fucking better for her.
Those thoughts pound in my head as I leave Hale in Haven’s room.
“Any luck getting into his security system?” Hale follows me down the hall, then into my bedroom, where his nose wrinkles in distaste. It’s been a while since I’ve done any kind of cleaning or tidying, and it’s not like I was good at it to begin with. But now there’s a stack of dirty plates on one corner of my desk, discarded energy drink cans, dirty clothes and towels, empty chip bags and candy wrappers.
Yeah, my room’s turned into a mess since we lost Haven, and I don’t see that changing until we have her back.
I stuff the bag of my girl’s journals into the closet and firmly close the door before plopping into the chair at my desk and motioning to the monitor. “No luck. Every time I think I find a way in, I get hit with this bullshit.”
He leans over until he can see the compass rose on the screen, blocking me from going any further.
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s the thing on a map that tells you which way north is.”
He smacks the back of my head. “I know what it is, asshole. What I mean is, why is it a part of his system?”
I run a weary hand down my face. “I have no fucking clue. Near as I can tell, it’s the name of the system, but I’ve never heard of it. Can’t find a record of that being a logo for a personal security company.”
Hale’s hand grips my shoulder, peering at the screen like he thinks staring hard enough will crack it. But then he glances at me. “When was the last time you slept?”
I shrug and don’t answer. I’m sure I look like shit and that should be answer enough. He sighs. “Get some sleep, Jude. Tackle it when you’re rested. I’m sure while you sleep, something will click and you’ll be able to get in.”
I scowl at the screen. Logically, I know he’s right. But that sense of guilt is still gnawing at me, making it impossible. Not until she’s safe.
His hand tightens on my shoulder, and I don’t want to admit how good that feels on my tight muscles. “She would want you to take care of yourself,” he murmurs.
A harsh laugh bursts out of me, and I shake my head. “No, she wouldn’t give a shit one way or the other, Hale. We fucked her. I fucked her. She has every right to wish me straight to hell.”
Another sigh. “We’re already there, brother.” Truth.
Another squeeze to my shoulder and he straightens. “Get some sleep,” he orders. “I’ll bark at you if I have to. I need you. Tic needs you. Haven needs you. Don’t destroy yourself.”
I don’t watch him leave, but the faint click of my door tells me he’s gone.
The compass rose flashes on my screen mocking the hell out of me, lighting a fire in my belly. This fucking program is keeping me from checking on my girl. My omega. I’m going to crack it. I’m going to get in, just… not tonight.
No matter how badly I want to keep going and push through, I can’t. Hale’s right. I need to sleep.
Pushing away from the desk, I stumble over to my bed, landing on top of the covers, fully clothed, I root around until I find the faint scent of pineapple and smoked chili, wrapping my arms around the pillow that smells like Haven, I bury my face in it, letting it soothe me to sleep.
I wish I could say I woke up the next morning refreshed and with the exact answer to my problems, all figured out, but it took three more days for me to get into the security system. Three more fucking days of hitting roadblock after roadblock.
Even then, I’m still not sure how I broke through. Just blind luck, I guess. One minute I’m typing code like my life depends on it, and the next my screen is filled with security footage of the Bell Estate.
“I’m in,” I shout over my shoulder, not daring to look away from my screens, already clicking through each camera feed, desperate for a look at my girl. My door slams open and two sets of footsteps thunder toward me. Tic and Hale crowd behind me, bending over my shoulder.
“Where?” Tic asks, sounding as anxious as I feel.
“I’m looking,” I mutter, clicking faster, and then I’m not looking because there she is on the screen. She’s sitting on the edge of her perfectly made bed, dressed for the day, right down to a pair of sensible low heels. Her hair is twisted into one of those tight buns she wears with her father. Her feet are planted on the floor and her hands are resting on her thighs.
I’m so fucking relieved to see her alive and seemingly unharmed that it takes a moment for me to realize she’s not moving. I’d expected her to stand up, leave the room. If she’s dressed, she must be going somewhere, right?
When she was with us, she would stay in pajamas all day if we didn’t have anywhere to be.
But she just sits there, staring straight ahead at the wall in front of her.
“Is it frozen?” Hale asks, finger tapping the screen like that will unstick her. I roll my eyes and check the timestamp on the video.
“No, this is real time. It’s happening now.”
“Why isn’t she moving?” Tic asks, sounding fucking concerned as hell. I am too.
We watch for almost ten whole minutes, willing her to get up, to shift, to lift her hand and brush the hair back from her face. Fucking anything. But she just sits there like a robot.
“Is your command still holding?” Tic asks Hale, who nods grimly.
“Yeah, I can feel it’s still in place.”
“So why…?” I can’t bring myself to finish the question. “Coogan?”
Hale winces. “Fuck. He could have barked at her. I should have fucking-” He tosses his head back and shouts. “Fuck!” Tic straightens and we both turn to look at Hale. He’s staring hard at the ceiling, hands clasped behind his neck.
“This isn’t your fault, Hale,” Tic says quietly. “What were you going to do, bark at her to never follow anyone’s commands but your own?”
His jaw flexes. “Yes, exactly. If I did that, she wouldn’t just be sitting there like a goddamn doll waiting to be played with. She’d be escaping, getting away from him, from them. I didn’t protect her.”
I push to my feet and grip his shoulder, squeezing like he did to me when I was losing sight of shit. “Hey, this isn’t like what happened with Janie.”
“Yes, it fucking is.” He scoffs as he drops his gaze to look at me. “Yes, it is.”
I shake my head and squeeze harder, hoping he’ll hear me. “We know where Haven is. We have eyes on her. We can get her out, Hale. We will get her out.”
His jaw tightens, and he shakes his head. “We got an invitation to her engagement party.”
My stomach drops. “What?”
Tic’s right behind me, crowding my back as we stare at our pack mate. “What the hell?”
Hale’s jaw tics. “We got a fucking invitation to her engagement party with fucking Coogan. We know where she is, but Creed’s fucking commands are going to keep us from getting to her on time.”
I blow out a breath, keeping calm, even though I’m tempted to knock everything off of my desk, throw my head back and fucking rage at the sky for doing this to us, to her. “Okay, well, engagements can be broken. Divorce happens.”
Hale pins me with a look. “Do you honestly think a douchebag like Coogan is going to marry a girl like Haven and not force a bond on her? Really? Hell, Bell will probably stand over them to make sure it happens.”
My alpha thrashes in my chest at the very idea of it, and I have to breathe for several minutes before I can speak without it coming out as only a growl. “So we get her out before that.”
Tic looks over at the still figure on the screen. “What if-” He pauses, then looks at us with horror on his face. “What if he already bonded her?”
Nausea swells. The signs are there. Haven just sitting quietly for going on thirty minutes now is a fucked up sign that she’s under some kind of alpha control. A bonded omega is more susceptible to the demands of their bonded alpha. It’s entirely possible that Coogan ordered her to sit just like that until he said otherwise. She wouldn’t have a chance to fight it if they were bonded.
I shake my head. “Doesn’t fucking matter. If he bonded with her, it was forced. We’ll get her out and safe.”
Tic looks back at Haven. Hale and I do the same. “We’ll need Creed to let go of his command,” Tic says. “Once he agrees to do that, we can come up with a plan to get her out.”
I nod. “Now you’re talking. I’ll handle Creed. The two of you figure out how we’re going to get to her.”