Knot Her Reality (Heated Book 3)

Chapter Twenty

After dinner, as promised, I make my way into the basement where Finnegan’s office is located. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I turn my gaze to the gym. I’m really going to need to start hitting it up at least a few days a week. It’s been over two weeks since I set foot there.

Shaking my head, I turn to Finnegan’s door and knock lightly.

“Come on in, Evangeline,” his voice calls, and I push open the door.

Finnegan sits behind his desk, writing something on his tablet before lifting his eyes to me. “Look at you remembering to come down and see me.”

“Of course, Dr. Abernathy. I can follow directions from time to time.” I bite back a laugh when Finnegan winces. “What’s wrong? Don’t like your name?”

“I don’t understand why you seem to get such joy over calling me Dr. Abernathy when you know how much I hate it.” He shakes his head with a laugh. “There’s a reason I don’t work in corporate America.”

Snickering, I move to sit in the chair across from his desk. “Because Bree gave you a job.”

“No, brat. Even before Bree offered me a job, I already had my own practice that I operated out of my house. I’m not some boring, stuffy doctor who wants to put on airs, and that’s exactly what it sounds like when you call me Dr. Abernathy.”

Shrugging, I pull my legs into the chair to get more comfortable. “Maybe if you didn’t react so badly to it every time, I wouldn’t keep doing it. Have you ever thought about that?”

He makes a face. “Of course I did, but I can’t seem to help myself. Much like you when it comes to giving me a hard time. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about, is it? We’re here to check in and see how you’re handling everything. A lot has happened over the last two weeks. I need to know how you’re handling it all.”

I know telling him I’m fine won’t do me any good—even if I am fine. I also know that if I answer him right away, without thinking about it, he’ll call me on my bullshit. That’s what makes me both love and dread having these appointments with him. Running a hand over my face, I take the time to think about how I am feeling about it all.

“It’s been a lot—you’re right about that. Every single meeting or date has been…different than I expected. That first day with Koda—I wasn’t expecting that, and obviously, neither was Bree.” I chuckle. “Having an immediate attraction to all four suitors was also unexpected.”

Finnegan hums. “Why don’t we talk about Koda for a moment?”

“Sure, Finn. What do you want to know?”

“Bree told me that both of you were perfuming so hard that it even affected a few of the unmated betas. That’s definitely something I would call abnormal since I know Bree insists on scent blockers for those initial meetings. It’s expected that you’ll be able to get a hint of the suitors’ scents, but for it to affect these men and women who have been working on the show for two seasons? It’s interesting.”

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. I hate it when he talks like this. “Yes, Finn. That’s what I said.”

He chuckles at my annoyance but doesn’t call me out on it. “How did it make you feel, though?”

“Gods, I hate that question, and it seems like all you do is ask it. I felt thrown off because it was unexpected. I wonder if we might be an omega pair like Sophia and Chase, but what are the chances of that happening two seasons in a row? But there’s no denying the connection. Bree said he was showing signs of a breakthrough heat after my accident. That’s why she allowed him to see me before I went on that do-over date with the day-two suitors. I’m not going to lie, he seems to be hit by whatever this connection is harder than me, but I don’t know if that’s because I have other suitors to worry about or if it’s just all in my head…” Trailing off, I bite my lip.

“With that kind of a physical reaction, there’s no way it’s all in your head, Evangeline, and you know that.” I glance up as Finn leans back in his chair. He seems deep in thought, and when he speaks again, his brogue is thicker. “There’s something to be said about having an instant connection to someone—it’s something I felt with my omega and she with me. But it’s not always easy to trust that. It makes you question it, makes you want to pick it apart. It makes you think it’s all in your head.”

I flush, knowing that while he’s talking about himself, he’s really talking about me. But his words resonate with me. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and that’s not fair to myself or Koda. This is why, even though I complain about it often, I know these sessions with Finn help me. He helps me understand what’s going on inside of me. He helps me take the chaos I don’t understand and turn it into something that I can comprehend.

“That makes sense.”

He laughs. “Of course it does. I know my shit.”

“And you’re so humble, too.” Shaking my head, I already know what he’s going to ask next. “The date with the day-two suitors obviously didn’t go as planned. I was scared out there on the water. I knew there was a chance I could die. My head was so muddled that I could barely tell what was up and what was down.”

“Do you really think I would’ve let you die, lass?” Finnegan’s voice is gruff as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his desk. “I would never have let that happen. The little shit alpha just jumped in before I could.”

I laugh at the way he’s talking about Alejandro. “Hey, now. Alejandro saved my life.”

He nods. “Don’t I know it. He shared some suspicions with me about Viktor having caused the accident on purpose—suspicions that I share. I know you’ve allowed him to remain on the show, and it’s not my place to tell you what to do—I would never do that. What I will do is ask you to be careful around him. Okay, lass?”

I want to be mad at him because I want the other suitors to stop being suspicious of him, but with Finn voicing his own concerns, I wonder if it was stupid of me to keep him on the show. It’s not like he made a great first impression on me, but he did seem friendlier this morning. He’s at least made a friend in Dustin. I just don’t know what to do about him, which is exactly what I tell Finn.

“It’s not my place to tell you what to do—I’ve already told you that,” he says with a laugh. “These sessions aren’t about me telling you what to do or how to feel. They’re about helping you talk through what you’re feeling and for you to figure out how to move forward.”

“Which is very unhelpful, I might add. But I know that. I know this is on me to figure out. I’m the one who has to decide what to believe and what to do about it. I’ll be cautious around him, but I need the others to cut him some slack, and I’m just not sure how to approach that yet. Maybe something will come to me in my sleep.” I wave off the thought, ready to move on. “Pack Reyes has been surprising. Paisley was very territorial with me at first, but once she loosened up, we got along well. Then Ana lost her shit on Tessa today, which was not okay. I’m planning to talk with her, and probably the pack as well, tomorrow. On the upside, the day-four suitors and I didn’t have anything weird happen,” I start before wrinkling my nose. “Okay, maybe allowing the betas to go down on me in the SUV was kind of weird. But I don’t regret it one bit.”

He laughs again. “And you shouldn’t. There is nothing wrong with being a sexual person. You’re an omega, your hormones practically require you to be. I’m sure that all involved had a good time. Now, moving onto your day-five suitors, Sterling in particular.”

“He’s not really an issue anymore, is he?” I shake my head. “I know I set up activities that not everyone would enjoy, but the least he could’ve done was try it. That’s all I was looking for on these dates. I knew that some people would be pushed a little outside of their comfort zone, but these are the things I love to do. I want someone who will want to do them with me. Maybe not everything, but at least some of them. And everyone else at least tried. I don’t think that was too much to ask of them.”

“You’re not wrong. You have expectations for your future pack, and Sterling didn’t meet those expectations. I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns and sending him home.” He pauses. “Though I would’ve been proud if you’d been willing to give him a second chance, so maybe I should just say I’m just proud of you.”

We laugh together before he stands up and moves to sit on the chair close to mine. It’s facing his desk as well, and he doesn’t turn it. It’s what he always does when he’s going to ask me something that will make me uncomfortable.

“Bree has been keeping you up-to-date on the protests.” He doesn’t phrase it as a question but a statement, so he obviously knows she has been. “I know we’ve talked about this a few times before, and I will continue to bring it up. I heard what you said at the rose ceremony. With all of that being said, how are you really doing with all of it?”

“I mean, it sucks. I don’t understand how people have so much hate in their hearts that they would protest a reality dating show. And yes, I know it’s not really the show they’re protesting—it’s me. They’re protesting me and what I stand for. It hurts. Of course, it hurts. Every single time I hear their hateful words, I’m thrown back to when my parents kicked me out. I fucking hate it, but it’s not going to stop me. I’m not going to let it hold me back. If I didn’t bow down to my parents’ wishes, then how the hell do they think I’m going to give up because of what strangers think. They should’ve done their damn homework.”

Finnegan hums again. “It’s not just you that they’re protesting, Evie, and you know that. They’re protesting every single one of your female suitors as well. I know Bree doesn’t show you everything, and I don’t think she should, but they’re focusing on Cora now since she’s a lesbian. They believe she’s a traitor because she has no interest in men, and therefore, according to them, she won’t bother to attempt to procreate.”

“That’s bullshit. Just because she’s not interested in men doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to have kids. Not that I know if she does, nor should it matter. It’s her body to do with as she wants. I’m so sick and tired of these people acting like we’re nothing but a uterus. It’s our decision if we want to try to have kids—even if we’re able to.”

I’m so angry that I’m panting as I attempt to rein in my rage. This entire process has shown me how much our world hasn’t grown. I believed we were past this. I thought we were better than this. We should be better than this.

Finn holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m with you on that, Evangeline. I don’t disagree. I just want to make sure that you have all the facts. As much as we’d like all of it to disappear, it’s not going to. I don’t even think it’s going to end when the show is over. This is something that has the power to change our entire world, and you’re at the epicenter.”

“That’s too much pressure,” I admit, some of the rage slipping away. “Unfortunately, I know that’s not going to change anything. I don’t really get a choice in this, do I?”

“No, sadly you don’t. We don’t get to choose what ignites the fires of change, and this time, it was you who our opponents chose as their target.” Finn’s smile is soft and a bit apologetic. “But you can handle it and know you’re not alone. There are other women on the show who they’re beginning to target who will be at your side. But it’s even bigger than that. You might not be able to hear their voices now, but there is a whole slew of people who are out there fighting this battle for you—that have your back.”

Something settles in me at that. I never asked to be the poster child for bisexual women, but it’s the target that was painted on me. There isn’t much I can do about it while on the show—I’m being protected from most of it by being here—but the day will come when I’ll have to pick up that mantle that’s been thrust upon me. At least I have another six weeks before that becomes an issue.

“Can we talk about something else? Anything else?” I ask, lifting my hand to my head. There’s a dull throbbing there I know will become a migraine if I don’t get it under control.

“No, I think we’ve talked enough for today. Your head is clearly hurting you. Why don’t you head to your room and rest? If you need anything, just let me know.” He grins. “Just don’t think this will get you out of your required weekly meeting.”

Rolling my eyes, I push to my feet. “As if you’d let me wiggle out of it—I know better. Thank you for helping me talk through shit, though. I know I complain, but it really does help.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

With a wave and a quick smile, I head for the door. The pain in my head is already getting worse, and I fear it might already be too late to prevent the migraine. Wincing against the lights in the basement, I don’t realize I’m not alone until I run into someone and bounce off their chest. If it wasn’t for their quick reflexes, I’d be on the floor right now.

“Whoa there. Are you okay, Evangeline?” Looking up, I find a concerned Koda staring down at me as he keeps me upright.

“Migraine,” I murmur, lifting my hand to cover my eyes. I usually have more warning before one hits, but I guess the stress from talking to Finnegan was just too much.

“Shit. Okay. Put your arms around my neck and close your eyes, okay?” His voice is soft as he speaks, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful in my life for not having to tell someone to be quiet while a migraine is waging war on my body.

I’m a little confused by his words, but do as I’m told. He lifts me into his arms, and I bury my head in his chest as it rumbles. The corner of my lips turn up as I realize he’s purring for me. It doesn’t stop my head from hurting, but it does make me melt in his arms. He continues to purr as he climbs the stairs to the kitchen.

“Millie.” Koda’s chest rumbles beneath my chest with his words that have cut off his purr. “Can you have someone bring an ice pack and a heating pad to Evangeline’s suite please?”

“Oh, the poor dear. Is she okay?”

“Just a migraine,” I manage to croak out, but it takes all the energy I seem to have.

“I’ll take care of it, Evangeline. Koda, take her straight to her nest. That’s where she’ll need to be.”

Yes, my nest. That sounds perfect.

Koda doesn’t answer, his purr picking back up as he walks toward my suite. At least, I think that’s where he’s taking me. Even with my eyes closed, I can almost see the sunlight shining in the entrance as he crosses it. When he gently takes my hand, lifting it, I know we’ve reached my suite. Unfortunately, I know I left the curtains pulled back, so my suite won’t be any darker.

“Where is your nest, Evangeline?” he asks, his steps slowing but not stopping.

“Closet.”

His pace picks back up, a door closing, and then we’re in blissful darkness. I blink open my eyes, pointing to the fingerprint scanner on the wall. As soon as the door opens, revealing my nest, Koda hesitates.

“Do you want me to leave you or…”

“I’d prefer if you stayed, but I understand if you don’t want to.”

Koda chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Of course I want to stay. Why don’t you climb inside and I’ll go grab the stuff Millie is having sent to you? I’ll join you as soon as it arrives, okay?”

“Mmmkay,” I murmur, burrowing my head further into his chest. I really don’t want him to go. While his presence can’t make the migraine go away, it does calm me. He sets me on my feet, and I crawl into my nest but leave the door wide open. He won’t be able to get in if I shut it—at least not without me releasing the door, and I’m in no place to do that.

I lower myself to the cushioned floor and yank my favorite blanket up and over my body—even covering my head. I don’t hear Koda leave, but I hear him when he returns. He pulls the door shut behind him before shuffling around the nest.

“What are you doing?” I ask, sticking my head out of the blanket, eyes narrowed on him.

“Sorry, Evangeline. I had to find a plug for the heating pad.” He lowers himself gently beside me. “What do you need? Ice pack? Heating pad?”

I shake my head, immediately regretting it. “Just hold me?”

“Of course.” He pulls me into his arms, and I nestle my head back into his chest. A sigh escapes me as his purr picks back up again. All tension leaves my body, and sleep calls my name as he holds me. This is exactly what I need.